DH changed his mind on our baby’s name two weeks before birth - feeling devastated.

[BB36]

Not sure if hormonal, so would appreciate honest opinions and/or ideas how to move forward. We had decided on a name after the 20 weeks scan. It’s a name I love and always have loved, and I was very happy that DH also was fond of it. I’ve used this name for our unborn baby for these past months. Now I’m 37 weeks and DH suddenly decided that this name no longer works for him. He doesn’t have a strong favourite himself, but just doesn’t want this name anymore. He kind of implied that his family convinced him that there would be pronounciation issues in his culture (it’s an English name, DH is not from the UK).

I just can’t help feeling devastated. The baby is connected to this name now for me, after calling him this for the past 4 months. Not sure if this makes sense to anyone else (it surely doesn’t to DH) but it feels like a loss, because my ‘Baby NAME’ is gone. I was crying myself to sleep last night…obviously thank God my baby is still here and healthy, but I don’t know to get myself to process that it is still the same baby just with a different name, after I emotionally connected with him having this particular name. Do I make sense to anyone?

So he's being unreasonable by not liking a name any more but it's NOT unreasonable for a grown woman to throw a fit and refuse to change it?

Right...

I am not from the UK originally and when we discuss baby names (we've been doing this since the beginning of our relationship 🙂) one of the key things for me is to make sure that it's easily pronounced in my own language. Now while there has been comments here saying people should make effort to learn it just how we do in multicultural workplaces etc, I really don't want to force my elderly relatives to do that just to communicate with their grandchildren, especially given they have never been in a multicultural environment. Another point, when I speak to my friends and family from my country in my own language, it can be slightly uncomfortable when referring to a name which doesn't easily sit right within the language - I bet it would feel much worse when it's your own child that no one can pronounce right.
Cherry on top: not many people can pronounce my name right in the UK. I ended up having to simplify the pronounciation of my own name just to make it easier for everyone. Even my own husband does not say my own name right, I'm cool with it now but I promise you it took some getting used to when I first moved here.
The only thing I will say, it's a shame that your other half didn't think about this from the start and literally needed family to educate him on that. I would be annoyed too, but honestly try and understand where he's coming from. It's just a name and you will come up with another name you love. Also, maybe using the name you love as a second name is an option?

Could they have two names? That's what we've done. We call the DC by their English names but their grandmother calls them by their Chinese names. Actually anyone speaking to them in Chinese calls them by their Chinese names.

I also think it's really important that a child from two cultures should have a name that works in both. I had to give up a name I loved because it didn't sound nice in DP's family's accent-and that was just two ends of England!

My son was going to be called one name throughout my pregnancy but when I saw him I said his name is ...
And that was that.

Natural to feel disappointed. You have invested in this name. But unfair to pressure your dh into a name he's not happy with.

For future I wouldn't settle on a name until baby is here.

You need to go back to drawing board and find a name you are both happy with.

This is why you don't tell anyone the name in advance.

Did he ask you if it was ok to discuss the name with them before he did it?

I think it was out of order for him to discuss it with them if you hadn't discussed in advance whether it was ok to tell anyone the names. Tell him about your devastation, how you think his family have no right to have any influence over your baby's name, and then take a little while for you to both think about and discuss it. You don't have to name a baby immediately.

I would be absolutely furious with my husband if he did this.

How to cause problems in a relationship - see above. Or just stamp your feet and stick out your bottom lip.

Seriously, relax and once the baby is born choose a name you both love and suits baby. Good luck.