Honest experience of childbirth

[BumbleAw]

Honestly speaking, exactly how painful was it? Have you experienced anything that's hurt more?
What was worse, contractions or pushing?

I'm currently pregnant with my first and expecting it to be the worst, most painful, experience ever, just wondering if that's about right.

Hmm I appreciate there is a greater risk of intervention with epidural but on an individual level, you can't know whether you would have had the intervention even without it.

I've never had an epidural yet still have had two ventouse births, both with episiotomies. Although thankfully it has not affected my sexual sensation at all in the long term, I'm very sorry to hear yours did.

I appreciate that. People throw epidural around like it's the answer to all prayers. It isn't, it comes with its own risks.

The intervention came as a direct result of the epidural. Nobody was paying attention when 2nd stage come on. It makes staff complacent that you're nicely tucked up in bed when they're rushing around. Then you end up with episiotomy and ventouse to get the baby out quickly.

Really a decent advocate needs to be in the room if you have pain relief like that to make a noise if needed.

I went in to my first birth expecting pretty much what you describe you are imagining.
Personally, I feel this was a good thing. Whatever I felt, I repeatedly told myself 'it's going to get SO much worse'.
As a result, and some good luck, I arrived at the birthing unit fully dilated and ready to deliver (much to mine and my husband's surprise).
I delivered standing up with no pain relief / gas & air etc.
Subsequent births were home births, again, all pain relief free.
One without water and the others with.
I have described my home water births as beautiful. I wouldn't have described any moment of them as experiencing any pain. I was aware of the babies moving down the birth canal and remained silent throughout them both, not because that's what I chose , it just naturally happened that way.

Yep worse than anything I could imagine. Worse than I thought pain could be.

But went on to have another so it was on I worth it😂

It's a strange thing as it sounds like wtf would anyone do it again if it was bad first time. But it's a pain with a reward at the end. And that makes so much difference. If it was simply torture with no reward it would be truly horrific

Horrific

Contractions are not fun, especially when you get to pushing stage, started labour on the Thursday he finally arrived via emergency section Saturday morning as he was stuck. DC's head was 98 percentile and I have a wonky pelvis due to previous injuries, I have never experienced pain like it. Horrible. Even a dental abscess and breaking my hip and ankle weren't as painful. If I have another, I'm going to opt for an elective section.

The pushing part genuinely was painless though, by the pushing part I was basically numb down there. If I went with the contraction and pushed when my body wanted me to then it just felt like throwing up but downwards, no pain involved.

I didn't need pain relief. Why would I ask for something I don't need? I was calm and relaxed throughout my labour as I genuinely didn't find it that bad.

I appreciate that I am very, very lucky but that was my honest experience of labour which is what OP asked for.

Absolutely horrendous. Like torture. I wanted to kill myself (in fact I repeatedly smacked myself on the head in an attempt to knock myself out when my requests for pain relief were met with paracetamol). And that wasn't the worst part. The damage to me and the baby and pain during the months of recovery was even worse.

Back to back>Induced at 40+12>hyperstimulated>tachyicardia>Keillands forceps.

I had an ELCS for the second because fuck that, not risking even the slightest chance of that again. ELCS was lovely and calm. CS wound was sore but pain and recovery an absolute walk in the park compared to the aftermath of a VB & Keillands.

I was the opposite and would do either of my childbirths again.

First was a hypnobirth, baby was in perfect position and very low down, contractions were manageable with time between, and from first contraction to baby born was just over 4 hours.

Second was an assisted delivery as he was high risk, I had an epidural in case I needed an emcs but he came out in 3 pushes with the help of a ventouse.

That being said, the pain of contractions between both babies was very different. With the first, he was well engaged, head down and in the perfect position and contractions were well spaced and although intense I could breathe/moo through them.

With dS2 he wasn't properly engaged, not as low down, and I had the same pain at 4cm with him as I had at 8cm with the first. And as they say, no two deliveries are the same!

The key for me was the fact that I was listened to by my OBGYN and I knew I could ask for (and receive) drugs if and when I wanted them.

But I never felt that it was the worst pain in the world, but it's so personal and doesn't diminish the fact that others experience awful pain (and are left to "handle" it themselves without pain relief which is frankly barbaric).

Indescribably different to any other type of pain I've ever felt. Almost like someone is tightening an iron band around you, at transition stage I genuinely thought I was going to die.
And yet, not unmanageable, just kept breathing and hoping it would be over. Crowning felt like both my hips were going to pop off in opposite directions.
But I did it again 3 times so can't have been that bad!

As to how it feels, I'd say being simultaneously torn apart and set on fire.

I really enjoyed my birth, and I was only young at the time.
I had an induction at 42 weeks which I suspect failed, and I ended going into labour naturally on the ward after a few days. It was only 3 hours start to finish and less than 10 pushes in total.
I only had gas and air for the last 15 or so mins when the midwife advised me to when she was about to crown.
I felt more pressure than pain honestly, my body pushed on its own.
If I could guarantee every one of my births would be the same, I'd do it 10x over.

I was induced twice so probably more painful than ideal.
I was very mentally prepared for it to be rugged and had done a lot of special childbirth self hypnosis to prep for the contractions. I would hugely recommend this as it gave me a sense of calm and control.
A lot of it was quite manageable if you decide to feel that it's pressure not pain and lots of really deep breathing and counting.
Being upright made a huge difference to me, I refused to be on my back for most of the time - i saw gravity as my friend.
I was very keen to minimize interventions if I could. I went into both with a very bloody minded attitude- but that suited me, I really don't judge what other people do at all.
I think the worst thing was not being able to kneel comfortably, the beds had lots of grooves. Very uncomfortable. I would have loved a water birth I was too high risk.
With self hypnosis breathing the contractions were manageable IME. The actual birth is really rugged but also not as painful as jelly fish sting I had once.
I tore though and the stitches despite local anesthesia- were far more painful then the birth, just awful twat man doing them.
Better the second time.

Done it multiple times in a country where there is no pain relief whatsoever, not even gas and air.
Worst pain in my life, but the feeling straight afterwards was the best in the world, hands down.

@BumbleAw As you can see, there is such a range of experiences, it's impossible to predict how your birth will go.

I suspect that the things which make the biggest difference to the outcome are the position of the baby and whether you go into labour spontaneously or need to be induced.

Regarding the position of the baby, it's not just being head down that makes a difference. In face, if your baby is breech or transverse they may try to turn the baby before you go into labour and if this is unsuccessful they will probably recommend an elective C-section.

What is arguably more important is that your baby is facing your spine and has their head nicely tucked in. My first baby was brow presenting, which meant the crown of his head wasn't putting pressure on my cervix. I ended up being induced just before 40 weeks for reduced movement, he got stuck, never moved down and I had to have a C-section. My second baby was in a perfect position, I went into labour after a sweep at 40 weeks, and she came out no problem. I also drank a lot of red raspberry leaf tea and I don't know whether it made a difference or not, but I went from 3cm dilated to ready to push in about 2 hours and the pushing stage was very quick. I had about 14 hours of contractions in early labour before it really started to get going though. They don't warn you how long early labour can be.

My recommendation would be to look at the spinning babies website and do everything you can to try and get your baby to move into and stay in the ideal position. I'm sure that's what makes the biggest difference, both in terms of how long it takes and how painful it is.

I had a lightly dosed epidural for the last couple of hours of my labour and it really took the edge off the pain and allowed me to rest for a bit before pushing.

I've had three vaginal births. Contractions are very painful, the pushing isn't painful at all, if anything it's a relief type feeling when your body starts pushing.

The most painful bit is when the head comes out, as the vagina is stretched and you get a stinging, burning feeling. I can remember being shocked at this with my first and can remember thinking 'ring of fire'. The midwife told me to wait (to avoid tearing I presume), but I hated the stinging so much I decided to just push anyway, and my baby was born. I was lucky that I didn't have any vaginal tears.

Yes. Exactly this. 🔥

Imagine that you had the worst period pain and gut pain of your life and all of that was leading up to you having to poo out a grapefruit. It's incredibly painful, but you know the reason for the pain and that once you poo out the grapefruit you'll feel instantly better.

I would say that labour is the most pain I've been in, but weirdly not the worst. The worst was a trapped nerve in my spine - it was sharp, in every part of my body and i didn't know if it would ever stop so it was terrifying.

At least with labour I think your brain knows on a primal level that it's all going to be ok, so you don't panic so much.

The first cup of tea after birth and stitches.... baby in one arm, tea in other hand.
Worth every minute.

The toast is the best you've ever had too.

My mum told me that having me wasn't exactly a walk in the park but was definitely doable. With my labour I started getting stomach pains about 5.30 pm but nothing too bad. I went to bed with a hot water bottle at 10.30 pm then my waters broke about 11pm. Phoned the hospital, they said come in. Got there at midnight, the nurse checked me and I was 4.5 cms dilated.
The pain racked up then and they gave me pethedine. Didn't touch the pain but made me as sick as a dog. ( have been prescribed it since, same result now avoid it like the plague). Gas and air was more effective and my 8lb 4oz son was born at 4.50am. I fully realise that I was lucky with my labour, but as for the worst pain a double dental abscess was by far the worst pain ever. I wanted to cut my own head off.

There's some interesting research on how pain is perceived; if you understand what's happening and why it literally feels less painful (I think that was from one of the van tullekan brothers podcasts on exercise). The positive birth company has very affordable hypnobirth courses, which also explain what your body is doing and why and that really does help. Obviously if you're panicking, everything feels worse so it's good to have some coping strategies. I had an epidural with my first as I completely panicked, and it was still my hardest birth as I was on my back and super stressed. I've had 2 more since, including a 10lber.
To answer your original question, it does hurt, but it's over quickly and its the category of pain where you're working hard/getting stuff done. I find long term pain much harder to deal with

Surely everyone knows what their body is doing when they are giving birth?

@AllProperTeaIsTheft I think the PP means the science behind it. What is actually happening in your body when a contraction occurs, why some people feel pain in their backs instead of their stomachs etc. I found learning about it really interesting.

I guess. I find it hard to believe it would make much difference to the pain. I had read up a lot and exactly what was happening when I had gallstone attacks (nearly as painful as childbirth, but much shorter). It was still agony.