Lost all hope of natural birth

[Strawberry06]

41+1 today and starting to accept my fate of an induction on Monday.

Feeling so down about it as I have had the most wonderful pregnancy; no sickness or pain and baby growing lovely throughout. So I'm just gutted that now when I'm at the very end, he won't just come naturally, I feel like a complete failure :-(

I've had two failed sweeps, last one being today when she said my cervix was completely closed. Not had any signs whatsoever despite baby being head down and engaged for weeks.

I really don't get how people just stand up and go into spontaneous labour! All I want is to be woken up in the night with contractions! It just seems impossible to me.

I don't know whether to hold out hope he'll come over the weekend or channel my mental capacity into preparing for the induction on Monday (which I really don't want but time is ticking)

I have tried sex, nipple stimulation, ball bouncing and long walks but nothings worked. Not tried other things as I believe they're just old wives tales...

Mainly I want to share that not having the birth you want isn't worth getting so down about, I wish I didn't, I believe me being hard on myself and thinking I failed cost me the beauty of the 4th trimester and newborn phase, I just hated it. Pregnant again and this time I'm going for an elected c-section so I can have a predictable and calm experience and enjoy the 4th Trimester.

FWIW to go into labour I had reflexology, acupuncture, and shut myself in my room playing music and 'nesting' tidying up and getting an oxytocin boost from dark chocolate and lots of walking that weekend.

Hello, just to add that I went into labour at 41+3.

The baby hadn't dropped at all. In fact my mucus plug didnt go until I was nearly fully dilated and my waters never went, they were broken to help pushing.

I had a really supportive midwife who arranged extra monitoring as we got later and tentatively booked an induction for 42 but said we would review it. Could you ask for that?

I had a waterbirth with just gas and air and it was an overwhelmingly positive experience. Im looking forward to doing it again.

Be kind to yourself your body is doing amazing thing and a c section will still not be a failure.

The safe arrival of your baby is the most important thing.

I had a section and I see it as a triumph! I had a great birth experience, truly one of the most magical experiences of my life. I had a swift recovery, was out within 10hrs of birth. Baby latched immediately and had skin to skin for as long as I wanted. It’s only birth (in terms of biological procedures and processes) that gets this much judgement from people, unsurprisingly is only women who give birth!!

Ipylu - not sure what your story has to do with anything. It sounds like you would have been better to follow their advice in the first place.

I've clearly stated I shared my story because being overdue is one part of many unpredictable factors, they can keep coming and I don't want OP to end up falling into PND thinking she is a failure when she's not, like I did.

But thanks for your concern and advice for my birth that you were nothing to do with. I didn't want to be induced, my choice not there's and not yours.

You can ask for a cs. I was overdue with my first, started naturally but then had to have the drip and then an emcs as baby was too big to exit. Wish I’d gone straight for the cs.
Second VBAC a couple of weeks before due date so a cs this time doesn’t rule out a normal birth of you had another.

Theirs

I had both my babies at 41 +6 and had a natural labour with both. Both times I had absolutely zero signs before going into labour and was convinced that it wouldn't happen. I had three sweeps both times and went into early labour within hours of the third sweep both times. The other two sweeps (both times) were barely able to be performed because my cervix was quite unfavourable. I remember working myself up about things and feeling really down about it all, so I know just how horrible this waiting game is. Just remember, no one is actually pregnant forever, and you will be holding your baby in the next few days. Also, natural induction methods like long walks and curries etc. invariably don't work in my experience, so sack them off and spend the time doing something you would like to do. Take yourself out for lunch, go to the cinema, have a bath with candles - whatever you fancy to treat yourself.

Same. I resisted booking an induction until the very last minute, and felt very stressed out about booking in to be induced. Then went into labour almost as soon as the decision had been made and I'd relaxed about it.

My first two children came the night before I was due to be induced! Whatever happens all that matters is the baby at the end of it, the term ‘natural’ doesn’t matter

I agree. Focus on a good outcome and a happy future, not on a ‘natural’ ideal. There’s a reason we have these medical interventions and much improved maternal and fetal outcomes.

Congratulations on having a lovely unicorn pregnancy, that in itself is very special. You’re very lucky. I thought I was dying and then I nearly did, as did my baby, over and over again.

I went into labour in the early hours of the day I was due to be induced. Had had sweep a couple of days earlier and the baby had been feeling exceptionally low. So yours may still kick off naturally but if not, it doesn't mean the rest of labour won't go smoothly.

I can't agree more with PPs who are saying to enjoy and appreciate this weekend - people said that to me and I just didn't get it until baby arrived. Then, wow, I really got it.

I opted for a c-section! DS & I were both happy and safe. That's all that matters OP. Good luck!

@StrawStrawberry06 first of all, try not to stress too much. There's still plenty of time for you to go into labour naturally.

Also, you don't have to be induced just because you are close 42 weeks if you and baby are doing well, although the hospital will push for this. If you really don't want induced, I would wait until you are at least as close to 42 weeks as possible. You will only be 41+4 on Monday, can they push back the date at all?

I also recommend looking up Rachel Reed on Instagram. She is a midwife and wrote a book called "why Induction Matters". She has some really great info about induction.

Really hope you are able to get the birth you are hoping for. Yes, a healthy baby and mum at the end is the most important thing but this doesn't mean you need to give up on the birth you had planned because the decision can really stick with you for a long time afterwards.

Worry not! I was 2 weeks overdue and booked for induction which I did not want. I got my 1st option of birthing suite in new forest when she came on her own THE night before induction. Had the best experience. Water birth. Midwife led. Soft lighting and literal deer frolicking about outside my room. Don't lose hope! It could all change in a split second

How are you doing @Strawberry06 ? Anything stirring?

Ive had two very good inductions. With DS2 it was the gel twice and then I birthed him in the birth pool. From checking in to taking him home was just under 24hours. Active labour was a few hours and once I hit 4cm i got in the pool and just had gas and air. DD was one lot of gel. i was technically in labour for 16 minutes but I had about an hour in the shower before i called the midwife to let her know I was in labour.

They weren’t the births I had wanted to have and I totally get your feelings of failure. Its frustrating to have not trust your body to start things. How you feel about you, your body and your birth are your feelings. You can still have a “good” birth even if it isn’t the one you wanted to start with.

@TenaciousElephant I totally agree with you. Women need less infantilising with everything birth-related... And knowing the good stories, as well as the bad ones is definitely very useful!
Else we do end up feeling like failures when labour doesn't start after a curry, we end up getting a drip and having an awful birth.
I highly recommend reading "give birth like a feminist" (not too close to your Due date though as it might make you frustrated) and any hypnobirthing books.

Also, very often posts like that are not only for the OP, but many other women in similar situations.
I'm first time pregnant, 26 weeks and feel I should start preparing for whichever birth cards I get dealt. So all experiences mentioned here, good and bad, are very insightful to me.

I'm any case, I wish the best of luck to the OP, I've got no advice other that to ask if indeed the induction is necessary at this stage, what are the reasons for it (baby too big? Placenta not working?) other than just the fact that she's past 41 weeks.
And then she can weight the pros and cons of different options and own the decision to have an induction or not. That is much more empowering than feeling you have to beg a health professional for more time, and less likely to make one feel like a failure.

Hi all, thanks for all the (mostly) kind comments since Friday. I'll admit the people implying I thought/think they were/are failures just cause they had to be induced/section upset me a bit cause that wasn't the case at all. I was genuinely only referring to myself and the way I feel.

Anyway I actually went off grid this weekend and turned my phone off completely in a bid to just relax. Still no baby but it was nice to have a break.

Unless baby comes tonight or tomorrow morning I'll be going in at 4pm to have dialapan rods inserted.

We actually ended up at the hospital yesterday as I was concerned re lack of movement but all was fine. It did give me the opportunity to ask a few questions though.

There was a lot of talk about these rods which to be honest i don't feel too bad about having. The way they spoke to me about it and explained how it worked was like it sounded pretty successful. So then I said 'so there's no oxytocin drip?' And then they were like 'ahh...'

This is the part that freaks me out the most and I absolutely don't want it. Apparently once (if) the rods dilate me enough then they will break my waters and the next stage is being put onto the drip! I asked if that was necessary and could I not wait for contractions to start once my waters have been broken but I'm not sure it's possible.

I'll be asking again tomorrow and I'm still not 100% I'll go through with anything...

@Strawberry06 you can request a c section?

I was induced with my first (also not with oxytocin drip) and it was a great experience. 3.5 hours of labour with only gas and air.

If you do want to wait longer for labour to start on its own you could ask for daily monitoring instead of induction.

Why are you so focused on going into labour naturally? Why would not make you think you're a failure? I went into labour 4am, got call at 8am to come in for induction to break my waters. I had to tell them they were a bit late as I was already in triage in labour and waters already broken! Baby still got stuck, failed forceps delivery, emergency c section. Placenta also seemed to be starting to detach. My baby was born safely. Nothing anyone could have done would have changed what happened. My baby tilted his head and couldn't turn properly so he got stuck. I gave birth to my beautiful baby and I am not a failure. If anything I'm a warrior for going through all that!

@Strawberry06 my waters were broken and I kept refusing the drip for a long time before I finally relented and accepted it! Wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I was anticipating and baby didn’t get distressed at all (had an EMCS anyway but not due to distress!). Good luck x