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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Handhold please - in hospital and today is the day

251 replies

mapa289 · 31/07/2023 06:23

I'm 23 weeks pregnant and was diagnosed with early onset preeclampsia several weeks ago. It was a huge shock as everything has been going well so far. First baby and much wanted after years of trying.

My blood pressure has been high and I've been in and out of hospital being monitored. Fortunately I've staved off any other symptoms so far, like issues with kidneys, liver, etc, but we're aware it could develop at any time.

We have another growth scan today to check the baby and then have been told we'll need to decide to terminate or continue ASAP before the 24 week cut off.

We've been absolutely numb for weeks. I don't know how we make this choice. If baby looks good and we go ahead there's every chance I get sicker in just a few days and we require a very premature delivery and baby may not make it. Or I could last another 6 weeks with no symptoms. There's literally no way to know.

I've really struggled to process this, especially the lack of information they can give us, though I know it's not their fault. It just seems crazy that we have to make this decision almost completely blind. I'm worried for our baby but my husband and my parents are really worried for my health too, which I know is a factor.

Just need a hand hold please to get through today and whatever's to come, this has been so overwhelming.

OP posts:
JenWillsiam · 01/08/2023 08:42

LuluBlakey1 · 31/07/2023 22:24

In any pregnancy there are no certain outcomes, either about the mother or baby's health and future health. All kinds can happen.

Given that you have spent years trying to conceive, there is no certainty you would be able to do so again easily- although you might.

You seem to want an absolutely clear outcome from your consultant- that's not possible for any pregnancy and I can't understand you contemplating abortion at this stage given what that would entail and that you may well have a healthy baby if you continue. I am certainly not interested in trying to influence you. Any woman has the right to choose. I just can't comprehend it given what you have told us. Is someone pressuring you - husband/parents/hospital?

If you did have a termination and did get pregnant again, what if you were told there were no issues and you then had a baby who had a significant health issue? That is perfectly possible. My friend's daughter was born after a trouble-free pregnancy, apparently healthy but turned out, after two years of genetic testing following not meeting milestones, to have a very rare condition linked to a chromosome abnormality. She is severely disabled- now in her early 20s- and has no level or normality in her life at all, and never will have. They absolutely adore her and have done their very best for her in every way. My friend was 35 when her daughter was born . She was fit, healthy, didn't smoke, drink, take drugs, and had all available tests during pregnancy at the time- they were all normal. The Professor in Genetics in Newcastle told her the condition is so rare they would never diagnose it pre-birth and that nothing caused it- just a genetic accident at conception. Nothing is ever 100% sure in a pregnancy.

Please don’t reply to me as I won’t be de railing this thread.

but this comment. Gross. I hope the OP did not read it.

Golaz · 01/08/2023 08:55

My heart goes out to you so much OP ❤️. Sending you so much love and strength. I’m so sorry that so many posts on this thread have been laced with judgement , and lacked so much imagination and empathy. People are imposing a simplistic, external view on the situation, without understanding the realities of the circumstances that you are in. People comparing their situations to yours are often either talking about pre-eclampsia at a much later gestation, or premature birth due to other causes, neither of which can be meaningful compared. Wishing you all the strength in the world for whatever comes next. ❤️

Blossomtoes · 01/08/2023 08:58

No words @mapa289. So, so sorry. Sending you both strength. 💐

TwuntingCrow · 01/08/2023 09:30

I’m so sorry @mapa289 .. you must be devastated … I wish you as much peace as is possible and that you take the time to really grieve your little one .. pregnancy can be so intense and emotionally wrought at times like these can’t it?
you sound wise and I’m certain you’ll come through this .. I am sure now that your consultant knows this has happened to you they will make sure that everything possible is done to ensure you have a healthy baby next time, if you choose to try again .
for me, my post pre eclampsia pregnancy was the easiest of all of mine .. I pray that you have that experience.

also - sorry for the long post but always remember that you are a mama now, even if your little one is not going to survive - you are his or her mama .. your baby just lives ‘elsewhere’ .. having lost a child myself so found that really important to know in my heart - even though my arms were empty - my child lives - as will yours, forever in your heart and soul .. much love to you as you begin this cruel journey xxx

DistantSkye · 01/08/2023 10:44

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. You've maybe stepped away from the thread now and I have no experience in this area but I am thinking of you. There is no wrong decision here ❤️

Janey3090 · 01/08/2023 11:02

I’m so so sorry to read your update OP, and also so sorry that some of the replies from other posters have hurt you. Sending you so much love and strength to come to terms with this xx

ThomasinaLivesHere · 01/08/2023 11:10

Sorry to hear your update. I wish the best going forward for you and your husband. Ignore the ignorant responses. It’s so easy to judge a situation you’re not in.

drinkingteaslowly · 01/08/2023 12:01

Wishing you all the very best OP. This is such a challenging time for you and you're clearly making an informed decision that's right for you and your baby. Take good care xx

Cornishclio · 01/08/2023 23:18

So sorry you are in this position and only you can make the decision supported by the medical professionals advising you. I feel for you as I had high bp throughout both my pregnancies and my daughter had pre eclampsia on both her pregnancies resulting in being induced but at a later stage than you. It is gutting when it is a much longed for baby.

stealtheatingtunnocks · 01/08/2023 23:20

I’m so sorry. The staff will take very good care of you and your wee one as you take the next steps.

Im so sorry that this has happened to your family and I hope you get well soon.

Amniceandgenuine · 01/08/2023 23:34

Am sorry to read your update OP . Am glad that you have been given the facts and you can have the termination knowing that you have made the decision in the best interests of your darling baby and your health. Sending love 💕

pamplemoussemousse · 01/08/2023 23:55

Sending love and strength to you on the next steps, @mapa289. as a pp said you're a mother, and you are making a sacrifice for your baby that's almost unbearable. My thoughts are with you xx

TooOldForThisNonsense · 01/08/2023 23:57

I’m so sorry OP x

and to those judging the OP, do F off

temosmail · 02/08/2023 01:13

Oh how about you stop "judging" others.

wannabetraveler · 02/08/2023 08:01

I'm so sorry, OP. We had a similar experience- not pre-eclampsia but a condition that meant our daughter might be perfectly fine and might die during the pregnancy. The day to day "watch and wait" was horrendous. It was almost a relief, really, when the doctors could finally say, "This is the diagnosis and this will be the outcome." I terminated the pregnancy at 17 weeks.

It was horrendous and I'll never forget it, but we got through it. I have three living children and none of their pregnancies were affected.

I'll be keeping you in my prayers as you go through this. Much love to you.

catndogslife · 02/08/2023 12:11

So sorry that the OP is going through this difficult situation.
23 weeks is really awkward timing, as she was so close to reaching a point where a positive outcome was more likely. I think that was why so many people were posting positive stories, but the OP would not have had a chance to read many of them before receiving the latest news.
I suspect that some posters have not read her update.
I hope that the OP receives the support that she needs in real life with whatever decision she makes.

porridgeisbae · 02/08/2023 22:35

So sorry to hear the odds OP. Praying that your LO will beat them. 🙏

TooOldForThisNonsense · 03/08/2023 08:55

HopityHope · 31/07/2023 20:06

@mapa289 i would be in the camp of considering ending the pregnancy. The doctors are super concerned as is your husband. He can’t have another baby without you. And the baby already struggling isn’t a good sign.

Please ignore all the j considerate posters saying “I had a ring but of high BP and I was fine”. They don’t h sert and that you’re way past that and already have pre eclampsia which is starting to affect your kidneys and babies growth.

i am so sorry you have to make this decision, I just wanted to give you some support that if you do make the decision to save your life and terminate then I think that’s ok. Delivering a 19 week old baby and watching them suffer for a short life isn’t easy and shouldn’t just be done as everything thinks it should as to why wouldn’t you just try. In that case no one would ever terminate for babies with sever conditions that mean they wouldn’t survive long.

sorry I’m waffling but feel people have been unfair in sharing their stories not understanding the situation.

I agree.

easy sitting behind a keyboard to say all that matters is the baby and giving them even the slimmest of chances. But it’s not. You matter and are precious too OP x and I know this must be horrific for you

kannnet96 · 03/08/2023 09:05

Op I know you have stepped away from the thread but just in case you are still reading. Sending you best thoughts, you are in a horrible situation. Don't doubt yourself x x

porridgeisbae · 03/08/2023 20:13

@HopityHope @TooOldForThisNonsense If the doctors thought it severely wasn't safe for a woman to stay pregnant than they would tell the woman that rather than it be as much her decision as it was at the start of the thread- which is what they've now said to OP, that they'll try and deliver soon. Sad

I would maybe ask if I could carry on for a couple of weeks, but I'm Catholic. I'd probably ask a Priest and they'd probably be ok with someone letting them deliver next week as the doctors suggest. This sort of scenario is fairly rare.

TheShellBeach · 03/08/2023 20:29

porridgeisbae · 03/08/2023 20:13

@HopityHope @TooOldForThisNonsense If the doctors thought it severely wasn't safe for a woman to stay pregnant than they would tell the woman that rather than it be as much her decision as it was at the start of the thread- which is what they've now said to OP, that they'll try and deliver soon. Sad

I would maybe ask if I could carry on for a couple of weeks, but I'm Catholic. I'd probably ask a Priest and they'd probably be ok with someone letting them deliver next week as the doctors suggest. This sort of scenario is fairly rare.

I don't think this is helpful.
You're misunderstanding.
This baby is not going to survive. It is 19 weeks size. And in two weeks the mother may not, either.

IGoWalkingAfterMidnight · 03/08/2023 22:03

I've briefly told my story but I didn't mention that I'm Catholic.

My dad told me, 'if you don't play the game, you don't make the rules' and that helped put 'religion' to one side for me.

Not anyone else's body, anyone else's baby, not anyone else's choice. No ifs or buts. Noone else has a say. It's an awful enough situation without piling on judgement or guilt.

HopityHope · 03/08/2023 23:14

TheShellBeach · 03/08/2023 20:29

I don't think this is helpful.
You're misunderstanding.
This baby is not going to survive. It is 19 weeks size. And in two weeks the mother may not, either.

Show quote history

Exactly, with all due respect, the mother has said she doesn’t have another couple of weeks.

tortoisepace · 04/08/2023 05:46

Op, I keep thinking about you.

I'm hoping that your test results improved or that the doctors managed to give you some better news about the prospects for keeping baby growing inside.

But if that wasn't the case I just wanted to let you know (in case you haven't already found it) that the ARC website has a forum on it for parents who have lost a baby through TFMR. (It is locked and you can only have access if you have been through this. You can request access from the website). It was a great source of support for me.

momtoboys · 04/08/2023 14:29

Thinking of you.