Fiance is angry and playing blame game

[Mandyadj89]

For some, you will read this and say, wow! What a crap man and others may not but here we go.... Fiance and I have been together 5 years...... In these 5 years I have had 4 medical abortions all due to his choice and me being so sad about it. I was on birth control but we stopped taking it about 2 years ago as it was giving me massive head aches and a whole lot of pregnancy symptoms. At that time we discussed other options. I kept telling him if he does not want another baby ever, why not get snipped. He refuses.... This has led me to take endless amounts of plan B pills. Ive taken 12 plan Bs in the last 12 months...... The last medical abortion I was so angry with him and told him this will be the LAST TIME I put myself through this..... Well here we are. I actually took a plan B pill during ovulation week but I think we may have taken it after ovulation had passed thats the onlyyyyyyy thing I can think of as to why it would have failed.... Im now what the Dr. would consider 5 and a half weeks pregnant. The second I thought I was late, I told him I think we may need a test and why... He didnt mention anything else for over a week. Now that he knows for sure that I am pregnant my Fiance has not spoken to me in over 24 hours. He keeps telling me he is done with me, Im a manipulator, im trapping him and soooo much more. I feel hes had many chances to protect himself and still chooses not to pull out and depends on a plan B to save his ass. 4 times I gave him his way. This isnt right! I dont feel I should abort again. I need help, reassurance, in all, Im not sure what I need other than to not feel neglected, lied to about love, and alone at the moment. Is anyone right in this situation? His only child is about to be 7 and she is autistic. I think his anger may fuel from fear that this baby may too have autism. I look at it as something in this world wants his daughter to have a younger sibling to watch over her once we are gone from this world. Why cant he see the positive?

He is an utter twat. He expects you to ruin your body because he is too lazy to put a condom on. I'd be telling him to go to hell. For Gods sake don't marry this fool. Have the baby if you want it.

I wasn't - that's your interpretation. You hated my terminology, but that's on you.

Do you take any responsibility for the 4 aborted pregnancies because it doesn't sound like it? If you aren't on contraception and he won't wear a condom you either don't have sex, or you agree that you are trying to conceive.

You don't just have sex anyway and then blame your use of emergency contraception and pregnancies/abortions on him.

Take some control over your life!

Pelvic inflammatory disease is not something permanent that you live with long term, it’s an STD. Well to be exact, you get it as a result of getting another STD that’s left untreated. It’s absolute hell and you wouldn’t be able to type on a phone if you had it

And? What’s wrong with being autistic?

I don't understand why neither of you is taking responsibility for birth control. I think the relationship sounds toxic.

You can change all of this OP

jesus wept

please leave him. You and your wee baby deserve better

Please dump the loser, for your own sanity. He is a waster of the first order.

Does your doctor know you are taking the morning after pill every month? Is that even safe ? I mean long term I would be worried about hormonal cancers and things. I'm not medical it just seems really risky to your health.

He doesn’t want to wear a condom so you keep aborting your unborn children. I’m pro-choice but this is horrific. Get a fucking grip.

Then you say no condoms no sex and enforce that boundary. The pattern is you get pregnant or potentially pregnant and then use something to end this, MAP or abortion. It is absolutely awful of him, but can't be surprising he expects you to go on doing this. Have you tried other contraceptives, injection, nuva rings, mini pill which is quite different to the pill, other versions of the pill, headaches on one version of the pill don't mean you'll get headaches on all. Qq see

He should never have been able to force you into the first one. Let alone 4. He's abusive. You must leave now!

And having an abortion for ANY reason is extremely traumatic. The distress and trauma is no less for women who have them by choice.

If you support choice you didn't need to highlight why you had yours, it really is irrelevant. All you needed to say was you had an abortion. And thanks for my sympathy too.

No, any type of abortion MAY be traumatic. Let’s not pretend that every woman who has aborted a pregnancy, for whatever reason, was traumatised. For plenty of women, it’s not traumatic. For many, it’s a relief and a positive thing.

Yeah I agree. Choice is essential but it's there for accidents and unfortunate changes if circumstances and the like. It's not contraception and to use it as such is shameful.

OP you deserve better. Get this man out of your life.

Wether you abort again is up to you don't be shamed into keeping it because you got such an extreme reaction here. In your situation I'd abort. I'm single parent to an autistic child with an abusive man I'm now tied to via the child. I wouldn't wish this life in anyone. That said it's easier than parenthood while with the abusive man. You say your relationship is good except for the pregnancies- you do realise if you add a child to this there is no chance your relationship can be the same as when it's 'good'? Children change everything especially if they have additional needs

OP you need to leave this relationship..surely after the second time you’d both find a longterm solution? It kinda seems like he definitely doesn’t want anymore children but you would like one so you maybe keep allowing this to go on. I cannot understand how you don’t resent him and say you have a good relationship..you deserve better!

We cannot tell you what to do, but if this were me i’d have to end the relationship and abort. The financial ties can be dealt with. How many more times are you willing to go through this?

It's not a child. Sperms nqy not even have reached the egg by the time you take the MAP. This doesn't sound much like a pro choice post, but I agree that OP will feel a lot more settled if she loses this bloke and uses a mire reliable form of contraception going forward.

Is the underlying issue that your both at different stages in life and want difference things?

I.e. you want children and he does not.

If you decide to stay together you absolutely must find together a reliable form of contraception.

You do realise not all autistics are high functioning? Many have no independent life. Why would you want that for your child?

Leave him. Make a choice about the baby, if you choose not to continue with the pregnancy get on some birth control, headaches is no excuse, I have to take the mini pill as I'm at risk of strokes on the combined contraceptive. There are female condoms, copper coils lots of options.

But the time I've had to come off it, I told my partner, said we needed to be careful, and guess what he agreed and wore a condom, does he like them, not particularly.

However my guess is you want a baby and get pregnant in the hopes that within those 4 time's he's going to suddenly change his attitude and say he wants to keep it.

Shes had 4 medical abortions (as well as taking the morning after pill various times). I am pro choice and I’ve had an abortion myself but this is a shit show.

there is no need to insult women who have had abortions for medical reasons by implying they think they are “morally superior”. No one thinks this.

Why use 'actual medical reasons' there's no need to have 'actual' and by adding it, you therefore are saying (possibly unintentionally) any reasons that are not medical are not 'actual' reasons.

You could have put ' termination for medical reasons' which is very well used, so much so it has it's on acronym TFMR.

Hate is a strong word, I prefer judgey.