I’m 19 and in my first year of university. Should I terminate?

[JanineR]

To give more context to my situation, I do a degree that does not require many contact hours and it’s not a healthcare or science degree. I want to go into teaching after finishing my degree, but that’s in 3 years time when the potential baby would be 2 years old, or possibly 3 if I deferred due to health complications that could arise during pregnancy or birth.
I am not single, I have a committed partner who supports me through everything, whether financially or emotionally. I don’t currently work but I intend to work part-time in January. I get the maximum amount of student maintenance loan and I live with one of my parents and my boyfriend.
There would be no expectation for my parent to support me financially or provide childcare unless they wanted to.
My boyfriend has a job that pays fairly well and combined with my student loan it allows us to repair the house and help my parent out financially.
I am not sure whether it would be more reasonable to terminate or keep the baby. In my heart I am 100% sure I want to, but I don’t want to be selfish and potentially ruin this innocent child’s life due to our irresponsibility.
Please respond with genuine advice on how I could approach this situation and secure myself and the baby if I decided to continue the pregnancy.
Thank you,
Janine

If your heart is set on keeping the baby then I would go ahead with the pregnancy. I wouldn’t recommend anyone aborting a wanted baby unless they absolutely had to, and you don’t have to.

I think you have to accept that this might mean deferring your studies though. I’m not really sure how it would work, could you take maternity leave for a year and then rejoin roughly where you would have left?

I think you also need to speak to the parent that you live with ASAP (if you do decide to go ahead) and see if they would be happy for you to live there with a baby. You’ve said they’re aware that pregnancy is a possibility (something like that, to paraphrase) does that mean you were trying/not preventing, or just that they are aware that there is always some chance of accidental pregnancy in any relationship?

I agree anyone with their heart set should proceed. But I think many women who are parents and have been through it, unless for religious or other pro life reasons, would not wish their 19 year old daughter to proceed.

the op and her boyfriend cannot home themselves. They are unlikely to have 1000-1500 a month child care costs, so one unlikely to be able to work. As much as she’s saying she won’t , they will likely have to rely on parental support as they won’t be able to do it themselves.

her view of travelling etc is naive at this point. Babies and young kids are expensive, it’s hard work. They will lose any limited social life they do have. Maybe have their child having to sleep in their room. Be exhausted from sleepless nights, and if the child has disabilities or additional needs, then it will further change the course of their lives. New clothes, travel, even the toiletries they wish will be long gone.

in addition it’s a relatively new relationship, where at least one is a teenager.

does this mean it isn’t feasible, no. Of course not, it’s doable and can work out very well, very rewarding. Does that mean it’s easy, no. With stress, financial concerns, comes arguments and relationship difficulties. If they ultimately split, can she do it alone?

any decision needs to be made in light of full facts and not a romantic view of child rearing.

having a baby anytime can be hard. In some ways the fact that you’re young and are in education may have benefits. As you said, you have family support and in some ways university work can be more flexible than holding down a demanding career which is likely for most people who wait until their 30’s.

Im currently in a demanding part of my career at age 35 and doing ivf at the same time knowing that when/ if I have a baby it will be realky stressful, given my age, my parents wouldn’t have the capability to support me with childcare and I live quite far away from them now. So really I think if you want this baby then have it but it needs to be right for you, not others. Babies are hard at any age.

Commenting again OP as I've read your update. There's been a lot of concerns about you finishing your degree. That aside because you seem 70% sure you want to keep the baby now. You haven't been together long at all with your partner, do you honest think you will be with him forever? Babies add so much pressure I know it's possible but....

I was you at 19 same degree and same predicament. I aborted. Never looked back have had an amazing career. Had three children in my thirties and a lovely decade before them of child free fantastic times. My boyfriend of the time split up after a few years and now are good friends. Am in my fifties now and the kids are 20 & 16.

You're not going to have the time, money or energy to travel. You sound really idealistic and not terribly grounded in the reality of having a baby at your stage in life......

I am a teacher and had my children after I had qualified and moved into middle management. My colleague had her baby before training to be a teacher. We are the same age but because her child is that much older she found it much easier to move up in her career. Her child has left home and she is a deputy head but I am struggling with teenagers at home and work part time (not in management).

There are pros and cons in having children when you are younger but it sounds as though you are in a position to make it work.

The baby will be very loved.

You'll manage.

I would argue no one is terribly grounded in the reality of having a baby before they have one. The amount of daft comments I’ve heard from people of all ages who don’t understand the limitations of having a baby proves that.