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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Handhold please - in hospital and today is the day

251 replies

mapa289 · 31/07/2023 06:23

I'm 23 weeks pregnant and was diagnosed with early onset preeclampsia several weeks ago. It was a huge shock as everything has been going well so far. First baby and much wanted after years of trying.

My blood pressure has been high and I've been in and out of hospital being monitored. Fortunately I've staved off any other symptoms so far, like issues with kidneys, liver, etc, but we're aware it could develop at any time.

We have another growth scan today to check the baby and then have been told we'll need to decide to terminate or continue ASAP before the 24 week cut off.

We've been absolutely numb for weeks. I don't know how we make this choice. If baby looks good and we go ahead there's every chance I get sicker in just a few days and we require a very premature delivery and baby may not make it. Or I could last another 6 weeks with no symptoms. There's literally no way to know.

I've really struggled to process this, especially the lack of information they can give us, though I know it's not their fault. It just seems crazy that we have to make this decision almost completely blind. I'm worried for our baby but my husband and my parents are really worried for my health too, which I know is a factor.

Just need a hand hold please to get through today and whatever's to come, this has been so overwhelming.

OP posts:
EmmaGrundyForPM · 31/07/2023 10:26

@mapa289 it was a long time ago, but my memory is that they kept adjusting the BP medication and I was kept on bed rest in hospital. I occasionally got sent home as it appeared to have stabilised, but would usually be readmitted within 48 hours as it had gone up again.

It was a very stressful time, but there was a good outcome for DS and me. I hope there's a similar good outcome for you.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 31/07/2023 10:30

Oh and I also had my urine tested every day. It was when I had protein in my urine at nearly 35 weeks that I was induced

Calliope23 · 31/07/2023 10:46

Same as Emmagrundy .. I was admitted at 23 weeks with my second - pre eclampsia
We were on bed rest and got to 32 weeks when she was delivered after I'd been administered steroids to mature her lungs - tiny but physically ok after a few days -
She is now 25 !

I truly hope this works out for you xxxxx

Original poster
mapa289 · 31/07/2023 10:48

EmmaGrundyForPM · 31/07/2023 10:30

Oh and I also had my urine tested every day. It was when I had protein in my urine at nearly 35 weeks that I was induced

Ah I see, sounds like you managed to keep on top of the hypertension before preeclampsia developed. The protein in my urine is already abnormal and has been for a few weeks, and my bloods are just starting to show a few indications of potential issues. Thank you for sharing.

OP posts:
Original poster
mapa289 · 31/07/2023 10:50

Calliope23 · 31/07/2023 10:46

Same as Emmagrundy .. I was admitted at 23 weeks with my second - pre eclampsia
We were on bed rest and got to 32 weeks when she was delivered after I'd been administered steroids to mature her lungs - tiny but physically ok after a few days -
She is now 25 !

I truly hope this works out for you xxxxx

That's great to hear. I just can't stand all the mixed information. I just had another consultant come around and she told me that she would anticipate me needing to deliver in 2 weeks based on my blood test results. I've since spoken to my actual consultant who said that's nonsense. It doesn't make it any easier.

OP posts:
Freddiefan · 31/07/2023 10:59

That sounds unprofessional and cruel. Surely it would be better if the two consultants 'consulted' each other and came to a joint conclusion?

Original poster
mapa289 · 31/07/2023 11:08

Freddiefan · 31/07/2023 10:59

That sounds unprofessional and cruel. Surely it would be better if the two consultants 'consulted' each other and came to a joint conclusion?

It would be helpful. Everyone tries to be nice but honestly it's been harder with all the misunderstanding and miscommunication. Some of the midwives are taking it very seriously, others keep telling me it's not severe enough yet for me to worry. Last night someone told me something in my bloods is elevated, this morning they told me that's normal and to be expected. Very trying!

OP posts:
Justhereforaibu1 · 31/07/2023 11:14

No advice but just wanted to say thinking of you x

Blossomandbee · 31/07/2023 11:17

Gosh what a horrible and difficult situation to be in.
Can you request a meeting with the consultants or try and get a specialist opinion? It's a huge decision you can't be expected to make when everyone is telling you different information.

Fivecatsandonelizard · 31/07/2023 11:20

They should be moving you to a higher level nicu hospital if they can’t care for a 23 weeker rather than mentioning termination? That seems wrong especially as with PE the issues for the time being is with you - yes baby would be very prem but hopefully in good condition . Check the nicu level and ask for a transfer if necessary good luck x

Original poster
mapa289 · 31/07/2023 11:22

Fivecatsandonelizard · 31/07/2023 11:20

They should be moving you to a higher level nicu hospital if they can’t care for a 23 weeker rather than mentioning termination? That seems wrong especially as with PE the issues for the time being is with you - yes baby would be very prem but hopefully in good condition . Check the nicu level and ask for a transfer if necessary good luck x

There's no issue with the NICU here, they can care for the baby as it's a level 3. The termination was brought up in case something developed with me and/or the baby over the course of these last few weeks as a result of the preeclampsia. To be honest I think they were expecting this to get much worse much quicker due to how early it came on and because it hasn't they're not sure what to suggest right now.

OP posts:
CRAmum · 31/07/2023 11:32

OP, I'm so so sorry you are going through this.

At 26 weeks, I had a routine midwife appointment but ended up being sent to the hospital that day for a scan as I measured up quite small. They discovered my cervix and started to funnel and consultant told me I was going into labour imminently and would need to be blue lighted to another hospital to give birth. After having a complete meltdown with plenty of tears, he came back and said he'd made a mistake 🙄. All I had to do was take progesterone and was sent home. Anyway, there were many complications but not pre-eclampsia related and had my boy at 34 weeks. He's 21 months now, absolutely huge for his age and a brilliant, loving boy. A million miles away from all the stress and tears whilst pregnant and when he was in NICU.

I hope you actually get a proper discussion with a consultant who actually confirms your current situation before you can make an informed decision. Thinking if you and take care xx

Libelula21 · 31/07/2023 12:01

I can’t imagine how awful that must be.
Thinking of you and wishing you all the best xxx

Emmamoo89 · 31/07/2023 12:05

Thinking of you xxx

MerryHen · 31/07/2023 12:07

Massive handhold OP 💐

Have you come across the BRAIN decision making tool? It might be a good way to approach your discussion with the consultant.

B- benefits of each option.
R- risks of each option.
A- alternatives, how else can this be managed?
I- intuition, what is your gut telling you?
N- nothing. Is there the option to do or change nothing right now, and wait and see (probably not in your case since the PE will need to be managed).

Listening to your gut is a big one. The medical team primarily have a duty of care to you, so their recommendations may be at odds with what your gut is telling you but ultimately this is your decision. Sending love 💐

WaltzingWaters · 31/07/2023 12:17

What an awful situation. I’m so sorry, I have no advice but I just wanted to say I hope everything works out for you and baby.

SirVixofVixHall · 31/07/2023 12:20

Every day counts at this stage, also I read somewhere that the sex of the baby also makes a difference ( girls are tougher than boys). But statistics are meaningless on an individual basis anyway.
I wish you all the best OP, and hope that you remain stable so that your baby stays in for another month or so at least. I think it is very hard to be in your situation where you want clear answers and guidance, but there are no clear answers as nobody knows how things will pan out. A friend had a baby at 23 weeks. He needed support for a long time but he was ok.

Aw273 · 31/07/2023 12:33

Wishing you all the best OP- obviously your health comes first but that also includes your mental health if you have to make a decision that you’ll later regret, for a much wanted baby that may be your only chance then the risk lies differently to a one off issue that might not reoccur. So many different factors to consider and of course the worry of it all won’t help with the PE.
watching and waiting would be my choice given how closely you’ll be monitored, and look after yourself

temosmail · 31/07/2023 12:35

Absolutely do not terminate. And I'm sure they can terminate after 24 weeks, because it would be a medical issue. Before 24 weeks it's from choice.

OdeToBarney · 31/07/2023 12:36

This must be incredibly tough for you OP. I don't have any personal experience, but there are a couple of very prem babies in a FB group I'm in for the month/year my DD was born. One was born I think at 24/25 weeks and another at I think 26 weeks. They're both okay, one is still on oxygen around the clock and one is off oxygen during the day, but still on it at night. It has been incredibly tough for both families, one lady speaks openly of herMH struggles. She developed severe PE and HELLP and was very ill. But the difference in her scenario is the hospital weren't aware and didn't take her concerns seriously initially, whereas you are aware and are being treated and monitored. As far as I know her LB her chronic lung disease, but he seems to be generally well and hitting milestones. They do have to be very careful with illnesses, but he's just started nursery and is a happy little soul. Wishing you the best of luck 💗

OdeToBarney · 31/07/2023 12:37

Oh and I should say my DD is 15 months, so I guess the prem babies are around 18 months now.

kindmama15 · 31/07/2023 12:58

I had PE with my last 2 (and final pregnancies) I nearly died having my son at 35 weeks and I had been monitored for weeks things just changed very quickly. As long as things don’t change drastically ask them if they are willing to wait and see - even if it means being admitted long term so you can be constantly monitored. Sending you lots of love xx

Sunnymummy8 · 31/07/2023 13:01

Thinking of you and hoping for a good outcome for you and your baby..💜💜

Vick99 · 31/07/2023 13:04

Sorry you're going through this OP.

Someone may have already mentioned this but there's a brilliant Facebook group called "Preeclampsia, Eclampsia and HELLP syndrome survivors global network" which has a wealth of information, and if you post a question you always get a quick and very knowledgeable reply. Also there will definitely be others who have faced a similar situation.

Best of luck, I hope for a good outcome for you.

HommeSweetHomme · 31/07/2023 13:05

Sending you lots of love and support right now.

Don't know if this will help, but my mum had severe pre-eclampsia with me and my dad was phoned by the hospital at work and told to get to the hospital as he was going to lose mum and me.
I was born at 22 weeks and weighing less than a bag of sugar and my mum and dad had been told in no uncertain (and very coldly) that I wouldn't survive and they'd make no attempt to save me because I was "unviable".

I'm now 46 and despite being so premature, apart from being kept in the baby intensive care unit for the first 3 months of my life (I don't know why they changed their minds on helping me - my parents said it was one of the midwives who helped deliver me had refused to give up on me and she even came in on her days off to look after me - don't know if that's true or not, but I do remember a midwife called Maureen who used to make a big fuss of me when I was small and attended maternity with mum when she was expecting my brother), I've never had any issues.

Wishing you, your family and your baby the best of luck xx