Social services

[Louiee11]

So need advice I am 38 weeks pregnant I was honest to ss about a situation but they found more lies out and now know who the baby’s father is too , they have said about a legal meeting is needed I’m now worried what’s going to happen
any advice please

So you're talking to known drug dealers, your baby's father is alcoholic, you're talking to people in prison, all after having a previous child removed and you don't know why they're concerned?

You have shocking decision making. Shocking. You aren't protecting yourself. They can't trust you to protect the baby. You need to take a good hard look at yourself and how you've gotten into this mess. How you're going to change before you lose this baby too. How you're going to start making safer choices.

The op mentioned that the social worker read texts. They do smuggle in mobile phones. A poster mentioned the prison listened to a recording and they past it on to ss.

@Louiee11 even if you go to PLO it doesn't mean your baby will be removed from your care. You need to accept all the support offered to you and complete all the work required by social care. The first thing you need to do is cut contact the men who are seen as a risk. You are better off not being in a relationship right now.
You need to put baby first and care for yourslef.

From now on be honest, let them help you and do what they say. It will likely be in the best interests of the family .

Op in the nicest possible way you need to get your shit together.
Keep away from bad men, your child should be 100% be your focus. Stop telling lies it won't help you. You are about to be a mother for the second time. This is your chance to do things differently. Only you have the power to do this. Stop making bad decisions.

this is cloak and dagger thread, so far I got: OP is pregnant, last child handed to father at a year old, some sort of substance use issue going on with this father, SS went through her phone and now unborn baby is on a CP plan. OP has a support network described as good.

OP you sound really vulnerable, can you have no contact with the father and stay with people who can support you? you don't have to go down this road,

PPs are telling you you need to put yourself and the baby first. Do you want to do that? You need to think what's best for the baby, if that's being with you and you giving it proper care, then great. But if you don't believe you can commit to that, you need to really consider options. I genuinely wish you and the baby all the best.

what lies and why lies? You lied to them about men you should not be in contact with????

Your best chance of keeping that from happening is to listen to SS, and do what they say is necessary to address their concerns. Focus on the next step, not the bigger worries, what can you do right now to show you have listener and are going to put your baby first? People on here can give you advice, I'd probably look for a parenting course and blocking prison number on your phone. Don't make a big point of the fact you've stooped contact, it's only been a few days, but it is a small step in the right direction.

What did they find worrying on your phone? The fact you didn't think those things were a risk probably compounds the problem. Do you understand why they find what they found on your phone worrying? From their point of view you got pregnant with an alcoholic then contacted a drug dealer in jail, that's not a good pattern. You need to address why you contacted that man in jail. I'd ask if they can refer you for a parenting course and if you can go to a mother baby placement after birth and I would not go near another man in the next few years, Focus on your child and on getting mental health support so you can address the issues that led to you having these relationships.

There must be serious concerns for the baby’s welfare, and possibly the mother’s too. As her first child is in care SS would really need to determine a new baby isn’t at risk.
Wouldn’t speculate on the whys as that’s for OP to say.

You've told the exact same story on two separate threads, one in which you are the friend of an irresponsible mother, who will not listen to your advice, and one in which you are the very same mother.

No-one can give you any advice unless you stop telling lies and are honest about what has actually happened.

I suspect that social services gets the same half stories and attempts to hide the truth from you too and that is why you are where you are. If you've already repeatedly lied to them then I can't see how you are now going to be believed and they can't trust you to effectively care for this baby.

You have withheld information (baby's father), lied, and choose to associate with a drug dealer even when he is in prison. Social Services have previously decided you were not a good enough parent to keep your first child. Given these facts it seems likely that Social Services will decide you are not a suitable parent for this baby. Nothing in your posts suggests that the baby is your primary concern, or that you have sufficient understanding of what putting your child first means. If you are to have any chance of caring for this baby yourself you need to show that everything you do, absolutely everything, is focused on what is best for the child.

Is your older child in the care of a member of your family? Or foster parents? Just thinking maybe the former is a positive, especially if you have a supportive family.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/

I think the texts were between the OP and the baby's father.

Someone who has had one child removed already, and will probably have another one removed due to repeating stupid and damaging mistakes, is hardly likely to have a good family or circle of friends.

Feckless or dysfunctional ones maybe.

Agreed !!
And don't panic

Her father her child is 9

Ok, in summary, pre birth assessment with baby placed under CP, and your other child was removed and is under SS too?

Is it PLO?Public Law Outline? You’ll be told the expectation and requirements local authority has in order to keep the unborn baby safe. You’ll be expected to abide by the plan.

Do you have mental health issues?If so,Have you been referred to perinatal mental health?

Yes, it is serious. Ask your SW or solicitor to list bullet points for you of what is happening

I hate that any Tom, Dick or Harry can have a baby. These poor kids. Usually checks need to happen if you’re buying a pet, but poor babies are born into messes like this. I wish for their sake that this wasn’t the case.

Let’s take it down level and refrain from pejorative comments,not helpful
Fortunately, SS are involved, there are multiagency meetings and pre birth plan
SW dont get the credit they’re due for the demanding job they do. @Louiee11 needs to work with,not against SS and make sure the midwives know so Louiee can be supported

In all likelihood, you are probably criticising one of these ‘poor kids’ right now.

People who find themselves in circumstances like the OP’s often grew up in chaotic households themselves with parents who did not meet their needs. Consequently, they have no framework or point of reference that allows them the ability to make good decisions as they go through life.

It is not always the case, but many women like the OP go on to be great mothers with varying levels of support. That is the best outcome for both the child and their mother

You're 38 weeks pregnant having already lost one child and with SS involvement and thought it was a good idea to take up with an incarcerated drug dealer?! This is how the terrible cases that end in child neglect, abuse, murder happen!

You absolutely need SS involvement, they need to protect your child where you obviously aren't capable of doing so.

@Louiee11 it may not feel like it just now, but it's a positive step for your baby's safety that social services now know more of the true risks in your baby's circumstances - this gives them more of a chance to keep your baby safe, and to help you try to develop the skills to help with keeping your baby safe.

Do everything they ask, no more lies, no more unsuitable men, no more secrets. You could ask about the Freedom programme for yourself, to break this cycle of unhealthy relationships. If you think your baby may need to have someone else be responsible for them (eg through a care arrangement), you could discuss options with your social worker and family, to see if any family members might be suitable carers. Getting any necessary assessments started asap could be helpful.

Why hide who the father is ? Is he not allowed around children or something ?!