Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

The whole pint is it picks problems up if present. You are lucky so far but why take the risk?
Just go to the appointments or they will label you as a non compliant non attender.
If something does go wrong which could have been picked up, it'll all be on you as well as harder to manage the problem which can obviously be serious or even life threatening if only picked up in active labour.

I got to be bottom of it,it was due to an operation had 13 years ago before both of my pregnancies which did lnt impact either pregnancies or birth

It's your choice, but if you think you should be able to opt out of anything that might not be a pleasant experience, you may find parenthood comes as a series of shocks.

I had no symptoms at all. Without monitoring my baby and I would be dead.

If something goes wrong with you and the baby, you will still rely on the nhs though won’t you? Dont be stupid, 2 straight forward pregnancies mean nothing.

Did u have a family history?

I thought I was healwhen I was pregnant once but that didn't end well for me.
But you do you, you clearly know better than anyone else.
What's the point of the thread if you know it all?

Everything looked fine at my 12 week scan.

My 20 week scan was good too, with a slight concern raised about umbilical cord pressure. I was told that usually resolves itself but they recommended a scan at 28 weeks to check it had. It had not. The baby's growth had dropped off a cliff. The umbilical pressure was off the scale and they monitored me closely from then, deciding whether the baby would be better off out than in at each appointment. We made it to 33 weeks before they called it. My baby was born very small and needed nicu. If the pressure had been left to increase the outcome is that it reverses, transfers the blood from the baby rather than to it and the baby dies.

I hate hospitals and had a mix of private and nhs care but i absolutely would not have opted out entirely.

Nope.

To answer your question: No. I did not skip midwife appts. Why? Because it’s playing Russian Roulette with both Mum’s health and Baby’s health. Only a few generations ago, pregnancy and childbirth were very dangerous, and often fatal, for both women and babies. Modern science has improved the outcomes for us women and our babies—no way am I not taking full advantage, particularly as I’m lucky enough to live in a country with universal healthcare.

I do understand about the anatomy scan,I also know the people scanning you treat u better when having a private scan vs NHS scan

@Casuallydresseddeepinconversation has asked for opinions and it's almost unanimous that everyone thinks she is being unreasonable, BUT it's her choice and I'm glad to live in a society that allows her to make it.

She isn't going to change her mind, she knows better than the evidence base that antenatal care is based on and the healthcare professionals involved in her care, so she should crack on. I hope everything goes well and if it doesn't, she'll know that she made what she felt was the right decision for her and her baby based on her gut instinct and hopefully have peace with that.

People are allowed to make decisions that we think are stupid, her body her choice, even if it makes us uncomfortable

@Casuallydresseddeepinconversation - to answer your direct question, I had no midwife appointments. I wasn't living in the UK when pregnant and the healthcare in the counry I was living in was extremely poor. I had one scan at three months and no further medical visits until my baby was born. I was very badly anaemic, which may have been picked up in the visits (I am not sure what midwives check), and should have known myself as there were certainly symptoms - extreme exhaustion and faintness. But I just thought "Well, tiredness is to be expected - I'm heavily pregnant, working full time, and living in a hot country." Aside from that, I can't think of any ill effects from no medical visits during my pregnancy. It sounds as if you are finding the midwife appointments more stressful than helpful. I can't comment on that, having never been to one, but I would say that your mental health is just as important as your physical health, so that's definitely a consideration. Good luck with your preganancy - I wish you all the best.

I have 2 children already I know what parenting is like

Bullshit. All my scans with the NHS have been good. And treat you perfectly fine

Hang on a minute, everyone. Hang on a minute.

OP, what’s happened? What’s happened in either your life or either of your previous pregnancies to make you so against having the care?

What happened at your booking appointment and 13 week scan that left you feeling so bad?

Somethings gone on here, and it’s worth unpicking. Women don’t just randomly start declining maternity care in their third pregnancy.

Would you consider going to your GP and telling them how you are feeling, OP?

You absolutely can decline antenatal care but you need to understand what it is you are declining and be sure you don't want it or if you want it part of it. You could ask to be referred to the consultant midwife to discuss this and make an individualised care plan for yourself and your baby.

Routine midwife appointments involve screening your urine for sugar and protein and usually signs of infection. Sugar can indicate gestational diabetes which is more likely in older mothers and later pregnancies, would you want screening and treatment for this or not?
Protein can indicate pre eclampsia which is often symptomless, it's less likely in a subsequent pregnancy with the same partner but higher if a new partner and also older maternal age.
Asymptomatic UTI can lead to preterm labour or late miscarriage.

You could buy urine sticks and screen your own urine.

Routine blood pressure checks screen for pre eclampsia as well. Will you take your own blood pressure? Or do you prefer not to screen? Are you aware of symptoms although it can be asymptomatic

Later midwife checks also monitor fetal growth, it's not the most accurate way and you could opt for four weekly private scans instead but if that's not your choice, do you feel comfortable with not monitoring fetal growth. Later in pregnancy they also look at position, a scan would replace that.

The other routine checks are blood tests, one is group which means they can cross match rapidly if you have a significant bleed post birth and also screens for antibodies which are rare. The other looks at haemoglobin and platelets primarily. Are you comfortable not knowing these? Or would you like the blood tests.

The 20 week scan screens for anomalies, my daughter's terminal condition was picked up at this scan, would you rather not know if the baby had significant anomalies even if that impacted on their survival or will you opt for the scan or a private alternative?

Declining care is and should be perfectly fine but you should know what risks you are comfortable with and what care you do want so you can seek it out. If you're planning home birth, many hospitals have a home birth care who provide continuity of midwife care at home and you may prefer that. I'd really encourage you to engage with the hospital and discuss what you want and what they can offer so you can get a care package in place that is just right for you.

Genuinely not being goady - but what is the maternal death rate there compared to the UK, and similarly what percentages of live births are there compared to the UK?

OP is asking if anyone else has opted out, not for a pile on. Attempting to "educate" someone by frightening, shaming and patronising them isn't going to work, especially not for someone who has posted talking about feeling powerless and bullied by professionals!

Didn't say I don't care about their health,I had the 12 week scan,albeit late,and the next one isn't for another week

I dont go the Dr's unless I'm ill
as opposed to..?

you’re making a problem for yourself, just go what’s the big deal?

I'm basing it on this entire thread and your comments on it.

This. You may feel fine but you don’t know how baby is. Very selfish in my opinion giving you illogical reasons.

Where I am, you’d be referred to social services for an assessment if you decline nhs care with no alternative care lined up. It’s seen as neglectful to the unborn baby to not seek appropriate care

How exactly can they treat you better? You lie there and they roll a wand over your stomach. Every sonographer that I met in my pregnancy was absolutely lovely. Even if they aren't it's a 20 minute scan , surely you can grin and bare it for 20 minutes? Fair enough if you don't want to see the midwives but I'd 100% be engaging with the checks and scans offered in the hospital. What's your plan for birth? At home in the bath? Who will watch your two other children? What will you do if you start hemorrhaging or baby's heart rate falls during labour? You're going to be at home alone with 2 other children.