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Original poster

Baby sharing room with 8 year old

54 replies

Starjumpfifty · 18/08/2024 18:23

Hi, I'm looking for some tips on good ways to split/share bedrooms between children with age gaps.

I live in a 2 bed house with more than enough space for another one and I don't plan to move as we love it here. My daughter will be nearly 8 when the baby's born, so it's quite a big age gap. Her room is a good size, but I've no idea the best way to split it or arrange it so that she can share comfortably with her younger sibling, especially if it's a boy (which I believe it is).

I don't own so cannot put up any walls.

Has anybody done this with big age gaps and opposite genders? What would be the best way to make sure they each have their own space and privacy over the coming years? Any advice appreciated, thank you.

OP posts:
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WearyAuldWumman · 19/08/2024 14:51

fortheveryfirsttime · 19/08/2024 10:22

This. It's a big age gap and will be difficult for both. In 5 years there'll be a teen and a child in primary school.

I can't see it working well really.

Show quote history

Yes. I worked in a secondary school and had pupils falling asleep at their desks because of being kept awake by the baby.

cunningartificer · 19/08/2024 15:16

It seems a really modern idea that children need their own space in a bedroom and can't share with siblings. Perhaps it's because bedrooms are now more than places to sleep and more entertainment centres and work stations for school? With a same sex sibling you can share quite happily (I did) even with a big age gap as long as there are spaces elsewhere so each child can get downtime. With opposite sex siblings it works if they're younger but gets problematic when they're older... room dividers with shelves etc can work well though, if it's impossible to move.

spudnik1 · 19/08/2024 15:23

My great nana had 12 kids in a 2 bed terrace. They had a girls room and a boys room upstairs . Downstairs the living room was the parents bedroom. And the kitchen was the also the living room.

I remember visiting as a small child and it was still set up like this.

Not an easy way of living all on you of each other, but it did make them leave home quickly .

Original poster
Starjumpfifty · 19/08/2024 16:15

cunningartificer · 19/08/2024 15:16

It seems a really modern idea that children need their own space in a bedroom and can't share with siblings. Perhaps it's because bedrooms are now more than places to sleep and more entertainment centres and work stations for school? With a same sex sibling you can share quite happily (I did) even with a big age gap as long as there are spaces elsewhere so each child can get downtime. With opposite sex siblings it works if they're younger but gets problematic when they're older... room dividers with shelves etc can work well though, if it's impossible to move.

Thank you. Thing is, it really wouldn't benefit my daughter to move. We live in a great place surrounded by her friends, 1 min walk from her school. So it's nice to hear that it could work. I'll have to see how things pan out I guess.

OP posts:
Procrastinates · 19/08/2024 16:22

Starjumpfifty · 19/08/2024 16:15

Thank you. Thing is, it really wouldn't benefit my daughter to move. We live in a great place surrounded by her friends, 1 min walk from her school. So it's nice to hear that it could work. I'll have to see how things pan out I guess.

Show quote history

The trouble is even if you keep your new child I your room for a couple of years they will eventually need a room of their own and their own space, especially if their sibling has that.

It's unfair for either of them to make them share and just because it used to happen doesn't mean it was in the childs best interests.

I think you need to be thinking long term. The area you're in might be good for your daughter now but realistically having her own space will be indefinitely more important than being a 1 minute walk away from a school she will be leaving in a few years anyway. Plus by adopting a trial and error approach you're just pushing the issue down the road and when it becomes a bigger problem you'll have less time to plan and make considerations for the bigger house you're going to need to move to.

jellybe · 19/08/2024 16:24

In four years time your DD will be 14 heading into her GCSEs. That is not the time to start sharing with a four year old.

Honestly OP you need to find somewhere bigger in the future. My boys have two years between them and have shared since youngest was about 18 months however as eldest boy reaches age to start secondary we are starting to look for somewhere big as sharing with his younger brother isn't going to work once he has homework to do and heads towards puberty.

Original poster
Starjumpfifty · 19/08/2024 16:27

Thank you everybody, this has given me a lot to think about. Neither of us want to leave this house, but I'll have to accept that it'll have to happen at some point.

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 19/08/2024 16:28

I just don’t think this will work. Even if you kept the baby with you until they were four years old, then what? Then you’ve got a 4 year old excited little boy sharing with a girl on the cusp of puberty?

Original poster
Starjumpfifty · 19/08/2024 16:31

Moveoverdarlin · 19/08/2024 16:28

I just don’t think this will work. Even if you kept the baby with you until they were four years old, then what? Then you’ve got a 4 year old excited little boy sharing with a girl on the cusp of puberty?

Yes I agree, these were all my concerns. I was just hoping it was more common and doable. But I don't think it will be.

OP posts:
TeddyBeans · 19/08/2024 16:37

My kids are younger - 6 and 17 months but they're opposite genders and share a room. DS has to go to sleep in our bed and then we transfer him after he's been for a wee at 11ish and DD is well out of it. They both get enough sleep that way. It's not ideal, we're looking at moving asap but the housing market is ridiculous at the moment so it won't be any time soon.

Excuse the mess but this is how we set their room out (DS wasn't old enough for a high bed)

Baby sharing room with 8 year old
Baby sharing room with 8 year old
CointreauVersial · 19/08/2024 16:45

Hmmm....my little brother is 7 years younger than me, and we shared a bedroom from the day he was born until I was a teenager. Small room, beds next to each other. It was fine.

Neither disturbed the other's sleep particularly, and my mum made sure he was kept away if required to give me space.

It's just what was necessary, and we knew no different.

Original poster
Starjumpfifty · 19/08/2024 17:44

CointreauVersial · 19/08/2024 16:45

Hmmm....my little brother is 7 years younger than me, and we shared a bedroom from the day he was born until I was a teenager. Small room, beds next to each other. It was fine.

Neither disturbed the other's sleep particularly, and my mum made sure he was kept away if required to give me space.

It's just what was necessary, and we knew no different.

@TeddyBeans @CointreauVersial I've been hoping to work it a similar way. I'll always prioritise my daughter's sleep and her needs etc while lo is young enough, I really don't want her space impacted. My daughter never played in her own bedroom tbh until she was around 6 and had her friends from school over etc. so based on my experience with her, I've been expecting to be able to manage it (well, until I started this thread!). She still sleeps in my bed a lot, so there's nothing to stop her still coming in with me if she fancies it. I just don't want it to be a big, disorganised mess! Thank you for your replies.

I didn't mean to quote @CointreauVersial message sorry, this was to both of your replies.

OP posts:
BurbageBrook · 19/08/2024 18:13

Seems very unfair on your daughter. You should have the baby in with you until you can move somewhere bigger.

DelurkingAJ · 19/08/2024 18:41

DH shared with a toddler brother during his GCSE years and has views about being unable to find a quiet place to do homework…probably even worse now as he could (and did) escape to spend hours in the local library.

Houselamp · 19/08/2024 19:42

My friend has a 11 year old boy and a 4 year old girl who share a room, no way around it.
They have a bunk bed in the centre of the room with a wardobe at one side and bookshelf at the other. This splits the room roughly in half with enough space to walk from the side of the room with the door to the other side.
They then have put plywood panels on opposite sides of the beds, so each bunk is open to one side of the room and from the bed you cannot see into the other side.
I don't know if I'm explaining that properly, but from each bunk it feels as if the bed is leant up against a wall so they have a fair amount of privacy from each other. And means they can each decorate their half.

For them their oldest has the top bunk and the side away from the door so the little one never needs to walk through his room, the wardrobe faces the youngest side as it stores all her toys and tge eldest has his desk agaist the back of it.
It works alright for them.

Original poster
Starjumpfifty · 19/08/2024 20:22

DelurkingAJ · 19/08/2024 18:41

DH shared with a toddler brother during his GCSE years and has views about being unable to find a quiet place to do homework…probably even worse now as he could (and did) escape to spend hours in the local library.

I may be being unrealistic here, but is there no way of keeping the younger child out of the room, keep them busy playing in the living room etc, whilst the older child has time to study or have their own time in the bedroom?

OP posts:
ditzzy · 19/08/2024 20:23

The OP asked for tips to make the most of it - not judgement on whether her plans were “acceptable”. Some of the responses on here are very closed minded.

For what it’s worth, I shared a room with my older sister for a few of her teenage years (I was younger) and it made us much closer, which is why I didn’t hesitate when my DDs had to share. They are amazingly close which I definitely think is due to room sharing.

We did move so they could have their own rooms, but if we hadn’t, they would have been fine.

My eldest DD slept through the night feeds that we did with the little one and has her own bedside light to stay awake later and read. She does have to be sensible about noise, but that’s helped her to develop into a really considerate young lady. I think people on here are just looking for problems that don’t exist.

Original poster
Starjumpfifty · 19/08/2024 20:23

Houselamp · 19/08/2024 19:42

My friend has a 11 year old boy and a 4 year old girl who share a room, no way around it.
They have a bunk bed in the centre of the room with a wardobe at one side and bookshelf at the other. This splits the room roughly in half with enough space to walk from the side of the room with the door to the other side.
They then have put plywood panels on opposite sides of the beds, so each bunk is open to one side of the room and from the bed you cannot see into the other side.
I don't know if I'm explaining that properly, but from each bunk it feels as if the bed is leant up against a wall so they have a fair amount of privacy from each other. And means they can each decorate their half.

For them their oldest has the top bunk and the side away from the door so the little one never needs to walk through his room, the wardrobe faces the youngest side as it stores all her toys and tge eldest has his desk agaist the back of it.
It works alright for them.

That sounds good, and I've seen the bunk beds with plywood before so I know what you mean. That's a good idea, thank you.

OP posts:
WhatThenEh · 19/08/2024 20:27

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This post has been withdrawn at the request of the user.

Original poster
Starjumpfifty · 19/08/2024 20:31

ditzzy · 19/08/2024 20:23

The OP asked for tips to make the most of it - not judgement on whether her plans were “acceptable”. Some of the responses on here are very closed minded.

For what it’s worth, I shared a room with my older sister for a few of her teenage years (I was younger) and it made us much closer, which is why I didn’t hesitate when my DDs had to share. They are amazingly close which I definitely think is due to room sharing.

We did move so they could have their own rooms, but if we hadn’t, they would have been fine.

My eldest DD slept through the night feeds that we did with the little one and has her own bedside light to stay awake later and read. She does have to be sensible about noise, but that’s helped her to develop into a really considerate young lady. I think people on here are just looking for problems that don’t exist.

Thank you. I am hoping most of the problems mentioned here can be worked around with some management.

And that's nice to know your experience of it bringing you closer to your sister. It's another concern of mine with the age gap, and I'd love them to form a close bond. She already talks about them snuggling in bed together if they share a room, so I'm sure that will be the case.

OP posts:
SummerSplashing · 19/08/2024 20:33

@Starjumpfifty as you're happy to have the baby in with you for at least a couple of years, I'd put it to one side for now.

loads will change in text couple/few years. God forbid, you might even be given notice in the flat!

you might want to move nearer a senior school? Job? Partner?

just enjoy the pregnancy and your DD. 7:8 is a lovely age, don't spend it with your crystal ball on overtime!!

Original poster
Starjumpfifty · 19/08/2024 20:35

SummerSplashing · 19/08/2024 20:33

@Starjumpfifty as you're happy to have the baby in with you for at least a couple of years, I'd put it to one side for now.

loads will change in text couple/few years. God forbid, you might even be given notice in the flat!

you might want to move nearer a senior school? Job? Partner?

just enjoy the pregnancy and your DD. 7:8 is a lovely age, don't spend it with your crystal ball on overtime!!

Thank you! I know it's a while off, I just honestly love this house so much, I just really want to make it work.

OP posts:
LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 19/08/2024 20:37

Have the baby in with you at first (until they are sleeping through the night) so that it doesn’t disturb her sleep.

you could probably make it work for a couple of years but once she is at high school you can’t have her sharing with a 3 year old.

in honesty, you say your house is plenty big enough for another child but unless you can make an extra bedroom, I don’t think it is with this age gap.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/08/2024 23:00

Def not fair to make such an older child share so you best goes in with you till 3/4 and then moves

Huge age gap plus Opposite sex

SoHotandPregnant87 · 20/08/2024 01:49

Keep baby in with you for the first 3 years. Then you move downstairs, your bedroom becomes baby's room and you sleep in the living room. You could get a room divider to create some separation in the living room, plenty of cheap ones around.