Gender disappointment

[2612S]

I know there have been a lots of posts already on gender disappointment and I have read quite a bit about it. A lot of people have said that when their baby came along it instantly didn’t matter but I have a long way to go until the baby is born. I’m 17+2. Have people who have felt gender disappointment adapted to the idea as time has progressed? I found out four days ago that I am having a baby boy and while this is what I expected due to cravings etc I have always desperately wanted a girl. I definitely think I’m coming round to it & will continue to do so but I wish I’d do so quicker. Feeling a bit flat still. Thanks.

I didn't find out sex of my baby until birth. My DP (at the time) was DESPERATE for a boy.

Me and all the family (both sides) were convinced it was a girl and I felt pretty crap the whole pregnancy as I thought therefore DP would not bond with our baby.

I, myself, wanted a girl but because of above reason I longed for a boy. (Both our first baby and relationship was on the rocks so I thought having a girl would finish us)

(I ended up having a boy all along btw...)

And absolutely ADORE him. I don't have that yearn for a girl AT ALL!

@Surely2023IsTheYearForMyRainbowBaby I don't agree with that at all, where does it end? If you've got HG, PGP etc you must never complain because you should be grateful in the first place? Your newborn is keeping you up all night and screaming all day with colic but you just never complain because you should be grateful.

If your car has an expensive MOT must you not complain, as you are lucky to have a car and others cannot? Your boilers on the brink but mustn't complain because some have no water at all, let alone hot water.

I appreciate it's hard to read if you're struggling, and pregnancies are a blessing, but it's entirely possible to feel grateful for your pregnancy AND other feelings, simultaneously. If gender disappointment threads are triggering for you perhaps you should avoid reading.

@2612S hi there
ive been searching posts on gender disappointment as I feel I am currently experiencing this. I have found out at 12 weeks via an NIPT that I am having a boy. I never imagined myself with a boy and now I’m experiencing a lot of anxiety and sadness around the gender (also a bucket load of guilt!)

I was wondering how are you feel a few months on? Do you have any tips or advice how you helped navigate your way through these feelings? Thank you!

I am fortunate I have 3 children, two girls and a son. I adore all 3 but my son is the most loving and generous of them all. He told me today that I'd been a great mum despite 'not having a blueprint' she died when I was a baby. The others agreed but he said it, bless him. Sons are pretty special.

Just be thankful to have a healthy baby

Just picking up on what PPs have said; it's interesting to explore your preference for a girl. At this stage you don't know your son or what he will be like. Is there fear of the unknown do you think? That was my experience. My son is completely not as I imagined (in a good way) and is the most fabulous human!

If you don’t have anything helpful to say, just shut up.

@KikiCB32 Hello, firstly I am so sorry that you are feeling sad, I felt exactly the same & was searching gender disappointment threads for some reassurance. We didn’t tell anyone the gender until I’d had my 21 week scan which gave me time to accept it & we found out around 17 weeks. I’d say a month after finding out I felt a lot happier and I feel even more excited now that he is kicking a lot (I am now 28 weeks 😊). Finding out has certainly helped me bond with our baby and I love searching for cute baby boy things, which there are lots of by the way! We have thought of around 4 names which we like, again makes me feel more connected. My partner is the most amazing man so if our baby turns out anything like him I’ll be a happy mama. I’d say sit with the feelings and know they will pass. Try and get excited about general baby things, perhaps get a little list started of what you’ll need to focus on the baby rather than the gender. If it’s any help, I am a primary school teacher, I currently teach Year 2 (6 year olds) and the boys I’m teaching at the moment are brilliant, less annoying that some of the girls & at that age they are so similar and generally enjoy doing very similar things. Hang in there - it is a horrible feeling. x

How is this not nice? Surely this site is a discussion board and we all have our own thoughts and opinions. I agree with this users comments. It’s 50/50 gender when you try or fall pregnant, that’s nothing new. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you could conceive to then be disappointed by the gender. A healthy baby is what is important. So many people lose babies/kids or can’t have them and people are worrying about the gender because they worry they won’t know how to parent. Doesn’t make sense to me.

I was the opposite - I wanted to have a boy but I had a little girl instead, and I am telling you this child is the joy of my life! Give yourself time, I think it's normal to feel flat for a couple of weeks, I did after I found out, but then as time went by, it just mattered less and less, especially when I started feeling the baby kick in, and I became more focused on just having a healthy and happy baby. Picture yourself doing things with your little one, start thinking about names, etc., and before you know it, you will hold him in your arms and you will feel the greatest love in the world x