Declining antenatal care

[Casuallydresseddeepinconversation]

I've declined midwife appts,I had a call last week to try and change my mind and another today,I feel coerced and bullied,patronised and ignored,I'm 20 weeks today and just want to be left alone, considering not going to my 20 week scan now too, the 13 week one wasn't a pleasant experience either and I feel very anti NHS,tho I don't have funds for complete private care, just feeling very emotional atm

It's not every 4 weeks,not due another appt for 10 weeks and only had one in the first 20

Hmmmm

You say that you are intelligent and educated yet you think midwives are the medicalisation of pregnancy. Midwives are not doctors. They are women (usually) trained to help women and their unborn babies.
Critically thinking you would know that

• health isn’t just what you see
• current health is not indicative of long term positive outcomes necessarily. It can change in a moment
• its not just about you
• you never think it’s going to go wrong just before it does and seeing a midwife is just a way of risk reduction

I‘m impressed by your self-confidence not so much by your intellect or education.
But good luck!

Re: "...I'm intelligent and educated but surely I get to have some say over my care?"

Yea you absolutely do have a "say" in your care. Use it to tell them in writing if necessary what your issues are.

You are intelligent and educated so are well placed to do this and help other women who may also be suffering through crap care.

The nhs is crumbling. But nobody wants to see you or your baby die because of undiagnosed issues because you prioritised staying at home instead of going to the hospital.

You're doing this for your baby. It's not a day out. Just bite the bullet and engage with them for him/her.

I had enhanced monitoring to ensure everything was stable/okay, I was started on medication for my blood pressure and I was induced when needed, then monitored after birth to look out for complications.

I had no symptoms and would never have had a clue I had it, but if not diagnosed and managed I could have had a fit, a stroke, died.

If previous poster is right that you already have children and no support, why would you take the chance of leaving your existing children and potentially your new baby without a mum?

Nope, no symptoms at all. Normal BMI and no diabetes in the immediate family. It disappeared as soon as I had the baby, so just an odd pregnancy thing. I'm glad I found out though as my first one was almost 9 pounds - and that was through me working so hard to (successfully) manage my blood sugars from finding out at 24 weeks. I dread to think how big she'd have gotten otherwise!

What would happen at a Home birth due to my age?

You really should go to all your appointments.

Well you sound a delight OP.

I'm thinking of having a private one

It is a safeguardingconcern that you do not care about the health or safety of your baby. You can't excuse this with 'I'm going to check the health of the baby privately' when yiu haven't been going and checking the health of the baby privately.

I had a private scan and really it was about getting decent pictures. There were already concerns over my DCs heart and I can absolutely say that the NHS scan was much more valuable than the private scan. Even when we asked the private scan to check her heart he said he would but that he couldn't be sure and we should go with what the NHS were suggesting.

If something happened to you- what would happen to your other children ?

In a lovely fantasy world, I’d take myself off into the forest and have my baby there on my own - except I couldn’t forgive myself if something happens to baby or if my first born was left without a mum.

As long as you have capacity I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be able to turn down care, if there was any consequence of this the person who would suffer it is you (and your child) so I don't think it's really anyone else's business.

I had two straight forwards pregnancies with vaginal deliveries, gestational diabetes in the third (no symptoms) and a resultant huge baby that meant a c section under general anaesthetic, so I'm glad I had the antenatal care that picked it up and allowed me to (attempt) delivery in the hospital instead of home, otherwise he'd be dead.

Id rather be inconvenienced in pregnancy than mourning in post partum but that's just a personal choice!

Edited to say no risk factors in my third - normal BMI, no family history, aged 29.

Whilst certain risk factors are known with gestational diabetes its not the only cause. It also increases risk with age.

As said I had zero risk factors and had it with my second child at mid 30s.
It's not caused by diet its about insulin resistance or issues associated with placenta (hence it disappears after birth) and it is very common to have no symptoms of it until picked up during those routine antenatal appointments.

Refuse if you want but you will just have social services visit you instead!

Did you decline antenatal care with your previous two OP? If not, what's changed? Even if everything is perfectly fine and you and your baby are fine, surely it's nice to hear the heartbeat, see the baby? Get some scan pictures. You want to go private - sure, but they don't have emergency services and if something goes wrong during labour they will call you an ambulance and that costs you time. Many insurers don't cover pregnancy so birthing which costs thousands will have to be subsidised by you. If you can afford it go for it, but a little scan by window to the womb won't suffice if that's what you mean by private scans.

I agree that pregnancy isn’t an illness but all the checks are to ensure that the baby is healthy and just because the first two were, it doesn’t mean the third pregnancy will go smoothly. You are older than you were when you had the other two. Basically, I think you are thinking more about yourself than about the baby. You also need to look after yourself for the sake of the other two.

It's borderline rude that you only assume people with any sort of health condition will experience complications in pregnancy!

This was also me in 1999 I happily went along to see my midwife at 32 weeks and before I knew it I was in an ambulance and my son was born by emergency c section the next morning.

A lot can go wrong very fast and it's just not worth it

I've literally had nothing in either pregnancy, oh actually apart from anemia but I know what that feels like so if I felt aneamic I would get a blood test then,I just don't over medicalisation of pregnancy and birth,unnecessary interventions etc

That sounds quite childish why would you refuse them? You do realise these are red flags for social services to get involved. Your child could be put on a child protection plan before birth?

My sister's last anti natal check saved her's and nephews life. Her blood pressure was sky high she had all the signs of Pre Eclampsia and had to be admitted to hospital immediately. DN was delivered by caesarian a few hours later. If she hadn't gone to that appointment both wouldn't be here to tell the tale.

@Casuallydresseddeepinconversation if you can afford a private scan, could your fund stretch to a doula? Her role is to advocate for you as you go through late gestation and delivery.

I was 41 / nearly 42 when I had my last DC, and I get your concerns about autonomy. I wanted to be treated as an adult female patient, not "oh but you'll have a lovely baby and that's all that matters" type phrases. I did attend antenatal appointments though. A doula could attend them with you and confirm what they mean for you and your situation.

Pardon? What's this comment based on?

@Casuallydresseddeepinconversation you being healthy does not necessarily mean that the baby is healthy!! you are a bit of an idiot!

It’s really not.

What are you hoping to achieve with this thread?

^ This. It's entirely up to you what you do OP, but you also need to accept the consequences of your decisions, good or bad. You say you've already had two babies and consider yourself to be intelligent so you must know what the risks are.