Advice please about birth 🙏

[Princess2022]

Hello all mummy's and mummy's to be

I really need advice from you all.
I don't wanna bore you all. I'll try to make it short. I am expecting my 1st baby at the last week of July. I want to give birth vaginally but I became pregnant with artificial insemination and not the natural way. I am too scared to be checked internally. I know it's necessary to have internal examinations coz that's the only way to know how much I'm dilated when I'm in that stage. I wanted to avoid c-section as much as I could. What do I do? 🙁 nobody understands me. I'm so stressed

Yh Grumpigal I have read abit about it. It's breathing exercises right? That would be helpful

Not necessarily. If you need stitches they'll probably give you a local anaesthetic but with the others for assisting birth, no. I didn't.

Why are you so against getting an epidural? I understand people don't want it but if you're that scared about anything and everything going up your vagina and you don't want a C section your best bet is to get an epidural.
You need a bit of compromise here OP and to open your mind up to the endless possibilities that birth can lead to.

Feckingfeck twice I bled but after practicing myself using dilators at home then I got comfortable with inserting the syringe. But I don't like if anyone else touches me there I panic and tighten myself

C section might be easier for you.

How would you feel with baby coming out? Unless you considered an epidural. But mentally you still have to conquer that fear. Do you think it would help if you gave birth vaginally? Have you tried counseling?

Yh your right beatingtheodds
I'm making it harder for myself for saying no to everything
I read good and bad things about epidural
The good thing is I won't feel the pain from contractions but then I think what if I get back problems in the future

Feckingfeck I think if I manage to give birth vaginally things might get better for me and I might be able to have intercourse. But if I tear most probably I will then I will b more afraid that I can never hav intercourse coz it might hurt further. I wish I could be like the rest and live a normal happy life.
I am speaking to a therapist but I don't think there's much they can do they can only talk me through things.

Hi OP, might be worth you asking for a referral to the perinatal mental health team. They can help you with the birth plan as well.

Epidurals don't cause back pain. Back pain is common after pregnancy/delivery though. If you want to find out more about different pain relief options from a reputable source labourpains.org is a patient information website run by the obstetric anaesthetists association which has loads of useful stuff on in (about pain relief, anaesthesia) - definitely worth a look.

As you've never had anything up or down there before i can understand your feelings of reluctance - i just had baby no. 3 (well 18m ago) and i think if you really don't want any examinations thats fine - i will say that I'm always super embarrassed- im fat, and hairy down there but dr nurses don't care - during labour i liked knowing how far i was - as it was v fast my last one. - i had an epidural with all 3 of mine and don't regret at all, although 3rd one didn't work well with pushing as was a bit too late and I felt it all (got rid of contraction pain tho). I suggest going in with an open mind but don't be afraid to say no exams. Also absolutely no reason to harvest colostrum- I didn't at all and breastfed all 3 and still do my 18m. Pumps are v v v v bad indicators of breastfeeding ability- I couldn't get barely anything out but my DS1 went from 3rd percentile at birth to 90% just from breastfeeding

Hi MariaVT65

Today consultant mentioned that to me about perinatal mental health team I refused it cz I'm speaking to therapist. Maybe I shouldn't have refused

Thank you Greybeardy and MushroomQueen for all this info 🙏
If I want vaginal birth I think i will go for epidural but can I have that when I'm in early stages of labour? Do I have to be checked first then they decide about it?

My last growth scan was at 28 weeks and baby was measuring good that time. I requested for another one. If Baby is big that's gonna scare me even more.
The diabetes midwife said to me we are expecting Small and big babies from gestational diabetic mums

Everything comes with risks.
Birth.
Vaginal birth.
Pregnancy.
C sections.
Epidurals.
Infection risk from using artificial insemination. You name it.

Try and relax a bit and open your mind up as birth can go in ANY direction. I planned a smooth unmedicated birth and ended up with an epidural, a spinal block and then a C section last minute..

I'm fine and live to tell the tale. It's part and parcel of pregnancy and birth.

Yh beatingtheodds
To say the truth I want Baby to come early I don't think I can wait till August with all this stress but I know it's not in my hands
I'm feeling really low I can't stop crying feel restless. I'm so stressed about everything. I've got a headache. I just want Baby to come and get everything over and done with. This whole pregnancy has been difficult for me. I don't know how i will cope with the next one

You can absolutely refuse them if you don't want them and still have a successful vaginal birth!

But also keep in mind that in the throws of labour you'll be surprised by how little you'll care / be anxious about things like that. The midwives are so lovely and make you feel so comfortable. I'm quite a private person and was very anxious about that aspect of giving birth too, but once i was there I happily tossed my dignity out of the window and actually felt completely liberated and empowered!

Good luck, you'll do great xx

I want to start by saying that im sorry you feel you don’t have much support around you- pregnancy and labour are scary times and the unknown is even scarier!

I can only share my experience and hope that you can take something from it.
I am 11 weeks post partum and in my mind had a fantastic birthing experience despite numerous concerns and health conditions, and the birth not going to ‘plan’.

Very long story short i like you, had gestational diabetes and induction was mentioned from diagnosis because of the size of the baby. My baby was measuring large! (she was born at 5lbs so far far off the estimated measurements!)
I from the start had concerns about vaginal birth and c-section and could not decide what was best for me, i did research and read stories into both… my main reason for not wanting a vaginal birth was i didn’t want to tear and need stitches!

I had a medical emergency later into the pregnancy and needed surgery, after this i decided against a vaginal birth because i felt i couldn’t do it!

At 37+5 i attended a growth scan and the baby was showing reduction in growth, the consultant asked for my consent to examine me as we were discussing induction/c-section, we needed baby out as soon as safe for us both due to her reduced growth.
I was terrified but agreed for the examination, id heard horror stories of pain but surprisingly i had zero pain, it felt different but no pain what so ever! I was found to be 2-3cm dilated already and my waters were bulging, in that moment i changed my mind and said i wanted a vaginal birth as my body was showing signs of progress.

I had my waters broken at 38+1 and started on the drip, i asked for an epidural very early and was given one- it didn’t work for me and didn’t numb me other than in one leg but the hospital gave me one, i had headaches after the epidural which is a common side affect but my back is absolutely fine! Birth is so unpredictable and i was so set against intervention and tearing terrified me, i ended up with a forceps delivery with an episiotomy and stitches BUT it was not as bad as i thought. My recovery was very smooth and my stitches didn’t stop me from waking etc, i was sore at first but from bruising and not the cut.

I also didn’t express and baby had perfect sugar levels, my GD was diet controlled though.

I understand your concerns, but prepare yourself for the unexpected as anything can happen at any point. The main thing for me was getting baby here safe and that is what happened 🙂

Thank you onthenightfeed for making me feel better just want everything to go smoothly. Nobody is there for me to speak to apart from you all.

I'm not brave like you essynemo 🙁
I'm happy everything went well for you.
I want the same for me

You can still change your mind. If you’re only speaking to a regular therapist, then they won’t specialise in this area. The perinatal mental health team will work with you, your community midwife and your consultant to make a full birth plan.

I didn't produce it until after birth. My baby had low blood sugar and they gave her a bottle of formula without even asking me anything. Which was fine because she was too poorly at that moment and needed it.

Reading your posts it sounds like you have some less conventional wishes and your close family is being negative about it. Do you have someone attending the birth with you who can speak up for your wishes when you're busy with the contractions? It might ease you a bit if you know there is someone sticking up for you so you can have the birth that you want. You can also hire a doula for this.

OP you have a lot going on here - a family who do not seem to be particularly supportive, a husband with whom you have never had intercourse, lots of fears around examinations and giving birth, and quite frankly, some seemingly dodgy advice from your healthcare providers! I'm also concerned from one of your comments that you see your baby as a cure for your loneliness. I really think it would be helpful for you to go back to your consultant or midwife and ask to be referred to the perinatal mental health team. I know you are seeing a therapist but unless they are a specialist in your particular kind of trauma, the mental health team will be much better placed to support you through the coming weeks. From interest, who referred you to the therapist?

I had an emcs, and had plenty of milk to feed my baby and freeze some as well. It did help that I pumped the first week because baby was in NICU so I couldn't establish breastfeeding on demand, but the pump helped with that. I certainly needed a lot of help after the section for the first week, and a bit of help the second week.

I couldn't drive so make sure you have your freezer filled with healthy meals that you just need to microwave and stock some cans of soup. And if you have space left over freeze some banana bread or cake, breastfeeding can make you so hungry in the middle of the night and a slice of warm cake just out of the microwave is lovely at 3 AM.

Yes like PP, I also tried to express colostrum before the birth but couldn’t get any at all. Could hardly get any after birth either. Might also be good to prepared to be flexible with breastfeeding, for some women it works, others it doesn’t.

I live in the Netherlands where homebirth is normal but they really advise against it if the mum has gestational diabetes.

I would say if your main reason for wanting the vaginal delivery is the hope it might make you feel less scared of intercourse in the future, I wouldn't advise.

I'm 5 months post-partum after an episiotomy & forceps for a big back to back baby, and have only just (slightly reluctantly) resumed a very limited sex life again, simply due to being terrified it would hurt after everything that went on down there.

It sounds like a C section would reduce your stress and fears, and keep you the most calm which is going to be best for you & baby xx

Maybe after baby's born you could look into therapy to help with your fears?

xxx