We had unprotected sex

[FutureMommy]

Hi I’m new here :) Can someone help me? I have read so many different stories online.. idk what to believe anymore. I tried to calculate dates but many website say many different things. So I’m sharing mine so I could maybe get some personal experience stories :)

Me (23) and my partner (25) would like to have kids. My partner has a well paying job and we’re gonna try to buy a home with enough space for a kiddo, hopefully somewhere in 2024. Our life is pretty good and I’m really grateful for that <3

So here’s the thing.. we were away for a couple of days and we were feeling romantic. We hadn’t had quality time for weeks due to finishing school & working a lot. We had unprotected sex on July 31st and also on August 1st. We both know the consequence of this of course. We’re both like ‘if it happens it happens’.

He did not ejaculate inside of me, that happened like a couple of minutes later. So, if I am right, the only way I could be pregnant is because of pre-cum containing sperm from the day before.. how high would the chance be that I’m pregnant? Did someone experience the same kind of thing? Have I been informed the right way?

My period started July 21th. I have had a very regular cycle of exactly 26 days for the past 4 months.

Sorry for the long paragraph. I know this is the internet and people don’t know me irl so I just wanted to include some info of things that people could ask me. I’m not scared at all, just very nervous and kinda exited to know if I am actually pregnant or not. I will, of course, wait for my period to come and do a test if it doesn’t ;) So I’ll wait for replies and will definitely update!

I don’t think it’s your age, I think it’s your responses. If you both would dearly love to have a child now, then why are you not just having full unprotected sex? That’s what trying to conceive is. The man needs to ideally ejaculate inside you. The withdrawal method you are using can of course lead to pregnancy but is not the optimal way to concieve, it’s generally used as a method of contraception.

There are plenty of resources available to help you understand further, but basically you are both doing it wrong.

I've read some of your replies and responses and thought I'd come and give you my thoughts. I think the chances you are pregnant are low but not impossible.

I'm currently 24 and expecting my 3rd. Not that it is anyone's business, but all three of my children have the same father. We met when I was 17. We have been married over 5 years and when we found out we were expecting an unplanned 3rd we bought a house. We're the first ones out of our family to do it but it's something we've wanted to do since we first started dating.

With that being said, I do think you have a bit of a one sided view of having kids. It is definitely magical and life changing. But it is incredibly hard, physically and financially demanding. When we had our 2nd, my husband and I both struggled with PND and our relationship suffered. We've been through some awful times financially and only now 7 years in are feeling some respite.

I do think you need to consider in depth how hard this will be too. There is no changing your mind once you have a baby, the dynamic of your relationship will change undoubtedly.

With that being said, although it was hard, I have absolutely no regrets. I adore my kids and my life. They've helped pushed me to achieve things professionally I thought were impossible and there's not a day that goes by that I look at them with pure pride. I'm still madly in love with my husband and I'm so grateful that we ended up together.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do, but please don't go into it without considering it possibility one of the biggest life altering moments. Every decision you make from the second your pregnant will need to factor in the life of someone else and it doesn't always work out the way we want it too. X

Who cares about your life, why do people on mumsnet have to tell their life story on someone else's thread it's like you are seeking attention, well you got it

😱

the op asked for other young parent perspectives. So the poster gave it. Why did you attack?

23 and 25 is not too young to start planning to have children.

Yes nowadays people tend to wait until they’re late 20s or 30s.

I am sorry you’re getting so much rudeness when you just wanted some advice and I think it may be because people think you’re much younger than you say you are and you’re perhaps not in as good of a position to have kids yet.

As I said yesterday, I think you need to decide whether you want to have kids now or not and if it’s a definite yes then stop using contraception or pulling out (this is really confusing people) and buy a house before you start trying to conceive.

I really do hope you come back to the thread because mumsnet was created for this exact thing and it’s a same if you feel bullied off of it.

Well you care enough to waste your time giving them a response.

You don’t get to police the thread as it’s nothing to do with you.

OP wanted advice and that poster gave better advice than most of the posters on here.

You sound bitter and jealous and I imagine lead a very miserable life.

I’m still chuckling at 21th and the OP has left 😬

Are you American OP? Y’all is a very Americanised saying. Id prioritise a career and getting married before rushing into parenthood to be honest. You said your partner has a good job - why don’t you where is your independence if he were to leave you?

There is a reason that historically, there's a generally accepted order of things, i.e.

Marriage
House
Children

I'd add in a secure, established career before all three, to protect the women if things turn sour so they're not reliant on the man.

It's far easier to backtrack and extricate yourself from marriage and a mortgage than it is to deal with a child (or several) with an absent father, who you'll be "attached" to for at least a couple of decades for the sake of your child.

Going on holidays, getting drunk, etc., isn't real life, so is no basis on which to bring a new life into the World. "Real life" is a career, buying a home together, getting married, etc. Only when you deal, together, with "real life" can you be certain that you're compatible enough to bring a new life into the world. Having a child together is hard work and will emphasise any cracks in your relationship - you need a really strong, solid relationship, that will withstand all the stresses a child WILL cause you.

I had my daughter at 16 and the people who give me the most shit about it are women in their 30's and 40's who are just now having their first babies while I'm in my 30's with a teen who'll be off to uni in a couple of years. For some reason they get acidic when it comes to young mothers just existing and having kids, so I wouldn't worry about the nastiness you're getting here.

As a pp said though, don't just think about the Kodak moments of parenthood, it's fucking hard. Are you and your relationship ready to weather it? All of it? Really consider all the good and the bad before making the decision, because you have the luxury of time on your side.

For someone to point out bitterness and jealously and asummptions on my life being miserable, it must be you.. You don't get to tell me if I can post or not and claim I am policing the thread and it's nothing to do with me but yet you are quoting me... Hope your life gets better, you seem angry aswel

Last night you were telling us all how you’d had your first kid at 13. Did you not get enough attention for that post or something? 😂

I had my first at 24 and hubby was 26. Earlier than planned but we were happy. Both went to University and got professional qualifications, had good jobs (just not paying too well at the time) and had bought our first home. Second at 27 and third at 33. Both hubby and I are now high earners. Wouldn't change a thing.

Do what is right for you and your partner and enjoy.

That's not my life story though... It's like Dominos on mumsnet if one person quotes another on someone else's thread everyone else follows like sheeps 🤣

Are you from the USA?

Ermm are you ok?

You’ve literally been rude to someone and tried to tell them what you post and then you’re questioning why I’m quoting you 🤣🤣

I think you’re a bit confused.
Either that or you’re only about 13.

Perhaps come off Mumsnet and try and make some friends in real life, as obviously this site isn’t helping you become any less bitter.

What a yourseld and also a hypocrite, go outside do things with your life instead of trying to insult people, because it all bounces back on you 🤣🤣🤣

Clearly you care enough to comment.

The poster is 23 and wants a baby. People are jumping on the post to tell her she's too young and she will ruin her life acting like she is too stupid or nieve to consider thr consequences. I came on here as I feel like the one sided perspective wasn't fair. My advice is solely based on my life experience which any one can be a good or bad parent no matter their age.

As other posters have said if you are so easily upset and offended by posts of people's experiences, maybe remove yourself from mumsnet.

This is a thread to offer advice and support to someone, and you are derailing it by being offended by people giving advice based on their life experience. It's a little odd.

Why do you keep repeating everything I say?

Can you not think for yourself?

I hope you’re very young and just haven’t learnt yet, as I’d be embarrassed for you if you’re any older than 16.

Don't quote me again you got some real life issues you need to deal with outside mumsnet... BTW when I mean't insult it's was supposed to state name call instead you jump back on with your emotional self 🤣🤣(you all including you will be ignored so don't bother)

Because you are childish so I downplay to your level but as I state for the last time I will ignore your troubled self, feel sorry for you tbh

It isnt rude or judgemental to tell a 24 year old to create the most stable environment you can before choosing to have a child.

We have a housing crisis. Buy first.

We have a cost of living crisis. Save first.

Family life: divorce rates in the uk are currently at 42%. Unmarried parents account for one fifth of couples but half of all family breakdown. Secure your future as much as you possible can. Get into a good solid position in your own career. Get in a position in your career that you can take a break and then go back to it, even if you never intend to do so.

Would you like me to teach you about irony?