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Original poster

Did anyone find out the sex but not tell anyone?

38 replies

Elisabeth3468 · 20/06/2024 18:03

Thinking of finding out but just keeping it to ourselves. MIL said she really doesn't want to know the sex until the birth and so did my dad.
I know it's not about them and I wasn't going to find out but has anyone found out and kept it to themselves?
I keep going backwards and forwards. Maybe I should just be patient and wait till the birth.

OP posts:
Puppupandaway · 20/06/2024 18:04

We only told close family, everyone else was told that we hadn't asked!

strawberryninja · 20/06/2024 18:10

Yes, we found out but told everyone we hadn't.

MaryMaryVeryContrary · 20/06/2024 18:11

Why? Such a weird and precious thing to do

Original poster
Elisabeth3468 · 20/06/2024 18:44

MaryMaryVeryContrary · 20/06/2024 18:11

Why? Such a weird and precious thing to do

I don't understand why it's weird and precious?
A lot of my family don't want to know the sex.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elisabeth3468 · 20/06/2024 18:45

Puppupandaway · 20/06/2024 18:04

We only told close family, everyone else was told that we hadn't asked!

Do you feel it was a good decision?

OP posts:
AllBlackEverything · 20/06/2024 18:46

It's so annoying when people tell you "oh we've found out, but we are keeping it a secret" - nobody cares that much. Tell, don't tell, but don't act like you are guarding state secrets.

meltedchocolateandstrawberries · 20/06/2024 18:47

We did with my first. Well we told my family but not my husband's. They didn't wanna know. It was stressful making sure we didn't give it away. Pregnant again and we're finding out and telling everyone. It's much easier!

Puppupandaway · 20/06/2024 18:48

Tbh it didn't really make any difference. With our second, we told everyone what we were having. Looking back, I'm not sure why we kept it quiet. We definitely didn't share any name ideas with either of our children though.

Sandsnake · 20/06/2024 18:48

I haven’t, but think it can be a nice option for if you want to know but want to maintain the ‘surprise’ of announcing it. But I think you should always pretend that you don’t know (and stick to that) rather than tell everyone you know but aren’t telling them, which will just be annoying.

Mummyofthewildones · 20/06/2024 18:48

We found out but told everyone we hadn't. Wish I had kept it a surprise in a way, although I bonded more pre birth with the one whose gender I knew.

Original poster
Elisabeth3468 · 20/06/2024 18:50

AllBlackEverything · 20/06/2024 18:46

It's so annoying when people tell you "oh we've found out, but we are keeping it a secret" - nobody cares that much. Tell, don't tell, but don't act like you are guarding state secrets.

But I wouldn't tell people we've found out ? That's the point. We'd say we don't know

OP posts:
User79853257976 · 20/06/2024 19:06

AllBlackEverything · 20/06/2024 18:46

It's so annoying when people tell you "oh we've found out, but we are keeping it a secret" - nobody cares that much. Tell, don't tell, but don't act like you are guarding state secrets.

Agreed

User79853257976 · 20/06/2024 19:07

Elisabeth3468 · 20/06/2024 18:50

But I wouldn't tell people we've found out ? That's the point. We'd say we don't know

Show quote history

Why?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 20/06/2024 19:07

Yes, we found out but didn't tell people.

Lampzade · 20/06/2024 19:15

We found out for dd1, but not for dd2 or ds.
Noone believed that we hadn’t found out for dd2 or ds.
What I find strange is a case where one of the expectant parents know but the other doesn’t. How does the parent who knows manage to keep it a secret?

Liveafr · 20/06/2024 20:30

We found out about the sex pretty early but decided not to tell anyone. It might not seem rational but I liked keeping one thing just for ue (same reason people wait before announcing pregnancy, I guess). When we announced my pregnancy, my family and family in law got over-invested and slightly intrusive, and started projecting like mad. When we announced our pregnancy, my MIL (who had 3 boys) told us "I would love a little girl to dress her up like a princess". It seemed to me that my embryo had implanted just few weeks before, and my MIL was already making plans on how to dress it up. Keeping the sex a secret was a way of reining in their projections.
Also we didn't want to receive too many gendered clothes and toys before our baby was even born.

Catopia · 22/06/2024 08:05

We're probably going to find out and only tell close family. Mainly because the only reason it would matter to anyone if if they were thinking about a gift, and if they wanted to do that I would rather have cute gender-neutral-ish animal based gifts than lots of insipid pink or trucks. Also, we have close friends who were told the wrong sex, and had a bit of a shock at the hospital so we're not ruling out any surprises!

Cantbefound · 22/06/2024 08:10

We knew someone who did this - when asked they announced that they had found out the sex but we’re keeping it quiet. I also thought it was a bit weird and precious 😂🤷‍♀️, and when certain people asked innocent questions or offered baby clothes etc it was like ‘oh your trying to get us to spill the beans about the sex’ ….errr we don’t care that much! I would just say to people we didn’t find out. Same couple posted pics on WhatsApp of the baby but announced not to share any photos on social media…again, why would people do that? It’s a precious baby but not the next princess of wales 😂🤷‍♀️

ExitChasedByCars · 22/06/2024 08:28

Whether you want to keep it a secret or not, don’t make a big song and dance about it. Either you find out and tell the world, or don’t or try to keep it “exclusive”, nobody really cares as long as you’re having a healthy baby, that’s all that matters. Those who genuinely don’t want to know, I understand the need for the surprise. But I don’t have any patience for those who pretend they don’t know or want only a select few people to know. It’s all very silly.

ExitChasedByCars · 22/06/2024 08:32

Liveafr · 20/06/2024 20:30

We found out about the sex pretty early but decided not to tell anyone. It might not seem rational but I liked keeping one thing just for ue (same reason people wait before announcing pregnancy, I guess). When we announced my pregnancy, my family and family in law got over-invested and slightly intrusive, and started projecting like mad. When we announced our pregnancy, my MIL (who had 3 boys) told us "I would love a little girl to dress her up like a princess". It seemed to me that my embryo had implanted just few weeks before, and my MIL was already making plans on how to dress it up. Keeping the sex a secret was a way of reining in their projections.
Also we didn't want to receive too many gendered clothes and toys before our baby was even born.

People wait before announcing pregnancy to ensure everything is going smoothly. Some might keep things private for a lot longer to keep things between the couple. But I don’t understand how difficult it is to say that we are having a boy/girl but we are planning to use gender neutral items first until he or she can state their preferences etc.? Or our colour scheme for our nursery is xyz, so we aren’t looking for gender specific items.

Alwaystired23 · 22/06/2024 09:05

AllBlackEverything · 20/06/2024 18:46

It's so annoying when people tell you "oh we've found out, but we are keeping it a secret" - nobody cares that much. Tell, don't tell, but don't act like you are guarding state secrets.

I agree. My brother and sister in law found out what they were having, and we're telling people, sister in law posted on a comment on Facebook towards the end of the pregnancy. I commented something like, "Can't wait to meet him." She then messaged me to say she'd removed my comment as they weren't telling everyone, only certain people. I just assumed they were telling everyone. I wish I hadn't known to be honest, then I couldn't put my foot in it if it was a secret. I wrongly assumed it was common knowledge, as I had found out what I was having with my dc and shared generally if people asked, that it wasn't a big deal. I was left feeling bad and embarrassed. I don't think people care that much tbh. Everyone will respond "aww that's lovely." Either way.

BarbaraWoodlouse1 · 22/06/2024 09:07

Don’t open your present before Christmas!

user1494050295 · 22/06/2024 09:07

So my partner knew but I didn’t want to know. He kept quiet until the birth. No biggie

CheapMustard · 22/06/2024 09:12

We did! It was lovely. We didn’t tell anyone.

My cousin (preggo at the time) told us what she was having, the babies name and we even knew when she was having it (casaerean), so there was no excitement at all.

it keeps the excitement. But… you musn’t tell anyone at all, that can lead to resentment further down the line.

CherryBlossom321 · 22/06/2024 09:13

Whether your family want to know or not is irrelevant. It’s not their baby so that option doesn’t come down to their preference. My dad said the same thing. I told him we were finding out and telling others, and if it got let slip to him at any point, tough. Don’t let other people’s ideas dictate the choices you make regarding your baby - it’s a slippery slope!