ERA EMMA ALICE infertility graduates/pregnancies thread 2

[Gardenlady543]

New thread @seven201 @Janefx40 @AM08 @thislittlebird @Spin101 @CB2805 @Dochas12111

I wrote that when I was very tired I meant the spectra s1 is from amazon here it is: amzn.eu/d/656gA02 it only comes with a 29mm flange which is quite big, I use 21mm so bought a part from the maymom store on amazon.

@Janefx40 thanks :) when we do the top up feeds we start when she is crying and we do in 30ml increments and she screams until she gets at least 90mls :( my supply has been more than enough but she's decided she wants at least 120mls per feed so now I just can't drop a pump, if I spend too long nursing then I'm late for a pump and I won't make the amount she needs :( so exhausting, I panic even at feeding clinic appointments as I know my pump schedule will be off.

Oh wow 8.5 months, how long are you off work for? I'm due back in July.

@Gardenlady543 it's very tricky because the more your nurse the better she will get at it and the more milk she will get but then you miss a pump. It's also really difficult when they don't gain weight well because you just want to do whatever it takes to get their weight up and not take a risk by missing a pump to prioritise feeding etc. You will get to a place that works for you and that's what matters.

I'm due back on 4th June. I'm taking the full year plus I get 6 weeks annual leave but am taking some during Summer Holidays as have to deal with first school holiday this year with DD. Just found out our nursery has added loads of weird extra fees now though (they got taken over and have been very money grabbing ever since) so now am scrabbling around deciding what to do. They've managed to arrange it so that when the free government hours kick in which will actually be worse off than before! Genius.

Also there are redundancies at work. Current schedule ends on the last day of my mat leave - if they stick to that then I get some maternity protection and should be offered a job. If they delay by even a day I could be in trouble. So we shall see...

@Janefx40 I don't know I'm at breaking point today, I haven't eaten and I'm lying in my bed crying right now. My husband decided to take the dogs to the groomers and was out for 3 hours, my pump sessions are now an hour long and the baby wouldn't stop crying, I had to try and do everything for her while pumping and people kept ringing the door bell. I am so sedentary now my thighs ache, because between skin to skin, latching practice and pumping there is no time to move at all. I was supposed to take LMWH for 6 weeks but when I started bleeding a lot of dark brown blood at 2 weeks I stopped, I thought I'd be fine as I moved a lot then but I'm not able to move now. I'm sure I don't have a DVT but the aching is really difficult.

Gosh I don't even know what to do with this childcare stuff, my husband was going to be a child carer but he has decided he doesn't want that now. I don't qualify for the funding, so the initiative will likely make things harder. My husband wants to move to be by his family and is constantly having me sort through the home and tidy it up and has tradespeople constantly coming round. And I keep telling him it's too much and he says that's fine then just arranges more stuff.

I really hope they stick to their schedule for the redundancies, erg you don't need that stress :(

@Gardenlady543 that sounds rough, how old is baby now? I hope he's back now or soon to help you out. Where are his family? Why did he change his mind about staying home?

We have to go back to work for pensions and salaries, so are viewing a nursery next week, planning on 3 days in nursery and I'll work 3 days, I guess. I don't like the whole midwife experience to date, going to see them in a couple of weeks then going to see my GP to see if they'll help. Picked up a second hand cotbed today, my sister gave me a breast pump and pads yesterday, although I might buy a wearable one, we're hoping to do combined feeding. But who knows, we're a few months away yet.

We just scrapped our plans for a new bathroom, decided I'd rather have the money in the bank for the maternity leave year. I was also getting stressed out by tradesmen and their availability so we'll just live with our 90s bathroom for another year. Maybe we won't bother at all and we'll just move.

@Janefx40 do you think they're adding the fees in response to the extra funding? Fingers crossed for you with the redundancy situation.

@Gardenlady543 oh my love it sounds like you are at breaking point.

Would you consider breastfeeding with formula top ups? You could then be less under pressure. I've known you (virtually) for quite a long time and you always give 100% and go the extra mile. You are clearly doing that now with all the pumping so you can feel so proud of that. But you also want to enjoy your baby. If formula would enable you to do that it could be worth considering.

I breastfed with formula top ups for both of mine and then did EBF both after the first 8-10 weeks but even if you don't - sometimes formula just works best.

Sending love xxx

@Gardenlady543 im so sorry you’re going through all of this. You certainly need support. Is there anyone who can help you out? Just pop in and make you a cuppa and sit with you until you ask them to leave?

you don’t need strangers in your house at this moment in time. Is DH aware of that or is there a way to help him understand better?

I hope things only get better

@Gardenlady543 reading back that sounds like I'm pressurizing you to give formula but I didn't mean it like that. I just wanted to make sure you didn't feel guilty if you are considering that because I know that I found it very emotional but looking back it was the right choice for us. Hope you are doing ok x

@Gardenlady543 your such a trooper pumping so often and giving it your all - as my baby was early term he wasn’t ready to latch when my milk came in so I had to pump; i found it so hard and our feeding consultant did say that in a way pumping is one of the hardest things to do as you have to be so on top of pumping times for supply without the nice bit of breastfeeding but then have all of the admin of bottle feeding. I’m combi feeding now (my supply was never great as I lost a lot of blood in the birth) but I’m thinking of just moving to formula full time over the next week or 2 - it’s not something I ever wanted to do but I’m at peace with it and as long as my little one is happy and growing then I’m ok! Sending you lots of love and hoping that you can breastfeed fully soon xxx

Hi ladies, I am so so sorry to have been so quiet especially as you have all been so supportive to me on this journey. I found my anxiety and disassociation really spiralled and had to cut myself off of googling and the internet really but I did occasially peek and lurk to see how you were all getting on-this is the only forum/thread I could let myself be on as it’s so wonderfully supportive and such a kind, knowledgeable group of ladies. Congratulations to all the new babies ( @InvisibleDreamer , @AM08 @Gardenlady543 I was overjoyed to see your news) and I hope everyone on their journey is getting there (and not getting into the state I found myself in!).

i did have to post when I saw your message @Gardenlady543 - as @Janefx40 says, you always give more than 100% and what is so
important is that you feel you are thriving too. I exclusively pumped for a few weeks and remember that feeling of being chained to the sofa and not moving so I really really feel for you. Feeding is such an emotive topic and everyone will have their views - remember you are an incredible mother, you were a fantastic mother even before your little girl arrived with the lengths you went to for her and I really hope you are feeling a little better today. People coming to the door etc is not what you need…could you just ignore them or have your husband at least WFH? Honestly, I remember thinking I had to answer every message (you don’t have to answer this one!!) and every doorbell but if we get there with this one I will take a totally different approach. I switched to full formula feeding and it worked well for us but fully appreciate it is not what everyone wants to get to.

I am almost 35 weeks…I am consultant led, he is very good but I haven’t had the best experience with the perinatal mental health team. Now I’m just treating it like an endurance event and hoping I make it to the end. All scans etc are good, I just can’t believe after the last year this may actually end well. It’s the anniversary of my best friend passing away on Wednesday so that is my next milestone.

Sending lots and lots of love to you all and have been willing you all on! I have been trying to keep up but please let me know your news and updates if you have a sec xxxx

@AM08 I must have missed you having the baby, congratulations! When was it?

Thanks everyone you're all so sweet, yesterday was a real down day. I've felt a bit better today. And now I start a new week, I have to start all the appointments again. I have the breast feeding support group tomorrow and the feeding clinic later in the week, then I'm back to the lactation consultant the week after.

@thislittlebird the baby is 4 weeks now. So if I'm exclusively pumping I'm going to have to carry on like this for another 8 weeks. Oh no what's happening with the midwives? We got 2 x second hand halo swivels which have worked out well, one for the bedroom and one for the living room, think I can only use them until around 4-6 months.

@Janefx40 I'm kind of stuck where I am at the moment, as I need to continue the regime for 12 weeks to have the milk supply. We are vegans and people criticise the soy formula so that doesn't help either. Feels like an all or nothing decision, I'll keep going for now, just wish there was a way for it to fit in my day better.

@Spin101 I'm pretty isolated here. My husband is here most of the time, he just has more freedom to leave the home whereas I can't drive until I've had my 6 week check and need to be at home for the pumping :( how are you doing?

@AM08 how old is baby now? It really is tough, I was told with pumping you get cortisol released and with nursing you also get the nice oxytocin to relax. So pumping just makes you stressed with no relaxation :(

@Jellybelly56 oh wow 35 weeks! You are at the end now! I remember feeling rough at this point with acid reflux, vomiting, back pain and fatigue. So I hope you are coping. Sorry to hear it's been tough with the mental health team, my friend was under them as well. Even when I was at the hospital about to have the c section I didn't believe there was a baby coming.

@Gardenlady543 how are you getting on now with the pumping? Midwives just don’t listen to me. I spoke to my doctor this week who was following up about my (genetic) high cholesterol results and she’s going to email my midwives telling them to refer me for a c section amongst other things.

I also want to talk to them about making sure my husband can stay over in the hospital overnight because I’m so anxious about hospital and need to ask them to change my breast feeding plan to combi feeding. I also realised recently I’ve had operations on both breasts (one very minor, one more significant for a large benign tumour excision) which could cause issues.

We opened our piece of paper today with the baby’s sex on, and our only normal 4AA embryo turned out to be a girl! I am not surprised tbh after I read about 2/3 40+ men having girls stat, plus we liked one boy name and were happy with it and couldn’t decide on a girl 🙃. We aren’t telling family as I don’t want them to fill my house with exclusively pink stuff.

@thislittlebird I hope the midwives listen to your doctor and get something booked in to discuss a c section, I was under consultant led care so it was much smoother and can only imagine how frustrating it is trying to organize the c section when you're under midwife led care.

Could you find out via the hospital what the policy is for staying overnight? On the maternity unit they let the birth partner stay overnight at my local hospital and have reclining chairs for them (cue my husband complaining as he has a prolapsed disc and wanted to be in a bed). I wouldn't worry too much about the feeding plan as the staff there will accept what you tell them. The maternity unit I was on only let people use premade formula, think there are only three brands, so would be useful for you to get some of them to take in, although I'd imagine the hospital will supply them while you're there. When you get to 36-37 weeks you can start collecting colostrum and freezing it, so you could see how you get on with that, as you can syringe feed the baby that when you're in the hospital.

Woop to a girl! We didn't tell my husbands family but did tell my family. We were given lots of stuff but not until after she was born. Not sure if this is the same for everyone, I found it quite surprising but I guess unless people have a baby shower that people may hold off until after birth.

Baby is now 5 weeks old, I am still doing almost all exclusive pumping, the baby is latching about once a day and either she latches for 2 minutes then falls asleep or latches for 45 minutes and looks like she's doing everything right with big swallows, I can literally hear milk going down and she had milk in her mouth but when she comes off she screams for her full feed after, so I guess the progress is her latching is getting better, I just don't get why she can't get the milk. The feeding team are now bowing out and I'll stay under the lactation consultant, we are seeing them this week.

How's everyone doing?

@seven201 how are you doing, haven't heard from you for a little while?

@Gardenlady543 I’m glad to hear there is progress in her feeding. I hope it only gets better for both of you. Do the feeding team only support up to a certain number of weeks?

I’m 33 weeks now and have been up for over an hour. The baby has been active for the last 50 mins and I don’t know if it’s anything to worry about. Perhaps I just don’t notice it when I’m asleep and now I feel concerned.

@Spin101 I'm up for the dreaded 3am pump, but should try and go back to sleep now. The feeding team only support up until 6 weeks, which makes no sense since lots of people haven't got breast feeding sorted by then esp if they have needed a hospital admission like my baby did. You can always call the maternity advice line if you're worried, they are the experts and were able to talk me down and reassure me.

@Gardenlady543 6 weeks really isn’t long at all! I hope the lactation consultant is able to provide more support. Hope you get some rest until you need to be up again.
i just called them and the lady said the baby is probably having a party so nothing to worry about.

@Spin101 that's good, I'm glad you called, so reassuring to hear from a midwife that things are ok, I found they didn't take risks so if they were concerned they would have told you to come in.

@Gardenlady543 you are doing an amazing job! Do you know the Kelly Mom website? It won’t tell you anything you don’t know but it’s reassuring and I always enjoyed it as a resource when I was immersing myself on all things breast milk! There is a whole section for exclusive pumping mums that you may like. Lots of quotes from women about their experiences

https://kellymom.com/mother2mother/exclusive-pumping/

5 weeks! How is your girl doing otherwise?

DS still sleeping in my arms! But I am getting a cot sorted and then we will see…he’s so gorgeous tho and I love how happy he is in my bed so not sure I can give him up to a cot. Who needs sleep eh?

Sorry I've been awol. I haven't read back so not sure what's happened since I was last on. How is everyone? I can see @Gardenlady543 that you're nearly exclusively pumping and you mention baby needing a hospital admission. Sorry it's so hard. Is baby fine now? My sister exclusively pumped for 6 months - I have no idea how she did it. It's good she's latching at least. Keep going with the lactation consultant - I hope you get into a good rhythm with whatever you end up doing long term. Feeding is so stressful and emotive sometimes. I think my dd has a cows milk intolerance so I've given up on fresh milk, ice cream etc myself and formula top ups so feel a bit stuck sometimes as I get hardly anything when I pump. I need to go to the gp to see if they'll prescribe some dairy free formula for when I'd like to combi feed her. She had tongue tie snipped at 5 weeks and she got more efficient at feeding and my nipples recovered.

Congratulations to anyone who has recently joined or had a baby. I've probably missed some of that news!

I love my dd to bits but it's been hard. She will only nap on me still and screams blue murder if put in a car seat and doesn't like the pram. My wrists and back are really suffering from how she likes to be carried around all the time and she's quite the chunk now. Basically we've got into some really bad habits and we now need to try and get out of them! Dh is still most evenings and weekends doing work on our house so it's been trying doing it mostly by myself. House is nearly at a point where we can slow down and he can help with the baby more - should have a proper kitchen in a week!

@Spin101 I'm glad you called and got that reassurance

@Gardenlady543 not sure if you have an extra reason by my car insurance said I could drive as soon as I felt safe to emergency stop. No need to wait for 6 week check. I think most insurance companies are the same so maybe call yours up if you do want to get out and about sooner.

Thanks @Janefx40 I've had a read, it's a good pep talk for me. Luckily there is an exclusive pumper at the breast feeding support group I go to which is great as it means I don't feel isolated there and feel like I'm accepted as she set the precedent. Lots of exclusive pumpers feel very alone. I do get sad watching other mums breastfeed with no issue but I guess everyone has their own challenges. That's nice to hear that your baby still enjoys cuddled up naps, that has to be the best part for me, cuddling up with the baby (only inbetween pumps of course 😞), the separation from the baby when I'm pumping every 2 hours during the day is the worst bit. Otherwise she's doing good, she seems to be gaining weight well and luckily I have enough supply for her to be exclusively fed on breast milk.

@seven201 she's doing well, she was latching but clearly not getting milk off me early on and so lost 17% weight by day 5 and we were in hospital for 2 nights. Since then my supply has gone up but she really struggles, latching is getting better but she demands her whole feed from a bottle after. I usually manage one long latch a day which I guess is practice for her and provides her with some comfort. It sounds like you have a Velcro baby, mine is heavy at 5 weeks so I feel for you :( hopefully you can get her weaned off needing to be held all the time. I hope the renovations are done soon. DH wants us to move to be close to his family and in a bigger place. But it just seems stressful, it would be nicer to have more space but it involves getting jobs done around the home and tidying the whole place up.

@Gardenlady543 that's really great about your supply. Do you trust the professionals that she definitely doesn't have tongue tie? My baby lost 11.5% in the first 5 days and had to be combi fed to gain (and guzzled down the bottles) and it wasn't until about a week after having her minor tongue tie snipped at 5 weeks that I was able to drop the top up feeds. My older dd was combi fed and always preferred a bottle. Looking back I don't know why I persisted for so long with breastfeeding her (until she was 1) as she was happy with her diary free formula (she had cows milk protein allergy and I gave up dairy completely). I do think as they get older and have more strength and E every and their mouth grows a bit they do just get better at feeding so hopefully she'll find her way. Have you got good pumps? What about the ones you charge and pop in your bra like the Elvie? Probably not as effective as the hospital grade ones though.

Yep, definitely have a Velcro baby - good job she's cute! We had a day out in london today and she was basically carried around all the sights by dh and me pushing the empty pram. I know what you mean about moving house. It's just no fun but would be worth it in the end. We chose to extend (and only gained living space not bedrooms) and it's been hugely expensive and stressful - probably should have moved!

@seven201 i have 2 massive tins of milk protein free Actimel unopened at home. Let me know if you want them - honestly it is such a waste as the consultants prescribed them for DS but we never gave it to him. I would genuinely love them to go to someone who might use them