ERA EMMA ALICE infertility graduates/pregnancies thread 2

[Gardenlady543]

New thread @seven201 @Janefx40 @AM08 @thislittlebird @Spin101 @CB2805 @Dochas12111

@thislittlebird glad the scan went well. In terms of mental health support you need to push. I said several times to my midwife that I was feeling anxious but didn't say much more as had DD with me and I was ignored. I had to literally say the words "I need help" before a referral was made. I actually complained about this to my midwife because I'm very good at pushing to get help but most people aren't and I shudder to think of all the women who are left without the support when desperately in need. My midwife said everyone feels anxious so they can't refer everyone! Just rubbish. So ask very clearly and push because pregnancy and early motherhood is a high risk time for MH and once you do get the referral you will be fast tracked for support.

BTW they also tried to cancel all my appointments when I'd just had the baby and I had to kick up a massive fuss to avoid that happening too! They said it was to avoid "adding to my stress" but I called that out as bull and said I'm sure it had more to do with their processes and was unacceptable!!! So I got my sessions.

In terms of c-sections they don't book the appointments until 36 weeks or later. I got my appointment through just before 36 weeks. They knew earlier I'd chosen a c section (they can't refuse you know even if they try to persuade you otherwise) but it didn't get finally confirmed and booked in until then. It's normal for them not to book them in too far in advance I guess because so much can change. Some people go into labour early, others develop conditions and need sections they didn't know about sooner etc. X

Hi ladies, I hope you’re well. From the end of my second trimester I noticed the opening of my vagina felt a bit harder. At my midwife appt I was told it was my upper vaginal wall lowering and that it could be because I’m quite petite. They said I could see an obstetrician who could have a look. I don’t want a speculum being used at this stage as the midwife hurt me when she just had a look. Have any of you experienced this and have any advice? I can’t tell if it’s getting worse but wondering if I need to get a second opinion

Hi @Spin101 I feel like obstetricians are usually quite gently but I guess the question is what could it be that's worth worrying about and if the answer is that there is nothing serious then there doesn't seem much point. I can't think of things at the external vagina opening that would impact on the baby which is way up higher. If you're worried you could have the second opinion though. I ended up needing two speculums when they thought I was in labour, they are not pleasant and I would have rather avoided them.

My update is that unfortunately we got admitted to hospital, at the 5 day check baby had lost 17% of the birth weight. I thought we were doing well with breast feeding but I think she was stimulating my breasts but not actually getting anything off, she ended up drowsy and dehydrated. We are now on a strict feeding plan which involves pumping every 3 hours and then supplementing with formula up to 60mls. My milk has gone down and expressing and bottle feeding is the only option while she regains her weight, so we'll have a long way to go to hopefully be able to exclusively breastfeed without a pump moving forward. The hospital stay was awful. I wasn't admitted as a mum and baby, but just the baby and me as an add on, which is weird because it's me that needed the treatment since I'm the food source. They wanted me in a glass walled cubical (not ideal for pumping with kids all around), on a low down camp bed and with a crib that involves a lot of bending. This was 5 days post c section. I ended up getting a side room with a hospital bed and a next to me crib, but they made it clear they had made exceptions and I would have to move if they needed the side room
for a different patient.

I got told I would be fed by the ward as I'm
breastfeeding and the catering person came in to take my order and said “are you 100% breastfeeding?” and I said “no, because I can’t make enough so have to supplement with formula” and she said “we’re only supposed to feed the 100% breastfeeding mums”. I said we have been admitted to hospital because 100% breastfeeding has resulted in weight loss because I can’t produce enough milk, I don’t want to give formula, this isn’t a choice, the doctors have told me this is what we need to do, while I pump every 3 hours to increase my supply in order to return to 100% breastfeeding. I ended up getting the food but this kind of comment when I already felt guilty for not being able to produce the milk my baby needed was enough to make me really upset. I've put through a PALS complaint because the whole experience was awful, I just can't believe they don't have the policies to support the mums of newborns after major surgery.

Anyway the conclusion is the baby increases in weight after 24 hours and they allowed us to go home after two nights in hospital. Our next weigh in will be tomorrow.

@Gardenlady543 I'm sorry you’ve had such a crappy time in hospital, the fact they made you feel like they were doing you a favour when they should have been treating you properly anyway is totally unacceptable. I nearly ended up being admitted with Izzy for weight loss. She was sleeping a lot and we didn’t know we should wake her up for more regular feeding we just assumed she would wake when hungry! I ended up supplementing with formula after my nipples were bleeding & the midwife told me I needed to stop breastfeeding for 2 days to let them heal. I’ve not been able to get back to only but that’s mainly because I can’t cope with the exhaustion of feeding every 2-3 hours & we are now struggling with latching too (probably not helped by the bottle feeding) so I have OH giving her a bottle every so often so I can at least get 2-3 hours sleep plus something to eat/drink a few times a day and avoid getting too sore again.

Thanks @InvisibleDreamer this all took me by surprise, I seemed to have a really good supply, my breasts were huge and the morning of our admission I'd pumped 120mls. I'd had numerous midwives out including a breast feeding champion and they had watched the feed and had no issue. The day before admission she had fed 11 times including over an hour that night. She had screamed all night though. I think that she had got the ability to stimulate my breasts but hadn't been able to actually get the milk out. I had called first thing on day 5 to say we hadn't had a poo nappy for 1.5 days and only 2 wet nappies. I was told if I did this it meant the midwife would come first thing but they didn't come until the afternoon and when they did the weigh in we were sent straight to hospital. Her bloods showed she was dehydrated. This will be day 3 of the strict feeding regime. We have the midwife coming out today and the feeding clinic will see me next week. There is no chance of her latching and suckling at the moment so whether we will come back from pumping I don't know. I am hoping the feeding team will stay involved and help me when I am able to progress on. As for now my emphasis is to increase my supply up and get whatever breast milk I can into her and then supplement up with the formula. I was getting 10mls with 15 mins of pumping on both sides, I'm getting 20mls now. I just hope I can increase up the supply.

@Gardenlady543 I'm so sorry this has happened. I nearly wrote a whole section about potential weight loss to you in my previous post but deleted it as I didn't want to overwhelm you. This is incredibly common and the midwives always freak out and make it seem worse than it is. That said, your little one is dehydrated so it's good that you took action. Well done - this is great parenting already!

But the weight loss alone doesn't necessarily mean there is a huge issue with your breastfeeding. These things take time to settle. I had this with both of mine tho they weren't dehydrated. DS took weeks to regain his birth weight. With DD I did a lot of pumping including in the middle of the night (actually the most important time as your hormone levels are highest in the middle of the night). With DS I didn't pump much but did feed around the clock.

Trust yourself. If you think you had/have a lot of milk then you are right. You know best.

I would suggest that you keep trying her on the boob even if she's not getting most of her feeds on there as this will help her to get the hang of it.

I really would recommend that you speak to La Leche League as they will have better advice about how to keep breastfeeding if that is what you want.

It is also worth having her checked for tongue tie. If possible see a specialist as midwives and consultants are routinely wrong in my experience. I know it's expensive tho and money is tight. The NHS will make you wait a long time.

Finally, I know it feels emotional but I can't say enough to you and @InvisibleDreamer THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH FORMULA FEEDING!!! You are feeding your baby the best way for them and that is a success. It's easy to say I know and the hormones got me both time with mine when I had to give formula. But it's ok. It's good. Being a good Mum is doing the best for your baby and that is what you are doing.

As for the hospital not feeding you because you're not 100% breastfeeding...it makes me so angry I can barely speak so I will breath out calmly and say, let's focus on the beautiful baby and hope that PALS complaint kicks some sense into them xxx

Thanks @Janefx40 I seem to be having bad luck in running into people that have made everything more upsetting, I think the initial colostrum issue isn't really connected to this admission, the feeding team specialist said that this 10mls of colostrum every 3 hours in a newborn is not the guideline and she knows as her team wrote it.

We thought we were latching and feeding good amounts in the time before the admission, especially as people had witnessed a feed and had written in the notes how everything was fine. Hopefully we're on track for an improvement now. The latching now is hard because the baby is tired, she is frustrated as the breasts are dry and there is so little time inbetween pumping sessions. But I'll keep trying, I'm just really tired because every 3 hours round the clock is so hard and like you say the middle of the night pumps are the most important, they told me even if I don't get much off then it's the most important time to stimulate the breast. So I did 20 mins on the pump at 3am and 6am. Going to try for 10 mins now. I'm currently watching "baby tv"- a baby monitor.

Erg anyone else really really tired!

@Gardenlady543 it is tiring and overwhelming. Make sure you keep eating and drinking. If you DM me your address I will send you some lactation cookies!

Your breasts won't be dry especially if you are getting stuff out with a pump! Watch some good TV on your phone. I like light stuff especially middle of the night. I watched Downton Abbey and then Sweet Magnolias in those early days. Watching something you enjoy helps make being up at all hours more fun!

It is hard but I promise it isn't forever even if it feels like it. You're doing great!

@Gardenlady543 thank you!
im so sorry to hear about your most recent experience. How do they even find it in themselves to treat you that way?! It’s ridiculous. I hope your baby is doing well and will start latching on again soon. As @Janefx40 says we will all do what’s best for our babies so don’t be hard on yourself. I hope you can be in the comfort of your own home soon!

@Janefx40 oh I forgot about lactation cookies, people have mentioned these in a FB group I'm in. I am vegan with allergies so maybe best if I try and find a recipe and make it. That can be a job for awake me!

Thanks @Spin101 we're home now and we even managed to make it out to a local market, we were there for all of 15 mins but I put baby in a wrap and people were asking how old the baby is and when I said 8 days and I had a c section people said that it was very impressive!

@Gardenlady543 that is very impressive! How are you feeling? Are you still on any pain medication? I’ve been looking into wraps after initially ruling it out as I thought it would be a faff. Which one are you using and how are you finding it?

@Spin101 I'm trying to carry on with the paracetamol and ibuprofen when I remember, the worst time is turning over in bed at night. Which I have to do a lot with these 3 hourly feeds.

I am doing the very sensible thing of buying anything I see on TikTok videos of people's recommendations. And someone recommended this one, so this is what I got:

Baby Sling Wrap with Large Front Pocket - Naturally Soft Baby Wrap Carrier - Cotton Baby Sling Carrier from Birth - Baby Sling Newborn to Toddler Carrier - The Pocket Wrap™ by Trekki (Black) amzn.eu/d/hVjyebl

I then watched this YouTube on how to put it on and did it with a Teddy bear then did it with the baby:

All went well at home, I then had a bit of a faff putting it on when I got out the car with an audience and needed a couple of goes while watching the video. My husband said I should have left it on before we left the house, and I think he's right. I'll do that next time. As you have it all tied up before you put the baby in. I am not that confident with it yet so did hold the baby with one hand on the upper back and the other under the bum, but I mean I am sure I will feel confident with it moving forward. I suspect a lot of these are very similar but I like how soft the fabric feels. I think slings are the way to go as those full on baby carriers are really expensive.

I had the close caboo which I found great for the newborn stage - it's soft but has more structure so you don't have to re-tie it each time. Used with both kids

Well done @Gardenlady543 for getting out!!! X

@Gardenlady543 120mls is really good hopefully you can get back to that the most I’ve ever got is about 90mls. I’m just doing occasional pumps now and getting about 50mls. I eventually realised when Izzy was staying on each breast for an hour that a lot of it was just suckling for comfort rather than feeding so I would say look for swallowing when you are breastfeeding particularly if it does go on past half an hour or so. I tend to take her off now before half an hour so I don’t get too sore again and by this point she is generally falling asleep and comes off easily. I’ve found our feeding team really helpful but the best thing for me has been going to a local breastfeeding clinic/group so I’d say it’s worth looking in to what’s around. I’m not planning on going back to solely breastfeeding as feeding formula additionally is working well for us in terms of OH being able to do feeds etc… You just have to do whatever works for you but I understand not being able to feed how you want can be really upsetting. I got very upset thinking I would have to stop breastfeeding because I just couldn’t get her to latch without a huge screaming session each time and it was getting too stressful for both of us. But then as my mum said at the end of the day the priority is that baby is fed and gaining weight again and that’s all that matters.

@InvisibleDreamer I think this is the issue, she has latched on today. And I'm pretty sure it was jaw movement to do the first part of the simulation but without actually then swallowing. She then was just comforted and fell asleep on there. Which overall is a good thing as the stimulation will help increase my milk stores up. But not that helpful when it comes to hopefully moving from bottle feeding expressed milk to breast feeding. I have managed to pump off enough to not use formula a couple of times today which is good. That's good advice about a local group. I may have to find one to go to but probably will wait until things are a bit more stable with her weight and I've had the input of the feeding team. Today we went for our new born photoshoot, she slept through the whole thing, which is what they want :)

@Gardenlady543 awww newborn shoot 🥰 where did you get your dress from for your maternity shoot?

@Spin101 for my maternity shoot the photographer had several dresses that I wore and then I bought this one dress from Amazon:

BUOYDM Women Dress for Pregnant Photography Props Maternity Photo Shoot Elegant Dresses for Party amzn.eu/d/0PizVHs

Hi all, sorry I missed all your lovely and comforting messages to me the other week. Somehow don’t get notifications for this thread. Need to look into it.

my clinic, the evewell have graduated me now. And I have been sent my “weaning off meds” protocol.

I take Clexane and aspirin for blood clotting and I assumed I would be on that the whole time. The protocol suggests to stop by week 12 (next week) but I feel a little nervous about that. Is there much harm in carrying on with aspirin? I should probably ask them but I do like to hear all your thoughts too.

anyone recommend a good magnesium for sleeping whilst pregnant?

thank you x

@Sar1010 I took all mine until 12 weeks too, but I was on daily clexane and not aspirin. I think I took it for a day or so after, weaned off the low dose pred after a few days and stopped the Cyclogest after my 12 week scan and it was all ok. I felt like everything would go wrong but it was fine.

@Gardenlady543 hope you’re starting to feel better!

Also I take vitabiotics magnesium @Sar1010, I didn’t realise it was good for sleeping

How is everyone getting on?

We have ongoing feeding issues, have had a lot of appointments but not got anywhere really. I am pretty much exclusively pumping and my supply is enough at the moment for the baby. Latching is very difficult, we can maybe get 1-2 latches a day with a lot of effort but then she doesn't seem to get anything off even though she is latched and swallowing for 30-40 mins as she then cries until she has had a full feed from a bottle after. She has a high palate and I have a nipple on the flatter side which seems to explain the issues and how we ended up in hospital with such a big weight loss. I'm just exhausted as I have to pump 8 times a day including at 3am. To get sleep it means I pump every 2 hours in the day, so I can't do anything in the day. I'm coping on the hope she will start feeding from the breast but I'm thinking it's not going to happen.

How's everyone else doing?

How many weeks is everyone that's pregnant now?

How are the babies, to everyone that has one?

@Gardenlady543 I’m so sorry to hear feeding has been difficult. pumping through the day must be really tough! Who have you been seeing for support? Are there any other resources?

Did you buy your pump before or after she was born? I was looking into pumps and then decided I would wait but want to have some options I can quickly order off Amazon if I need it.

I’m 32 weeks now, the hospital bag is semi packed but I need to get round to finishing it. The reflux and back/hip pains are worse. Other than that I’m doing well, thank you.

I hope you’re able to get more support so you can start start feeding from the breast as per your wish

@Spin101 oh wow 32 weeks! This is a great gestation to be.

The pumps were one of the first things I bought without anything research as I bought some job lots from a John Pye auction with them in, this is a bit of a gamble because it's sold as seen stuff, so it could be a return or a liquidation and might not work. They both worked but you don't get customer support since you haven't bought them new.

I got the:
Medela freestyle handsfree- main pump
Medela freestyle swing- back up

The handsfree one has cups that go in the bra and it just decides to randomly not fill a cup and I'd only see it at the end of the session since it was in my bra. When I replaced the tube it worked again and then did it again after a week. Then I looked it up and incup pumps are notorious for not being great since most people would use them now and again but being an exclusive pumped I need to pump 8 times a day.

When I was in hospital I used the medula symphony, this is a plug in hospital grade pump. And you can rent it from their website. Since I will likely need one for a long time and rental costs go up I decided to get the spectra S1, this is a hospital grade plug in pump and is reasonably priced, you can get it from eBay. So that's what I'm using now and people rave about about it. If you get something like this, get a pumping bra, it will hold the parts on the breasts so you are hands free. I use the medela bustier.

I have also just bought the elvie stride again from the John pye auction, so hopefully it works. I got it for £125 rather than the retail cost of £300, it looks like it has a simpler tube so hopefully won't fail as much. I just need a incup one so I can pump when I'm not at home. Apparently there are hacks to use the incups from these pumps with the spectra as well.

Support wise I had help from the breast feeding champions in the midwife team, the hospital feedings team (they support until 6 weeks so I'll see them again next week), now I'm under the health visitors lactation consultant and I also go to a breast feeding support group. There is an exclusive pumper there which makes me feel better in case I go that way. As exclusive pumping is tough and people are generally poorly supported.

Hello! @Gardenlady543 sorry to hear feeding is still tough. It was tough for us both times until about 8-12 weeks then got easier. You know your baby best but they do say that a baby will always take a top up bottle so it's not necessarily a sign that they didn't get enough from you. That was definitely the case with ours but as I said you know your own baby best.

It is very hard to do lots of feeding when you also have to do lots of pumping. There is nothing wrong with formula feeding tho so don't feel bad if that is the right choice for you. The important thing to remember is that you are feeding your girl! That is what matters.

@Spin101 lovely that you are at 32 weeks. I always craved the Medella swing and got it this time but didn't find it much better than my cheap tommee tippee that was gifted to me.

Leo is 8.5 months. Crawling everywhere and pulling himself up to standing nonstop. He's so physical. Very different to DD. Still co-sleeping which is magical and awful at the same time!!!