Two under Two - is it worth it?

[dancingzebra]

I have a child who is coming up to 5 months and hoping to start trying again Sept / Oct this year. If we fell pregnant fairly quickly I'd have two under two. Any advice as to whether it's a good or bad idea?

I didn't think of this. That will be really hard. 😩

If you are over 40 go for it. Otherwise, wait 5 years and let your DC enjoy the attention

I have 17 months between my two. I actually loved the baby/toddler stage. I found it easier to have two than one!

Eldest just accepted baby from the minute he arrived, vs friends with a three year gap where eldest regressed to get attention, hurt the baby etc. Family holidays have been a dream as they are always at the same stage in life.

Mostly I just compare it to my miserable, lonely childhood where there was a four year gap and everything was about the older kids and I just had to trail along. I see a lot of younger siblings looking bored on the sidelines at weekend sport and feel very sorry for them!

Thanks so much for your responses everyone! General consensus is that it is worth it. I wondered how many of you had C Sections for your first? I ended up having an emergency C Section, Dr said they advise to wait 12 months before getting pregnant again. Anyone who had a section, how did you find your second pregnancy? Thank you!

Its not age gap, its the kids personalities. My elder DD is quite easy going, and was happy with a baby from day one (20 month gap). DD2 was more lively, but just slotted into our lives.

I have never regretted our smallish gap.

I’ve a 16 month age gap. Currently nearly 4 and 2.5, and am due #3 in the next few weeks. All C-Sections (2xemcs, this one will be my first ELCS). I’m actually nervous about the “bigger” age gap. We’ve had a few misses in between and would have loved them to have been closer. Hasn’t been a problem medically (though work, pregnancy and two young kids is exhausting). Family live abroad. Childcare - we couldn’t have paid nursery fees, our minder has been much better value and been invaluable for being able to show us flexibility. I love getting to watch mine grow up together, they entertain each other (and sometimes fight badly too) BUT they clearly love each other. I’m well aware that they are still young - but I hate pregnancy and don’t love the newborn stage, so in some ways know I would never chose a big age gap - as this way I don’t have to gain and lose my independence repeatedly (and the house just feels like perpetual fun and chaos!!)

I've got a near 21 month old and a one week old. Early days but loving it 🥰

Initially it was fine. Now they're 8.5 and 10, it's really not great. They don't get on well and are very jealous of each other. If you're young enough I think I'd wait a bit.

Throwing in a slightly different perspective but I recognise all the benefits people are mentioning and mine are nearly 2.5 years apart. I think whether they get on is driven much more by personality than age gap so up to chance but the difficulty is guaranteed. I've got a few friends with smaller age gaps and there are mixed opinions on if it's worth it.

Another one with a different perspective: We have a two and three quarter year age gap (currently DS age 6 and DD age 3) and I love it - they do play together (shops, pillow forts, Duplo, lots of things) and they cuddle up together, tell each other they love each other, happily watch the same programmes (especially when it's Bluey!). But I don't think they would have been this close if they were swapped in ages, as they have developed in different ways at different times.

Ours are 3 and 4 with exactly 18 months in between! I won't lie, like others have said, it was hard, but once you find some sort of routine and know what works and doesn't work best for you all, it just becomes second nature!

I love the small age gap between ours - they play so nicely together and are into the same things which makes Christmas and birthdays a lot easier!

Not my personal experience but sisters and v close friends

• first year (up to two) extremely difficult/hard work
• years after this great, children play well and entertain each other
• NURSERY FEES extortionate x 2!!!!

Some would do again, others wouldn't very much depends but the biggest pull they've found is that all the first come reasonably close together but also all the lasts so aswell and so before you know it you've been in a whirlwind of childcare and then they are at school, then leaving school, then leaving home almost together. I think it does depend on your personality, the help you have got, your age and how quickly you need to try if you know your going to.

In the end you'll cope with whatever the age gap turns out to be I'm sure xx

Also issues with seconds not being as confident being on their own, doing things without the older sibling etc

Friend had real issues with child care costs having two under two. She wishes she'd waited until the eldest was three.

I have 15, 9 2 and 4 week old.

I find it fairly lovely having the last so close together although my son has become very clingy since having baby. I would have loved all my children to be so close together but unfortunately me and dh experienced difficulties. Best of luck if you do

Mine are 19 months apart. Their bond is beautiful, but the experience has been very hard work. The thing is, I can't compare it to a bigger age gap so I can't say which is harder than the other. I imagine every gap has it's pros and cons.

We had a a 17 month gap and it was ok when they they were tiny, now they are 4 and 5 it's a real struggle, although both are ND

Both of mine were sections OP (safer for the baby to have a section for the second if you did for the first). 17 months between them. No issues in the second pregnancy or with the sections.

Depends on whether you want to get more one on one time with eldest before second comes along.Also financially double the cost of a lot of things at the same time where if it’s a bit of a gap between both the costs are more spread out for things.

We have twins and a 10month gap between next love it like a little conveyor belt nappy changes etc lol

15 months between mine and they are currently 3.5 and 2.

FWIW I don't think there is a 'perfect' age gap and whilst ours wasn't planned there are pluses and negatives.

For me personally, I had two straight forward pregnancies and births with no complications/stitches etc which definitely made it easier in the early days.

DC1 was so chilled as a baby and DC2 was absolutely not which was a shock to the system. The baby stage is not my favourite part so glad to get that out the way while remembering how to do it.

Now they can play nicely together but there is also a lot of squabbling. On the days off I have with them it's great they are both keen on the same activities that are suitable for both.

A year of 2x nursery fees with nothing apart from tax free 20% was hard, but 30 hours has kicked in for the oldest so over the worst of that.

When DC2 was 15 months I did think how the hell did I cope with a new born at the same time!

NTC friends from DC1 are mostly having there 2nd baby now and I'm mostly happier to have done it with our age gap.

16 months between my two eldest and it was perfect. They were and are really close. Never argued or fought and were the best of friends. Played together all the time as they were interested in the same things. It was hard initially but it paid off.