Colleagues complaining about maternity leave

[medicmumma]

I'm a junior doctor who has recently started a non-clinical office job and I am 32 weeks pregnant - I plan to go on maternity at 39 weeks for 3 months. My job is lovely - it's 9-5 and the workload is more than manageable. While my seniors and manager have been very supportive about my pregnancy and maternity leave (my consultant and manager have told me several times to consider taking longer!) my junior doctor colleagues have been a bit less supportive.

I work with 2 female and 1 male junior doctor (none of them have children and it is probably important to highlight that having children as a junior doctor isn't really the norm - most people wait till they are a Consultant but in my case accidents happen!) and they will not be able to hire maternity cover as my role is very specialist and it takes almost 1-2 months to get used to the job and systems so a 3 month cover would be pointless (and if anything create extra work for the team) and it is difficult for this reason to also hire ad hoc bank staff.

My colleagues have expressed (in front of me) in front of me how me going on maternity will create extra work for them and will impact them taking leave over Christmas. The female colleagues are more empathetic when expressing this (i.e. saying that it's not my fault and they will just have to prioritise), however the male colleague in particular is very very vocal about how my maternity leave is going to increase his workload and constantly (literally every other day) spearheads conversations in our shared office about how unfair it is for them/how they're going to struggle to cope and how about he is going to demand to our manager that they need 3 month maternity cover (which is not going to happen). It's really annoying and he literally acts like I'm going to be sitting at home for 3 months chilling rather than trying to cope with a newborn baby.

I do not disagree with the fact that there will be more work for them to do but realistically the additional workload among the 3 of them will not be that much - e.g. two of them were on holiday recently so me and my colleague were covering and the additional work was not at all stressful or taxing. We were able to complete all our tasks, while also doing additional career progression tasks and taking adequate breaks for lunches/coffee. Similarly, I have had not had any sick days whereas they all have and have never complained about having to do extra work because they have not been able to come in (especially as the workload is more than manageable!). In terms of taking time off over Christmas, we do not work BH anyway and we always had to have 2 people in the office so not everyone was going to be able to have an extended Christmas break.

Anyway - it's a little awkward when they are having these conversations about my maternity leave when I am sitting there in the office (even with the girls saying it's not my fault, I have every right to take maternity, etc). I'm wanting to say something next time the conversation starts because it makes me feel uncomfortable everyone talking about me and basically complaining how me getting pregnant impacts them - does anyone have any ideas of what to say that is polite but also straight to the point?

See nhsemployers.org as well re maternity pay and junior doctors.

As long as you have worked over 12 months in the NHS then you are entitled.

The poor structure and staffing of your work place is not down to you. There are a million reasons why any on of your four colleagues could end up away for 3 months plus or never returning tomorrow. You need to be absolutely clear each time your colleague says this that it’s sexist nonsense. Don’t let them rob you of any time with your baby or guilt you as if they or their partners have an accidental or planned pregnancy I guarantee they won’t be loosing sleep over how it effects you.

OP, I’m so sorry your colleagues are being so unsympathetic and downright rude. It depends on your previous relationship- it might work to say ‘look, moaning at me doesn’t solve anything- if you’re that upset, speak to our line manager, but you know I covered your last illness/holiday just find even though I was pregnant(!) so I’m sure you’ll cope!’ But if that sounds too confrontational and your manager is generally supportive, I would recommend going to your manager and maybe say something like ‘I don’t want to make a formal complaint (if you don’t) but their grumbling is getting excessive and I’d hate to think they would do it in future to a less senior/less confident colleague- so please can you have a gentle word with them they it is not Ok- in fact legally quite dodgy- to keep complaining to me about my pregnancy and they need to stop.’

Please forgive me, but I work in hr and really want to address the pay issue. Others know better about continuous service and smp in the nhs, but you have been working for the last two years so at a minimum you should get maternity allowance which after the first month is exactly the same as smp, just slightly more hassle to claim. Also you will be eligible for child benefit once baby is born. Also, you are likely to be eligible for an element of universal credit that replaces the old child tax credits- there are calculators on line where you can check eg moneysavingexpert. Whatever you decide about leave, don’t miss out on the money you’re entitled to xx

They shouldn’t be making comments like this, they are on seriously dodgy ground. You shouldn’t be suffering any kind of detriment due to being pregnant or going on leave, including being made to feel guilty about it. You should say that to them.
I’m sorry you’re getting so many comments criticising the length of your leave. That’s not what you asked.

Can you just snap at him and say it’s not the 1980s anymore; maternity leave is a legal right and he’s made his point. his repeatedly moaning about it is getting dangerously close to bullying.

"Every woman is different"

Yes and many women here who have had babies are warning you that 3 months is really not enough time off to recover from birth!

you're entitled to far more time off. Your first baby is such a shock to the system.

You will still probably be feeding the baby every 3 hours at that stage. Huge sleep deprivation.

also be warned you may well have the baby sooner than 39 weeks, so baby will be under 3 months when you return to work.

You'll have to plan to express milk at work every few hours, how will you do that (legally protected - but surely very difficult to do it comfortably at work?).

Anyway - tell your colleague to take it up with management and stop talking to you about it.

Thanks for the advice everyone about approaching my colleagues/regarding my maternity pay entitlement - it's been helpful

As the conversation is going again to how long I should take off/people not understanding that everyone's pregnancy and birth experience is different (not everyone has a traumatic birth with lots of recovery/not every baby will keep you up for months during the night) I'm going to unfollow the thread now

I’m only floating past to say that junior doctors have babies ALL the time…

Best of luck with your pregnancy OP, sorry about your twat colleague.

Ah yes, the good old days before I was a parent assuming I knew everything - I remember those. 7 years in and it turns out I knew (and still know) fuck all 😂

A healthy baby will definitely be keeping you up at night at 3 months. Babies that age need to feed regularly. Please adjust your expectations.

The derailing of this thread to lecture you about how 3 months’ maternity leave is too short is appalling. Those posters should be ashamed of themselves.

Good luck with the baby.

But you have no idea how your birth or postpartum recovery will go. So suggesting already you will be one of the lucky ones seems rash.
I did have easy births and recovered well physically but I couldn’t have been prized away from my babies for FT work at 12 weeks. The emotional tie is huge and the sleep deprivation is hard.

Plus- that’s a huge ask of your mum. New babies are exhausting. And how will you feel when your mum gets all the bonding and all the firsts. I suspect you won’t be as easy going about it then.

And junior docs have babies all the time- two in my department right now. Very few wait until they are consultant given that is late 30s early 40s at best.

Your colleagues are being shafted. Taking a FT member of staff out with no replacement will have a huge impact on them and they are right to feel annoyed. But not with you. It sounds like they are just moaning out loud rather than having a go at you but I get why it feels personal of course. But as a Dr you should have the communication skills to say ‘would you mind taking this up with management rather than saying it in front of me the whole time as it’s making me feel guilty when I shouldn’t do’ and move on.

Also, pp are right and HR are wrong. You are going to be missing out financially.

Her husband can see to the crying baby, as he has longer parental leave (as OP mentioned).

Not everyone does and not every baby will, but you might and yours might!

You need to have a contingency in case it’s not the plain sailing you’ve clearly preordained for yourself.

Double check that SMP thing and get the BMA to help you - appreciate you have moved trusts and sounds like you don't have a single lead employer but you should be able to to claim the money from somewhere if you've got the NHS service even if not with the same trust. Sometimes they work it so old trust pays or you claim maternity allowance but you should be able to get it somehow.

I would have a back up plan in case you aren't ready at 3 months. Can you take longer and give notice to come back sooner? You don't know what will happen during birth.

I think people are just trying to give you a heads up that 3 months might not be enough especially if you have birth injuries

My DH wouldn't have been able to feed the baby at that age as I was still establishing breastfeeding and couldn't find time or inclination to express. The OP is sleepwalking into PND imo.

Or PND

A man wouldn't have carried a child for 9 months and then have it exit their body

On average it will be very hard to return to full time work with a three month old baby. People are not haranguing the OP, they are speaking from bitter experience of actually having had a newborn. If a patient told a doctor they'd be entering a 10k race 6 weeks after a hip replacement, would it be negative or kind of their doctor to warn they would probably not be ready?

My colleague did something similar, also a male without child. My institution didn't hire any maternity cover, but did offered more part time hours. My colleague complained in front of me many times that my leave increased his workload, and he had to cover my work etc., and he even said to me that he wish he could take a maternity leave too! I told him that it was not my fault and he should to talk to his line manager not me.

I would tell the colleagues these conversations in your presence have to stop, or you will be speaking to your line manager about harassment relating to the protected characteristic of pregnancy.

Some of these replies are so patronising. Definitely hide the thread op. Congratulations on your baby x

In the vague hope that the OP has not been harangued into never coming back to this thread, 13 weeks was perfectly usual, and in fact, the maximum maternity leave that somebody who had only recently joined a new job could take back in the mid 1990s.

I was back after my maximum 13 weeks, full time as there was no right to request part time. It didn’t help with the breastfeeding but it was absolutely fine otherwise. OP you’ll be fine and ignore the doomsayers.