DH changed his mind on our baby’s name two weeks before birth - feeling devastated.

[BB36]

Not sure if hormonal, so would appreciate honest opinions and/or ideas how to move forward. We had decided on a name after the 20 weeks scan. It’s a name I love and always have loved, and I was very happy that DH also was fond of it. I’ve used this name for our unborn baby for these past months. Now I’m 37 weeks and DH suddenly decided that this name no longer works for him. He doesn’t have a strong favourite himself, but just doesn’t want this name anymore. He kind of implied that his family convinced him that there would be pronounciation issues in his culture (it’s an English name, DH is not from the UK).

I just can’t help feeling devastated. The baby is connected to this name now for me, after calling him this for the past 4 months. Not sure if this makes sense to anyone else (it surely doesn’t to DH) but it feels like a loss, because my ‘Baby NAME’ is gone. I was crying myself to sleep last night…obviously thank God my baby is still here and healthy, but I don’t know to get myself to process that it is still the same baby just with a different name, after I emotionally connected with him having this particular name. Do I make sense to anyone?

She has stated that she knows it’s not a baby loss and she has also said that she knows she’s very fortunate to have a healthy baby. I just think your comment was unnecessary. There’s always someone on here that gets offended. This is her situation and her asking what others think but the harsh comment wasn’t needed really. Just scroll past 🤷🏼‍♀️

She can't unilaterally decide what their baby is called, that's dick behaviour

Push a baby out of your nether regions and you get to call it whatever you want!

You are exhausted and feelings are high. You are nearly there and it will be so worth it x

namewise - my husband made some suggestions that I totally ignored and now years later I look back and think they were quite good ideas. I definitely listened to other family members and wish I hadn’t. He wants the best for your baby and you so might be worth keeping an open mind. But equally your idea is very important too. See how you feel when baby arrives

Both parents get to change their minds on names, OP. Also, you have plenty of time. We didn’t finally decide on DS’s name until we were on our way to register him at eight weeks old, and he was referred to as ‘the Baby’ most of the time.

It is hormones quite a bit but keep it on your list agree to have 3 names him pick 1 you pick 1 and a mutual one and see which one he fits!

I was completely set on a particular name for DS1 for about 4 months and honestly he just didn't suit it when he was born was its his middle name and we went with the mutual.

DS2 DH was fixed on one particular name but again we held him and it just didn't fit so we went with another.

Get a big piece of paper write them out with surname and have it somewhere you can both see.

I think as others have said none of this will seem important once you’ve had your baby. Your DH is entitled to change his mind about the name & as others have said it’s difficult to choose a name & be completely set on it at this stage. I also probably wouldn’t tell everyone the name you’re thinking of using just yet. I think because of some of the language you’ve used- ‘loss’, ‘devastated’ you may get some harsher responses but it does sound like hormones might be at play. Ultimately though it is just a name OP.

Ugghhhh I haaaaaaate this opinion! It's biology! If you want to have a baby, the woman has to carry it! It's not some choice or joint agreement that you have reached! It's the thing I'm most proud of myself for doing but no, I still wouldn't use a name by OH didn't want to use just because of this! 🙄

This is ridiculous drama.

I get it’s upsetting as you had a name in mind but you will get used to the new name and it will become your child very quickly.
if there are pronounciation issues with your husbands country you may be glad in the end that you avoided them so it’s good you realised in advance.

I think he is being unkind. Unless the name can be pronounced as something rude in his language!

Seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I agree. Whoever grows and births the baby gets more of a say in the name 🤷‍♀️

You should absolutely get the last say on your baby’s name! After all you are doing all the work of growing the actual baby and you will be pushing them out. And if your relationship is anything like the majority then you will also be doing the lions share after birth. Time to put your probably swollen foot down.

Dont do this. He is not being unreasonable, hes changed his mind!

OP, if it makes you feel any better I sort of know where you’re coming from. My kids were born before you knew the sex of the baby in pregnancy. Each time we had names for a boy and a girl ready. I had boys, but with each pregnancy had to have different girls names because the girls names from the previous pregnancy sort of belonged to a different baby. A bit mad, but that’s how it was for me.

I get it. I don't agree it's just hormones, although they can't help with how emotional you feel about it. It's a blow to be attached to a name you love and had thought it was settled for it to suddenly be changed, and for that change to come from outside opinions, rather than directly from your partner.

I also don't agree it's easier to name a baby once it's born. It's normal to choose names during pregnancy and after the birth it might fall into place but it might not. You'll be tired and the baby will probably not magically look like a particular name, but will look like a baby!

I'd ask for the name to stay on the top of the list and explain how upset you feel and how attached you are to it. Start to float the idea of a few other options to yourself and see if you can feel happy with anything else. You still have some time and might be able to adjust. Listen to the possible issues about the name and consider them, but be wary of something becoming a dealbreaker that doesn't need to be. Don't let his family's opinions push you into choosing something you will feel upset about.

My extended family are not from the UK, a british family member (related by marriage) was set on a name for their unborn that sounded a lot like ‘dandruff’ in our language. Lovely sounding in english but the baby would definitely be spending time in my home country and it would be very difficult to make friends as they got older and not have the piss taken out of them mercilessly. There’s two sides to consider.

I get you like the name but, kindly, try and keep perspective. Think long term x

(appreciate this may not be the case here, but just highlighting a potential challenge when more than one nationality is involved)

Dads are equal parents. Relegating them on important decisions like the name is just the other side of the coin that means they can't settle the baby or change a nappy or do a night wakening. Women will never have equality while men are Parent B.

The man wants his child to have a name that works in his native language. Nothing wrong with that.

There's nothing to change because the birth isn't registered yet.

A LOSS is when your baby dies OP. As has happened to lots of people on this forum. Not getting the name you want is not a loss. Are you very young or just spoilt?

Blame the hormones.

If it was you that had a change of heart about the name, your husband would just have to go along with it. It has to be a name you both agree on.

Ah bless you. Definitely hormones to feel so upset.

I’d park this one for now and think about it when your baby is here as you both might feel completely different then. I think names need to be “two yeses” so it’s important to find one you’re both happy with. OTOH his family’s views aren’t relevant and I’d really discourage him from consulting them again.

Just leave this for now.

I can understand why you're disappointed.

When your baby is here things will all be different again. That's the time for the conversation.

You might find your DH just says "whatever name you want ... I'll go with it".

And you might find you meet your baby and it's really easy to agree on his or her name.

When my eldest was born we both agreed without even really talking about it that she was indeed the name we had thought most likely. We just started calling her that. I don't think we ever had a formal conversation about it though.

This is not fair, it’s not a race to the bottom. She can be as upset as she feels about this. You do not get to decide she isn’t because you feel you’ve suffered more.

The two are not remotely connected.

I also think that if you push the baby out you get ultimate say on the name. If you really, really want that name (like it matters more to you than not wanting to upset your DH) then when you've pushed the baby out and looked at his face just call him by that name. Job done. Just being mindful that if it really does bother your DH then it will sour a happy moment! You'll probably get the name your way though, if that's the most important thing.