Declining antenatal care

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I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

I had gestational diabetes with my last child I had no symptoms. Due to age I was given a diabetes test and this is how I found out.
I never expected to get gestional diabetes because I'd already had 3 children and didn't have it then.
Basically what I'm saying Is just because you have had 3 healthy pregnancy's it doesn't meant this one will be the same.

You have a very strange, concerning attitude towards healthcare...

Not everything is about treatment (i.e. when you are ill and know it), staying healthy also relies on monitoring and prevention.

Do you not see the need for vaccinations, cervical screenings or STI checks too?

I'm sorry you've had bad experiences but for the health of your baby you have to suck it up and at least try to liaise with health care professionals.

I am assuming you are not a health care professional?

I'm looking to hear others experiences to make an informed choice

I am a confirmed doctor avoider and make up my own mind about what care I need....but with respect this is not about you, you are completely responsible for another human growing inside you and this is about them. Can you identify objectively what has made you feel coerced, bullied, patronised and ignored and address those things? NHS staff should not be making you, or anyone feel that way because it does drive people away from getting the care they are entitled to. You sound like a strong intelligent woman, use that strength and intelligence to access the service that you and your child are entitiled to.

I was pregnant with my third baby after two healthy and regular pregnancies- no issues. I felt great, that I knew what I was doing and that everything was progressing nicely. No issues at the 12 week scan and plenty of movements from the baby.

At the 20 week scan the sonographer picked up major issues with my baby's heart. We were referred to a specialist cardio team and arrangements were put in place for the baby to be transferred to a specialist hospital (in another city) immediately after birth, where my baby underwent two operations in the first three weeks.

Those 20 weeks gave us the time to get used to the diagnosis, plan for our other two children to be looked after, gather support from family. I received enhanced care and we had many conversations with the consultants who would be treating our baby. We were invited to visit the cardiac ward at the hospital to practice the journey and see the ward. Accommodation was arranged for us (free, in a Ronald Macdonald House) and my midwifery care was transferred to the cardiac hospital. The consultants were able to plan the baby's birth and subsequent treatment over a number of weeks, rather than deal with it as an emergency.

My child is now 12, at secondary school and doing beautifully. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for that care and support In between the scan and the birth. The outcomes may had been the same without that scan but we would have been an emergency case and - thinking we knew the ropes- would never have anticipated having to sort childcare for two siblings for three weeks, let alone the shock of an emergency diagnosis and transfer. The antenatal scans are there for a reason and we are proof of that.

No you don't have to suck it up. You have to advocate for yourself and get the service you are entitled to.

With your third pregnancy, there’s not a lot of midwife appts as they’re less necessary when you’ve had two previous healthy pregnancies. However they do test your urine and blood pressure to pick up UTIs, pre/eclampsia, gestational diabetes etc.

Given your age you’ll likely have a glucose tolerance test offered. Scans and other midwife checks will confirm the position your baby is in, my third was transverse right til the end so I was told to call an ambulance if my waters broke - which is useful information.

Obviously it’s your choice but there are plenty of risks that remain even if you feel well and have been successfully pregnant before.

And you can't imagine that someone else might have had a different experience?

A mother who wants her child would have medical care throughout the pregnancy.

@LolaJ87 - I didn't think you were being goady at all - they were very unusual circumstances (not the ideal ones I'd have chosen!) and it's quite fair to have questions! I was living in rural Nigeria (DH was working on contract there). I can't find the stats for that particular area, but in that year the stats for the whole of Nigeria were 1071 maternal deaths for every 100K live births, as opposed 11.39 maternal deaths for every 100K live births in the UK that year. As I said, not ideal circumstances at all.

Do the private scan places check for abnormalities? The 20 week nhs scan is the detailed scan looking at heart Chambers fluid around the brain, kidneys ect. But you really need to keep an eye on blood pressure and urine. I was fine upto 32 weeks then had pre-eclampsia. Also will you know if the baby is breech? Lots of midwife for home births don't know how to do breech births.

Might be worth doing a few appointments you can take someone with you if needed and just consent to the parts you want

I felt perfectly healthy when it turned out I had quite bad gestational diabetes.
I also felt perfectly healthy when a midwives check up identified I had very dangerous pre eclampsia. In pregnancy just because you feel ok it doesn't mean you are. Not to mention these checks are also for the benefit of your baby.

Maybe think about the baby?

I was totally healthy right up until DD and I nearly died - and would have done without an amazing team of obstetricians and the ICU nurses.

OP I feel quite shocked reading through this and I don’t really understand why you have such strength of feeling about not going to your appointments.

sure if they were extremely invasive, you had some trauma or other reason I would understand the reluctance.. and maybe then you’d need to speak with the more specialist midwives for a tailored support to go to the appointments but you don’t really give any reason why not to go, especially if you might book your own private scan anyway.

These appointments are about your child not you. They are for your child, you might want to be careful not to come across that you are choosing to withhold necessary medical appointments from them. I work in the NHS and if a child is not brought to planned appointments after we try to engage the parent we would end up reporting to social care because it is neglectful. I work with children after birth so I’m not sure if they have the same rights before they are born.. although if I were the medical team I would be extremely concerned if you were requesting a home birth/ coming in for birth without having the correct check ups and monitoring beforehand.

Also just because you have had previous pregnancies with no difficulties has no bearing on how this pregnancy will go. I ended up in an emergency appointment at great ormond street the day after my 20 week scan for a congenital heart problem, with no indicators of anything wrong before even with NIPT screening. I’m so so grateful for the monitoring and support I received. How will you know if there are any foetal growth problems without attending these appointments? Or GD /pre-eclampsia which can go undetected for a while and cause serious damage to you and your baby.

I guess it’s your choice but you really need to make sure you are fully informed of both the risks and the potential consequences of not going to these appointments. I believe with this information most people would be choosing to go for their check ups.

Tell that to the thousands of women living in rural Africa and India.

OP would you consider using an independent midwife, even for regular listen-ins of baby's heartbeat and blood pressure monitoring?

How can you make an informed choice when you don't seem to actually be informed about anything or have any interest in being so?

I think you’re going about this the wrong way. People do decline antenatal care for whatever reason, and people free birth. The problem is that you have engaged with care and started the process and now want to opt out by just disappearing. Get an email address or phone number for the community/antenatal matron and discuss your concerns. Do you want scans but no antenatal appts? Are you happy to have midwife appts but not consultant ones? Do you want a home birth with midwives in attendance? If so they will be more reassured if they know you’ve had a scan and know your placenta isn’t in the way of your cervix, for example. Why do you feel patronised? Why do you not want any antenatal care? Are there any areas where you would be willing to compromise? There are lots of grey areas and the Trust will be more likely to support you if you initiate an open and honest discussion with them rather than just disengaging with everything, which is a safeguarding red flag.

It will be NHS sonographers doing it part time for extra money.

I had a placenta previa flagged at 20 weeks. I was perfectly healthy throughout my pregnancy otherwise. I had to have a follow up at 32 weeks, and it hadn't moved. The heavy bleeding I had in the middle of the night a day later was a panic, but the hospital knew and I knew what was happening because of the scans and checks. I gave birth slightly prematurly after another heavy bleed at 36 weeks.

Please do get your scans.

The place I'm plan inf on going you are scanned by a fetal medicine consultant and it's an anatomy scan so not just for nice photos etc

Thanks for responding and for understanding I asked with genuine curiosity.

So 100 times higher risk of dying without midwife appointments then really. That really says a lot. It's very sad those women didn't have access to that kind of prenatal care.

Glad you had a safe and healthy pregnancy while you were there @Zimunya ❤

OP you say you wanted to make an informed choice. The information (data) strongly supports antenatal care. Personal anecdotes abound both positive and negative but the overall data overwhelming support antenatal care. If you do your own research using real data you'll see that.

The older you are the more likely there are complications and no you would not necessarily feel unwell in yourself. You have a higher risk of a poorly performing placenta which increases the risk of IUGR and stillbirth - this can potentially be picked up by measuring and plotting fundal height at regular intervals. You have a higher risk of pre-eclampsia and again you may not get any symptoms but it can be picked up by blood pressure checks and urine dipping.

By all means opt out but please only do so if you are making an informed choice. Which at the moment if you really believe you would know if there was a problem you are not doing.

OP, are you really willing to have Social Services get involved just because you don’t want a few scans?

Is there something going on at home that means you are trying to get SS to visit?