IVF/FET Pregnancies due Oct 2024

[2mumlife]

Hi, thought I'd start of thread for those of us who have been through fertility treatment and are due in October 2024 :-)

I'm 6 weeks today after FET. This was our first try for a sibling (also a FET pregnancy).

Nausea is kicking my butt this time around. How is everyone else feeling?

How is everyone feeling about their early pregnancy scans?

Had a private scan yesterday, I was worried I'm nearly 18 weeks and can't feel baby move. They say I have an anterior placenta which helps explain why. We also found out we are having a daughter 🌸💗 can't believe it! 🌷

@peardeer Congratulations! If it helps I didn’t really feel anything until a bit later on with my DD and had a fundal placenta with her so wasn’t even a placenta issue. I’m still feeling very very little with this pregnancy at 19.5 weeks.

@2mumlife that does help a lot thank you. I think people mean well but people kept saying oh you'll feel movements soon / have you felt movements yet? And it made me think something was wrong. I'm already so anxious so things like that make me
spiral. Thank you for sharing your experience ☺️

@peardeer I just wanted to say that you are not alone--I had started to feel tiny bubbles around 17 weeks, then nothing for a few days so I panicked and got a private scan at 18 weeks; turns out the baby just thinks he's a bat and is hanging out upside down, which means that I feel his movements a lot less.

Interestingly, on all the scans I've done since week 12 (yes, there were several, I am quite anxious after IVF failures/losses), he is always touching his face with his hands. I looked it up and apparently it could be a form of self-soothing when they feel their mum's stress? I guess it's a sign that I should really try to tone down the stress, but it's very hard! If anyone has advice, please do share!

@Melian @peardeer I’m sorry you’re both feeling stressed. I’ve been trying to think how I’ve handled this so I can try help you. I think the coping mechanisms I’ve used all the way through are routine and acceptance. It’s difficult to explain in a message but for routine I mean that I know you should do your pelvic floor exercises as it’s good for you so I do them at a certain time of day, I know sleep is important so I have a strict bedtime and wake up routine, I eat incredibly healthy, take regular exercise, do some box breathing each day etc etc…. This helps me know I’m doing the right thing so there’s nothing more I can do (that type of mindset) and I think this helps with acceptance. I can’t strongly emphasis enough how much of a trauma infertility and IVF is (think about it, it’s the only NHS service/disease/surgery that offers a counsellor!) and so it’s absolutely okay to experience any of your/my feelings. You have to be okay with your head because it’s normal to have feelings. If you weren’t a bit worried that baby might be XY and Z then you wouldn’t be on your way to being a good mum. And I think also for acceptance you somehow have to grieve the fact that you couldn’t have babies the ‘normal’ way, and all the little bits involved with that… I literally grieved the fact that I couldn’t surprise my husband like other mums-to-be can with ‘I’m pregnant!’ after a lovely weekend away together. I also grieved that I’ve never had a positive pee on a stick test (always had blood tests). Recognise and allow that grieving process and be okay with it long it takes. We also had a mini ‘service’ for the two babies we lost. I bought them each a rose and a lovely pot to go with it and buried the remains of one baby (surgical management of a MMC). We almost had a ‘ceremony’ in doing the potting part and had a whiskey and a cry. That really helped us to accept and ultimately move on so we had a clear head for the next round of FET. I love pruning those roses and seeing the flowers come into bloom!

I’m not suggesting that you copy any of my ideas or anything, I’m just trying to help. I just want you to have some way of being able to enjoy your pregnancy. I’m in no way a zen goddess but I think I’m very good at recognising my headspace and putting practical measures in place. Also just to add it’s not that I’m always in constant mourning 😂 but I just allow myself some time (just even 20 minutes) to be okay with being upset over something and grieve that loss.

We gad our 20 week scan last week and we’re having a boy 💙 We’ve also started shopping and have managed to get most things secondhand so thank you @2mumlife and everyone else for your advice so far! If anyone is thinking about pregnancy pillows then the asda one at £26 I’ve found to be amazing. No more hip ache!!

@TheYorkshirePudding - this is a lovely message and makes me feel v.seen with the anxieties of pregnancy after fertility treatment. Some lovely ideas in there.

@peardeer Other peoples comments are never helpful during pregnancy or during infancy (just wait for the 'are they sleeping through the night' question, on constant repeat......)

@Melian @peardeer I found the anxiety started to lift after 16 weeks with my DD, but if you're still feeling anxious you could try doing things like mindfulness. If you're a numbers person, the risk of a late miscarriage after 20 weeks is very, very low. I also found it useful once I reached 24 weeks, which is the point at which it becomes viable to keep baby alive if it were to be born early. I'm a lot more relaxed this time, but only because I've been through it before, so I have that 'evidence' that everything will most likely be absolutely fine. And if its not? Well there is nothing we can do to control that. But we can take action to try to control our feelings today and make positive changes to reduce our anxiety where we can. How you do it is really very personal.

@TheYorkshirePudding Congrats on the 20 week scan! Its fun when it starts to all come together and starts to feel real :)

@TheYorkshirePudding

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this thoughtful message. It actually made me tear up; it is so easy to feel alone and isolated throughout this journey, and your words have alleviated a bit of this loneliness. The "mini griefs" you describe are spot on and we rarely give ourselves space to process them like we do for the "bigger" losses, but they do matter, even if we are the lucky ones with good outcomes (so far).

Thank you once again, I am really touched by your generosity. And you've given me motivation to go to the pool in the hope that some exercise will help! 😉

@2mumlife

You're absolutely right about focusing on numbers to reassure the rational mind, although sometimes I find that it's also a trap because it's easy to find numbers to be worried about! My latest one is the number of e-coli traces on lettuce in supermarkets in the country where I currently work (a whooping 54%!), so now I only want to eat cooked vegetables!😂

@TheYorkshirePudding congratulations on your boy 💙 thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful message. I appreciate you sharing your experience and the things that have helped you. I am in desperate need of a routine, I feel like all I do is sit and worry about the baby 24/7 with nothing else to my day. I'm also realising we haven't grieved the 5 babies we lost or the fact the last two pregnancies were ruptured ectopics and I'm now sterile. I'm now having help from the mental health team. They have offered me medications to help but I don't think my anxiety will allow me to take them. ( if anyone is taking medication for their MH, that's totally okay and you have to do whatever is best for you). I'm hoping for talking therapy soon. Thank you for all the suggestions, I am going to try to implement these into my day

@2mumlife thank you for sharing. I love mindfulness but have been awful at actually doing any lately. I need to start doing this again!

@Melian so sorry your feeling this way too. It's awful isn't it. I am constantly told it's normal considering the difficulties we have faced. Thank you for seeing me and validating my feelings. I appreciate it so much

@peardeer Just wanted to say I hope the perinatal mental health team are helping :) I’ve got a history of depression, anxiety and self-harm, so both my pregnancies I’ve ben flagged for additional monitoring - so my file says to check on my mental health at every antenatal appointment and refer to PMH if needed. When I look back now, I realise actually how bad i was when the hormone drop hit post-birth with my DD, so I’ve asked them to be particularly vigilant following birth this time around. If it helps, my sister had a lot of anxiety during pregnancy, and it eased considerably post-birth x

Hi everyone

I was wondering whether I could join the group? I’m due mid October, pregnant with my first child following 7 rounds of IVF (including 4 mc) and unexplained infertility. Truth be told I’m struggling with it all quite a bit, figured that a successful pregnancy would be the end of the trauma but I can’t seem to actually accept that I really am pregnant! None of my friends have had any fertility issues so I feel quite isolated and I think that this group might have an insight into some of these feelings.

Sorry for the super cheery first post, I promise I’m not always such a downer!

@peardeer congratulations on a little baby girl 🩷 And sorry to hear things have been tough. I’m really glad you’re having some support from the perinatal mental health team now. I have worked in perinatal mental health as a psychologist and my experience of them has been great, so I do hope they’re helpful. Fertility journeys come with such complex emotions that are hard to process throughout as you constantly feel like you’re on a hamster wheel with one thing after another, and sometimes I think it’s when we stop (for example with pregnancy) it can really hit us. Plus all the complex emotions that come with pregnancy after loss and infertility! Look after yourself.

Congratulations on baby boy @TheYorkshirePudding !

Very exciting that 20 week scans are happening!

Welcome @MsWonky and congratulations. Sorry to hear about the tough journey you’ve been on and I can completely understand and relate to the acceptance part. I hope this group will be helpful for you. I’ve found it helpful, especially as you say when you don’t have others around you who can relate.

Thank you so much @IVF23, we have a midwife appointment today (it’s technically our 16 week appointment but we swapped hospitals which mucked the date up a bit and I’m actually 19 weeks) so I might mention how I’m feeling and see if they have any suggestions.

Is anyone else really really bloated?! I don’t have much of a bump yet but by the end of the day I look like a balloon 🤣

Hi MsWonky, huge congratulations! I'm resurfacing on here myself after a very anxious first trimester! Our journeys sound similar. I'm 20 weeks pregnant with a donor egg after seven years of infertility, five unsuccessful rounds of IVF and two miscarriages, so I can completely empathise. Have you told your midwife how you're feeling? As there may be mental health/extra midwife support available. Alternatively, if you can afford it, I'd highly recommend a counsellor specialising in infertility. Mine has been invaluable in helping me process the trauma, accept my pregnancy, and giving me coping mechanisms for handling the wobbles. To hear someone tell me I'd been through a lot was so powerful. I'd also recommend the Finally Pregnant podcast as it has a couple of episodes about pregnancy after IVF, which really helped to validate my feelings. I'm starting to relax now but it has taken me a while to come to terms with everything. It's so normal after everything we've been through and you're not alone ❤

@MsWonky Welcome to the group and @SeaBridge welcome back :) Sound like you have both been through really long and difficult journeys.

I hit the 20 week point yesterday, with our anomaly scan next week. I'm still doing my head in with the lack of baby movements, so feeling a bit anxious about it to be honest as just want to check everything is ok, as I was definitely feeling proper movements at this point with DD....

@SeaBridge i am also pregnant with egg donor,! I feel you as it was a long, painful Journey to get here! I am few weeks behind you and in some ways the nausea keeps me tranquil at the moment. Not long until my 20 weeks scan and then I'll find out the sex

@SeaBridge thank you and congrats to you too! It sounds like you’ve been through a lot and you I really appreciate you sharing some of your recommendations for dealing with it. I think you are completely right about a counsellor with a specialism in infertility being a great starting point and I’m going to look into it (bottled telling my midwife today 🤗).

Thank you @2mumlife, and thanks for including me! It must be a double edged sword having done this before - lots that you have experience with but then almost impossible not to compare to the first time. I am 19 weeks tomorrow and I think I am feeling a few flutters but 50/50 on whether it’s just wind (given the bloat I am experiencing it’s almost certainly the latter 🤣). I hope your scan goes well, when is it? I haven’t got mine until 21 weeks which is a bit annoying.

@MsWonky My scan is next Tuesday at 20+6 so also a bit later like you. Also will feel more reassured to get the whooping cough vaccine as my area does it at that appointment too (though I’m sure I probably still have some protection from getting it last time). Yeah it’s very hard not to compare pregnancies. The movement thing is the main thing as it’s what made me feel most reassured last time. But partner keeps reminding me I’m on the go a lot more now so might just not be noticing it. Had a cervix check 2 weeks ago and everything was looking fine then so trying to stay rational about it all!

@2mumlife I had the whooping cough jab yesterday (nice dead arm today), sounds like there’s been a real spike in cases recently. So far my midwife hasn’t pushed anything and has just given me options/facts so I am hopeful that will continue - I’m 40 and the first hospital told me in my booking appointment that I would be induced end of story 👍🏻.

Your husband sounds like a sensible man! Don’t you just hate it when they give you reasonable answers/solutions instead of commiserating 😒. I imagine you are rushed off your feet this time round so not able to sit and obsess over every little sensation (which I am 100% doing).

@2mumlife @MsWonky Is It the midwife that books the whooping cough appointment for you or does it go through the GP? She hasn't mentioned anything to me when we met on Tuesday. She only booked the GTT for mid-August

@Francesmalin my midwife just did it there and then for me but she did say that I could have done it at a later appointment or go through my GP. I suspect it will be yet another process that differs from trust to trust!

I just checked my maternity folder and it says it will be discussed at w28 of pregnancy. If midwife doesn't propose it to me I will bring it up! Thank you 😊

@Francesmalin No need to book whooping cough in my area - they offer it to you when you go for your 20 week / anomaly scan. We get an information leaflet here at the 16 week midwife appointment about it and you’re just asked when you walk in for your scan if you want it or not. So weird hearing about folders and physical notes - everything in my area is on the badger notes app 😆 Sorry you’ve got to do the GTT too - its really gross the stuff you have to drink and takes forever. I’m making my partner come for it again to entertain me 😂 also at least my hospital ties it in with my first growth scan, so gives partner a chance at another look at baby.

@MsWonky Absolutely push back on anything you don’t want. With DD consultant said wary that they advise induction and I said absolutely no, not unless there was a reason to do with my actual pregnancy rather than general guidance. I declined induction and declined all offers of sweeps and went into labour perfectly naturally without an issue few days after my due date and was much happier to let my body do its think. Planning the same this time. I’m very against having an induction unless there is a strong medical reason to do so

@2mumlife I am an "old mum" so I need to do the GTT 😂😂😂

I Need to read a bit more about induction but I think I am going to decline it. If I need to be induced I most likely ask to have a C-section at the point