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Original poster

16 weeks no heartbeat

143 replies

Pinkumberella · 08/12/2024 22:21

So today I went to what should have been an exciting gender reveal scan to find out blue/pink but instead ended in heart break.

i attended a private scan and after only having a scan 2 weeks ago to check for downs etc (which all came back low chance along with bloods) and everything was perfect, today the sonography struggled to locate the baby it was tucked down low, we couldn’t see much as all seemed blurry, he said baby was curled which didn’t look good, couldn’t locate a heart beat but kept saying I’m not sure if it’s a faint one - on the grey line they show - and then also said the head looked “lemon shaped” as a posed to round and would indicate a syndrome... Yet two weeks ago it was round and mo syndrome or abnormalities detected.

He advised to contact my midwife in the morning for an urgent referral and check of bloods and rescan. He said it looks as though the pregnancy has recently ended. I came away in tears. My 9 Year old LG was heartbroken and my 3 year old LB was bewildered.

i am 41 and this was a surprise baby but a very welcome surprise, i feel like i have just got my head round it now it’s being ripped AY.

has anyone has this happen and everything turned out okay and baby was just in a very awkward position?

I have had zero cramping or bleeding and also have a tilted womb. I had early scans due to previous early miscarriages and each scan up until today have been fine.

thanks for your time in reading and sorry for waffling my eyes and head hurt from crying ;(

OP posts:
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thejollytrolleydolly · 10/12/2024 00:09

So sorry to hear all you're going through op. I read earlier and wished so hard it was good news for you. Still thinking of you. Hand holding ❤️

endcityspawner · 10/12/2024 00:39

Thinking of you OP 💐

elliejjtiny · 10/12/2024 00:44

So sorry OP. If it helps, my older dc were there when we found out I had had a missed miscarriage at 13 weeks. They were 5, 3 and 11 months. It's harder for your dd as she is older but my dc weren't upset or anything so I would think your youngest will be ok too. My then 3 year old was a bit nervous of the undertaker at the funeral though.

nunsflipflop · 10/12/2024 00:58

Sending you lots of love OP xx

DBD1975 · 10/12/2024 01:05

OP my heart goes out to you.
Very surprised at how the private clinic behaved, are you sure they are reputable? I really wouldn't trust a private firm, purely based on your experience alone. Do you know the credentials of the person who carried out the scan? Did someone else come in to check or assist? This all sounds a bit irregular and unprofessional. Hideous situation for you to be in, I hope the morning comes swiftly and all is resolved xx

letthemalldoone · 10/12/2024 01:12

I'm assuming that your lack of posting means it's not been good news. I am so sorry. I have been through it twice in years gone by.

I'd never have taken young children to a scan though. You never know what is going to happen.

I was 7, my brother was 5 and my sister was 2 when my parents lost a baby at 9 days old. He was born days before Christmas and I have very clear memories of mum, wearing her nightdress, cooking Christmas dinner and making Christmas happen for us. I don't know where she got the strength. Santa brought me a Sindy bath among other things (I still have it!)

I never met my baby brother but I remember when we heard that he had died. The 7 year old me must have had some sort of instinct, and my 5 year old brother always got into trouble along with me! We took a toy (I don't remember what it was but of course, it was my brother's!!) out and broke it in response. I remember my granny, mum and dad crying - my daddy never cried! - and it was all pretty traumatic. I remember the little white coffin in the back of dad's car when they had to bury him.

I just wanted to share this to reassure you that none of us suffered any lasting trauma (well my parents may have done but they never shared that with us kids).

Your DD is likely to remember it - my DD was 9 when I lost my parents inside a few months and she remembers most of it - but it's how you handle it that will determine how she deals with it.

Bowies · 10/12/2024 01:21

Hope you are doing ok OP.

The private scan experience sounds awful and they didn’t handle things well at all.

BeLilacSloth · 10/12/2024 01:23

OP i’m so so sorry and thinking of you ❤️xxx

Those of you telling her she shouldn’t of taken her children to the scan- please stop!! I’m sure she’s suffering enough, leave her alone.

EvvyLannis · 10/12/2024 01:39

So sorry OP. I hope you have good support irl

momtoboys · 10/12/2024 01:49

I’m so sorry.

Mangocity · 10/12/2024 01:58

So sorry OP.

Be as cheerful and loving as you can for the children when you're with them. They need to know everything is ok and they are enough.

Candy24 · 10/12/2024 03:42

Mangocity · 10/12/2024 01:58

So sorry OP.

Be as cheerful and loving as you can for the children when you're with them. They need to know everything is ok and they are enough.

This is crappy advise. sorry but no don't be all cheerful and cover it up.

HallidayJones6779 · 10/12/2024 03:45

Thinking of you all. Praying you had a happy miracle at the hospital.

metellaestinatrio · 10/12/2024 06:28

letthemalldoone · 10/12/2024 01:12

I'm assuming that your lack of posting means it's not been good news. I am so sorry. I have been through it twice in years gone by.

I'd never have taken young children to a scan though. You never know what is going to happen.

I was 7, my brother was 5 and my sister was 2 when my parents lost a baby at 9 days old. He was born days before Christmas and I have very clear memories of mum, wearing her nightdress, cooking Christmas dinner and making Christmas happen for us. I don't know where she got the strength. Santa brought me a Sindy bath among other things (I still have it!)

I never met my baby brother but I remember when we heard that he had died. The 7 year old me must have had some sort of instinct, and my 5 year old brother always got into trouble along with me! We took a toy (I don't remember what it was but of course, it was my brother's!!) out and broke it in response. I remember my granny, mum and dad crying - my daddy never cried! - and it was all pretty traumatic. I remember the little white coffin in the back of dad's car when they had to bury him.

I just wanted to share this to reassure you that none of us suffered any lasting trauma (well my parents may have done but they never shared that with us kids).

Your DD is likely to remember it - my DD was 9 when I lost my parents inside a few months and she remembers most of it - but it's how you handle it that will determine how she deals with it.

@letthemalldoone your post made me cry. Your poor, poor mum and how much she must have loved you all to drag herself out of the abyss and make sure you still had Christmas ❤️. What a wonderful mum.

K0OLA1D · 10/12/2024 06:33

I am sorry op. Thinking of you x

Strictlymad · 10/12/2024 07:10

Thinking of you xx

LittleBalletBum · 10/12/2024 07:24

Thinking of you OP and wishing you all the best 💖 I had a similar experience with a private clinic but they were refusing to say if anything looked right while not confirming anything looked wrong. The maternity hospital I visited afterwards confirmed the loss and basically slagged off the private clinic and how awful they were.

I really hope you got your miracle but if not know that there are lots of people here thinking of you and sending you love

oakleaffy · 10/12/2024 07:52

letthemalldoone · 10/12/2024 01:12

I'm assuming that your lack of posting means it's not been good news. I am so sorry. I have been through it twice in years gone by.

I'd never have taken young children to a scan though. You never know what is going to happen.

I was 7, my brother was 5 and my sister was 2 when my parents lost a baby at 9 days old. He was born days before Christmas and I have very clear memories of mum, wearing her nightdress, cooking Christmas dinner and making Christmas happen for us. I don't know where she got the strength. Santa brought me a Sindy bath among other things (I still have it!)

I never met my baby brother but I remember when we heard that he had died. The 7 year old me must have had some sort of instinct, and my 5 year old brother always got into trouble along with me! We took a toy (I don't remember what it was but of course, it was my brother's!!) out and broke it in response. I remember my granny, mum and dad crying - my daddy never cried! - and it was all pretty traumatic. I remember the little white coffin in the back of dad's car when they had to bury him.

I just wanted to share this to reassure you that none of us suffered any lasting trauma (well my parents may have done but they never shared that with us kids).

Your DD is likely to remember it - my DD was 9 when I lost my parents inside a few months and she remembers most of it - but it's how you handle it that will determine how she deals with it.

That is so desperately poignant.

My {Ex} lovely MIL/FIL lost two daughters - {Pre eclampsia} in similar circumstances- One soon after her birth.
FIL said he carried the little coffin in his hands through the snow - like something out of Dickens...It makes me cry thinking of it.

DH {ex} was the third child who survived.

3luckystars · 10/12/2024 07:59

I hope you will be ok, I’m sorry x

Wife2b · 10/12/2024 08:06

So sorry OP, I’m hoping for a miracle at the hospital and you’ve simply forgotten to update us.

bigkidatheart · 10/12/2024 08:20

Hope you are ok x

RubyRedBow · 10/12/2024 08:28

I think it would be wise for private scanning places to not allow children in until they’ve done a check on baby 🥺

Hankunamatata · 10/12/2024 08:30

Good luck op. The sonographer doesn't sound very professional. Surely they should have asked for kids to leave before making comments that they did.

housethatbuiltme · 10/12/2024 09:08

Pinkumberella · 08/12/2024 22:21

So today I went to what should have been an exciting gender reveal scan to find out blue/pink but instead ended in heart break.

i attended a private scan and after only having a scan 2 weeks ago to check for downs etc (which all came back low chance along with bloods) and everything was perfect, today the sonography struggled to locate the baby it was tucked down low, we couldn’t see much as all seemed blurry, he said baby was curled which didn’t look good, couldn’t locate a heart beat but kept saying I’m not sure if it’s a faint one - on the grey line they show - and then also said the head looked “lemon shaped” as a posed to round and would indicate a syndrome... Yet two weeks ago it was round and mo syndrome or abnormalities detected.

He advised to contact my midwife in the morning for an urgent referral and check of bloods and rescan. He said it looks as though the pregnancy has recently ended. I came away in tears. My 9 Year old LG was heartbroken and my 3 year old LB was bewildered.

i am 41 and this was a surprise baby but a very welcome surprise, i feel like i have just got my head round it now it’s being ripped AY.

has anyone has this happen and everything turned out okay and baby was just in a very awkward position?

I have had zero cramping or bleeding and also have a tilted womb. I had early scans due to previous early miscarriages and each scan up until today have been fine.

thanks for your time in reading and sorry for waffling my eyes and head hurt from crying ;(

I don't want to give you false hope but at the same time I think you definitely need another ultrasound by someone else. The whole thing sounded massively unprofessional.

I suffered a MMC at 11 weeks, 3 different sonographers at different INSISTED I was only 6 weeks along (and the heartbeat might not have started yet) even though the dates where exact (infertility), I found out I was pregnant on CD28 and we saw the heart beat at 8 weeks so their dates where literally impossible.

I was medically induced as nothing was happening and the embryo born was nearly 9 weeks gestated which is MASSIVELY different from a 6 week embryo (6 week embryo is sesame seed sized and a little bean shape and 9 week embryo is a large strawberry size with arms, legs, a head with eyes, ears, mouth) so all 3 sonographers where wildly wrong (unfortunately it was still a bad outcome for us though).

Good luck, I hope you have good news.

Jein · 10/12/2024 09:13

I'm so sorry. What a horrible shock.