4th FET, can I now share news with husband???

[CoCoaButter85]

Had my 4th FET transfer. Today is 9th day post transfer and pretty much since 5d post transfer been testing positive. The line progression is definitely there. (I'm testing with cheapie and then Super drug own brand early detection one - progression is obvious on both). I had a chemical before and than miscarriage a couple of years back. So as you can imagine even though I am delighted about the news at the same time I am very very cautious. I am thinking to test again this Friday (11 days post transfer) and then tell my husband. I haven't told anyone any of this so any words of wisdom/ support would be very welcome.

I am reluctant to tell him just yet as I want more certainty (it's enough me worried about it already, see no point both of getting flustered over this). Appreciate there will be no 100% certainty until the baby arrives but one step at the time.

Can't share photo just yet unfortunately.

I'm glad all is going well. I can only imagine how hard it is to believe that things might actually work out this time round! Statistically you are at a very good place and if there are no issues found by now there's no reason to believe that this will not work out! Easier said than done I know. I will keep my fingers crossed for you 💐

I had bit of a scare in a middle of the week. Found about 3mm diameter dark blood clot. That was the only one but I noticed that discharge in my underwear was slightly reddish. I had some prolonged cramping shortly after noticing it. Thankfully no further bleeding and no further cramping of that sort (I do have cramps pretty much on a daily basis but these feel different). I think by now I just tired myself out with all the worrying 😅

Oh no!! That is scary! I'm glad that you haven't had any more bleeding! That's such a relief that it was only a brief little bit! Your scan is Friday this week, is it? I'll be keeping everything crossed for you!!

I hope you had a nice Valentines weekend! I'm forcing us to watch twilight and having the sad realisation that maybe I was wrong for fancying Edward so so much twenty years ago 😂😂

I started coming to terms that that was it but was pleasantly surprised it was just one little clot and no further bleeding. Yes, scan is this Friday so not so long to go now. I am preparing myself for the worst outcome but hoping for the best. There are moments when I feel I am definitely pregnant and everything is fine but that certainly doesn't last long.

😁seems your taste has matured over time. Did you tell your husband you used to fancy him? I hope you had a laugh about it. We exchanged cards and had some chocolates on Friday and then went for nice dinner on Saturday.

New thing I noticed I am obsessing with menus and if it's ok to eat everything that is on it. With food prepared at home I feel relaxed but eating out certainly has become more complicated. When I became pregnant naturally (ended in MC) I was so relaxed and chilled about everything definitely not so much now. Was making curry for dinner yesterday so was googling each and every spice 😅

@mushroomushroom could I possibly ask you about your 6w scan? Did you come with your partner of not? I know it is very individual matter. If the news aren't great I would rather prefer to be on my own. I know that's not what other people would do but I think I would prefer to process it on my own first. However, in case if news are good I would like him to be part of experience. My husband just wants me to be comfortable with whatever decision I make.. not quite decided what the best thing to do is.

Hi @CoCoaButter85

sorry to jump on but reading this completely resonates with me! I did all the tests without telling my DP and would much rather go to the scan alone so I can process everything first. He is coming as he wants to and don’t want to take that away from him,but just want to say your feelings are completely valid!

I think we are around the same timescales,I am 6+1 with a scan next Wednesday.

also just to add we did IVF so I feel maybe I’m like this because being able to process things gives me a sense of control in a very out of control situation?!

@Cosyseason1234 - I'm glad I am not alone doing everything in secret, haha. I mentioned it to him today again and he said it is ok for me to do it on my own. I will get him to come with me to the next one instead when we hopefully be able to see more(if we get this far!).

I am having scan this Friday when I should be 6+2 so we are certainly at a very similar place. You will be over 7w at the time of the scan so hopefully this will give you bit more certainty. I haven't checked why my clinic does it at 6w but I'm sure they have their reasons.

I think for me it's double the pressure having to process my own emotions as well as making sure a person with me is ok. So just more moving parts to be taken care of. I also had a miscarriage during pandemic at around 11w (had no scans so no idea when the pregnancy stopped developing) which completely shook me so I am very much in self preservation mode.

I have toyed with the idea of booking a scan for Friday at a local ultrasound clinic so that if it’s bad news I can prep myself and not have to be told by the ivf clinic nurses who I now feel like I have almost a friendship with 🤦🏻‍♀️

weird way to cope but I don’t think it’s a bad thing!

I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage and it’s completely understandable to be anxious. I’ve got everything crossed that everything will be ok on Friday for you ❤️

@CoCoaButter85 for my scans my partner came with me to all of them. I will say that I was a massive arse in the mornings of the scans at 6 and 8 weeks, I was so nervous and snappy. I was slightly less arsey for the 13 week scan but that's probably because I had to do a load of blood tests and get a smear test right before it so I didn't have the space to be grumpy. I think I protect myself from the nerves by being a grumpy pessimist, which isn't the best coping mechanism. As soon as the scan showed the baby was still alive I just started crying.

Somehow I never questioned him coming. In terms of receiving bad news I don't mind him being there but then after I need to be on my own to get it out. He came to almost all of the IVF appointments and transfers etc too. That said, when finding out that a transfer didn't work, or I was pregnant but then lost it soon after, I wasn't particularly nice to be around, I was so angry and sad, and I did put a lot of that on him (he happened to be right there). If it had gone wrong I would have been fine without him there so I could deal with it by myself, but if it went right I would have wanted him there. In any case I don't think there's a right or a wrong way to go about it. If he wasn't at the appointment and it had gone well, I would try to take a little video of the scan for him :) do whichever is going to be most comfortable for you, I'm sure either way your partner will understand. The whole process messes with you so much, I don't think there actually is a "normal" way to do things at a certain point, so just do what's best for yourself xx

@CoCoaButter85 and yes, I did tell him I used to fancy Edward 😂 he swore me to secrecy but he liked the first one so much he made us put on New Moon right after 🤣 although both of us are in agreement that it's not as good as Twilight 😂

And god I hear you about the food worries!! I was googling everything 😂 it kind of eased up now that I've already googled most stuff I like to eat, but my husband is way more annoying than I am these days. He's really afraid of me getting food poisoning, but would be fine with me having burgers and chips three times a day 😂 some of the googling is very annoying because it seems like there's something potentially wrong with all fruits, which seems ridiculous! It turns out though that to get any bad effect from most things you need to be eating them by the kilogram in one sitting. Except the things that could give you food poisoning 😅

I hope the curry was good 😁😁

@Cosyseason1234 ahh I'm delighted that your transfer worked too!! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you!!

Over Christmas I was so close to booking private scans because I was just sure something had gone wrong (that was the longest five weeks of my life waiting between scans) but I decided not to in the end, because I figured that the people doing the scans at the private places usually aren't doctors and can't diagnose medical things, and if something was wrong they'd probably send you to the doctor/hospital without telling you if the baby was still alive or not. That said, that was only my own reasoning! And I definitely also understand the reasoning to do it! Either way, just mind yourself :)

I really have everything crossed for you and @CoCoaButter85 both!

My next scan is this day next week and I am bricking it 😅

@Cosyseason1234 I think in cases like that it is important to do what we feel comfortable with. I used a pharmacy once to pick up my IVF medication and to this date I feel uncomfortable going in there as I am clearly not pregnant and have no baby with me. I know it is ridiculous but I feel like it. I switched to local Asda now as it is cheaper. But given how many times I've been there I feel the staff knows me by now and wish me luck etc. I will have just to get on with it.

I did distance myself from a pregnant friend as I just couldn't handle it. It is tough time already so I think regardless how ridiculous it looks from outside we need to do whatever it is that makes us feel more comfortable.

I am surprisingly in peace with whatever the outcome is going to be.. I am obviously hoping for the best but managed to prepare myself for any eventuality.

Asked my husband not to come withe as I think it will be easier for me on my own in case of bad news.. He was ok with that and will go together next time if we get there. It helps the scan is on Friday so I will have a weekend to come to terms with in the worst case scenario.

I wish I did feel more pregnant compared to what I do now but again it is just a speculation and will find out more tomorrow. Until than I am telling myself that I am pregnant which is achievement on its own given very little luck that I had so far 🤗

@CoCoaButter85 thinking of you today xx

@mushroomushroom - thank you! It means a lot to me 💐

@CoCoaButter85 hope your scan is good news. Thinking of you today

Good luck with the scan today

Thank you @bumblebubble23 and @caramac04 🌹

Very little sleep. Nervous but distracting myself with work and then going for lunch with husband and then off I go to the clinic. At least the wait is not far from being over now 😊

@CoCoaButter85 I hope you're ok xxx

@CoCoaButter85 hope all went well yesterday.

@CoCoaButter85 hope all went well 🥰

Hello ladies,
OMG what a day it was yesterday. So on my way to the station I felt what I could describe as a gush going down my underwear. I obviously panicked and quickly ran into the station toilet to check. Unfortunately it was blood. Bright red. I sorted myself out with some tissue paper, got into town and then ran into nearest boots for supplies. Obviously was thinking that this is it. Game over for me. I described everything to sonographer but she was able to detect sac and even little flickering heart! However, she saw a large bleed area just underneath it. So the good thing is that the baby is ok and where it should be but the bleeding might be start of bad news to come or might be something else..there were no further gushes like that but there's dark red blood when wiping (not wetting through the pads). Bit like when your period is getting to the end. I think there is bit of cramping too. But because I am super focused on it that's why I'm noticing. (I don't think I would be concerned about cramping on it's own if it wasn't for the bleed). So not bad news entirely just yet. Re-scan on Thursday if no further developments till then.

Couldn't sleep at night again. I think today will just stay i my pyjamas and take it easy and Sunday as well as back to work on Monday. Clinic told me to take it easy. Office job so not physically strenuous which helps.

I was hoping for a more straightforward story to tell you guys today but still least there's hope. And it was quite a special moment to see little heart flickering away x

Oh my god what a day you had yesterday!!! The rollercoaster of emotions!! I'm so so happy that the baby is in the right place and has a strong little heartbeat! The bleeding though must have been terrifying. Thank god for the timing, that it was right before the scan and not after! If it's a haematoma that would explain the bleeding and little clot you had before too. Definitely take it easy this weekend, stay on the sofa in your pyjamas and be as lazy as you possibly can be! I would avoid lifting anything heavy and sex as well for a while.

When will the next scan be? I hope that the bleeding stops and the baby continues to grow happily! What a time of it you've had!! Xxxx

I'm sorry the picture isn't clearer for you yet. Will be thinking of you and hoping for an uneventful week and a good result on Thursday. My own journey to parenthood was difficult so I wish the very best for you.

Thank you for update, sorry it’s not more clear but fingers crossed for everything settling and good news to come 💐

@mushroomushroom - sonographer did mention haematoma, however, she did not confirm any of it. She just said it could be any of teh reasons causing the bleed. There is no fresh blood and I'm still not wetting through the pads, however, it's still very much there when wiping. Yesterday it was what I could describe as black red and a few small clots but today its just light brown when I wipe with bit of clots with it. The way things were going yesterday I hoped it would have stopped completely by now. There is no change in cramping which I take as a good thing. When I had my miscarriage a while back things started progressing very soon after discovered blood when wiping. I can only hope that everything is ok and I'm just getting rid of the blood from Friday. Will find out for sure on Thursday or at least will have a better insight then.

@MrsJRHartley - thank you for your kind words. All of my friends had their kids in a fairly straight forward wat and at the very first go with IVF as well. So I'm very much leaning for support on mumsnet. My husband is obviously supporting me but I don't think he quite understands what I am going through,

@caramac04 - I would have certainly been very happy with the scan result if it wasn't for the bleed. but I just came to terms that it's more straight forward for some people than others. And I'm just less fortunate one. At least as @mushroomushroom mentioned it did start before my scan so I could have it all looked into at once rather than have good news from the scan and than stress about the bleeding starting afterwards. So could have been worse.

Clinic advised me to get it touch with GP and start putting arrangements with NHS (unfortunately no private cover for antenatal care with current employment) but I see no point until scan on Thursday. I will only be 7w+1 then so no point doing anything now.