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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Handhold please - in hospital and today is the day

251 replies

mapa289 · 31/07/2023 06:23

I'm 23 weeks pregnant and was diagnosed with early onset preeclampsia several weeks ago. It was a huge shock as everything has been going well so far. First baby and much wanted after years of trying.

My blood pressure has been high and I've been in and out of hospital being monitored. Fortunately I've staved off any other symptoms so far, like issues with kidneys, liver, etc, but we're aware it could develop at any time.

We have another growth scan today to check the baby and then have been told we'll need to decide to terminate or continue ASAP before the 24 week cut off.

We've been absolutely numb for weeks. I don't know how we make this choice. If baby looks good and we go ahead there's every chance I get sicker in just a few days and we require a very premature delivery and baby may not make it. Or I could last another 6 weeks with no symptoms. There's literally no way to know.

I've really struggled to process this, especially the lack of information they can give us, though I know it's not their fault. It just seems crazy that we have to make this decision almost completely blind. I'm worried for our baby but my husband and my parents are really worried for my health too, which I know is a factor.

Just need a hand hold please to get through today and whatever's to come, this has been so overwhelming.

OP posts:
rainbowtea23 · 31/07/2023 19:34

Hi OP, I had hypertension and GD got
to 30 weeks then diagnosed with preeclampsia and admitted had the steroid shots but stabilised. Ultimately it turned into HELLP for me at 36 weeks. Just about managed to avoid having a GA section my
platelets dropped that low. Considering how ill I’d been I was home two days after delivery. Baby had a few weeks in the NICU as they suspected sepsis so that was also quite scary.

I’m now expecting baby number 2 with a small age gap, not quite planned this way but after a decade of infertility it seems to have happened. So far I’ve been ok but I will get very closely monitored as consultant has put me as high risk again after what happened.

It’s an awful situation to be in, I can’t imagine how you are feeling being much earlier on. Hope things can stabilise for you and baby is safely delivered.

Wickedgreengirl · 31/07/2023 19:45

Sending lots of love. I’ve been in this exact same situation twice and carried on as long as I could before we had to decide whether our eldest needed a mum or a brother more. Such a tough decision that only you can make xx

PrinceYakimov · 31/07/2023 19:49

No advice for you OP, just 💐and a handhold. You and your DH sound like very sensitive, compassionate and considered people. I'm sure whatever decision you make together will be right for you.

Dasisr · 31/07/2023 19:50

Hi @mapa289 I am so sorry you are in this situation. I am unsure as to whether to post this but as you are looking for advice/others in this situation I will tell my friends story.

she was exactly the same as you. First pregnancy, early pre eclampsia, started developing kidney issues. Baby was measuring behind. At 24 weeks baby measured 20 weeks. She decided to give the baby a chance and had a c-section at 25 weeks. Her baby lived for 5 days before passing away. She has since gone on to have 2 more healthy children both in a similar extremely high risk pre eclampsia pregnancy. However as her medical case was now known they managed to get both babies to 32 weeks.

Sending you and your DH the strength to get through the next few weeks. Life can be very unfair.

MrsPositivity1 · 31/07/2023 19:50

Sending you love and strength x

whatausername · 31/07/2023 19:55

If you can on with this pregnancy and become unwell, will you be unwell long-term? Will it impact the likelihood of a future successful pregnancy? What will be the cardiovascular, renal, hepatic and ocular effects? If you develop an AKI what are the chances of that developing to CKD? I'd see if any of these can be answered. Because they would influence me in such a position.

HopityHope · 31/07/2023 20:06

@mapa289 i would be in the camp of considering ending the pregnancy. The doctors are super concerned as is your husband. He can’t have another baby without you. And the baby already struggling isn’t a good sign.

Please ignore all the j considerate posters saying “I had a ring but of high BP and I was fine”. They don’t h sert and that you’re way past that and already have pre eclampsia which is starting to affect your kidneys and babies growth.

i am so sorry you have to make this decision, I just wanted to give you some support that if you do make the decision to save your life and terminate then I think that’s ok. Delivering a 19 week old baby and watching them suffer for a short life isn’t easy and shouldn’t just be done as everything thinks it should as to why wouldn’t you just try. In that case no one would ever terminate for babies with sever conditions that mean they wouldn’t survive long.

sorry I’m waffling but feel people have been unfair in sharing their stories not understanding the situation.

OhwhyOY · 31/07/2023 20:07

OP I'm so sorry, what a terrible time for you. Here's hoping all resolves itself for you as well as it possibly can. The uncertainty is awful. A very close family friend (really a sister) of mine found out at 18 weeks pregnant she had stage 4 liver cancer. She had to decide between delivering her baby early or having treatment. In the end her condition started to impact the baby's health so she was delivered at 23 weeks. She's a happy, mostly healthy little girl now but with some delays in her milestones. I know her parents found the NICU time stressful and traumatic but now she's doing well. I think in the end all you can do is go with your gut. I really wish you and your partner all the best.

Batalax · 31/07/2023 20:55

If the baby’s growth has slowed to that extent and even at 24 weeks they’ve only reached a normal 20 week size, then I think tragically I’d make the difficult decision to terminate.
There is such a small chance of the baby being healthy, that I don’t think I could put them through it. I don’t think I’d want to cope with it either, but my primary concern would be the difficult life my child would probably have to endure. I wouldn’t want that for them, however hard that decision would be for me to make.

pamplemoussemousse · 31/07/2023 21:06

I have had 4 separate friends have babies at just before 24 weeks. Most have a lot of issues, none life limiting but some impacting on quality of life, some quite severely. While I'm positive none of the parents would change anything with what they have now, they didn't get a choice. Their babies were born and they had to live though what happened afterwards.

Your decision is yours alone, no one can predict how this will affect you or your baby. You have my thoughts in this awfully difficult time xx

sebanna · 31/07/2023 21:55

My sister had severe pre eclampsia and her baby stopped growing at thirty one weeks. He was born at 34 weeks with severe IUGR. He had a very small placenta and two knots in his cord. He was fine but he gained weight slowly and kept dropping centiles, for long time he was growing but not on a centile. I suppose what you need to consider is can your baby catch up on their growth and if born extremely small for gestation will this affect how NICU can care for them. Wishing you all best and sorry you are going through such a tough time.

Chocolatepeanutbuttercupsandicecream · 31/07/2023 22:09

Sending another hand hold. I don’t have any experience of what you’re going through, but couldn’t read your thread and not send all the love and support I could. I hope that tomorrow brings clearer answers Flowers

BrutusMcDogface · 31/07/2023 22:12

Oh, you poor thing. I’m sorry you and your husband are going through this. Sending love 💐

Dibbydoos · 31/07/2023 22:17

Hi @mapa289 gently squeezing you hand lovely. I hope you and your DH find some time to do a little meditation to keep your stress levels as low as possible.

I personally think you need to follow the advice you're given, but ask as many Qs as you need to so you make the best decision. 🙏 that you manage to get through long enough for baby to arrive and thrive without suffering negative health impacts.

My friends baby arrived at 22weeks. 2 was less than 2lb and is now a teenager. Keep the faith 💕

LuluBlakey1 · 31/07/2023 22:24

In any pregnancy there are no certain outcomes, either about the mother or baby's health and future health. All kinds can happen.

Given that you have spent years trying to conceive, there is no certainty you would be able to do so again easily- although you might.

You seem to want an absolutely clear outcome from your consultant- that's not possible for any pregnancy and I can't understand you contemplating abortion at this stage given what that would entail and that you may well have a healthy baby if you continue. I am certainly not interested in trying to influence you. Any woman has the right to choose. I just can't comprehend it given what you have told us. Is someone pressuring you - husband/parents/hospital?

If you did have a termination and did get pregnant again, what if you were told there were no issues and you then had a baby who had a significant health issue? That is perfectly possible. My friend's daughter was born after a trouble-free pregnancy, apparently healthy but turned out, after two years of genetic testing following not meeting milestones, to have a very rare condition linked to a chromosome abnormality. She is severely disabled- now in her early 20s- and has no level or normality in her life at all, and never will have. They absolutely adore her and have done their very best for her in every way. My friend was 35 when her daughter was born . She was fit, healthy, didn't smoke, drink, take drugs, and had all available tests during pregnancy at the time- they were all normal. The Professor in Genetics in Newcastle told her the condition is so rare they would never diagnose it pre-birth and that nothing caused it- just a genetic accident at conception. Nothing is ever 100% sure in a pregnancy.

Original poster
mapa289 · 31/07/2023 22:46

We finally managed to meet with our consultant and a specialist tonight after another scan and some more tests.

Based on one set of bloods they can run that can help predict the severity of the preeclampsia, plus the further scans and everything else, he said he would anticipate delivering within the week and that the baby would not survive. Even with steroid injections its lungs are not developed enough.

To the people that have said they simply can't comprehend why we'd even consider terminating, I think it's unfair of you to try to push the idea that anything is possible onto someone going through something like this. While even the minutest possibility of survival is clearly enough for some people, it's not for everyone, and any kind of judgement is not okay.

Thanks to everyone for their comments and input today, it's been helpful to have something to distract me.

OP posts:
ArabeIIaScott · 31/07/2023 22:47
Flowers

I'm so sorry that some posters have tried to push you into anything, OP. It's not on. Sending you gentle hugs.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 31/07/2023 22:51

OP, I am so very sorry for what you are going through. Simply sending all the very very best to you and your husband. There is no wrong decision here, OP 💐💐💐

Hugasauras · 31/07/2023 22:53

So sorry, OP, how immensely tough. You sound very switched on and pragmatic, and I think you need to be pragmatic in this kind of situation where it's not just the baby's life and quality of life at stake but your own life too. Being led by an idealistic vision of a very weak and premature baby miraculously beating the odds comes with its own risks. Sometimes we do need to weigh up the risks and make a decision based on the information we have, not our desperate hopes.

I hope whatever happens that you have support and love to get through it and that you stay healthy Flowers

whatausername · 31/07/2023 22:57

Sorry this is happening to you. @mapa289 you've come across so articulate and rational at such a difficult time. I hope you have a successful pregnancy soon.

AtrociousCircumstance · 31/07/2023 22:58

I’m so sorry Flowers

TheShellBeach · 31/07/2023 23:01

OP I am very sad to read your update.

HopityHope · 31/07/2023 23:03

So sorry to read your update, but I think it’s the only decision you can make now. Your life is at stake, and urgently so and your baby won’t survive and is already affected. Sorry people have not been helpful. Acting now will mean you have a better chance of getting healthy again and having a baby that won’t suffer when they can medicate you earlier if you choose to try again. If not there are other options to having a baby in the future, but that future needs you in it and your consultant wants to act to keep you in that future too.

Summer2424 · 31/07/2023 23:06

I'm so sorry hun that you have had to through this ❤ xx @mapa289

IGoWalkingAfterMidnight · 31/07/2023 23:07

mapa289 · 31/07/2023 22:46

We finally managed to meet with our consultant and a specialist tonight after another scan and some more tests.

Based on one set of bloods they can run that can help predict the severity of the preeclampsia, plus the further scans and everything else, he said he would anticipate delivering within the week and that the baby would not survive. Even with steroid injections its lungs are not developed enough.

To the people that have said they simply can't comprehend why we'd even consider terminating, I think it's unfair of you to try to push the idea that anything is possible onto someone going through something like this. While even the minutest possibility of survival is clearly enough for some people, it's not for everyone, and any kind of judgement is not okay.

Thanks to everyone for their comments and input today, it's been helpful to have something to distract me.

Sending love and strength to you for best possible outcomes.

To share my story briefly, I had a termination after my 18 week scan for medical reasons - I knew I was not the person that could go through a whole pregnancy to give birth to a baby that would have a very much shortened, poor quality of life. In our case it was severe fetal hydrocephalus

20 years on and the pain of the lost baby is still with me but I'm confident it was absolutely the right decision for me and DH.

I won't allow anyone to judge me for that decision either - it wasn't theirs to make and I live every day with my choice.