Honest experience of childbirth

[BumbleAw]

Honestly speaking, exactly how painful was it? Have you experienced anything that's hurt more?
What was worse, contractions or pushing?

I'm currently pregnant with my first and expecting it to be the worst, most painful, experience ever, just wondering if that's about right.

My migraines are worse than either of my two births.

Truthfully, what I remember was uncomfortable, and powerful. Contractions like waves of the worst period pain. Trying not to push when pushing was what was indicated (as I was not quite in place in a delivery room).
Gas and air just made things feel spacey and like having a mask stuck on, which I have had in the course of an MRI scan and could barely tolerate as the idea was to keep the head still inside a narrow tube your head was at the end of.
Worse pain for me: frozen shoulder, and a rather freak injury to the fanjo in early teems that required stitches but didn't get effective anaesthetic.

This . Take the epidural if it is really unbearable. No one is going to come out with a Gold medal and a certificate because you didn't have pain relief .

With my first it was the fear that made the experience so much harder.

Everyone's experience is different some are shocking, scary etc some are more manageable.

For your first I would assume it will last at least 6 hours probably more like 12. The contractions start out like period pains and get worse /more frequent gradually. It's common to think you are further along than you are. Labour is when you are having painful contractions every few minutes consistently, that don't stop when you move. This pain will stabilise at some point but you will continue to dilate. Gas and air helps take the edge off as does a bath or tens machine.

The birth it's is more painful but shorter. The worst part is birthing the head which causes a stinging sensation but it's brief after than the rest of the birth is less painful. I did find I reached a point of being so focused on giving birth the pain became secondary.

My experience was that it was painful but short lived. I've had three children with labours between 2-20 hours. I had an epidural with my first. Which I regretted as it made pushing much harder. The second and third I just had gas and air. I felt more comfortable in my last two pregnancies knowing what to expect (to an extent)

I've had three vaginal births and have found that my two unmedicated home water births were far less painful than my hospital birth with an epidural (that clearly wasn't working as well as it should have been!). My two home births I didn't have any pain relief at all. Not because I'm a martyr or I have a high pain threshold (im actually a complete wimp) but because I didn't need it and felt I was coping fine.

The experience can be changed significantly by your supporters and environment so learning about the physiology of birth will help a lot.

When you reach the point where you cannot go on it usually means your baby is about to be born. And with all three births I had to come to a point of mental acceptance to get through this bit. The thoughts of "I'm ready to meet my baby", "I want this over with now" etc crossed my mind and shortly after I was holding my babies.

Wishing you a lovely birth in due course x

My MIL told me beforehand, it's not so much it's painful, as it's hard work. She had six kids so she would know!

I struggled with DC1 due to the fear of not knowing what the hell was happening (no urge to push, either). DC2 I considered more akin to running a marathon or something. (Presumably)

1st, induced, on hormone drip, had to wait for epidural and those 3 hours were awful. Episiotomy and forcep delivery.

2nd, induced, when they said they were putting me on the drip I asked for epidural and had it done within half an hour so had a painless amazing birth as I didn't feel one contraction. It was so chilled.
2nd degree tear.

Another who agrees with why go through the pain for hours when you get a well done for doing it either anyway.

Take all the pain meds you can get!

First baby, utterly horrific. Was left to cope for the best part of 3 days. Became an emergency so she was dragged out with tools that tore my vagina and vulva to the point I needed surgical repair.

Second baby. Lovely. It hurt, it really hurt but I was fit, stayed mobile, needed nothing more than gas and air and it was such a positive experience. He was a big baby too at 9.5 lbs. I'm so glad I had that because I was so traumatised from first. 13 year gap.

Nobody can tell you how it might be.

Deep breaths and a spot of whale music and they just pop out.....

Sorry - it's a bit/quite shit but you get through it.

As long as you both come out safely it's a success. Don't listen to any bollocks about the "right way". Midwives will "recommend" in the form of " if it was me" if you ask the right question. Trust them, they're the experts but trust your gut too. Mixed message I know. If it feels off that's because it is. If you are in a complete quandary and you feel you are in safe hands, trust them.

I've had 2 ELCS, so never had a contraction - although I did have Braxton Hicks and they were agonizing. Whoever said they don't hurt was a fucking liar.

Both ELCS were less painful than eyebrow threading. I only ever had my eyebrows threaded once it hurts so much . I quite happily had a second ELCS, I actually refused a VBAC and insisted since I enjoyed the first one so much.

Sinusitis that got infected, whilst i had a 1 and 3 year old at home. Worst pain I've ever been in. Remember lying on the floor whilst dh was in work, just letting the kids crawl over me whilst they watched cbeebies.
Could have cried when the first antibiotic hit and started to fix it. I've never been so grateful to science.

Worst bit if childbirth was the crowning. No one told me it would sting! But the midwife poured water over me and it didn't last long. I did, however, have fairly quick labours, so didn't really feel that much pain for that long. And gas and air is amazing.

I do remember telling a bemused dh that I couldn't carry on and that I wouldn't do it;head was nearly out at this point, so it was pretty certain that I WOULD be going through with it.

I had a broken leg at the age of 11 that was hands down the most painful experience of my life. Childbirth didn't come close, and I had the drip near maxed out to kick start contractions in both labours with only gas + air for the majority of them.

I won't lie, it does hurt. But it's a different sort of pain. A broken bone is something wrong to your body, but pushing a baby out is something it should do.

I've not read all the responses and imagine you will get a whole range. It is such a subjective thing, and the experience is so dependent on various factors.

I am one of the lucky ones - I wouldn't describe what I experienced as pain, rather just very intense and powerful and quite an out of body experience almost. I went into an almost trance like state during contractions. They were the bit I found most intense in the last hour before pushing. To my surprise, the pushing wasn't as bad! It just felt like such the right thing to do at that point and it was almost a relief. It did go on a bit though. Unfortunately my DS had a hand up by his head which made getting his head out harder than it needed to be! They ended up having to do an episiotomy to help him along. If I'd known in advance I'm sure that would have scared me but honestly, in the moment it was fine and I just knew I was so close to meeting my little one. And that's the thing... Noone can convey ahead of time how ready you are by full term (or in my case, 8 days over!) to just get on with it! And anything you feel is tempered by the knowledge that This Is It!! You are going to meet your baby!!

I do highly recommend doing a hypnobirthing course if you can. I did the one with the positive birth company. It talks you through all the physiology, helps you realise how perfectly designed for this your body is, talks you through different phases of labour and the kinds of things you might feel etc... it made me feel so knowledgeable. I also loved how it reframed what I would be feeling away from Pain and Dread to basically intense use of muscles that rarely get used but are designed to cope!! The word I would use is empowered. And that stayed with me during my labour.

I wasn't against drugs etc if needed - having never done it before I didn't know what to expect when the time came, however I ended up with no drugs, not even gas and air. For me that was absolutely fine. Currently pregnant again and given that every experience of childbirth can be very different I'm not putting any pressure on myself to do the same this time, but I do feel good knowing my body has gone through this once and coped perfectly fine. There is an element of mind over matter to some of it and I think if you can address some of the fears about this massive unknown ahead of the day, it really does help.

Just remember that every woman who has had children down the centuries has been through this experience in some form or another - often more than once - and it's really ok. You will be fine 😊

Yes first time I expected the worst but my goodness it knocked me sideways!! Absolutely scared the life out of me.

Second time I was terrified so for weeks ahead I practiced positive thinking and affirmations any chance I got every day. Sounds daft and easy for me to say now but I really really enjoyed giving birth to her and actually she was a technically more difficult birth being back to back. You can do this!

My epidural wore off and then when they gave me more, it didn't work. It was so distressing!

First birth, I was terrified and it led me to panic and lose control. Wasn’t my finest moment, but it was a quick birth so I think I was a bit shocked by it all.

second birth, I went all in with hypnobirthing. I told myself daily that my body was created to deal with childbirth, it’s only temporary situation etc. mantras like that. it worked. I’m not going to lie, it was painful in the moment but I was in control, I knew each contraction would only last four breaths in and four breaths out. I was induced on a drip which people often get an epidural for. I didn’t bother with anything, (except gas an air while being stitched up) not because I’m a martyr but because I was in control and knew I could deal with it. I had a birthing comb too. I found this super useful.

I knew when I was in transition and that it was temporary & that I could cope. I still wanted to crawl out of my own skin and run away/for it to be over/doubt started to creep in— but I knew it was transition so that meant baby would arrive at any minute.

i think the key is to know it’ll hurt, it’s a fact of nature. It’s how your muscles prepare to deliver the baby. But know it’s temporary and you can do it. Remain in control and don’t panic.

highly recommend the Positive birthing company

The contractions hurt for longer and made me exhausted, but the pushing was the more painful part.
I did honestly think I was going to die but the gas and air which was given made me care a bit less about that.

It's ok though as you are doing it all for your beautiful baby !

I've had worse pains since such as biting through my tongue. That was really painful!

I found it painful, but not unbearable. I've had three natural births, no intervention and almost no pain relief - I just didn't feel I needed it. I had a bit of gas and air at the pushing stage with middle child but nothing with the others.

Everyone's experience is different but there are plenty of pain relief options available if you need them.

@Screamingabdabz For most of my labour the contractions were 45 minutes apart and lasted about 20 seconds. I didn't need any pain relief to deal with that.

I haven't read all the responses. But my honest experience was that childbirth was fine.
I'm not even sure I'd use the word "painful" to describe it for me. I had all options on my birth plan, but didn't have any pain relief at all.

I'd strongly recommend hypnobirthing or reading The positive birth book by Milli Hill. They really helped with my state of mind before hand, and I felt much calmer and more informed about my choices. To be clear, I don't think this is why I had an easy time, but definitely helped to shift my perspectives, and I'm sure would have helped me cope better if needed.

What a stupid remark from your mother.

Some women around the world don’t have much choice about multiple pregnancies .

Others have one child and it’s so traumatic they don’t have another.

I love the 'it wasn't so bad' responses. It's interesting what time and romanticising the labour can do with memory.

It really depends on your body, but there is no way pushing a baby out would be painless.
I never experienced or even imagined pain was possible like that (I guess in normal circumstances, you would pass out - as you are about to give birth, your body and mind just keep you awake).

I also don't get the refusal of pain medicine or epidural. It's 2024. You wouldn't send a woman for a c section or someone with heart surgery without it.

I started without any drugs as I wanted to experience the pain (very stupid idea now if I think about it) but I ended up on epidural. The whole experience went from painful and scared to calm and relaxed.

Epidurals come with their own risks. More likely of intervention like an episiotomy. Which wrecked my sex life, I never regained feeling in my perineum again as a direct result of having an epidural. It doesn't come without risks. Personally if I could go back and do it without, to save the rest of my adult years of sex then I absolutely would.

Thing is, though, I very specifically remember thinking at the time that it really wasn't as bad as I'd anticipated. I don't think I was romanticising labour while I was in labour! And with pain relief, I was open to it but I just... didn't really feel I needed it? Not saying that to be smug, I appreciate I was just lucky - but if I actually had been in a level of pain beyond anything I could ever have imagined then I'd sure, I'd have had an epidural. I didn't because I wasn't. I do believe you when you say it was unbearably painful for you, but don't think you're being entirely reasonable in suggesting that anyone who didn't have that experience must just be kidding themselves in hindsight. We're just all different!