Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Handhold please - in hospital and today is the day

251 replies

mapa289 · 31/07/2023 06:23

I'm 23 weeks pregnant and was diagnosed with early onset preeclampsia several weeks ago. It was a huge shock as everything has been going well so far. First baby and much wanted after years of trying.

My blood pressure has been high and I've been in and out of hospital being monitored. Fortunately I've staved off any other symptoms so far, like issues with kidneys, liver, etc, but we're aware it could develop at any time.

We have another growth scan today to check the baby and then have been told we'll need to decide to terminate or continue ASAP before the 24 week cut off.

We've been absolutely numb for weeks. I don't know how we make this choice. If baby looks good and we go ahead there's every chance I get sicker in just a few days and we require a very premature delivery and baby may not make it. Or I could last another 6 weeks with no symptoms. There's literally no way to know.

I've really struggled to process this, especially the lack of information they can give us, though I know it's not their fault. It just seems crazy that we have to make this decision almost completely blind. I'm worried for our baby but my husband and my parents are really worried for my health too, which I know is a factor.

Just need a hand hold please to get through today and whatever's to come, this has been so overwhelming.

OP posts:
Oldraver · 31/07/2023 13:11

Where abouts are you OP (realise you may not want t say). Isit possible to find some experts in P. The differing opinions doesnt sound good at all

NewNovember · 31/07/2023 13:14

There are no benefits to termination at this point the majority of babies survive at 24 weeks plus approximately 68%, if you terminate then you baby obviously has zero %. At the pint where you health is likely ti become a immediate serious concerns you can have c section which takes minutes.
Am really sorry you are going through this I have had pre eclampsia it's rough.

UneasyMe · 31/07/2023 13:16

Oh OP. I’ve been there. I’m hoping you get good news at the scan. My baby stopped growing at 23 weeks because of PE. She was eventually born 5 weeks later, when I got too sick to carry on. The first year was a terrible, nightmarish experience but 10 years on she is simply perfect. We were very very lucky.

ChrisPPancake · 31/07/2023 13:20

I haven't got anything helpful to say but I'm thinking of you and offering a virtual handhold Flowers

momager1 · 31/07/2023 13:21

another one here OP that had pre eclampsia. I was admitted at 21 weeks and was released at 25 weeks on strict bed rest with weekly ob/gyn appointment. I made it to 39 weeks. She was born very small (3lb 4 oz) but thrived. She is now a 35 year old amazing mother of 2. I was told my health could decline very quickly at any time. So we made a decision to go the distance but if anything became urgent we would opt for an emerg c section to give both our child and myself the best chance. Honestly go with your heart and make the right decision for you, no matter who else is giving you advice. There is NO WRONG decision here, but it has to come from YOU, not your family, not your husband. JUST YOU. you are in my thoughts all day today as you make this agonizing choice.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 31/07/2023 13:38

What a horrible situation you are in I'm so sorry
Giving misleading information is shocking and you'd think the consultants would communicate before speaking to you.
Do you feel you can say this?
You're in the right place with a Nicu level 3
I think listen to your gut, every day is a day closer for your baby's health
I had fast developing PE, but luckily at 39 weeks, but I got to know a mum of a 24 weeker who had the same... This was 28 years ago so there is always hope
Sending you a gentle hug and a handhold

uncomfortablydumb53 · 31/07/2023 13:40

24 weeker is a healthy 27 year old with family of his own now

AvocadoSurprise · 31/07/2023 13:51

My mum was taken in to hospital with pre-eclampsia at around 26 weeks. They did an emergency c-section & my brother was born weighing a pound & a half. Mum was very poorly but pulled through.
My brother is now well over 6ft tall, a successful amateur athlete & has a great career & a lovely family of his own.
That was in the mid 1970s & they can do so much more today!
Praying for a successful outcome for you & your family.

ohsuzannah · 31/07/2023 13:55

Sending love 💐

Borris · 31/07/2023 13:59

Thinking of you and your baby OP. I’d maybe ask how likely it is to recur in subsequent pregnancies. There seems no point in terminating at 23 weeks if you might have it happen all over again.

Sunshineclouds11 · 31/07/2023 14:01

Sending love Daffodil

3mma22 · 31/07/2023 14:08

I don’t have experience of PE but had to make other difficult choices with a pregnancy.

It is difficult making a decision with unknowns but you have to make a decision based on the information you have at that time, I second the B.R.A.I.N acronym as a big help for that.Prioritise your intuition over other’s fears.

Whatever the outcome Mum’s really do know best and you will make decisions that’s right for you and your baby.

Sending handholds, thoughts (and prayers if you want them)

Katiesaidthat · 31/07/2023 14:12

24 weeks is a viable foetus nowadays. My neighbour´s daughter is a 24 weeker and is perfectly fine and a teen. I am sure all will work out well for you, you go as far as you can, get a c-section when needed and your baby has many chances of being fine, and nowadays the care of very premature babies is science fiction levels as compared to years ago. My work colleague gave birth to twins at 26 weeks, especially the girl was tiny, they both made it fine. They are 13 year olds. All positive thoughts be with you.

Original poster
mapa289 · 31/07/2023 14:16

Borris · 31/07/2023 13:59

Thinking of you and your baby OP. I’d maybe ask how likely it is to recur in subsequent pregnancies. There seems no point in terminating at 23 weeks if you might have it happen all over again.

This was something we wanted to ask about but have had mixed responses again! If you have it once then you are more likely to get it again, but usually at a later stage of gestation. They would also be monitoring me from day one next time and introduce more measures from the beginning, like calcium and aspirin. But again it's definitely a consideration.

OP posts:
twoandcooplease · 31/07/2023 14:17

You poor thing, I agree it is really unfair to be given all the misinformation
You're doing so well. Is your DP allowed in with you?
Handhold xxx

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 31/07/2023 14:18

Hand hold, thinking of you.

JusthereforXmas · 31/07/2023 14:21

I have worked with loss charities and one thing I will say is no mother I have ever encountered ever wished they had had LESS time with their child.

So if your main worry is the possibility that the baby could be severely premature and then pass away after birth then I under stand that, nobody wants that. However abortion wouldn't 'fix' that in fact it just ganatees the loss and it only brings about the 'end' sooner. It will likely leave you wondering what if the worst had never happened.

I hope you are being monitored well and if you feel anything is wrong advocate for you and your baby, good luck with your pregnancy.

TheABC · 31/07/2023 14:22

No advice here, just a handhold. I hope you get accurate & reliable information, so you can make the right decision (for you & your family).

I remember relaxing once we'd reached the 24-week mark with my pregnancy, simply because from that point on, the baby would have a fighting chance outside of my womb. So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Original poster
mapa289 · 31/07/2023 14:23

twoandcooplease · 31/07/2023 14:17

You poor thing, I agree it is really unfair to be given all the misinformation
You're doing so well. Is your DP allowed in with you?
Handhold xxx

I'm not sure how to just post without replying but yes, DH is with me and has been amazing. He's been very strong throughout this.

Unfortunately the scan showed that baby's growth has drastically slowed, under 5th percentile now. My blood results have also flagged the start of some issues with my kidney function.

Still lots to think about. It's great to hear stories of early babies who made it through. I still don't know what my gut is telling me to be honest.

OP posts:
porridgeisbae · 31/07/2023 14:31

You can do it OP your LO could live now outside the womb, so I think you know what you need to do x

You'll be ok, they'll look after you x

porridgeisbae · 31/07/2023 14:34

@mapa289 Can they induce them at some point? As obviously the baby isn't doing so well and you're not at your best either. I imagine that's what they'd do if need be.

Better that than the baby not having any chance at all as they've been killed when they could potential stand a chance.

WantingToEducate · 31/07/2023 14:35

I’m so sorry you are going through this OP, it must feel like you’re living in a nightmare.

I hope that after further discussions with your medical team you will be able to come to a solution that is best for you x

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 31/07/2023 14:35

You can TFMR right up until birth (although obviously this is not an easy option) there is no cut off in your situation.

Whatever you decide will be the right decision, just hold on to that.

Redbushteaforme · 31/07/2023 14:35

I developed severe pre-eclampsia with my DD although much later on in pregnancy (30 weeks). I imagine that early onset is different but the fact is that they don't know what is going to happen to you or the baby or when, and babies are routinely delivered at 24 weeks so I am not sure why they are pressing you to make a decision on termination at this stage. Every day and week you can hang on before delivery makes a big difference. In my case, I managed to hang on for another 10 days with admission to hospital and medication before DD had to be delivered by emergency c-section weighing 3lbs. She was able to have steroid injections before delivery which made a huge difference.

She is now 16 years old and you would never know she had a difficult start. I later had DS and was lucky not to develop pre-eclampsia at all with that pregnancy. DD spent 7 weeks on SCBU mainly because it took a while for her to be able to regulate her temperature and get the hang of feeding. I'll not underplay how stressful it can be to have a baby in SCBU (and our DD wasn't in danger after she was born, which would have been worse) but we got through it, and the info we were able to access through the charity BLISS was really helpful.

It sounds like you are getting very confusing advice from different staff, to be honest. I would try to see what advice you can get from the Action on Pre-eclampsia charity.

Sending you lots of positive vibes and a virtual handhold.