4th FET, can I now share news with husband???

[CoCoaButter85]

Had my 4th FET transfer. Today is 9th day post transfer and pretty much since 5d post transfer been testing positive. The line progression is definitely there. (I'm testing with cheapie and then Super drug own brand early detection one - progression is obvious on both). I had a chemical before and than miscarriage a couple of years back. So as you can imagine even though I am delighted about the news at the same time I am very very cautious. I am thinking to test again this Friday (11 days post transfer) and then tell my husband. I haven't told anyone any of this so any words of wisdom/ support would be very welcome.

I am reluctant to tell him just yet as I want more certainty (it's enough me worried about it already, see no point both of getting flustered over this). Appreciate there will be no 100% certainty until the baby arrives but one step at the time.

Can't share photo just yet unfortunately.

Does your husband not know you did an FET??

I would tell him. Whether it sticks or becomes a chemical pregnancy, you're going to need his support either way. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you!!

On a personal note (would I have been able to do an FET without my husbands knowledge, which isn't possible where I live), I wouldn't have been able to take the anxiety of the wait after and also be hiding it from him. From the failed transfer to the chemical pregnancy after transfer to the transfer that worked (I'm pregnant now, no baby yet), I wouldn't have been able to do it by myself emotionally.

Do yourself a favour and share your tentative joy with him! I really really hope that your progression continues! X

@mushroomushroom thanks for getting back. Yes, he's very much aware of the transfer but doesn't know I have tested early. I like your idea of tentative joy as it certainly what it feels like right now!!!

Good luck with your pregnancy 💐

Ahhh I see what you mean now! So he thinks you're waiting for the official test date? In that case I also like the idea of telling him sooner rather than later :)

I've had a miscarriage and chemical pregnancy too, and after the chemical but before my most recent transfer, I read something really nice, that even if you do end up losing the baby, all they ever knew was being warm and safe inside you and being loved by you, no matter how long it was for. Somehow that changed my mindset a bit, so instead of just being extremely grumpy and sad expecting things not to work so I wouldn't get excited and "tempt fate", I decided that I would try to just not feel so negative and just enjoy my baby for however long I got to have them, and just hope that I would get to hold them in my arms some day. Not saying that I don't get extremely nervous and sad and stuff still, but it does somehow let me enjoy being pregnant at the same time as being terrified, if you know what I mean 😂

All the best, let me know how you get on xx

@mushroomushroom that's a really nice way to think about it. It brings up some light in the process that can be very dark at times.

So I have done another cheap test this morning and it's still coming up as positive within the timeline. Can't quite compare progression properly since other tests are dried out so just need to wait for a bit to have a proper look..

I'm still not ready to tell my husband. I think I will see how the progression looks tomorrow on a different test and will decide depending on the progression. My clinic allows Day 12 test (official day is 14) so if progression is there will tell him tomorrow and then will do blood tests on Saturday. If progression isn't there will tell him regardless but prepare him most likely not so good news and do bloods on Day 14 instead.

I think women like you and I approach things bit differently. I feel that in a way it robs us of the joy. In theory, there is no reason why I shouldn't be happy now but I think managing expectations and progression with caution is much safer strategy at this point.

@CoCoaButter85 I totally get what you mean by "it robs of us joy", because it does. It's really hard and really crap :( I envy all the women who get pregnant easily and then go on to give birth to healthy babies. Delighted for them, but extremely envious.

With regards progression, just be careful if you're using different brand tests, I was burned that way in the past. I just looked up my photo collage of tests (I used easy@home tests, the pink ones) for after my most recent FET. I had to take HCG injections before AND after the transfer, so my tests were positive the whole time, so I can't say when they became positive, but basically they were the same until 10-11days post transfer, then started to get slightly darker. For me I actually got darker lines in the evening as compared to the morning.

I'm really keeping my fingers crossed for you!!

@mushroomushroom - I know what you mean. I ended up distancing myself from a friend. She had twins with her first IVF (we would have had babies around the same time but I had a miscarriage instead) and then got pregnant with the second at the same time I was awaiting my 4th transfer. I just couldn't bear listening about her pregnancy in my situation. I know I am not very good friend by behaving like this but I just can't hurt myself even more than I already am.

Did another test this morning. It came up very quickly, however, can't really tell progression because control like is lighter than control line in the previous test. And really don't want to spend money on any expensive tests. Told my husband, his initial reaction was happiness but then bit like me he was just worried about me and kept on saying to manage my expectations. So I am preparing myself for the worst outcome but at the same time at least I made more progress than in any of my previous transfers. So that's a win already regardless what happens.

How are you managing your day to day worries? And are you doing more frequent scans?

Did another test this morning and it's still coming up positive within timeframe but I think progression line is poor so preparing for not so good news today.

Do you mind me asking what things you did in the cycle that made a difference? So with this transfer I had tested embryo, embryo glue, steroids and intralipids and also pregnancy hormone has been infused in my womb before transfer. You mentioned you were taking pregnancy hormone as part of your latest cycle.

I think Emma/Alice tests (might not be using right terms) are in my list. But I think running out of ideas what else to do. I still have 5 normal tested embryos left. At least a generous number of attempts still available..

Hi, sorry I hadn't seen your messages till now. Ugh I'm sorry that you don't think the progression is going well 😔 I won't try to fob you off by saying "you never know till the blood test" because you already know that. I'll hope for the best but I understand you 😔

With regards what we did differently this time, I had an endometrial biopsy done after the 2nd transfer/chemical, and found that I had an infection called ureaplasma parvum (which I had had for years, it's part of my microbiome, but I think stress made it run amok), and we both had to take doxycycline and then I took vaginal probiotics (gynoflor, it also contains estriol). This time around they also started me on progesterone a week before the transfer, beforehand they put me on it after the transfer.

Regarding the HCG injections, those were the same as previous times, but here is the schedule: ovitrelle a week before transfer (day1), then a day and a half later started progesterone (day 3), then injection of choriomon (HCG) (day 4, day 7), then transfer on day 8, then HCG again day 10. I was on 400mg progesterone the whole time. I didn't have intralipids nor steroids (my biopsy came back "normal" for natural killer cells and I didn't have endometritis). I do have stage 4 endometriosis though.

To be honest I think the biggest different for me this time was the fact that I had taken the strong antibiotic and then the probiotic, I don't know why I think that but I do. Maybe the progesterone beforehand helped thicken the lining too, I'm not sure.

Maybe you can ask about an endometrial biopsy as well? I'm not actually sure what the names of the tests are but I think checking for chronic inflammation (endometritis) or any infections/bacteria out of whack could be a good avenue to go down! They didnt tell me to take aspirin but I've read a lot on Mumsnet that it's helped women (I'm actually having to take it now though), so it could be worth asking about?

@mushroomushroom - thanks for getting back! I believe I was treated for ureaplasma condition as well a while back (we've been actively trying shortly after the pandemic kicked off). I did probiotics this cycle as well. Very interesting regarding HCG injections. I didn't come across them before. Did they explain why they want you to try it? Is it endometriosis related?

So my blood results came back positive. I certainly not celebrating but glad Step #1 is complete. I decided not to do any further pregnancy tests and my 6 week scan is in a couple of weeks so will just wait and see. I was wondering to do another blood test in a couple of days just to check is HCG is rising but decided against it at the end.

@CoCoaButter85 I think my clinic just makes everyone do the HCG injections, but I don't actually know because I never spoke to anyone else there 😂 I'm not in the UK, I'm living on the continent so maybe just the guidelines are different? I did read some papers about the benefit of giving HCG as luteal phase support during frozen transfer cycles though! For any future transfer you could ask the doctor about it, I don't see how it would hurt in any case! I can send you some of the papers if you want to show them to the dr as well.

I'm glad your test came back positive! Did they give you a value or just tell you it was positive? If they gave you a value and you want to share it I would be happy to hear it! For my clinic they made me do two HCG tests (except for the first failed transfer when the first one was negative) a few days apart, then nothing else until the scan at 6 weeks. It might be worth having the second blood test just so you have the numbers going forwards for (a hopefully successful) pregnancy. If you don't want the anxiety though I totally get that!! I also admire your resolve to not do any tests before the scan in two weeks :)

No big celebrations but I would like to say a small congratulations and that I'm really happy for you :) and I hope that things continue to go well xxxx

You could tentatively do another test Thursday , and maybe do a Valentine's card on Friday , write inside daddy and from mummy ( If by then you are sure you are )

@mushroomushroom - the level was at 775. The clinic requires it to be over 200 to confirm the pregnancy. I have no idea what usually the averages are but nurse was pleased with the result. I can see what you mean, having more information certainly doesn't hurt. However, it does cause more stress... I have spent ridiculous amount of time looking into pregnancy tests this cycle, comparing the the progression lines. I might do a couple of more tests on Tuesday and go in for bloods only if it's very visible that the lines aren't appearing within time of there's very very obvious fainter lines.. I was confirmed day 16 post transfer is the latest to come in for bloods...

Over here in the UK HEFA doesn't recommend a lot of add-ons (embryo glue, testing, intralipids) so surely HCG just falls under the category.. but I will certainly bring it to my consultant to see what his view on the matter is.

I keep on waking up at early hours of the morning because I'm either too hot or need to go toilet or both and then really struggle to fall asleep 😅otherwise I wouldn't respond at 2AM on the morning under normal circumstances!! Haha

I tested positive day 9dp5dt I'd say your definitely pregnant.

Congratulations x

@CoCoaButter85 I won't go on about it too much, but 775 is an excellent value for how many days post transfer you are (it was 12dpt, right?). My first test was 10dpt, and 775 is exactly double what I had, and my dr was extremely happy with my result.

I also had to get up to pee and had night sweats around that time after the transfer 😂 I would wake up roasting and completely drenched! That didn't last long for me though, so if it stops for you don't panic (I did panic). I hope you managed to get back to sleep and aren't knackered this morning!

@CoCoaButter85 currently pregnant from a fet. Your beta is good, higher than mine was at that stage. Wishing you all the best with everything .

I know from experience that you will never properly relax, but that beta number really is excellent for that number of days. Mine didn't reach that until the 3rd 48 hour test and it was a successful pregnancy. Wishing you all the very best.

@mushroomushroom - that certainly gives some some confidence. I feel like an onion before going to bed! I have a nightdress, pyjamas, socks, duvet and the another layer on top of duvet. Before falling asleep I started kicking socks off, than in the middle of the night I need to take pyjamas off and keep only my night dress on and then if still hot then extra cover on duvet goes off! I could just try fall asleep with less layers on if only that means I don't need to wake up in the middle of the night😂

I managed to get bit more sleep and thankfully feeling ok at work today.

@lostpasswordagain thank you. Your words do mean a lot to me. But as you said I doubt I will ever relax and will be preparing myself for the worst. The miscarriage that I had absolutely destroyed me. So I have to be in self preservation mode this time round.

@Cornflakes123 - thank you for getting back to me. Your words mean a lot to me.

@PMAmostofthetime - I'm glad I wasn't the only one awake going through Mumsnet at that time of the night! Congratulations to you as well and hope everything is going well 💗

Are you still waking up roasting? I like your onion analogy, you go to bed in more layers even than me 🤣

Let us know how you get on in the coming weeks, and when you're having your six week scan! Xxx

I still do! Proper wet t-shirt this morning as running out of night dresses to wear! But good thing is I somehow managed to push it to 5AM (take as many layers off before falling asleep and control liquid intake after 5pm'ish).

My 6week scan is next Friday. Took half day off work from work as I think it will be needed regardless what the outcome is. I did a couple of more tests yesterday. One came up with test line darker than the control line which I was very pleased with and the other one was not as dar as I wanted to (two different brands) but I read reviews that lots of people have the same issue with them.

The other thing I'm getting worried about (and there are lots of things). I really don't have that many symptoms. Slightly sore boobs, bit of cramps from time to time (nothing major), very odd taste in mouth (gets worse when I'm getting hungry) and that's about it. No sickness, no nausea. Maybe a bit nauseous but I might only be noticing it because I am constantly thinking about it. I know that each pregnancy and women is different but that is really worrying me.

For me the nausea didn’t start until 6 weeks with this pregnancy. My last pregnancy with my dc 5 years ago I had zero nausea, zero aversions . Zero symptoms apart from sore boobs for the entire pregnancy. I wouldn’t bother doing anymore tests if I were you at this point. It’s honestly a waste of time. The tests will not tell you whether or not a pregnancy is successful and vary depending on how hydrated you are etc. I hope your scan goes well.

For me, symptoms are very minimal. If I hadn't known I'd done a transfer and therefore could be pregnant, I would never have guessed I was. At the beginning, I had some mild cramping, and my boobs hurt. I never had nausea or sickness (I did a bit later on this time round but that's because I was taking my vitamins on an empty stomach first thing. Learned that lesson!). At most my sense of smell has improved.

I know it's really hard but try not to focus on symptoms. Before my 6 week and 8 week scan I cried my eyes out both times because I thought I had no symptoms or had lost symptoms and therefore wouldn't be pregnant anymore. It wasn't worth the stress. I'm 16 weeks now and I still don't really have symptoms. If I didn't know I was I wouldn't guess, I would just think maybe I was tired from working too much.

Also, that's funny that you're having the wet T-shirts too, I never really read about it being an early symptom but for me it definitely was 😂 luckily for now my nighties are dry!!

@Cornflakes123 - thanks for getting back and sharing your experience. It is certainly reassuring and just shows that it can be completely different from person to person. I completely agree on pregnancy tests as well.. but tbh, having seen a line which was much darker than test one did give me re-assurance. I will leave it there. And thank you - it's next Friday so not that long to go. My husband offered to come with me but I decided to go on my own. I think I rather process things on my own first. Will get him to come to the following scans if get to that stage.

@mushroomushroom I'm glad I am not the only one! I found another thing to worry about - I got sharp abdominal pain last few times when sneezing (apparatly it's normal). Sneezed this morning - and no pain. So obviously automatically thinking that the pregnancy is not progressing. Oh dear... I think by the time scan comes I will tire myself out with worrying.

Congratulations getting through to 16weeks. 16weeks is a good place to be and hopefully feeling bit more confident now.

The other thing I wanted to see what you guys think is work related stress. Due to the work that I do it's very busy time for us. I try to take regular breaks, don't go crazy with overtime so try to keep it as balanced as possible. But it can be difficult at times. What are your opinions on this and how do you manage?

I can't completely reduce my workload etc. just need to get through it at least till have more certainty through scan when finally disclose it at work.

Heya! I'm sorry you're in the thick of it at work! I don't really have useful advice as I had to speak to my boss after my positive blood tests because I sometimes work in a lab with dangerous chemicals and wasn't able to so we had to arrange something.

Even though you can't totally reduce your workload, make sure you aren't pushing yourself too hard. Do as much as you can without letting yourself get stressed. Remind yourself that even though it's important, you also have another job at the moment that takes priority, which is taking care of yourself. Also, don't lift heavy things, say you've hurt your back and ask someone else to help you if possible!

And thank you :) I've never gotten this far in a pregnancy, so it's both exciting and scary! I had a very realistic nightmare last night that I had started bleeding, woke up in an absolute panic 😔 thankfully just a dream!!