DH changed his mind on our baby’s name two weeks before birth - feeling devastated.

[BB36]

Not sure if hormonal, so would appreciate honest opinions and/or ideas how to move forward. We had decided on a name after the 20 weeks scan. It’s a name I love and always have loved, and I was very happy that DH also was fond of it. I’ve used this name for our unborn baby for these past months. Now I’m 37 weeks and DH suddenly decided that this name no longer works for him. He doesn’t have a strong favourite himself, but just doesn’t want this name anymore. He kind of implied that his family convinced him that there would be pronounciation issues in his culture (it’s an English name, DH is not from the UK).

I just can’t help feeling devastated. The baby is connected to this name now for me, after calling him this for the past 4 months. Not sure if this makes sense to anyone else (it surely doesn’t to DH) but it feels like a loss, because my ‘Baby NAME’ is gone. I was crying myself to sleep last night…obviously thank God my baby is still here and healthy, but I don’t know to get myself to process that it is still the same baby just with a different name, after I emotionally connected with him having this particular name. Do I make sense to anyone?

Kindly, you need to get a grip. It’s a name, it’s not a loss.

This. Sorry.

Often when a baby is born something about them suggests one name or another but in a surprising way.
Really better not to get too attached to a name until baby arrives. Lots of people just call baby a joke name like bean or poppet until they actually meet them.
Chill out. Meet your baby. Rediscuss options. Don't worry about it. You'll find something you both love when baby arrives.
Good luck @BB36

I don’t think you can properly decide a name until they are born. I was adamant I wanted to call our son one name (that DH never liked). Then when he was born it immediately just felt wrong and he’s got a totally different name.

Theres no reason you can’t still use that name as a kind of personal nickname for him.

When you have a beautiful, healthy baby in your arms none of this will matter.

She can't unilaterally decide what their baby is called, that's dick behaviour.

OP this is a blow I understand but feeling like a 'loss' is very much pregnancy hormones and not rational. You'll get used to a new name and love it. Personally I don't really understand naming a baby before they are born, you need to see their face and test it out before you make a decision.

37 weeks is peak hormonal. If it wasn’t this it would be something else.

Ahh OP bless you.
when baby is born it’s much easier to test the name out. You have a few weeks to decide. Husband might like the name on them or you might even hate it! We tested a few on each of the children and settled on the one that suited their little face. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy x

This is why you shouldn't tell extended family about the name before the baby is born. Someone always tries to change your mind. Anyway that's not helpful to you now.

You've got 3 options:

1. Refuse to change it - I personally couldn't do this
2. Wait until the baby is born and hope DH changes his mind when he sees the baby
3. Start looking at other names. Did ye have a list before that you could go back to?

We had a name all set and DH decided he didn't like it on day baby was born. We chose another one.

Tbh it's surreal for the bump-baby to become a flesh-and-blood baby, it's all crazy and the name won't seem such a massive thing once the baby is here. Right now it's maybe the main thing you have control over so it seems all important.

Tell him you'll keep the chosen name on a list with other possibles and decide finally when baby arrives. You have a month or so to decide, I think.

I think there’s too much fuss and angst over names these days. Just pick something that you both like and that you think will serve the child well in life (ie not something that makes a rude word when combined with your surname, or to which people will respond “what?” when your child tells them what her name is). You don’t have to “love it”. And then that becomes her name. But what’s far more exciting is the person she will be and become. Please try not to worry about it so much. (I went through a stage of vaguely wishing I’d chosen a different name for my DD. But when we had a lighthearted conversation about it when she was older, she was horrified by the idea of being named “wish I’d called you X”! So it may all work out for the best in the long run.)

Does your dh know how upset you are over him vetoing this name? I actually think this is mean of him at this point in your pregnancy. Are you able to say what the name is? He doesn’t have an alternative name to suggest. You are the one who’s been carrying this baby for almost nine months, I feel you should have the greater say over the name.

Thank you, the kind replies are helpful x

See how you feel when baby is born you might see them and decide that name isn't for them and if it is then you need to discuss that with your DH

Other pps are right about this being peak hormones OP it's your body prepping for the next stages as your baby is fully grown now.

So all the emotions feel bigger, sadder, grumpier, tireder etc. and it's hard when you've attached yourself to a name. But honestly your bump version of that name, won't be the same as the real baby version you'll have in a few weeks anyway.

One of mine didn't have a name til 4 weeks old 😬

I wanted to call my baby a name which exh didn’t like. We had two names chosen. When baby arrived he didn’t look like either name and we chose something else. He’s now 31 and wouldn’t have suited either name I wanted ! As long as the baby is healthy and you’re ok after giving birth this won’t be an issue for you. Hope all goes well 😘

Naming a baby before it is born is quite silly really tbh. We had a top five for our baby and the name we chose when she was born wasn’t in that top 5.

If your husband doesn’t like the name now then he doesn’t. I liked certain names at 20 weeks and at birth hated them.

Decide on a new name together.

And instead of endless discussion about it, DH and I both drew up lists, exchanged and crossed off anything we thought was an absolute no, then combined the maybes and saw how they sat when baby arrived.

Clearly this woman is very hormonal she's 37 weeks and the hormones are high around this time plus the fact she's going to meet her baby very very soon and may also be nervous! Bit harsh if you ask me no need to comment if you think this woman needs to get a grip. 🤦🏼‍♀️ don't get why you had to comment.

Yes, it's the hormones! Perfectly natural to be disappointed but not to the extent you say.

It can be tricky to find a name that works for two languages and cultures, but it is important that both sides of the family can say the name! Post on baby names for suggestions (name change if you could be recognised).

Also please do listen to DH on pronunciation challenges. I say this as my name is exceptionally hard for English people to pronounce properly and I have all but given up.
Yes families can and should learn. But a lifetime of having to teach people how to pronounce your name is very tedious and if the child is half from this country, it is likely they'll be going there a fair bit. So don't deal them a tough hand right from the outset is my view.
My step dad doesnt speak english and I did check my shortlist of names with him before my DC were born. I didn't say which was our preference but I just said please say all these names out loud for me !

Because I, my friends, family and countless other users of this site will have had REAL baby losses, and find this thread borderline offensive. It’s a name ffs. Not a loss.

I’ve had children, been hormonal. She’s asked if she’s makes sense- to me, the answer is no, because it’s a name. She’s not lost her baby, she’s extremely fortunate.

So yes, hormonal. And yes, when you’re hormonal, sometimes you just need to get a grip.

You can change the name up until the first birthday very easily (just go to the registry office). My husband wobbled about our son's name so we agreed to call our son the name we chose (which wasn't the one we thought we would use before he was born 😁- it does all change when you see them) and then he had a year to see how he felt. I agreed we would change it at the 1st birthday if he still felt strongly. The day before our son's birthday we discussed it and he decided he was happy with the name. Maybe this would work for you?

Could the name be used as a middle name so you don't feel like you've completely lost the connection between the baby and the name?