Pregnancy After Miscarriage - Knicker Checkers Anonymous Part III

[lackaDAISYcal]

Hi everyone.....roll up here for your passport to check your knickers on an hourly basis

Daisy hope everything goes OK for your scan. Thinking of you xxx

where are you all? am fat, fed up and feel sick. Hope you are all doing (healthy and)well.

Kate, I am sorry to read your news. If you would like to CAT me I can go through your questions if you like.

I had bad shooting pains again last night. I can't be bothered to go to my GP, A&E, EPU, or anywhere, becasue I just feel they are so dismissive. My pains over the last few weeks were wrose than these and no one did anything for me at all, when I did go to A&E EPU & GP, last week.
Please I am looking for advice as to how to get my 'Joy de vive' Back. I am not enjoying this pregnancy and feel miserable.
ANY ADVICE ON HOW TO ENJOY AND NOT WORRY ABOUT MC'ING, WOULD BE GRATEFULLY RECEIVED.

can't help with the not worrying but.... could just be stretching ligaments and stuff...

Its not stecthing Dons, I said that to my Prof at Kings and she said no. But she never offered me an explanation.

Hmmmn - that's not very helpful is it. Hopefully somebody with a better idea will be along. Hope youa re not too uncomfortable though. {}

Kate - I'nm so sorry you haven't had any more positive news. I'm still keeping everything crossed for you, and thinking of you going through this awful, stressful time. The waiting / not knowing / hoping must be so so hard

Its just sunk in that even though i have....

Travel system and moses basket sat in the corner of my bedroom

a drawer full of pink

A mahoosive belly

1 very active dd inside said mahoosive belly

IM HAVING ANOTHER BABY!!!

I think with all the complications i forgot that i was actually havin an actual real life baby, even though i'm 21 weeks gone

someone come and slap me!!!

No slaps iliketosleep! Sometime over the next 19 weeks I'm sure it will finally sink in - enjoy it!

Goingfor3 I think I forgot to thank you for sharing your experience with me the other day. I was deeply touched by what you said, and have thought of you often since. I'm sorry for not acknowledging it sooner. So so glad everything is going well for you in this pregnancy. You must be in 3rd trimester territory by now?

Thanks cece, I would definitely like to get in touch if things go the way we expect, both with you and p2b. For now I'm just waiting to see what happens until we know for 100% which course this pregnancy is going to take. Hope you don't mind?

Thanks for your goos wishes splishy, it's really good to know how many people are thinking of us. Hope all is well with you xx

Daisy I really hope the fact that you haven't been back doesn't mean it was bad news... We're all here for you if you ever need us, whichever way it went.

Oblomov so sorry you're having such a stressful time. How far gone are you? Don't imagine it's very reassuring, but hopefully the fact that no-one was too concerned when you had the pains before is a good sign. No comfort I know. But what you will know from being on here is that every pregnancy is different - there are ladies here who have had all sorts of horrific pain and bleeding and who have continued to have successful pregnancies. I guess you'll just have to sit tight til your next scan... Would you be interested in trying some accupuncture or something in the mean time? As long as it was with someone reputable it definitely wouldn't do any harm, and it may help. ((hugs)) to you.

And now it's time for a quick moan: why do people - 'friends' - confuse a need for support with a desire for advice??? And in which universe could it POSSIBLY be helpful to suggets to a woman who is in all likelihood soon to lose her baby that it was far too soon after her last mc to even think about trying again anyway???? (Am quite so hope that made sense!)
Does anyone else feel that way? That rather than just sensing you need support, people (who generally don't have a clue either what they're talking about or what you're going through) take it upon themselves to offer you advice. If I want advice I'll ask for it. I ask you ladies frequently, cos I know on here I have at least a fighting chance of getting a sensible answer!

Another long one from me sorry, but hopefully a bit less depressing tonight

Kate - I'm so sorry to hear your news. People say stupid things - I think partly because they don't know what to say, and partly because they are lazy. When I lost my baby the only place I could be sure of getting real support, as you say, was MN. Other places I got people saying things like 'Well it was probably for the best as it would have been really disabled' etc. The response to that should really be, 'Fu*k off' but I generally just tried to take a deep breath and remember that some people are a bit stupid.

Thinking of you x

Kate yes it is the bad news. my scan on fri showed a blighted ovum, or an anembryonic pregnancy. i chose to have a D&C and had it done very late on fri night, home on Sat lunchtime and basically slept through. I'm in some way relieved that it's all over. It was something I thought was going to happen, and am not really very upset about it, if that makes sense. the hospital will do a series of tests on it and report back to me if they find a reason for it. They then bury it in a plot at the hospital, there;s a memorial service if I want to attend and a book of remembrance where I can add its name and a verse or poem. I felt really well looked after by all the staff. I've not hidden my feelings and have been able to talk to DH about it. We're going to try again immediately - this time planned!!. I'll be swinging my legs in the air again!!!!

Also glad I've told people I was pregnant, it was easy to tell them I MC and great to get their support. I'm not 'embarrased' by MC and am willing to talk about it and give my support to anyone else who will experience this loss.

daisy - we've not 'met' before but am sorry to hear what you're going through. I agree with you in that I did same thing after my D&C - I had told everyone I was PG and then had to tell them when I MC'd, but did mean that people gave me a lot more slack and space. Is good you can talk to your DH and have support x

DIVEDAISY, I am so sorry.
Everyone has been asking after you, both here and on the Novemebr thread. I kept thinking about you and wondering how you were. I am atleast glad that you have been well cared for. And of course it is o.k. to try again, immediately. It is no one elses business how soon/early/never anyone feels like trying again.
Not that that matters to some people, who will undoubtedly offer really 'helpful advice', as Kate talked about. They need a good slap, some of them. "Its probably for the best" - now how is something like that helpful ?
Kate, thank you, for your very kind words. Especially seeing as you have all that is going on for you, at the moment. You kinds words really touched me, so thank you.

Divedaisy I'm so sorry to hear your news but it's good that you're getting the support you need both from the medical staff and friends and family. It makes a huge difference. You sound in a very positive frame of mind too so good luck with ttc again and hopefully see you back here very soon. Don't forget there's MC Avengers thread under Conception if you do need some support from others in the same situation - they're a great bunch of ladies and they have lots of virtual cake
Kate at the senseless hurtful comments. I think that some people just don't know what to say and it ends up coming out wrong unfortunately. You can talk to us anytime though.
Oblomov How are you doing today? Have the pains eased off a bit? It is a worrying time. I'm literally counting down the days until my next scan - 14.
Hi to everyone else.

Kate - sounds like your friends don't really know what to say to you and rather than just 'being there' for you, and are saying inappropriate things in an attempt to help - which is crapola.
I also got alot of - 'well, I'm sure it'll work out next time...' err - you don't know that and it was farking hard enough to get this far this time....

Daisy - so sorry to hear your news. I found getting 'straight back on the horse' IYKWIM a good way of giving me something to focus on - but everyone is different of course. After my MC I went on a hen weekend where I didn't drink and various friends looked at me aghast when I said I was off the booze as we were trying again "so soon??" - bollocks to them - it's entirely up to you.

Hope you are okay Oblomov and CriCri...and evryone else.

Thank you all! You understand so much it's scary. Yeh we are going to try again asap - I was up for it last night!! but dh did say 'your body has taken a bit of trauma, just take it easy for a wee while' bless him he's been a rock, but I don't want him or anyone to use this mc as an excuse not to ttc NOW!!

THe midwive told me to wait until my body gets back into routine after next period, yet the Drs told me to wait 3-4 months! Another MW even said to wait at least 6 months - I can understand that if I was feeling really bad, but I'm not!!

On;y thing is that my hips and groins are tender - feel bruised!! What on earth went on there!!??

Hi DiveDaisy I too felt like getting straight back in there after my ERPC - had a heart breaking time trying the persuade DH was a good idea as he wanted to take things slower and wait (and MIL got her ten penn'th in of course ). Finally convinced him but took ages for me to get BFP again - and of course everyone had reasons and words of advice "your body needs a rest" "it hasn't been long" "cows take a year to recover before we let them get PG again" (I kid you not )
Kate I wish you could wear a sign saying please just listen and don't try to sort this out for me (my DH needed it too - he only knows how to solve problems not listen to them). But if I could have had an electric prod to zap those "helpful" people who didn't know they were born who said things like - "everybody gets there eventually" and "there is a right time for everything" and "everything happens for a reason" I would have been a much happier person . I think you are being AMAZING - and taking time to help other people with their problems here on MN - what a star! and [big box of chocs for you emoticon]

hello all been at the coast for a week, really nice actually just before the snow set in!

Kate I am so sorry to hear everything you are still going through I must say you are a remarkably strong lady.

Daisy - sorry to hear your news too - you've just got to listen to yourself in terms of when to try again - I think you will go mad trying to listen to everyone else!! I was lucky had some really good friends who would just listen to my ranting on, and it really helped me work through it.

I was told by the consultant to wait 6 months, but that was after 3 losses in a row and actually I would have TTC despite that if I had felt ready - but decided to wait that long and just relax a bit as by then was in a state of constant anxiety

Hi everyone else, hope you all well and feeling ok.

LOL Pops! your 'cow' comment is now the official number one in my crappest-things-to-say-in-the-world-ever hall of fame! God people are ridiculous. One of the girls on the Avengers thread summed it up really well, she was sick of people telling her it 'obviously just wasn't the right time' to which her repsonse (possibly not out-loud) was 'what, so it wasn't the right time to have a healthy baby but it was the right time to have a heartbreaking, emotionally and physically traumatic miscarriage then was it?'
The only thing I think for these stupid people is that I hope they never have to understand how stupid/pointless/hurtful their comments are, because if they do that will mean they are experiencing it, and even at my darkest moments I wouldn't wish that on anyone. (Though I do admit that every time I see a pregnant woman I want to stab her with a fork - not you lot though, cos I know what you've been through to get here )

Daisy so sorry it was bad news. Support from the hospital means a lot, I'm very impressed by what they have offered you. When I went in for my erpc they forgot I was there and we were left waiting in a ward for 1 1/2 hours, then the STUPID nurse asked the girl in the next bed what her 'presenting complaint' was - dread to think what I would have said if they'd said that to me - and to top it all off when they gave me some painkillers to take home they'd got my name wrong (Karen?!?!), so they STILL didn't know who I was! But somehow, notwithstanding all that, I found it a strangely comforting experience. Still don't understand why. As far as tryng again is concerned, you must both just do whatever's right for you, and stuff everyone else. Think they say no bd'ing until the bleeding's stopped though - but up to you. Will be looking out for you over with the Avengers, that's where I'll be heading if this goes as we expect. Please would you save me a piece of ginger cake? I'll put the kettle on when I get there xxx

Oblomov hope you're ok today, thank you for your comments xx

Hi to everyone else

I'll really miss you ladies...

Sorry to hear your news, Daisy . I'd second or third the recommendation of the mc avengers thread, because it can be a real up and down time after mc, and it is great to be able to talk to people who totally understand. I think once the bleeding has stopped there's no reason not to go ahead with ttc, but I think sometimes people say to wait because of thinking it's good to recover emotionally etc. But only you know what's right for you. Good luck, hope you're back soon

My current little worry is that I was ill over the weekend with this flu type illness that also made my face go blocthy / cheeks go bright red. So now I'm totally paranoid it was slapped cheek syndrome which is common in kids, and no big deal unless you are less than 20 weeks pg, in which case, according to NHS Direct website, seems there's a 15% risk of mc, and a 3% risk of foetal hydrops. So they're going to check my blood they took a few weeks ago to see if I had antibodies for it as 50% of adults are immune, as if so, I won't need to worry. Guess there's no point worrying, as I can't change anything. Still find it hard to believe bambino is still there as no sign of it at all.

Hope your pains have settled down Oblomov,

Girls you're all great! Wish I could meet up with you all for a real natter! Thank God I'm not a cow and that I don't have to wait for a farmers permission to get 'impregnated' again! I think that is the funniest and daftest thing anyone could ever say. I've had a lot of 'it wasn't to be' 'it's gods will' 'maybe next time' etc etc (no cow talk or comparisons!!) I realise people are only trying to show compassion etc so I don't really mind - what are they meant to say!? Nothing - thenyou'd really be pissed!! Try not to analyse what's said to you, but try to see what they are really tryign to say - it's awkward for them - there aren't the right words.

ANyway - no bleeding after my erpc (now I understand what that means!) But I will check out the avangers thread - see you over there.

For the rest of you nervous knicker checkers - I really hope you all go well - get really big bellies and loads of kicks in the ribs, plenty of sleepless nights, cracked nipples, poo up to your elbows... and healthy happy babes to balance this equation! What I'd do for all of the above!! Good luck, and God bless you all.xx

Morning all

Just wanted to say to Kate its absolutely fine that you are waiting to get in touch. I am of course hoping (and hoping) that you will not be contacting me. Will be thinking of you tomorrow at your next scan.

p2b

Just sending everyone my love today. Think we could all do with a hug!

Definately need a hug. Have been catching up on the past few days (pc bust at home and can't get online!!!!). Sorry to the ladies who have been having a crap time, love to you all and hope you have the strength to try again - I know it is a tough time and you all know where to come for a good moan/rant etc.

I have another scan tomorrow, I am only 8.5 weeks, have had two scans already and have seen the hb but stopped feeling sick last week and am really panicking, I know symptoms come and go but just can't get it out of my head that something is wrong (4 prev mcs, one after seeing hb). My DH is coming with me tomorrow and I have talked about how I feel to him, he is really good at listening now (previously he has just wanted to fix things or said it will be ok - he knows better now!). At work today and am busy (so shouldn't be on here!) so hoping time flies, appointment is 9.30 in the morning so don't have to wait long - have visions of going into the scan room and her saying it has gone t*ts up (I am sure the nice scan lady wouldn't put it like that but you know what I mean). Sorry for the ramble but you are the only people who know about the pg and how I feel.

Anyone got any words of wisdom - preferably not animal related (LOL at cows).

X

Smiles