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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Gender disappointment

86 replies

2612S · 12/07/2023 21:48

I know there have been a lots of posts already on gender disappointment and I have read quite a bit about it. A lot of people have said that when their baby came along it instantly didn’t matter but I have a long way to go until the baby is born. I’m 17+2. Have people who have felt gender disappointment adapted to the idea as time has progressed? I found out four days ago that I am having a baby boy and while this is what I expected due to cravings etc I have always desperately wanted a girl. I definitely think I’m coming round to it & will continue to do so but I wish I’d do so quicker. Feeling a bit flat still. Thanks.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Princesspeachee · 12/07/2023 21:51

It's only been 4 days, give yourself time.
It will start to feel more exciting but if it doesn't then do speak to someone please x

LadyMcLadyface · 12/07/2023 21:53

I wouldn't call it disappointment but when I found out DC2 was a boy I felt a bit flat for a couple of days as since we are stopping at 2 that meant I would never have a girl (DC1 is a boy). In my case the feeling went away fairly soon and I started to feel really excited about welcoming another little boy to our family. Now he's here and I couldn't imagine things any other way, and can honestly say if we did try for another I'd be thrilled to have another boy.

teacherteacherss · 12/07/2023 21:55

I was like this and now I have 2 beautiful boys who I wouldn't change for the world. All the personality traits I wanted in a girl is flown to me through my boys.. boys are so incredibly loving and u can still dress them up nice just obvs not in dresses etc but my boys are very handsome I love choosing their clothes

teacherteacherss · 12/07/2023 21:55

Shown not flown lol

Original poster

2612S · 12/07/2023 21:57

Thank you - up until now I have just been so thrilled to be pregnant with my first (this is all I’ve ever wanted) so to feel this flat is horrible. I want to be excited throughout the remainder of my pregnancy.

OP posts:

LadyMcLadyface · 12/07/2023 21:57

Sorry not sure how helpful that is but I'm sure that the excitement will kick in for you too, I think when you're pregnant you build up this picture of how baby will be and sex of the baby is part of that so if you've always pictured having a girl you will just need some time to let go of that if that makes sense.

Lovehearts82 · 12/07/2023 21:59

Aw I feel for you. i really do. Remember "this too shall pass" i like that saying. I'm sure your feelings will change as the pregnancy progresses and you feel this little boy moving around x if it helps at all, boys are so loving in my experience especially to Mom, and such characters as they get older.

Original poster

2612S · 12/07/2023 21:59

Thank you this is really helpful. I’m hoping some more time will help 😊 I appreciate your reply.

OP posts:

applesandmares · 12/07/2023 22:06

I wanted a boy and found out at 17 weeks that it was a girl. I was delighted it was a healthy pregnancy after previous loss, but for some reason I was attached to the idea of having a son. Honestly once I was decorating the nursery/buying her clothes etc I couldn't imagine it any other way and even said that if they'd got it wrong and she was actually a boy, I'd grieve the idea of my daughter. Now she's here I wouldn't have it any other way! X

Orangello · 12/07/2023 22:11

I was the same, really wanted a girl and could not even imagine myself as a boy mum. But once the baby arrives, you will not care, it will be your baby. And my son is the loveliest cuddliest boy (while DD who arrived 2 years later is a total pain in the backside :D)

user6482952 · 12/07/2023 22:35

I had this both times when told my DDs were going to be girls after suffering the still birth of my son before them.

Now I can't imagine my life with sons! I love being a girl mum, but I remember feeling really upset when I found out whilst pregnant with them.

IndiganDop · 12/07/2023 23:03

This is why I never found out. I had 3 sons. I couldn't bear the thought of being disappointed in my baby, and I knew that I would be disappointed if I found out I was having "a boy" whereas I wouldn't be disappointed in this real brand new baby boy in my arms.

A little thought experiment I used to do to check my strength of feeling, was to imagine that someone in the next bed had just had their second or third girl and offered to swap. In theory this would be the ideal solution - they'd get their boy, I'd get my girl. It was interesting to me to observe how quickly, easily and with no need to even mull it over, I could dismiss this suggestion. It very quickly became clear to me that I didn't want "a girl" more than I wanted "this baby". Even if someone offered to magically remove this baby from my uterus somehow and switch it with a girl for me to gestate. No. Definitely not.

Showed me how trivial my theoretical desire for "a girl" was really.

teacherteacherss · 12/07/2023 23:07

Also why is it always boys when it comes to gender disappointment? Boys are not second rate. Boys are the bloody best

blacknredsweeties · 12/07/2023 23:25

I wanted a boy. I've got two girls. I think you just get on with it as you don't know any different.

Original poster

2612S · 13/07/2023 10:20

@teacherteacherss I read somewhere that people often want a child of their own gender so perhaps that is why gender disappointment seems to be with boys? No idea really just hypothesising.

OP posts:

Original poster

2612S · 13/07/2023 10:21

@IndiganDop this is actually really helpful. Thank you so much. I will keep visualising this to help.

OP posts:

AllOfThemWitches · 13/07/2023 10:23

As far as I can see, there is no 'gender disappointment' on here, more 'for fuck's sake, it's a boy.' And no, I don't care if I'm unhelpful, these threads are ridiculous.

applesandmares · 13/07/2023 12:17

I wondered how long it would take for someone who can't relate to this at all to take time out of their day to leave a snarky comment...but it's the thread that's ridiculous 😂 hope you feel better soon @AllOfThemWitches

Isheabastard · 13/07/2023 12:30

I desperately wanted a girl. I decided not to find out the sex of the baby during the scan.

My thinking was that whatever the sex, I would still fall in love with the baby because the baby was my baby, plus after birth you are filled with love hormones so it’s almost an uncontrollable urge to nurture a newborn.

Although you already do know the sex, it won’t matter when it’s born because you will love him down to his very bones. By the time he’s grown enough for it to notice that he’s a boy and he starts doing boyish things, you will already think he’s the most wondrous and precious thing on the planet.

I had a girl by the way, but during labour and immediate after I didn’t think once about the sex. It was only after that someone in the room said it’s a girl, I remembered.

AllOfThemWitches · 13/07/2023 12:37

applesandmares · 13/07/2023 12:17

Yawn. If you're not happy with the idea of a boy, don't bother. It's a 50/50 thing.

applesandmares · 13/07/2023 12:52

@AllOfThemWitches I wanted a baby, and had a preference for a boy. Must be strange for you to experience life without a preference for anything, ever. Unless you're reading this to get yourself off to sleep, I'm not sure why you're still here.

HoppingPavlova · 13/07/2023 13:05

Probably examine why you have a preference for a girl. Some people have la la fantasies about what kids will be like, or think their relationship with a child of a certain gender will mirror their own relationship with their own parent of that gender. These assumptions are pretty dangerous to try and foist on a child who is their own person, not a mirror of the parent.

My DD and I love each other dearly but I have a closer relationship with a few of my sons. Just more similar personalities and interests, so we tend to spend more time together and have a deeper understanding of each other. Sure, if DD was a carbon copy of myself we’d probably have a closer relationship. She is closer to her dad as they have more similar personalities and shared interests. It would have been silly to have a gender preference when our relationships are based on how we are as individuals versus gender.

Sb86 · 13/07/2023 13:40

I went to my 20 week scan 3 weeks ago and didn't find out the sex of our baby, I did however get told that our baby has spina bifida. Honestly...as long as your baby is healthy that really is the main thing. I know we all tend to imagine and dream of the future, be that with the sex of a baby or something else we yearn for but in doing so we set ourselves up for disappointment if it is out of our hands. You will love your baby I've no doubt about it, just try and look at the positives and try to enjoy this time before the little one arrives 🥰

BumpyaDaisyevna · 13/07/2023 13:55

I wanted (in the sense of always imagined having) a boy and felt a twinge when DC1 was revealed as a girl at 20 week scan.

However I soon started to adapt, gave up the idea of a boy and starting thinking of a little girl. By the time she was born I would not have wanted anything else!

My second turned out to be a boy - much wanted of course - but I don't think his "boyness" has actually really had much to do with my love for him.

I think once you have a actual baby it is so more powerful than all the imaginings and fantasies we might have had about what gender we would like.

cptartapp · 13/07/2023 14:18

teacherteacherss · 12/07/2023 23:07

Also why is it always boys when it comes to gender disappointment? Boys are not second rate. Boys are the bloody best

Only for women. Stats show most men want boys. And are far more likely to leave the family unit if their offspring are solely female.
A male forum would read very differently.

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