ERA EMMA ALICE infertility graduates/pregnancies thread 2

[Gardenlady543]

New thread @seven201 @Janefx40 @AM08 @thislittlebird @Spin101 @CB2805 @Dochas12111

And I'm going to start the new thread off by talking about my shitty day.

We woke up to a lot of snow this morning, the day of my maternity photoshoot that I’ve had planned for months. At first I thought oh wow I could get some nice photos in the snow. But my make up artist said she wasn’t sure if she could get to me. I offered to go to her and walk the last bit as her car was up a hill. She said she wanted to try to come to me.

Then the photographer got in touch, initially saying he would try to get to the studio but then he said he wouldn't know if he could until he went to leave. He then said he didn’t think he could get to the studio. I asked could we meet somewhere mutual and do the shoot outside for instance and he said no. He then gave me a torrent of unnecessary comments. Bear in mind my road is gritted and clear and it's only main roads for me, so really the ability to do this shoot was dependent on him and the make up artist.

He said “well if you want to risk life and limb, it’s not just about you, you’re putting your baby at risk” and this went on and on, despite me saying this wasn’t helpful.

I asked about alternative availability and he said there were no weekends available so I’d have to come in the week and when I said I can’t as I have work he said, “what you don’t get maternity leave?”. I told him I’m working right up until x-mas with my c section planned for the 5th January and then he acted like this was weird. I felt like I was being shamed for being a bad mother, before the baby has actually arrived!

The makeup artist said she hadn’t actually left yet. She is connected to a different studio, they don’t specialise in maternity and don’t have the fancy dresses to wear but she said she will find a way to slot me in, in a couple of weeks.

So I don't know, I may look at buying one of the flowy dresses and going with her studio, at least I know they will be nice to me there.

@Gardenlady543 what a prick! Definitely don't use him!! My maternity leave technically began on the day I had the baby. Was last physically in work on Thursday and c-section on the Tuesday.

We're good thanks @Janefx40 . Baby nearly 6 weeks somehow. She's pretty good but suffers from digestion pains sometimes.. how are you getting on?

@Gardenlady543 sounds like a real disappointment - a day you were looking forward to. Sorry it didn't work out - don't let that man shame you. He should know better if he specialises in maternity shoots.

@seven201 their little tummies take a little while to settle down I think. Leo is 6.5 months. He's just gorgeous - so smiley and sweet. We still co-sleep which has its ups and downs but we both sleep well so it's ok. He showed no interest in food at all until I was eating some "artisan flatbread" in a pub and he tucked right in?!! These middle class kids eh?! 😂 so all in all, things are good!

Erg so I ended up having to rebook with the photographer as it's too late to find someone else. So it's now been rebooked in, and hopefully I can just not talk to him while doing the pictures.

I'm struggling on the iron tablets which have made no difference, my ferritin is still at 22 and my haemoglobin has continued to drop so I'm right at the low end of the normal range now. The gut side effects are making my life really difficult.

I found a place in Birmingham that do iron infusions so I'm booked in to speak with their doctor tomorrow.

@Gardenlady543 that’s typical, sorry it was so disappointing! Have they rebooked you for sometime soon?

I’ve only just realised we have a new thread, thanks for setting it up!

Can I ask what people think of this? My 12 week scan letter has finally arrived 3 weeks later. Good chances I think but the age odds really threw me off?

@thislittlebird I haven't seen one of these reports before. Is the age chance just a generic: women of this age have this much chance, like this attached table. I don't think that means much with PGT A though.

It looks like you are not an increased risk for T13,T18 or T21, which is good news.

@Gardenlady543 oh, I thought you’d have had them. Did you not bother? I also had a Concepto NIPT today so hoping that’ll be back in a few days.

Yeah the 1/98 weirded me out a bit but I guess it’s just a generic age risk calculation.

@thislittlebird I just did NIPT at 10 weeks and when I told anyone that, they said there was no need for other things as that's the most accurate. Did you say you've decided not to find out the sex?

@Gardenlady543 yeah, I only held off on nipt because I thought I’d come back high risk because of age (40) but I did not. That’s right, for now we’re not sure if we want to know or not so I guess we’ll reconsider in January. It’s hard, I quite like the idea of a surprise but also not entirely sure.

Hi ladies, sorry I’ve been awol!

@Gardenlady543 your c section is very soon! How have you been feeling?

@Janefx40 @seven201 hope you and the bubbas are doing well!

@thislittlebird i used concepto too in London. I had bloods taken on a Saturday and results back on the Monday though they do say it takes up to 5 working days.

Hope everyone else is doing well!

After hearing about other antenatal courses and looking them up and finding out they’re all fully booked, I decided to go with NCT. I do worry the dates are too close to my due date but wanted to the flexibility of weekend dates.

@Spin101 they encourage people to take them towards the end of pregnancy, the only issue is it's long hours and I was uncomfortable. I did mine 6 weeks ago and most of the couples seem to have had their babies now. I'm the last but one due date wise.

@Spin101 Concepto came back today, that’s very fast! I found a thread with your results on @Gardenlady543 and you have a lot more listed than I do, I didn’t even see an option for extras.

I was expecting numbers tbh, probably from seeing other reports with other places, so that’s a little disappointing. I was hoping for much lower ratios to come up to out my mind at ease and I can’t find out what “low risk” means with concepto.

@thislittlebird mine tested for 5 other syndromes but there were three packages when I booked and now there's only one, so I don't think they test for those things now. Mine all said low risk for everything. I honestly think you are fine with your euploid embryo, the test you had before and now this one and they've all been fine :)

So a bit of a weird situation for me, you guys may remember I went on the NCT course a while back, I was quite stressed about it and had chatted with the tutor about how I could be included with my c section and how I already felt like an outsider after IVF. I thought I got on well with the group, I made an effort to chat to everyone and I guess the thing I wanted the most was to make social connections, since I don’t know anyone in real life with a baby. My friend had gone on the same course and she meets up weekly with the people from her course.

Well a couple of days ago I get a message inviting me to a group chat, turns out it’s been going on for weeks and they even met up for a meal. It looks like the only people that weren’t invited were me and another girl that did IVF.

I’m at such a vulnerable stage of pregnancy and I can’t believe after a brief course like that, effort would be made to include all but two girls from a group setting. I don’t know why they would suddenly add me now, most of the group have now had their babies. The thing is having seen I’ve been excluded it isn’t the kind of group I’d want to be in at this time. It was the person who had created the group who messaged me inviting me, they said the delay was because they didn’t know my contact details (everyone’s details were in the same group so this isn’t believable). I said how my details are in the tutor led group like everyone elses and asked about the meet up. The reply I got just ignored what had happened, they said not everyone was there (the only people who weren’t were me and the only other girl who had had IVF who had been honest about how isolated she felt due to IVF in relation to things like the birth plan). I replied to say it had really upset me to find out this group had been going for several weeks and a meet up arranged without considering me. She didn’t reply to this.

I never thought I’d go on an event renowned for creating social networks and friendships and end up isolated. Why would anyone start a group from this kind of event and alienate two people?

I know there will be other options like baby groups, but this has really knocked my confidence, I already felt like an outsider and now I’m worried I’ll bump into these people again at groups etc. I've been up all night and been crying for 24 hours I feel overly emotional and tearful right now, really don't want to be sad about something like this at such an important time.

@Gardenlady543 I'm so sorry this has happened and I totally get why you would feel left out.

But is it possible this is a genuine oversight? They don't know you well enough for it to be personal, surely. It wasn't just you so clearly not personal. It is thoughtless of them to have had meet ups with just 4 of them (I assume as usually 6 in a group).

I can honestly say I have never ever experienced a single negative reaction to having had IVF so I can't see that this would be related.

I don't want to minimise how you are feeling but equally I hope this isn't you being intentionally excluded. Why add you now if so?

I didn't gel initially with my NCT group - we all seemed so different but once we had our babies the chat and occasional company was really great and we did all bond. We're not exactly friends - some of them I don't see at all - but we are still in contact over WhatsApp and pleased when we bump into one another. I have one good friend from the group. I guess what I'm saying is that it takes time to bond together and a lot of it happens once you have your baby.

I suppose my advice would be to give it time and see how it resolves - because it may well resolve better than it feels right now x

Thanks @Janefx40 there were 8 couples in the group, 6 women have been included, me and the other girl I mentioned have been left out as far as I'm aware. I am basing this on her not being in the meet up picture, I don't want to tell her I just found out a group exists because I don't want her getting upset as I have. So they have had a spin off group with 6 out of 8 women and had a meal together. Several of the group have had babies and I have been saying congratulations in the tutor led group. I had no idea this other group existed or why someone would select 6/8 people to join a group, I also don't understand why after 6 weeks they are inviting me now, the only thing I can think of is because the tutor arranged a reunion and they don't want to have to face me in person knowing I would find out they've all been chatting and meeting up. The person I sent the message to, about being upset to be left out has just ignored it. I thought some of the girls were really nice but I couldn't be in a group and meet up knowing 1-2 people have been left out and not speak up :(

@Gardenlady543 you may be over-thinking this. It's possible they just added the people there at the time and then forgot not everyone was on.

It is a bit odd that is happened and very unfortunate. But the woman who made the WhatsApp group is just another Mum who's had/having a new baby and she won't want the stress of dealing with a conflict any more than you do. So hopefully it works for both of you to move past it.

Really your only way forward is to appear to shrug it off and be friendly to them from now on in.

Then come on here and share any concerns or other feelings you have with us instead!!

@Janefx40 the WhatsApp group was made from the phone numbers in the tutor led WhatsApp group, it was made 6 weeks ago and they have been chatting and meeting up. I've been in the tutor group the whole time and was left out, nobody invited me to the mothers group. I think they only told me about it now because the tutor arranged a meet up and we had planned to go and it would have been pretty obvious that they'd all been meeting up without me. I didn't get a reply back to my message. I had hoped to make friends. It feels horrible to be left out and to know nobody spoke up about it, so I can't see any relationships forming from the group now. If I'd got a "we should have added you sooner, I'm sorry" message I'd give it a go. But nobody has reached out to say anything. It seems most of the group have had their babies or are about to. It would have been nice to have people to chat to and meet up with as I navigate this, but I guess it wasn't meant to be, feels like mean girls the pregnancy edition. Maybe I'll look at going back to work sooner so I have some social interactions as I live out in the sticks and will likely get quite lonely.

@Gardenlady543 ah then I'm sorry. I was hoping it was just a mistake.

Don't go back to work early because you met a few unfriendly women. This is your time with your baby.

There are usually baby groups to meet people and the chances are you can find a few that they don't go to. In our area (a village with a few small towns fairly near) there is a group in most churches..

To be honest, I don't meet up with anyone or go to groups and I'm not lonely. I like the time with my baby and in those early weeks I was busy getting used to everything and managing having a newborn. I feel like we are more in a rhythm when we stay home. Leo naps, I have breakfast and watch tv, do some jobs etc. Then he wakes, feeds, we play, maybe go for a walk and he sleeps again. I make dinner or eat biscuits (or both). And repeat until bedtime! It's not wildly exciting but I enjoy it - not an NCT or baby group in sight x

@Gardenlady543 sorry to hear about the NCT group. I do think it's worth trying to move past this and trying to get to know them. It may be you end up great friends with most of them, maybe one or two of them, or maybe none, but it's worth a try. I still regularly see three couples from our course but the other three couples just gradually drifted off. I doubt it's anything to do with ivf unless you think you or the other woman perhaps brought a bit of change of mood to the group. Maybe they wanted to live in ignorance about the potential complexities of pregnancy, birth and newborns, so wanted to wait until after births to develop friendships.

I'm like @Janefx40 this time I'm not fussed about groups and friends. Baby is 7 weeks now and we hardly go out and haven't yet tried to find any new mum friends. First time round I did too much - I was trying to keep up with the number of groups my new Nct did but actually I found it stressful having to get the baby out so often. Wish I'd sat on the sofa more! Definitely don't make plans to go back to work sooner. You'll find your own path, but there's no rush.

Thanks guys, bit of a stressful one for me today, I had a private scan at the weekend and the baby has barely grown over 17 days. I showed my midwife and she was concerned but the consultant didn't want to bring my scan for next week forward so I went in for a CTG (my first one so you would have thought me never going there they would have taken my concerns seriously).

Ended up only meeting the criteria in the last 1 min of the scan as the baby was active for 5 mins, slept for 30 mins, woke up and was briefly active then went back to sleep again. I also had constant "contractions" which I didn't feel at all, my abdomen is always rock hard and I was watching for when the CTG was picking it up and noticed nothing. The doctor said I needed a speculum in case I'm in labour, cervix was closed and the speculum caused me to bleed and I told them and the midwife said "hardly a lot of blood", I haven't bled all pregnancy, so it wasn't nice. They ended off by saying any concerns come straight back even though they ignored all my concerns, they said they refuse to do anything based on private scans and I need to wait until next week and see what that shows.

@Gardenlady543 that does sound stressful. I really hope you are both ok.

I'm glad you went in for CTG (tho I had to google what that was!). Keep going in if you have concerns even if you don't find them that helpful. I went in every other day towards the end of my pregnancy. Their attitude is irrelevant, any time you want to get your baby checked, go in.

When is your scan?

@Janefx40 NHS scan is Thursday, by that time it would have been 4 weeks since the last scan and almost 2 weeks since this worrying scan which they won't act on :(

The doctor that saw me yesterday said he thinks they should bring the NHS scan forward but as my consultant already said not to they can't. DH said should we go privately this weekend but clearly they won't act on any result from it, so all it will do is worry me if it's consistent with the one I just had.

3 weeks to go until the c section hopefully.

I'm back in hospital, woke up at 1am with period pain style cramping radiating to the lower back. Was continuous but the severity would worsen. Managed to get a couple hours sleep 5-7am but pain continued when I got up, so I called the maternity advice line, they brought me in, was on the CTG, I am continuously contracting. They wanted to see if it would stop with pain killers, but it didn't. The reg that saw me was sure it wasn't labour but the professor came and said he is sure it is and baby should be here in the next 1-2 days. I honestly feel fine now after the pain killers but the contractions continued on the CTG. So I've been admitted and they will keep me in at least until tomorrow and take me for a c section if needed based on pain and the cervix.

@Gardenlady543 oh wow! So you are technically full term right? 37+ weeks? Is the baby ok? Is your cervix still closed? How are you feeling? Lots of questions sorry xxx