Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

Can I ask why you are declining? The checks are a way of keeping you and baby safe and healthy?

I’m confused by why you’d decline them to be honest. Especially if you don’t have private healthcare so I assume you’re going to want to give birth in an NHS hospital. The more appointments you attend, the more information they have to ensure that your baby is born safely. Without antenatal care you won’t know if you have pre-eclampsia until it’s potentially too late, you won’t know if you have gestational diabetes so can’t be treated which can cause stillbirth, you won’t know if your baby is breech so you cannot plan for a safe delivery, you won’t know if your baby is growing normally and safely so potentially wouldn’t be aware of any issues with growth or your placenta until it’s too late so again risk of stillbirth… it’s a no brainer to attend the appointments.

Fair enough if you had private healthcare and were using that instead but considering you’ll want to run back to the NHS if you have any issues and to give birth, it’s very silly not to attend the appointments.

But I am healthy that's the point, I have had a booking appt at 11 weeks which was a waste of time imo, the 13 week scan stressed me out and made me feel shitty,at no other time in my life would I have medical procedures and appointments when I felt otherwise well, I've made it to 20 weeks with no care by myself, my last appointment would have been 19+2,if I can be left till half way then don't see the necessity for them,plus now I wouldnt be seen for a further 10 weeks, I don't like being patronised or bullied into things i dont want,I'm struggling having no body autonomy

If it all goes wrong because you are disengaging with health care please don't bland the NHS.

@Casuallydresseddeepinconversation one of the main reasons for such good outcomes in maternity services in developed countries is because of good antenatal healthcare. Why would you put your baby at risk by not doing a few basics like having a scan or doing a urine sample?

I developed GD in my pregnancy in my 3rd trimester without warning, my healthy gym-loving friend developed pre-eclampsia - that's why there are screenings as you go along.

I've had plenty of friends who are healthy but needed intervention during pregnancy or birth. Footling breech, shoulder dystopia, back to back labour - these things aren't funny. I'd stop seeing it as about you and start seeing it as being about your baby, and their health, too.

*dystocia, autocorrect

at no other time in my life would I have medical procedures and appointments when I felt otherwise well

Don't you have dentist check ups? Smear tests?

I mean, don't go if you don't want to. But you feeling well doesn't really prove anything about the wellbeing of your baby. At the very least I'd go to the 20 week scan.

You say that you are healthy but how can you know that your baby is?
This can change throughout the pregnancy as hormones fluctuate, baby gets bigger, new organs develop and mature etc.
Antenatal checks have been put into place for a reason, to monitor and avoid common problems.
I can’t understand why you would want to take the risk…

Plenty of things go wrong in pregnancies of otherwise healthy women.

This is mainly about your baby, not you.

You don’t KNOW you’re healthy
you can assume
Pregnancy can cause all sorts of issues a why do you think you get free dental care whilst pregnant for example or will you not be taking up this either?
scans are not just for you but for your child
the 20 week anomaly scan is just that and is to look for any issues with the baby - it’s not for you!

How odd. You might feel healthy, but there are dangerous complications that could arise without symptoms.

And isn’t your priority the baby? Ante natal checks are really valuable and reassuring, we’re lucky to have access to such great care.

But you haven’t made it this far by yourself, you’ve had scans. It’s nothing to do with how well you feel, it’s about making sure the everything is going well with the baby.

Why was the scan so stressful? Have you had a bad experience with doctors before? Would you be willing to speak to someone about why you are feeling this way? It would be sad to risk possible complications for your baby just because you don’t like seeing a medical professional.

Even my most out-there, conspiracy theorist, pro-chemtrails "don't drink the water" friend got all her proper healthcare during her pregnancy. Granted, she did have to give birth in a sideroom because she refused to do a Covid test or wear a mask but she still let them give her the care.

The longer pregnancy goes on for, the greater risk of issues. That's why all the checks ramp up as you get further along. It can very quickly become life threatening if you get pre-eclampsia, for example.

How did you feel about healthcare before the pregnancy? Have your views changed suddenly at all?

I wouldn’t think of it as you being healthy, I’ve felt great but at my 20 week scan they saw I had low lying placenta. This wouldn’t have been discovered without a scan and needs monitored as can need a csec. Same as some people have preeclampsia but don’t know without things like BP or urine dips. Regardless of how you feels it’s about safety of you and baby. Just suck it up it’s only a few times throughout

With respect OP this isn't about you, it's about the baby - the 20-week scan is important as it can pick up any abnormalities which wouldn't necessarily make you unwell.

Each to their own and they have to respect your decision but you are putting yourself and baby at unnecessary risk - just because you've made it to 20 weeks okay doesn't mean the next 20 weeks will be smooth sailing.

If you've expirenced bullying in your care then ask for another midwife and write to PALS - maybe take someone with you to your appointments who can advocate for you but don't disengage, the best thing you can do for your baby is to make sure they're safe and happy whilst you're growing them.

Read my last reply again. Lots of things there you’d have no idea about unless attending regular appointments.

And kindly, this isn’t about you, it’s about your baby. Placenta issues, gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, growth issues, breech/transverse issues, you’d have absolutely no idea and putting baby at risk.

There’s also unfortunately times when YOU can be totally healthy and your baby may not be, with no symptoms. One of my closest friends attended her 20 week scan earlier this year to find out her baby was very unwell, she had no reason to think that and she very sadly gave birth to her sleeping baby 3 weeks later. If she hadn’t attended her scan, neither she nor the hospital caring for her would have been able to put in place all the measures they did to keep her safe and provide proper care and support through that process. Another of my friends found out at her 20 week scan that her baby had health issues that would require enhanced checks throughout her pregnancy, an early c section and then surgery immediately after birth to fix these issues, because they were aware of this and monitoring her throughout her pregnancy they could put a plan in place, get baby out when needed at a hospital with a team ready to perform the surgery- without those checks and plans her baby would not have survived.

An AS of your username shows that there are concerns - on your behalf and also on behalf of the medical team looking after you.

Are you, perhaps, trying to hide from any potential issues? It seems bizarre that you would refuse further antenatal involvement given what's happened to you so far in this pregnancy.

Pregnancy is notoriously risky time in a woman's life and the prenatal checks work to identify emerging problems in good time before you feel dreadfully ill and more drastic interventions are required.

What happened at the 13 week appointment that made it unpleasant?

OP, you come across as very defensive and suspicious of the NHS?

I think we're extremely lucky to have free health care and access to professionals who will screen us and our babies for potentially serious medical conditions. Declining this is not in the best interests of your unborn child.

What if they detect an issue at the 20 week scan that requires intervention?

If you weren't happy with the midwife at your recent appointment, just ask to be transferred to another one.

However, you need to get used to people (like doctors, nursery workers, teachers, health visitors), asking "snoopy" questions and taking an interest in you & your family, now you're having a child. It comes with the territory and it's in your child's best interest if you're open and compliant.

Well you can decline, but you are denying your baby important healthcare. Which leads to questioning what else you might deny your baby once it is born. People will question if you are you capable of being a parent.

I think you are setting yourself on a difficult path here.

Very very gently OP, is there any chance you're perhaps hoping this pregnancy will just go away if you ignore it? 💐

Decline away! It's only your baby's life at stake.

Believe me when I say when things go wrong they can go wrong quickly.

Great point here - OP you are almost 40 and classed as high risk. Is there something else going on that makes you not want to engage with healthcare?

Midwife appointments don't check maturation of organs though, this is my 3rd pregnancy I've had 2 straight forward healthy pregnancies and birth,I'm not interested in giving birth in hospital either,I am looking to book a private scan to check baby welfare at some point, just wondering if anyone else has not attended antenatal appointments, and no I dont go the Dr's unless I'm ill