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Original poster

Handhold please - in hospital and today is the day

251 replies

mapa289 · 31/07/2023 06:23

I'm 23 weeks pregnant and was diagnosed with early onset preeclampsia several weeks ago. It was a huge shock as everything has been going well so far. First baby and much wanted after years of trying.

My blood pressure has been high and I've been in and out of hospital being monitored. Fortunately I've staved off any other symptoms so far, like issues with kidneys, liver, etc, but we're aware it could develop at any time.

We have another growth scan today to check the baby and then have been told we'll need to decide to terminate or continue ASAP before the 24 week cut off.

We've been absolutely numb for weeks. I don't know how we make this choice. If baby looks good and we go ahead there's every chance I get sicker in just a few days and we require a very premature delivery and baby may not make it. Or I could last another 6 weeks with no symptoms. There's literally no way to know.

I've really struggled to process this, especially the lack of information they can give us, though I know it's not their fault. It just seems crazy that we have to make this decision almost completely blind. I'm worried for our baby but my husband and my parents are really worried for my health too, which I know is a factor.

Just need a hand hold please to get through today and whatever's to come, this has been so overwhelming.

OP posts:
Parentalalienation · 31/07/2023 23:10

Oh OP I'm so sorry to hear your update tonight. Please don't let anyone judge you and your decision needs to be yours and your partner's alone.
Whichever way you go, you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Mumto32022 · 31/07/2023 23:11

I think those that are commenting about 24 weekers surviving birth don’t understand the severity of what early onset pre eclampsia does to the placenta. The placenta does not function like a normal healthy placenta, these babies are growth restricted and are a lot smaller than a 24 weeker with a normally developing placenta without early onset pre eclampsia.
this must be so difficult to process I can’t imagine. Only you can decide what to do. Take each day as it comes.
is your BP under control ? Hopefully they can control your BP / admit you in to hospital for as long as required before delivery. Even if you could get to 26 weeks, every day is a bonus! But yes your health is paramount and you can’t feel guilty about that at any point. Wishing you and baby lots of luck going forwards.

Fivecatsandonelizard · 31/07/2023 23:12

Does preeclampsia affect fetal lung maturity ?

Mumto32022 · 31/07/2023 23:13

Sorry OP I’ve just read your update later than I replied. Lots of love at this really difficult time.
severe early onset pre eclampsia really is absolutely horrendous 🙁

CrazyCatLover · 31/07/2023 23:13

Hi, so sorry to hear about your complications . Have you had a chance to have a discussion with a nicu consultant? X

whitebreadjamsandwich · 31/07/2023 23:14

I am sorry OP. Sending love and strength for the days ahead

whitebreadjamsandwich · 31/07/2023 23:15

Fivecatsandonelizard · 31/07/2023 23:12

Does preeclampsia affect fetal lung maturity ?

It restricts fetal blood supply so has a negative impact on all development

Auntieofdragons · 31/07/2023 23:21

Sending love OP. Holding out for an unlikely miracle might be for some but giving this baby a gentle and painless end to his or her life is the only way that you, as a mother, are able to protect them from pain and suffering with any real certainty. It’s a selfless and loving act for the baby who will be in your heart forever.

TattiePants · 31/07/2023 23:21

OP I’m so very sorry for what you are going through and to read your very sad update. The decision now seems to be out of your hands and despite the tragic outcome, I hope knowing that you’ve done all you can gives you some comfort in the future. Sending you strength to see you through the coming days.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 31/07/2023 23:21

I've just read your update
I'm so sorry
Sending you love and strength

Maddy70 · 31/07/2023 23:21

mapa289 · 31/07/2023 22:46

We finally managed to meet with our consultant and a specialist tonight after another scan and some more tests.

Based on one set of bloods they can run that can help predict the severity of the preeclampsia, plus the further scans and everything else, he said he would anticipate delivering within the week and that the baby would not survive. Even with steroid injections its lungs are not developed enough.

To the people that have said they simply can't comprehend why we'd even consider terminating, I think it's unfair of you to try to push the idea that anything is possible onto someone going through something like this. While even the minutest possibility of survival is clearly enough for some people, it's not for everyone, and any kind of judgement is not okay.

Thanks to everyone for their comments and input today, it's been helpful to have something to distract me.

I am so sorry to read your update. You must be absolutely devastated. They are being very honest with you and they are the experts Your baby isn't to be and that's heartbreaking

We will all be here for you during this difficult time for hand holds and virtual hugs you are stronger than you believe. X

CrazyCatLover · 31/07/2023 23:22

Fivecatsandonelizard · 31/07/2023 23:12

Does preeclampsia affect fetal lung maturity ?

Not specifically. Late preterm babies babies delivered because of pre eclampsia are generally OK. As are term babies born to mums with less severe pre eclampsia.

Babies delivered quite early for every reason will all have immature lungs.

L0bstersLass · 31/07/2023 23:25

@mapa289 I'm so sorry to read your update.
I wish you and your husband strength at this terrible time.
I can't begin to imagine the horror of the situation you find yourselves in.
Sending love.

Lookitaahhh · 31/07/2023 23:26

Op-you may already have left the thread but I wanted to send my thoughts, strength and love your way. What an incredibly difficult thing for you both to be going through-I wish you all the very best over the coming days, weeks and months ❤️

Wheresthebeach · 31/07/2023 23:29

Sending love OP.

Backofthenet20 · 01/08/2023 00:04

All the best with yours & Babies health. I also had pre-eclampsia but later onset. I subsequently found out that I have the MTHFR genetic variant with 2 bad copies. Means I can’t process folic acid. This is typically the type added to prenatal supplements & enriched flour etc. I changed my supplement to be methyl folate & methyl b12 as this does not need processing in the same way in the body. Those with this genetic disposition are much more likely to have pre-eclampsia. My niece also had preeclampsia. Her boy was born at 32 weeks after onset significantly earlier. He was discharged last month from hospital & is doing well. My kidneys/ liver were also impacted but with no long term effects. I put on 70lb In pregnancy & lost 56 in 10 days due to all the held fluid linked to the illness. Rest as much as you can & try not to worry to keep your BP down. Try yoga, meditation, breathing exercises. I know it’s hard, but you have this

Crikeyalmighty · 01/08/2023 00:05

I am so very sorry OP , your own health though is primary and it doesn't sound like there would be a good outcome if you continued. Will be thinking of you

Cabella · 01/08/2023 00:12

This reply has been deleted

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herbygarden · 01/08/2023 00:22

I'm so sorry to see your update @mapa289, sending you love and strength Xxx

Cindy1802 · 01/08/2023 03:52

So sorry OP. There is a TFMR board on babycentre which is incredibly supportive, I would have been lost without it. During times like these it's invaluable to be able to connect, vent, rant and seek support from people who have been in your position. I felt very isolated after mine, as much as friends and family were supportive, no one really knew what I was going through.

Sending love and strength x

EmmaGrundyForPM · 01/08/2023 04:05

I'm thinking of you, OP, and wishing you strength to get through this.

I am so sorry.

Jazzybean · 01/08/2023 06:31

Sending you love 💕

WantingToEducate · 01/08/2023 08:26

I’m sorry to hear your update and although you must be absolutely devastated hopefully the fact that the outcome has already been predicted, means you feel less weight on your shoulders to make what would have been a very difficult decision for you.

I hope that whatever the next steps are, the process is made as least traumatic as possible for you, your husband and your baby xx

3mma22 · 01/08/2023 08:37

Please don’t feel judged OP. No one has the right to judge.

You make the decision that is right for you and your baby. That’s between you and God/your conscience - no one else is in your situation - so know one can say with certainty what they would do and hence have no right to judge you. It’s abundantly clear from your posts that whatever decision you reach will be made through a Mother’s love.

I am so sorry it wasn’t good news, whatever happens going forward your baby will always be your baby and we carry markers of all our babies in our blood so they are always with us no matter what!

Sending you love Flowers

JenWillsiam · 01/08/2023 08:38

mapa289 · 31/07/2023 22:46

We finally managed to meet with our consultant and a specialist tonight after another scan and some more tests.

Based on one set of bloods they can run that can help predict the severity of the preeclampsia, plus the further scans and everything else, he said he would anticipate delivering within the week and that the baby would not survive. Even with steroid injections its lungs are not developed enough.

To the people that have said they simply can't comprehend why we'd even consider terminating, I think it's unfair of you to try to push the idea that anything is possible onto someone going through something like this. While even the minutest possibility of survival is clearly enough for some people, it's not for everyone, and any kind of judgement is not okay.

Thanks to everyone for their comments and input today, it's been helpful to have something to distract me.

I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. It’s just horrific xx

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