Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Gender disappointment

86 replies

2612S · 12/07/2023 21:48

I know there have been a lots of posts already on gender disappointment and I have read quite a bit about it. A lot of people have said that when their baby came along it instantly didn’t matter but I have a long way to go until the baby is born. I’m 17+2. Have people who have felt gender disappointment adapted to the idea as time has progressed? I found out four days ago that I am having a baby boy and while this is what I expected due to cravings etc I have always desperately wanted a girl. I definitely think I’m coming round to it & will continue to do so but I wish I’d do so quicker. Feeling a bit flat still. Thanks.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Hopingforbetterluck · 13/07/2023 14:38

My husband was upset when we found out our second was a girl and I mean head in his hands during the scan, storming off afterwards upset. After several losses I couldn’t have cared less as long as they were healthy and was baffled by his reaction although he tried to say it was because our last loss was a boy and he’d picture two boys.
However now she’s here he adores her. You can’t help your reaction now, you can only feel how you feel but once they are here you will be over the moon and won’t be able to picture it any other way. Let yourself be disappointed for a few days and I’m sure once you start picking out clothes and names it will soon pass.

Original poster
2612S · 13/07/2023 14:55

cptartapp · 13/07/2023 14:18

Only for women. Stats show most men want boys. And are far more likely to leave the family unit if their offspring are solely female.
A male forum would read very differently.

Show quote history

I agree that male forums would look very different.

OP posts:
Original poster
2612S · 13/07/2023 15:01

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I really do appreciate it & hearing your stories and advice is helping. It is nice to have a forum to be heard as I completely understand this is a very controversial subject. I have no doubt I’ll love this baby with all my heart, just a mindset readjustment.

OP posts:
Original poster
2612S · 13/07/2023 15:03

Hopingforbetterluck · 13/07/2023 14:38

My husband was upset when we found out our second was a girl and I mean head in his hands during the scan, storming off afterwards upset. After several losses I couldn’t have cared less as long as they were healthy and was baffled by his reaction although he tried to say it was because our last loss was a boy and he’d picture two boys.
However now she’s here he adores her. You can’t help your reaction now, you can only feel how you feel but once they are here you will be over the moon and won’t be able to picture it any other way. Let yourself be disappointed for a few days and I’m sure once you start picking out clothes and names it will soon pass.

Thank you 😊 I’m hoping once I’ve given it some time, as always, feelings pass!

OP posts:
jessnoah · 13/07/2023 22:23

Why does it bother you for your first? I'm on my fourth boy, no girls, and have cried non stop. :-(

jessnoah · 13/07/2023 22:28

@AllOfThemWitches do you have a son and a daughter?

namechangefornamethreadzombie · 13/07/2023 22:30

And it's ALWAYS, ALWAYS a boy

daysleepers · 13/07/2023 22:57

Wow I'm quite surprised at this thread. I kinda get having a preference but to be sad for some time after, despite a healthy pregnancy, baffles me. Never found out gender in any of my pregnancies. Maybe should be more common because once baby arrives, you will not be disappointed.

AngeloMysterioso · 14/07/2023 07:12

LOL at the number of women coming on a forum almost entirely populated by women, where they come to converse and discuss different topics with other women,
telling pregnant women they are unreasonable to have hoped for a female child with whom they can have that unique female bond within their own family.

JaninaDuszejko · 14/07/2023 07:29

I think if you have a strong gender preference it really would be sensible to not find out the sex of your unborn baby. Maybe take this as an opportunity to examine your preference and which gender stereotypes you are particularly wedded to. You will be a better parent if you don't enter parenthood with preconceived ideas of what your child's personality and interests will be based on their sex.

IsThisACraft · 14/07/2023 07:30

During my first (unplanned) pregnancy I really wanted to find out I was having a girl. I felt like I didn't know much about boys and always thought they would be mischievous and boisterous. It sounded hard work!

Found out I was having a boy and did feel disappointed. I was worried sick that he would grow up to be too full on for me.

Ds is now 7 and the most lovely little boy. He cuddles me all the time and we have a lot of shared interests. We enjoy reading books together and he's into arts and crafts just like me. He loves his sports. I never thought I would enjoy standing in the rain watching him play football, but I do. He's amazing!

Everything will be ok op. Your dc will be wonderful!

Yellowdays · 14/07/2023 07:48

I know someone who was bitterly disappointed about having the same sex baby for a final pregnancy. I was quite concerned for her at the time. The child is very much the favourite, it turned out.

SallyWD · 14/07/2023 07:51

I always reply to these posts with some positive things a out boys. First of all your boy isn't just a boy! He's 50% you and 50% the man you love. I see many women worrying they won't relate to a boy. Well my son is a hundred times more like me than my daughter is. He's also very affectionate, loving and cuddly. My daughter is also wonderful in every way, of course. However I have noticed daughters can become a bit more teenage earlier on - so my daughter is always shut in her room and kicks us out if we go in. Her life is her friends. Fair enough, perfectly normal at her age. My son is still very much in to being with us, still very much a little boy. I know it will change but I like the fact puberty happens later for boys
Basically you will adore your son. It can take time for the love to kick in when you have a baby but it will. You'll look back and wonder why you felt like this.

AllOfThemWitches · 14/07/2023 07:54

AngeloMysterioso · 14/07/2023 07:12

LOL at the number of women coming on a forum almost entirely populated by women, where they come to converse and discuss different topics with other women,
telling pregnant women they are unreasonable to have hoped for a female child with whom they can have that unique female bond within their own family.

Yeah, dress it up however you like, if you're gonna whine because you got the 'wrong' gender maybe don't get pregnant.

Soubriquet · 14/07/2023 08:36

I was gutted when I found out my second child was a boy. I had never wanted a boy. Couldn’t see myself with one. I had already got a daughter so thought I was giving her a sister.

However, the moment he was born, I had that instant bond. That rush of love. I never had that with my dd so now I feel guilty for that too.

8 years later and I couldn’t imagine having two girls.

AngeloMysterioso · 14/07/2023 08:37

AllOfThemWitches · 14/07/2023 07:54

Yeah, dress it up however you like, if you're gonna whine because you got the 'wrong' gender maybe don't get pregnant.

Show quote history

If you’re going to bitch to a load of pregnant women about their natural impulses and feelings that they can’t help, maybe stay away from the pregnancy topic. It doesn’t bring out a pleasant side in you.

AllOfThemWitches · 14/07/2023 08:39

AngeloMysterioso · 14/07/2023 08:37

If you’re going to bitch to a load of pregnant women about their natural impulses and feelings that they can’t help, maybe stay away from the pregnancy topic. It doesn’t bring out a pleasant side in you.

Show quote history

I honestly don't give a shit, I feel worse for all the boys children whose parents don't want them because they're the wrong type. It's easy enough to avoid those 'natural feelings.'

TarquinOliverNimrod · 14/07/2023 08:46

Aww baby boys are amazing. Waaaaay cuter, more affectionate and cuddlier than baby girls…

🏃🏽‍♀️ 🏃🏽‍♀️ 🏃🏽‍♀️

ElizaWinter · 14/07/2023 08:55

TarquinOliverNimrod · 14/07/2023 08:46

Aww baby boys are amazing. Waaaaay cuter, more affectionate and cuddlier than baby girls…

🏃🏽‍♀️ 🏃🏽‍♀️ 🏃🏽‍♀️

Nonsense

LunaandLily · 14/07/2023 09:26

I know this doesn’t help, but this is why I didn’t find out what I was having. I wanted a girl and thought if I waited until baby was born, I would just be so in love, it wouldn’t matter. If I had found out it was a boy, I would have been disappointed, or at least a little flat.

Not helpful I know, but you will meet him and be absolutely head over heels!

Abhannmor · 14/07/2023 09:26

Man here. I had no preference. Although I was catastrophising a bit about teenage boys getting into fights etc?

I remember shortly before they were born seeing a lovely child who was disabled. Of course I had started noticing other babies and children more during the pregnancy.
This was a sobering moment. There but for fortune. What sex they are , who they resemble etc seemed suddenly irrelevant.

AngeloMysterioso · 14/07/2023 12:57

AllOfThemWitches · 14/07/2023 08:39

I honestly don't give a shit, I feel worse for all the boys children whose parents don't want them because they're the wrong type. It's easy enough to avoid those 'natural feelings.'

Show quote history

For fuck’s sake. Nobody at all here is saying they don’t want their boys, they don’t love their boys etc.

I have two boys and a third on the way. I longed for a daughter, and I’m so very said that I will never have one. Truly heartbroken.

That has no bearing at all - none whatsoever - on how much I love and cherish my boys. Including the one I’m pregnant with. They are my entire world and I would lay down my life for them without hesitation. They bring me happiness every single day.

It’s an entirely separate thing. It’s grieving the loss of one kind of relationship, not resenting the presence of the other.

When someone is upset because their mother has died, nobody says that must mean that don’t love their father, do they??

Can’t you see the difference? Or are you just being wilfully obtuse because you’re enjoying being spiteful to strangers on the internet?

AllOfThemWitches · 14/07/2023 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AllOfThemWitches · 14/07/2023 13:49

When someone is upset because their mother has died, nobody says that must mean that don’t love their father, do they??

And this is just ridiculous. I mean, parents actually exist. I don't even know how to explain why this analogy is stupid.

AngeloMysterioso · 14/07/2023 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Yes, it is grief. It may not be a form of grief that you have any sympathy for but that doesn’t make it any less real or valid.

Good god, if you’re half as nasty and insensitive IRL as you are when you’re hiding behind anonymity then I’m surprised anyone liked you enough to have children with you.