Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Handhold please - in hospital and today is the day

251 replies

mapa289 · 31/07/2023 06:23

I'm 23 weeks pregnant and was diagnosed with early onset preeclampsia several weeks ago. It was a huge shock as everything has been going well so far. First baby and much wanted after years of trying.

My blood pressure has been high and I've been in and out of hospital being monitored. Fortunately I've staved off any other symptoms so far, like issues with kidneys, liver, etc, but we're aware it could develop at any time.

We have another growth scan today to check the baby and then have been told we'll need to decide to terminate or continue ASAP before the 24 week cut off.

We've been absolutely numb for weeks. I don't know how we make this choice. If baby looks good and we go ahead there's every chance I get sicker in just a few days and we require a very premature delivery and baby may not make it. Or I could last another 6 weeks with no symptoms. There's literally no way to know.

I've really struggled to process this, especially the lack of information they can give us, though I know it's not their fault. It just seems crazy that we have to make this decision almost completely blind. I'm worried for our baby but my husband and my parents are really worried for my health too, which I know is a factor.

Just need a hand hold please to get through today and whatever's to come, this has been so overwhelming.

OP posts:
Poppyblush · 31/07/2023 06:25

No words etc to say wish you well xx

whateveryouwantmetosay · 31/07/2023 06:27

Firm hand hold and a stark reminder that doctors are (often) wrong. Hang in there and DO NOT give up, even when they tell you to!!

tortoisepace · 31/07/2023 06:31

My goodness I'm so sorry and sending you a handhold.

Not the same circumstances but I had to TFMR a much wanted pregnancy and I know that making that decision is the worst possible decision anyone could ever be asked to make.

The charity ARC were incredibly helpful to me at the time of my baby's diagnosis and since my TFMR. It might be helpful to give them a call and talk things through with them this morning.

Thinking of you x

Mensuckbigtime · 31/07/2023 06:37

I am so sorry that you are in this really tough situation!

As far as I can remember I was always told that from 24 weeks onwards, the baby had a chance of survival but with still being so premature there is also a high chance of lasting issues

This is such a difficult decision to make and I've never had pre-eclampsia, but I think I would keep the baby and hope for the best.

Everyday the baby stays with you will be a massive benefit for your child and if you do make it to 30 weeks (I think that's when the lungs work fully), your baby will have a really good chance of being healthy.

My heart goes out to you and your husband

Duckduckie · 31/07/2023 06:41

@tortoisepace similar to this PP. TFMR here too and ARC are amazing. Mine was due to my health and not babies. There was a chance I wouldn’t survive the pregnancy but was in first trimester.

Its one of the hardest things I have ever been through, from the info you have shared I would be tempted to carry on and see how far you can get. Then it’s not your choice, but listen to your doctors and what they are suggesting.

1992H · 31/07/2023 06:44

I am so sorry, sending you strength and well wishes on such a trying day.

I’m sure between yourselves and your medical support you will be able to make the best decision for your circumstances today.

LightSpeeds · 31/07/2023 06:44

Thinking of you x

QuiltedHippo · 31/07/2023 06:44

Oh gosh I've never heard of this situation before, how unbearable for you. Thinking of you and hoping you get every ounce of information you need to help bring clarity

MissoniIMPOSSIBLE · 31/07/2023 06:53

Thinking of you and sending much strength, @mapa289

ApolloandDaphne · 31/07/2023 07:04

What a difficult decision to make. I wish you well whatever you decide to do.

SquigglePigs · 31/07/2023 07:17

Best of luck today OP.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 31/07/2023 07:37

Hand hold here @OP.
Wishing you the best of medical results and the strength to deal with the outcome.

piglet81 · 31/07/2023 07:39

Wishing you strength OP. What a horrible situation to be in Flowers

DancinOnTheCeiling · 31/07/2023 08:47

Oh OP, what an impossible situation to be in. Sending so much love ♥️. What does your gut say? Xx

Original poster
mapa289 · 31/07/2023 08:54

Duckduckie · 31/07/2023 06:41

@tortoisepace similar to this PP. TFMR here too and ARC are amazing. Mine was due to my health and not babies. There was a chance I wouldn’t survive the pregnancy but was in first trimester.

Its one of the hardest things I have ever been through, from the info you have shared I would be tempted to carry on and see how far you can get. Then it’s not your choice, but listen to your doctors and what they are suggesting.

This is really helpful, thank you. I was wondering if there was a charity or service out there who could help.

OP posts:
Original poster
mapa289 · 31/07/2023 08:58

DancinOnTheCeiling · 31/07/2023 08:47

Oh OP, what an impossible situation to be in. Sending so much love ♥️. What does your gut say? Xx

My first conviction was to keep going under any circumstances and I was so confident that I could do this. But I keep being warned that severe eclampsia or HELLP syndrome could come on at any point.

I also want my baby to have the best possible quality of life of course, and there's no guarantee as to how far I could make it and what the impact would be on them.

But equally I can't picture myself walking out of here empty without them in there. We have everything ready at home and it just breaks my heart.

OP posts:
Mysleepisbroken · 31/07/2023 09:03

I hope you get some good news today x

I was wondering though why they were discussing a TFMR at 23 weeks, when if you end until labour naturally at that stage, they'd yet to save the baby and it would actually have a decent (but not great) chance - 38%.

So if they do need to end your pregnancy, couldn't they find the steroid injections, and you deliver in a hospital that has the facilities to look after a 23 weeker.

There's a higher risk of disabilities than earlier on, but it's by no means a given. Most don't.

If it's your choice to go for a TFMR rather than attempt support/treatment, then that's your decision, but I just wanted you to know that there are other options even if the news isn't good today.

NoHunGosh · 31/07/2023 09:21

Oh OP. How difficult for you. I don't have first hand experience but I spent 2 months in NICU with my premature DS and met 2 mums there who had a similar story to yours. One of the babies was born at 24 weeks as the mum was v poorly with kidney issues and one at 26 weeks (can't remember if it was mum or baby who was struggling). Am still in contact with both families 9 years later and both kids are absolutely fine with no issues. Spending months in NICU with v premature babies is extraordinarily gruelling (physically, psychologically and emotionally) but the medical staff are absolutely incredible. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Original poster
mapa289 · 31/07/2023 09:30

Mysleepisbroken · 31/07/2023 09:03

I hope you get some good news today x

I was wondering though why they were discussing a TFMR at 23 weeks, when if you end until labour naturally at that stage, they'd yet to save the baby and it would actually have a decent (but not great) chance - 38%.

So if they do need to end your pregnancy, couldn't they find the steroid injections, and you deliver in a hospital that has the facilities to look after a 23 weeker.

There's a higher risk of disabilities than earlier on, but it's by no means a given. Most don't.

If it's your choice to go for a TFMR rather than attempt support/treatment, then that's your decision, but I just wanted you to know that there are other options even if the news isn't good today.

I think he was a little premature in mentioning it as we've been so stressed the last few weeks since he brought it up. He said he wanted to make sure we were aware of all the potential outcomes because having preeclampsia so early is so rare and he wanted to make sure I understood that my health is also an important factor in this. I think there's probably a legal element too as to them advising about the 24 week abortion limit here and the difference between that procedure and a birth.

OP posts:
EmmaGrundyForPM · 31/07/2023 09:36

You poor, poor woman. What a dreadful situation

I had a similar scenario with DC1. I was admitted to hospital with very high BP at 23 weeks and was warned that, if he or I developed any warning symptoms, he would be delivered straight away.

As it was, we hung on until 34 + 5. DS was small but fine, didn't need help with breathing, struggled a bit with feeding but was OK. He is now 27 and doing great.

Good luck with whatever happens.

Summer2424 · 31/07/2023 09:37

Hi @mapa289 sending you lots of strength to get through this ❤
Hope everything goes ok at your scan today xx

Original poster
mapa289 · 31/07/2023 09:44

EmmaGrundyForPM · 31/07/2023 09:36

You poor, poor woman. What a dreadful situation

I had a similar scenario with DC1. I was admitted to hospital with very high BP at 23 weeks and was warned that, if he or I developed any warning symptoms, he would be delivered straight away.

As it was, we hung on until 34 + 5. DS was small but fine, didn't need help with breathing, struggled a bit with feeding but was OK. He is now 27 and doing great.

Good luck with whatever happens.

I'm glad everything worked out well. Do you remember if anything changed or got worse for you during those 11 weeks or if it remained pretty steady?

I think what I'm finding hard is them not being able to give us even a spectrum of what might happen e.g. the moment your blood tests show X then we need to do X. It's essentially just cross your fingers and hope you don't develop any extreme symptoms.

OP posts:
StillWantingADog · 31/07/2023 09:48

Thinking of you and your baby and hoping for the best

Caaarrrl · 31/07/2023 09:53

What time is your appointment, OP? Every hope is with you that it all goes well today.