MIL 'talking telepathically' to baby in my womb and has named him

[KoiMama]

My MIL has said she talks to my baby who is still in my womb. She did this with my first child and is now doing it again with my second. She says things in passing like "we talk a lot" / "all the time". My DH and I also have a name for our baby but are keeping it secret until the birth, but in the meantime she told us that she has a name for him and now whenever she asks me how I am doing she will refer to him as this name "how is xx doing?" - like it's just decided. (It's also a name that I can't stand). With my first baby I felt she was so overbearing, she would never ask if she could hold the baby she would just look at the baby and say "oh come here" and reach her hands out and basically make it impossible for me to refuse without saying no - which would seem unreasonable. But it's the feeling of having a right to them. She also to this day never greets me first, she will first make eye contact with my DD and greet and talk to her, and then say hello to me. It's just a constant feeling like she sees them as her children and I was just a delivery vehicle for them. Every time it's been my birthday or an occasion since she will also say things like "thank you for being a wonderful mother to OUR (DD's name)" - again as if the child is theirs and as the mother I am just playing a role in service to them. I feel frustrated, a loss of confidence and a feeling like I just don't even know how to respond. Am I being silly/overly controlling myself? How would you feel about this?

I'd be finding it as weird as you do and would start setting some boundaries and distance. Maybe just laugh at her next time she talks such telepathic rubbish 'oh Mildred, you make me laugh! You're so silly sometimes!' And when it comes to being overzealous with little one I'd keep hold of them until you choose to hand over, just ignore the silly cutting you out comments and be a bit more assertive in your body language.

She actually sounds loony to me. I would ask DH to step in about the name nonsense and keep going "Who?" when she mentions it. I'd also ignore her talking about communicating with the baby telepathically, what nonsense.

It does sound really overbearing but I think this time round you'd need to be firmer and say actually I'm about to... as to why she can't hold baby at that moment, also babywearing.

She thinks she is telepathically communicating with your unborn child? Does she have a history of mental health issues?

No, that's very weird and controlling. I think @Commonsenseisnotsocommon might be on the right track - maybe the best way to discourage her from this behaviour. Does DH know about this and find it weird as well? Because it should be up to him to have a word, and even if he can laugh it off he ought to have a word and side up with you that it's a bit much and makes both of you uncomfortable. I mean, it's great to have an involved grandma in your life, but she shouldn't be acting as though she is another parent to the child.

Does she go on about being telepathic in other spheres of life, or is it only around grandchildren.

Why hasn’t your dh pulled her up on it?

Urgh - Mystical Joy vultures, I've got one too. Mine claimed credit for my successful labor, apparently she was 'sending me distance reiki' the whole time and that's why i managed to deliver my breach 9lb baby naturally I didn't laugh at the time, but now every time something unexpected goes well in our lives we both say 'it was the reiki' and fall about laughing.

Best way to deal with a mystical joy vulture (so named because they swoop in and turn any positive event into the 'them' show by claiming some divine reason why theyre the most important person in that situation - often reiki, talking to the dead, fortune telling etc. Any excuse to insert themselves into the narrative of everyone elses joy) is to laugh at them. You can't change their behavior, so dont try, but change your reaction and feelings towards it.

More stuff mine has done: When we bought our first house, insisted it was haunted and refused to visit until we allowed her to cleanse it with sage. We didn't allow this but remarkably, a couple of weeks later the spirits told her they had accepted us so she could then visit.

Gave my jaundiced, hungry 7 day old baby Reiki against my express wishes to 'help him take the bottle'. He was breastfed, started gaining weight shortly after and of course this was all down to her quick thinking with the Reiki.

They do it because they cant stand not being the centre of attention.

Also if she calls your baby by the wrong name again, just start calling her Neil and if she asks why you're calling her that, say 'oh i communicated telepathically with your inner soul, that's your name'

Good grief, that is insane.
(Both @KoiMama and @Imtheproblemitsmeapparently MIL's)

No advice but my sympathy Op, your MIL is utterly batshit

Also, if DH is unaware of what she's doing you could just mention 'gosh, your mum is lucky it's only hear he's silliness with all this telepathic chat! If anyone else heard and didn't know she was joking they'd probably think she's mentally unwell. Do you think she needs to see someone or will you advise her to tone it down, or shall I?' Gets the message over without it being aggressive but let's him know it needs dealing with...

Where do you live?
Up north its common to refer to other family members as 'our' Dave or whatever.
I'd always greet small children first over adults as well.

What does your husband think? Has she always been like that?

She's delulu. I'd ignore personally, don't feed the lunacy.

I'd run waddle a mile 😬

DH needs to deal with this. The talking to the child is a bit batshit but the naming him and not respecting you when you say no to picking up your child are completely out of order. To be honest, I would have nipped that in the bud with the first child.

I'm sorry that sounds really hard to deal with but I laughed out loud.

My dm brought me up on the healing power of crystals so I really get it. The problem is you can't argue with it, they just give you a pitying look like "my poor child, not believing in the power of Visualisation/Auras/whatever, someday you might become Enlightened".

I love my mum but if it came from someone I didn't even like, it'd be far worse.

My dm sent me a long list of Virtues my dd would have, when I was pregnant with her. I think DM meditated or visualised or something. Of course, dd has them all, and my dm knew all along.

She used to "cure" (or make worse) all our ailments with undiluted essential oils, too. My own children have never been near an essential oil and I'm keeping it that way.

Claiming to telepathise with your unborn child is next level bonkers though.

Op, tell us more about her if you like, if it helps offload.

I hate to doom-monger op but she'll be worse once the baby is born, if she's like my DM. A direct quote from my DM about infant feeding "oh the NHS website, what do they know! Your auntie Marnie says..."

Now when my dm says anything woo to my dd I just say to dd "grandma just means it in a pretend way" and dm doesn't argue!

First off (if you haven't gone nc by then) - don't just hand over baby number two when mil demands. Refuse with a smile, "maybe in a little while mil, I've only just got baby settled"/any other excuse that occurs to you.
It's not too late to get some boundaries in place.

OP, its definitely her, not you. I'd find it really inappropriate someone 'naming' my child. Maybe get DP on board with banning her from the house for a few days after birth to give you some peace?

You don’t need to make an excuse. No should be enough.

I’d be suggesting very strongly that it’s time for the men in white coats to come and collect her.

I'd just say out loud 'allright baby bump, its your batshit nana come to visit again. Shields up!'.

'And please do not refer to my child as Rufus. I hate that name. We've chosen a name already. And it's not rufus. OK Sandra?'.

If she asks for the baby an it doesn't suit ignore her, if she repeats tell her you said no, when she says you didn't, tell her you said it telepathically.

😂😂😂

This. Treat it as a weird joke.

When she asks "how is X" just say "lol" and change the subject.

What an absolute weirdo