Anxious about men on the postnatal ward

[Unicorntearsofgin]

Does anyone have any experience of discharging themselves early from the postnatal ward if it isn’t single sex. I fully appreciate some women need their partners there but the idea is making me incredibly anxious. Do they offer a choose of bays where partners can stay and where they can’t? Any reassurance would be great!

If partners are allowed to stay they stay in the cubicle with mum and baby.

some hospitals have private rooms so worth an ask to your MW, not sure on criteria for those if it also has an open ward.

everyone has their curtains closed in my experience.

I don't think postnatal wards are ever single sex, certainly not the ordinary kind. Most babies are born to straight couples, therefore there will be a father involved in his baby's birth and early hours and days. The woman in the cubicle across from my was a Hasidic Jewish woman who I imagine had very little contact with unrelated men, but was dealing. I did get moved to a private room at night, but that was because DS couldn't feed and was crying a lot and disturbing other people.

In my experience you don't leave your cubicle - so there shouldn't be any random men wandering round. If you draw your curtain, no one will see you, talk to you or come in your space. You can also ring for the doctors or nurses if anything untoward happens or anything worries you.

You can also request a private room (but often they're allocated based on need)

When I was in with #2, a man came into my cubicle by accident - got the wrong one I think or got mixed up in the curtain. I also had to walk to the end of the corridor post section to do my first wee and the people at the end had their curtains open and there was two men watching me walk down the ward, in an outwardly friendly but possibly leery way but whatever it was I felt extremely vulnerable. There were no nurses or midwives down that end and the toilet at my end had someone in having a shower.

i was pretty much bed bound for the first couple of days after a very long labour, complications and an emergency c section. Despite me asking them to keep the curtains closed the nurses and HCA’s coming in and out constantly we’re always leaving the curtains open. Really annoyed me during visiting hours when I was basically topless trying to get the hang of breastfeeding and unable to get up to close the curtain myself, so lots of dads were able to see me topless. I had no issue with men there, my partner was there when he could be, but I was so pissed off when every time I’d get someone to close the curtain, the next person would leave it wide open again.

Wonder if maybe I’ll be better just discharging myself. There is no way I’d be able to relax sleeping on a ward only separated by a curtain from random men. I didn’t really want to disclose trauma to my midwife but perhaps I’ll have to. I assumed there would be a choice of bays with and without partners.

if you are in the ward there will be a reason (your health or the babies health) so you don’t just want to discharge yourself. You may also need help from a partner yourself so you can’t begrudge other women that need help. You could speak to a midwife about a private room. At my hospital you need to pay for these unless you are judged to have medical need (maybe you would meet the threshold - you don’t know unless you ask) and you might need to vacate the private room if someone else has greater need.

Do you have a birth partner who can stay with you overnight to make you feel safer? A relative perhaps

Also - not all hospitals allow men to stay. My first didn't but my second did.

You wouldn’t be kept in unless there was a good reason for the health of you or baby- you really shouldn’t discharge yourself, it’s not just your safety you’d be risking.

You could speak to your midwife and it may be that your hospital could try to put you in a separate area but I know at both of our local ones those rooms are prioritised for those who really need them so there’s no guarantee that you would be able to have one when you deliver if another woman needed it more.

Agree with others though, none are single sex, typically everybody just has their curtains pulled closed.

You can request a delivery room discharge, usually around 6 hours from delivering. I've had two babies - and never stepped foot on the postnatal ward, that place sounds like hell on earth.

If you want this though you can't have an epidural, this wasn't an issue for me as it never got to the point where I felt I needed one - and you have to have a SVD which is kind of out of your complete control, but there are plenty of things you can try to avoid interventions that would keep you in longer.

As others said. You wouldn't be in the ward if they didn't need to keep an eye on you..

Most men are there for their partners and hopefully you wont need to be there after delivery. If you do, just make sure you tell all the nurses/HCA to close your curtain.

Would you consider home birth? If so have a chat with your midwife x

If you have a c section it really wouldn’t be wise to discharge yourself right away, your legs are numb.

its more important to prioritise your health and baby than worrying about dads. The dads will be focused on their partners and new babies. Personally I think YABU

Respectfully this is really more good luck than anything control or choice, so many things can happen or go wrong in labour that mean you do need to be in a ward afterwards and you can’t simply ask to leave- or if you do, you wouldn’t be acting in yours or your child’s best interest.

As an example I had a large PPH & both me and my baby were placed on the sepsis pathway immediately after delivery. I required transfusions and IV antibiotics every 4 hours, my daughter had to be thoroughly checked every 3 hours- I’d have been quite possibly risking both of our lives by just asking to leave. It’s not always down to choice and ultimately you have to act in babies best interest- they would not advise to keep you in unless there was a need to, they want the beds, they aren’t keeping people needlessly.

This so such a sad thread. No woman should have to worry about sharing a ward with men. Especially at such a vulnerable time. Please speak to your MW and let her know how much this potential situation is impacting you. I hope the MW can help you find the privacy you need.

They are not exactly random men they will be the father's of other new born babies on the ward and would be more worried about and interested in their partner's and new babies to be taking much interest in other new mums on the ward.

@Mrsttcno1 disagree - luck plays a part but there are plenty of evidence based things you can do to tilt the scales in the direction of a "straight forward" birth but I appreciate that having your personal experience means you wouldn't necessarily believe that.

My local hospital recommends all FTM stay for at least one night regardless of medical need. So I chose not to - second time round I had a home birth, and avoiding the postnatal ward was one of my deciding factors!

You didn't stay, so why do you think it would have been so bad. I thought it was fine.

Because I was a single parent they moved me into a private room, might be worth asking?

If you disclose your trauma and concerns to your midwife pre labour you can have a note added to your record that supports a private room if available. I supported a friend to do similar and they were very good with her. I was on a ward for nearly a week most of the men were very respectful , the last in the bed next to me stuck her head round the curtain a couple of times when she had give to fetch me clean clothes or too shower etc and said my dh is popping to the canteen so you want anything? Which was very kind.

There was one who was being awful to his very young partner , but I told the midwife who kept a closer eye and after they heard him calling and shouting aggressively on the phone they didn't let him back in. So I think there is a benefit to wards as opposed to private rooms.

YABU for thinking you will sleep at all!

I think you will be far too distracted by baby and too exhausted to worry. I don’t think we had any men stay overnight where I had my baby but I was so exhausted I could have had a travelling circus pass by and I would have been oblivious.

i would speak to your midwife about your past trauma that you mentioned OP and if they have a room available they may let you use it but it can’t be guaranteed as there may be someone who needs it more (for medical reasons, not saying your reason isn’t valid because it is!)

@dogcatkitten I have only ever heard horror stories a quick search on here will give you so many - Not to mention the many many tales I have heard first hands from friends and family.
I had to take my homebirth second born in for her new-born hearing test at two days old and the 45mins I got to witness were awful. I was SO pleased I avoided it!

I suppose if you have a nice local hospital it might be fine, but ours absolutely was not!

Our hospital doesn't allow men to stay overnight. DH was kicked out at 3am as i was taken up to the ward so I was left to deal with a newborn, post-c-section with a catheter still in, alone until he was allowed back in at 9am or something.

Yeah, as a single woman giving birth I hated this. I understand it was helpful to the other women to have their partners with them, but having to be in a room with men all night wasn’t my first choice.

To people saying you stay in your cubicle with the curtain closed - no, you don’t. You have to get up and walk post c-section and walk to the loo. Heavily bleeding everywhere and with your legs only just coming back to life. And you use the same loos as the men. You have to walk to the hallway for the loo and breakfast in the morning.

In fairness, plenty of the doctors and surgeons etc were male too! None of the midwives when I gave birth. It was all completely fine in the end, and the fathers were all focused on their own families, but it wasn’t my first choice and I’d have chosen single sex if I could. Would have had to pay for a private room though (not that much, a couple hundred) and only if one’s free.

Would definitely disclose / speak to midwife about it in advance - they give people single rooms for all sorts of reasons, it might well be possible for this.

Ok, so as someone who worked as an MCA prior to taking time off to look after my child there's a few things to think about regarding this.

If you are ok for discharge but baby is not, you will be leaving baby behind.

You can ask for a room, however they are generally kept for those with a greater need. In this case you do have a greater need and at our trust you would absolutely get one. However this is on the basis there is some disclosure to your MW prior to going into hospital. Otherwise there's a high chance it will be denied. You don't need to explain everything, but it needs to be clear there is an associated trauma.

There is every chance that if you become unwell for any reason, you could be put in a bay close to the midwives station for monitoring purposes. Some areas will not put unwell patients behind a door.

I honestly feel you need to speak to your midwife. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a lot of stress and anxiety at a time you need to be focusing on you and baby x