Colleagues complaining about maternity leave

[medicmumma]

I'm a junior doctor who has recently started a non-clinical office job and I am 32 weeks pregnant - I plan to go on maternity at 39 weeks for 3 months. My job is lovely - it's 9-5 and the workload is more than manageable. While my seniors and manager have been very supportive about my pregnancy and maternity leave (my consultant and manager have told me several times to consider taking longer!) my junior doctor colleagues have been a bit less supportive.

I work with 2 female and 1 male junior doctor (none of them have children and it is probably important to highlight that having children as a junior doctor isn't really the norm - most people wait till they are a Consultant but in my case accidents happen!) and they will not be able to hire maternity cover as my role is very specialist and it takes almost 1-2 months to get used to the job and systems so a 3 month cover would be pointless (and if anything create extra work for the team) and it is difficult for this reason to also hire ad hoc bank staff.

My colleagues have expressed (in front of me) in front of me how me going on maternity will create extra work for them and will impact them taking leave over Christmas. The female colleagues are more empathetic when expressing this (i.e. saying that it's not my fault and they will just have to prioritise), however the male colleague in particular is very very vocal about how my maternity leave is going to increase his workload and constantly (literally every other day) spearheads conversations in our shared office about how unfair it is for them/how they're going to struggle to cope and how about he is going to demand to our manager that they need 3 month maternity cover (which is not going to happen). It's really annoying and he literally acts like I'm going to be sitting at home for 3 months chilling rather than trying to cope with a newborn baby.

I do not disagree with the fact that there will be more work for them to do but realistically the additional workload among the 3 of them will not be that much - e.g. two of them were on holiday recently so me and my colleague were covering and the additional work was not at all stressful or taxing. We were able to complete all our tasks, while also doing additional career progression tasks and taking adequate breaks for lunches/coffee. Similarly, I have had not had any sick days whereas they all have and have never complained about having to do extra work because they have not been able to come in (especially as the workload is more than manageable!). In terms of taking time off over Christmas, we do not work BH anyway and we always had to have 2 people in the office so not everyone was going to be able to have an extended Christmas break.

Anyway - it's a little awkward when they are having these conversations about my maternity leave when I am sitting there in the office (even with the girls saying it's not my fault, I have every right to take maternity, etc). I'm wanting to say something next time the conversation starts because it makes me feel uncomfortable everyone talking about me and basically complaining how me getting pregnant impacts them - does anyone have any ideas of what to say that is polite but also straight to the point?

It can be done but I wouldn't plan on doing it, especially as a well qualified professional. It isn't in the best interests of you or your baby. I would aim to take at least 6 months and be prepared to take a short time financial hit if necessary. Your baby is more important than your job and you won't get the chance to do it over.

Next time they do it I'd ask them directly what they think you should do to resolve the issue? Especially the male doctor. I'd suggest multiple options like having the baby on shift and just working on etc. Then I'd tell them that if they have an issue they need to take it up with management because its not your problem and you don't appreciate their comments. If they continue take it up with hr.

I would agree that looking into other options such as a loan or anything to reduce your outgoings that would afford you more than 3 months should you need it. That way if you feel ready to go back then you can but if you're not then you have the peace of mind that you've left yourself a safety net. I had a section and definitely wouldn't have been ready to be back at work so quickly as I was still fighting infection at that point. Never mind the hormones and the complete lack of sleep- you're doing a job that is important, if you're exhausted and overwhelmed the last thing you want to do is make a mistake so don't push yourself too hard.

NHS HR do appear to act as though no junior doctor has ever had a baby and seem baffled and give misinformation. It does in fact happen all the time! Possibly it's a bit specialty dependent but certainly here the registrar years are prime baby having years and we factor in half of the regs being out of programme for this reason. There may be an element of being specialty dependent.

Your colleagues are being twats. It's perfectly reasonable to point out that cover is a management issue and not yours.

From an HR point of view though they should be assuming you are having a year and you tell them you are coming back early by giving 28 days notice. So if you really do want to go back after 12 weeks you'll need to let them know at 8 weeks. I really would think about a back up plan though, just in case it isn't what you want or isn't possible. Life can be unpredictable.

NHS consultant here. Had my first as a junior doctor. I'm the healthiest person I know and one of the few contemporaries I know who had straightforward births, but the baby had significant complications and was still in hospital on your proposed return date. And I've had countless junior doctors give one plan and then find they feel really differently and want longer or whatever. It sounds patronising as hell but it really does happen. And your career can definitely take it if you need longer.

You’re assuming the OP will breastfeed when nowhere in her posts did she mention that.

Plenty of women bottle feed.

Agree.

Utterly disgraceful.

Exactly, people have very short memories.

Women did this in huge numbers in the 1990s. It’s only in recent years that a whole year off has become the norm.

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread as got fed up with reading posts focusing on 3 months maternity leave which a) is fine and b) not what you asked.

In my view your colleagues are creating a discriminatory environment for someone with a protected characteristic (pregnancy and maternity). I would challenge, hard, the next time they say anything. At their level, eye contact, 'I'm asking you right now to stop commenting on my maternity leave in a way you didn't when two of the team were on leave at the same time. I'm happy to have a meeting to discuss ways of managing the workload. Any more comments and I will involve management. Let's all grow up and get in with it.'

And don't hold back from following through.

Women all over the world go back to work a 3 months after having a baby. I used to live somewhere where you got 6 weeks maternity leave. I'm a teacher and was due to go back just before the summer so it worked out that my baby was around 4 months when I returned. It wasn't ideal but was totally fine. I took a year with my other kids when I was able to and while I preferred that, going back to work beforehand was fine.

Sounds like you have made a fine plan.

The others are just talking about the system and how it might affect them personally. Don't take it to heart. If the system needs improving it will never happen unless workers are allowed robust discession.
I have always thought it was unfair that doctors working in private practise need to save up to take maternity leave.
Wishing you a safe delivery and an event free recovery.

Allow for the baby needing you to start off working part time and to adjust slower than is optimum for you. Don't be surprised that the baby might be influencial.

I was in a similar situation nhs worked with continuous service so got occupational maternity pay but wasn't entitled to statutory as I'd recently moved Trusts so didn't have enough service with the new employer. Found out at the very end of my pregnancy I could claim maternity allowance, the same rate at statutory - you apply through a government site.

OK, leaving aside that your partner will be capable with the baby, you'll be bottle feeding and will enjoy the mental stimulation of working, so won't be stressed by leaving your baby (your seniors are probably worried you will take more than three months off when the time comes, and they should have found maternity cover). You need to just voice to your male colleague how uncomfortable the conversations are making you. "Oh this conversation again? I'm legally entitled to maternity leave. I'm sure you would rather I return to work after 10 days, but the fact is I will be absent for three months. I'm sorry it will inconvenience you for a few weeks, but I'm a human being and not a machine, and life goes on." Firmly, and pleasantly, followed by a stare.

Indeed, also don't forget you accrue holiday whilst om mat leave which you could ask for as pay rather than time. Might given you a little more wiggle room.

As for your colleagues, they are being ridiculous, people go on maternity leave all the time. You could break your leg and need more time off. TBH I would expect better from medical professionals.

It changed because it wasn't really fair on those with birth injuries or PND or whose children spent months in hospital.

Maternity is a protected characteristic under the equality act. Your colleagues are bullying you. Next time they say anything about your maternity leave tell them their comments are discriminatory about a protected characteristic and you will speak to HR if they do not desist. Or you could just go to HR straight away and ask them for advice on how to deal with it.

@medicmumma I'm not sure if you are still reading but many mums go back to work before the year

I went back at 17w mainly as im se and. Couldn't afford to be off any longer and also I enjoyed my jobs. They are short term contracts

I earn more in a night then I did a week of ma so was a no brainer

My baby was sleeping though. I wasn't bleeding and tbh I attended a party when mini blondes was 3w old and was fine

Don't be scared off by people saying you won't cope /will feel awful

I often read posts saying they were still a mess at 5/6mth

Equally sure many like me were fine and even after tremendous blood loss and 3 blood transfusions I was ok few weeks later

If you have to go back you have to go back

Regards colleagues

Esp the man

Firmly say that you don't appreciate the talk of your pregnancy and your ml as being a hindrance to them .

If they have an issue with it to take it up with the above mangers or you will if they carry on

Pregnancy/ maternity is a protected characteristic in the Equality Act. Your colleague is being disciminatory and it's not appropriate. I would speak to your manager about it if I were you. He needs to know this is not acceptable.

Good shout

I agree with this.

Not only is every woman is different but every child is different. With DD1 she STTN very young but didn't believe in naps and was a very inefficient feeder to the extent that just feeding her was like a FT job. DD2 was a dream baby, easy birth, slept well, very efficient feeder (nightmare toddler!). DS was premature. When I was ready to go back varied from child to child and was as much about them as it was about me and my recovery.

I love my work, missed it dreadfully when I was on maternity leave and didn't miss the DC when I returned to work. But it does takes time to recover from birth, establish BFing, and adjust to the broken sleep, just like it takes time for the baby to get into a feeding routine, STTN, and learn to settle without you. Statutory maternity leave was much shorter in the 80s and 90s but in reality most women took a few years out and only returned to work once their youngest was at school.

Honestly. It’s high time you give him a piece of your mind. Point out the holidays and sick leave you have filled in for without complaint, WHILE PREGNANT. Suggest that he share his complaints with HR/Manager, as you are about to discuss his misogynistic, out-dated attitude.

Op, I took just 8 weeks and then dh took the rest. I was fine. Just to add some balance to the conversation. It seems like some might be trying to scare you.

Just wanted to come in saying I am a little baffled at all the comments about three months being too early to return. I guess the UK is unused to that as a standard; in my (Western European) country it's the norm, and it is absolutely not generally seen as not enough. Most women feel rather happy to return at that time and be an person again too, not just a mum. So yes, every woman is different, but chances are you'll be absolutely fine (if not surely that's what sick leave can be for?), and if you were here you wouldn't even think twice about it.

Do you have a source for this comment?

But these women are sick, Ohcrums, and a system of sick leave can cover that. Same for parental leave for sick children. You don't need generalised extended maternity leave to make that "fair".

Next time he pipes up. Look him in the eye and ask him what he thinks you should do. Wait for him to answer.

Personally I'd ask those in charge to have a word. He's bullying you and he needs reigned in.