Lost all hope of natural birth

[Strawberry06]

41+1 today and starting to accept my fate of an induction on Monday.

Feeling so down about it as I have had the most wonderful pregnancy; no sickness or pain and baby growing lovely throughout. So I'm just gutted that now when I'm at the very end, he won't just come naturally, I feel like a complete failure :-(

I've had two failed sweeps, last one being today when she said my cervix was completely closed. Not had any signs whatsoever despite baby being head down and engaged for weeks.

I really don't get how people just stand up and go into spontaneous labour! All I want is to be woken up in the night with contractions! It just seems impossible to me.

I don't know whether to hold out hope he'll come over the weekend or channel my mental capacity into preparing for the induction on Monday (which I really don't want but time is ticking)

I have tried sex, nipple stimulation, ball bouncing and long walks but nothings worked. Not tried other things as I believe they're just old wives tales...

This is your last free weekend before baby, go out and have dinner, relax. If you are producing stress hormones your body won’t go into labour, well my midwife told me this. It can work to help you go naturally but it’s hard to do when you just want baby to be here. Good luck however it happens op

I agree! Try not to stress about it.

I went into labour after dropping my guinea pigs off at my mum's, I was so stressed before worrying about who's going to look after them if I went into labour early. I Apparently it's common for mums to go into labour once they've dropped their kids off to school/grandparents.

It's fine not to go into labour on your own, and it doesn't mean you have failed at all. Try to enjoy the time you have before baby gets here. Have a nice bath, have a nice meal etc. Just try your best to relax as much as you can.

If it helps OP, I was 12 days overdue without a single twinge or any sign whatsoever and went into spontaneous labour on day 12. No idea about my cervix as I refused all examinations. I didn't want to be induced so I refused the first induction date and kept a very close eye on movements etc.

(Obviously it goes without saying this was my own preference/experience and I'm not advising it if against your midwives' advice.)

Also for interest I still didn't have a single sign of labour until one massive, full blown contraction. Baby born within 15 mins of arrival at hospital (45 mins total). I think it's wise to mentally prepare for Monday, but you very much could go into spontaneous labour.

You are not a failure. A living and healthy baby and mum is the only outcome you should be concerned with.

All that matters is that baby arrives safely! We are very, very lucky to have access to things like sweeps and induction. Could you try to reframe it as thinking “thank goodness I’m being monitored and have options”. I was induced with no 2 and it was fine - it felt no different to when I had no 1 without induction - it still felt very ‘natural’, it’s just a dose of hormone to kick start your body into doing it’s natural thing. I have never thought of it as any sort of failure - it was a success, overdue baby arrived without any damage, placenta didn’t fail, I didn’t burst!

Thanks all

For those saying just relax and enjoy our last weekend together, we've done exactly that the past two weekends thinking it would be our last! We've been out for meals etc, I've had long baths. It's just boring now!

I just don't think my body is capable of going into spontaneous labour I really don't!

My induction was meant to be today but I at least wanted to give myself the weekend. I'm tempted to cancel it on Monday but then I worry about risk to baby by waiting longer, it's tough :-(

Try reflexology, worked for me.

I cannot stress this enough.
Growing and birthing a baby is not a competition.

@Sonora25 I thought of that but sadly no availability at my local salons

How you give birth doesn’t matter. Your beautiful baby will be here soon and your body has done an incredible job growing her or him. Good luck OP

There is still time for you to go into spontaneous labour. DD arrived 10 days late after I went into spontaneous labour (woken up in middle of night with waters breaking).
No matter how it happens, NEVER think you’re a failure.

Oh lovely you're not a failure, of course you're not. You've already provided a lovely safe nurturing home for your baby all the way until now. And frankly at this stage you could go into labour at any minute.
Don't dismiss all the old wives tales though. Have a really tasty curry! And good luck whichever way it goes and please let us know!

Kindly, what you’re saying is a bit ridiculous.

If a friend had a CS or an induction, would you think of them as a failure?

@heldinadream we did have one for dinner on Valentine's Day. I knew it wouldn't do anything but wanted to eat it anyway!

@Violettaa no of course I wouldn't

I just think it about myself, it's probably just my hormones

You are not a failure , I've had 3 out of 3 inductions , 2 x 12 days late and one because movements changed -all was well with that one thankfully.
It may not be ideal but all that matters is that the baby and you are safe , its over before you know it and soon becomes a memory , but certainly not a failure .

Do you think other women who have inductions, forceps, sections are a failure?

If not, why would you think you are? The safe birth of the baby is the most important thing and a dot in the lifetime of your child.

OP, it doesn't matter. How you give birth is immaterial in comparison with the arrival of a healthy, living baby. Ideally, you don't want tears and infections or a traumatic labour but long term, it's raising the child that matters. Worrying about the way to give birth is like focusing on a wedding day more than the long-term marriage. It's just not that important in the long run.

Unless there is a medical reason why not just decline induction. It important to look at the actual risk vs benefits of all your options. Don't think of your body as failing when term is 37 to 42 weeks. https://www.google.com/amp/s/midwifethinking.com/2016/07/13/induction-of-labour-balancing-risks/%3famp.

being induced is just a tablet - it doesn’t really feel like a big deal when it happens, IME.

So have another, you're two days further along and at some point baby and your body will be ready. Could be today or tomorrow or Sunday. But if not, if you are induced on Monday, you are not any kind of failure. You are your baby's lovely mummy and you successfully gestated her or him all this time.

You are not a failure. Please don’t think that. I know how stressful the waiting is, it’s torturous almost. Do what you can to distract yourself and take care of yourself! Baby will be here soon - best of luck!

Having a healthy baby arrive safely and you being safe is al that matters.
Take that from someone who wanted a natural water birth and got the opposite. Despite going into labour naturally I was eventually induced as things weren’t progressing, had all the pain relief available because of over 60 hours in labour, no chance of getting in the pool at all, ended in a section. It really doesn’t matter. I had a healthy baby boy to hold at the end. Best of luck OP.

It's sad to hear that you think that way. I wanted to have a natural birth but ended up in failed induction and EMCS to get our DD out safely and I don't see all that as a failure. It's just life and sometimes things don't go as we prefer. All that really matters is that you and the baby are safe.

Have you considered castor oil?

I wish I had in retrospect. Better to start off a natural birth with diarrhea than end up on the oxytocin drip with continuous monitoring, which felt really intrusive.

I also wish that I'd demanded a caesarian when the pessary induction failed. I was induced at 42+1, by which time DD was huge and ended up being shoulder dystocia birth and needing resuscitation and NICU. I had a 3rd degree tear as they struggled to get her out before she died.

I don't want to worry you unnecessarily but I'm giving you the information I wish someone had given me. If I Google the risk factors for shoulder dystocia, I ticked off so many: induction with oxytocin augmentation; first baby over 35; baby measuring big.