DH changed his mind on our baby’s name two weeks before birth - feeling devastated.

[BB36]

Not sure if hormonal, so would appreciate honest opinions and/or ideas how to move forward. We had decided on a name after the 20 weeks scan. It’s a name I love and always have loved, and I was very happy that DH also was fond of it. I’ve used this name for our unborn baby for these past months. Now I’m 37 weeks and DH suddenly decided that this name no longer works for him. He doesn’t have a strong favourite himself, but just doesn’t want this name anymore. He kind of implied that his family convinced him that there would be pronounciation issues in his culture (it’s an English name, DH is not from the UK).

I just can’t help feeling devastated. The baby is connected to this name now for me, after calling him this for the past 4 months. Not sure if this makes sense to anyone else (it surely doesn’t to DH) but it feels like a loss, because my ‘Baby NAME’ is gone. I was crying myself to sleep last night…obviously thank God my baby is still here and healthy, but I don’t know to get myself to process that it is still the same baby just with a different name, after I emotionally connected with him having this particular name. Do I make sense to anyone?

I would be more worried about the influence the family has had on DH. Tip of the iceberg etc.

No you can't blame hormones, it's a name not a catastrophe

Why on earth is your DH being swayed by his family when previously he was happy with the name choice? I'd be worried about that.

Her husband has literally just unilaterally decided to change the name that was decided on 4 months ago so it certainly isn't OP being a dick is it? It's so easy to attack a woman when it's blatantly the man at fault.

That's how naming babies works though. It's two yeses or it's a no. The baby isn't born yet, he doesn't have his name. Everything until the birth certificate is a suggestion. There is no 'fault' here.

It's his child's name, he's allowed change his mind for no reason at all.

What was the original name? Where is he from? I'm wondering if we can help you find a name you'll both like. You can't use a name that he doesn't like me but he's leaving it a bit late to bring it up now. I'd be cross TBH more because this isn't something I'd want to be thinking about now.

Is there a name he likes or us suggesting?

I'm responding to a poster who is very much assigning 'fault' and blaming the OP for something her husband has done.

@BB36 if your husband is listening to his family now, and doing what they want, then good luck for your future!!

OP, will your baby have your husbands surname?

My husband is Turkish, we are leaning towards an English name which is pronounced the same in both countries with a Turkish middle name.
His family are suggesting all kinds of Turkish names but i don't like any and my main argument is that a) baby already has a Turkish surname which is a connection to his family/country, where is the connection to my side? b) baby will be brought up in the UK and c) I'm the one carrying this baby for 9 months so, in the event of a stalemate, the one with the uterus gets the final say!

Side note: so many pointless replies 'it's just a name', as if these same people aren't here on a pregnancy forum and weren't remotely bothered what their own child was named! 🤣

sending hugs. Thus baby has become that name to you. Unless he can vibe up with a super cooler babe, stick to it, or find an acceptable nn he can use.

Dp has a slight speech impediment and couldn't pronounce the name I had loved for many years. It was a bit sad, but m9re important that the people in close family can actually say the name I feel. It's a very emotional time being about to have a baby, so I can understand your feelings. Just wait and see when the baby is born and find something you agree on.

choosing and using a name before baby is born safe and well is just mind blowing to me. They are not a person yet. I’m also 37 weeks and we haven’t remotely chosen a name. I am jealous you have such confidence things will be ok. I lost that entirely after a miscarriage.

Sorry for your loss.

Surely you have discussed names and have an idea of what you might use? Or do you not start the discussion at all until they arrive?

God forbid something sadly did happen them, would you not name them?

The woman having more input on the name has nothing to do with the rest of parenting imo

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage but I don't agree with your comment that choosing a name before a baby is here safe and well shows confidence all will be OK.
At 37 weeks that baby inside of you is already a little person. Even if something terrible were to happen, they would still have that name and identity. It's them. Some prefer to meet them first and decide then of course but I would suggest 'most' couples these days have a name already decided by that point.

Now baby showers, that's another thing all together. I'll never understand celebrating a baby before they are here safely.

Well that's you. I've had more than my share of losses and this baby I'm carrying right now definitely has her name! Despite absolutely zero assurances that she'll be ok (my waters broke early). The babies that I lost were very much people and given names as well.

I understand your feeling OP. They're valid.

We named our children before we knew the sex. We had a boys name and a girls name ready.

I would have been incredibly sad if my husband changed his mind last minute.

I don't know what the solution is, though. You can talk to your husband and explain just how sad it's made you feel. Perhaps he will feel different when baby is here. Otherwise I think you need to sit down and think again about names, because you both need to agree as it his child as well.

Hope the rest of the pregnancy goes smoothly.

I've also had losses and don't find this offensive at all. Pregnancy fucks with your hormones.

If the baby is getting his surname, then you get final say on the first name. Tell him theres no way youre changing it now and his parents will have to suck it up, and that he shouldn't be stressing you out like this during this stage of pregnancy. They can learn to pronounce it or use a nickname if they cant cope. But your baby has already been named as far as youre concerned

I had this with my DH 26 years ago now when I was pg with our middle child. (Obvs we didn't realize he would be our middle child at the time i was pg)

So we had a girl, then a boy and, at an earlyish scan, the sonographer said she thought this 3rd one was a boy.

At that point, i started to bond with him as a boy and DH voiced no objection to my preferred name.

Unbeknown to me, he really was hoping the sonographer had been wrong and he wasn't comitting to it being a boy until it was properly confirmed later in the pg.

Of course - at a later scan, boy.

And, same as you, DH had no name - he just didn't like my choice. But, in my head, i'd already got to know my boy with his name.

It became quite a source of stress in the pg. Finally - about a day before the birth DH announces his choice of name - Darren!!!!

Sorry to anyone out there that does have sons called Darren but no way was that happening. Even the midwives sympathised with me.

So, our son was nameless for a day or two and then DH gave in.

Our son turned out to be a very slow developer and was eventually diagnosed with autism and learning difficulties. He LOVES his name though. It's a name often seen on street names, pubs, monuments etc and every time he sees it he points it out, proudly saying

"There i am, again!"

DH now admits it is the perfect name for him. Stick to your guns, OP!

It's the very first decision after the baby is born though. It doesn't set a great precedent.

Regardless, both sets of grandparents should be able to say the name, the DH isn't being unreasonable.

I’d be very unhappy about this too OP.

if he was previously happy with the name and his family have influenced him then that’s the precedent I REALLY wouldn’t be ok with setting, and I would make that point very strongly.

If the baby is also planned to have his surname then I’d also be commenting on that. How would he feel if you decided that you weren’t keen on that in return? Certainly if the baby is having his (presumably country of origin) surname then not only should you absolutely be getting a bigger say on the first name, but a dual heritage baby SHOULD be having names from both cultures.

I’d be having a discussion where I make all those points, make it clear how upset I am at him raising this at 37 weeks and state that the name stays on the table until he has had a serious think about his thought processes and how much he is putting his family’s opinion before that of what is now HIS nuclear family.

And yes, the onus is on his family to learn to pronounce your baby’s name, just as it would be on yours to learn a name from their culture, whichever one it is that the PARENTS have chosen.

I know countless couples who have had a firm name in mind only for the baby to be born and the name didn't sit right so they chose another.

You are being completely over the top.