Advice please about birth 🙏

[Princess2022]

Hello all mummy's and mummy's to be

I really need advice from you all.
I don't wanna bore you all. I'll try to make it short. I am expecting my 1st baby at the last week of July. I want to give birth vaginally but I became pregnant with artificial insemination and not the natural way. I am too scared to be checked internally. I know it's necessary to have internal examinations coz that's the only way to know how much I'm dilated when I'm in that stage. I wanted to avoid c-section as much as I could. What do I do? 🙁 nobody understands me. I'm so stressed

Sometimes with a c section your lactation hormones take slightly longer to kick in, but the closer you are to full term or if you had gone into labour anyway, that lag could be negligible/none existent.

The midwife said its good to have that ready before baby is born. I will try my best though. I watched plenty of videos about harvesting colostrum.

Honestly, it depends on the person.

Yes, C section is serious abdominal surgery. There are things you can't do - e.g. driving and lifting. Its a surgery, things can go wrong. I've known some be up and moving around very quickly, some take longer.

Likewise, I've known people have particularly bad vaginal births with tears etc and that cause them problems for months if not years (usually incontinence longer term). Others no issues and up like normal within hours.

Both birth options can go well, both can have complications. Both can go also go wonderfully well!

You can end up with stitches after a vaginal birth (tear or episiotomy repair) or a c section. In both cases you can have problems with stitches. They can open or become infected. They can also heal great.

Breastfeeding can be difficult whichever birth option you choose. I've known people be able to feed after c section, struggle after vaginal. Again I think it depends more on the person than birth method. My mum had oversupply after her C section just like she did with her vaginal births. Getting the right support is key with breastfeeding, not the birth method.

Coz it's first baby I'm abit worried about planning a home birth. I send you something where I says I should give birth at hospital

You are completely within your rights to refuse vaginal examinations but if you go into hospital you will be put under enormous pressure to agree to them.

I've had 4 babies and no VEs but all were born at home and I was very well supported by family in having my wishes met

Thank you for sharing this info HowcanIhelp123

You'll be advised against due to the gestational diabetes. It means baby is more likely to be bigger, which carries a higher risk of complications. Plenty of women with GD can birth naturally with no problems though.

The thing you need to accept is that yes you can refuse internal examinations, but if you have a vaginal birth you're very likely to have someone up there at some point for another reason. 9 in 10 first time mums have some form of graze, tear or episiotomy (not all require stitches to be clear). 1 in 3 first time mums require an instrumental birth. Instruments need to go up before baby is out. After birth the midwife will need to check you for tears, which usually includes an internal exam (even if birth goes well with no complications). If you need stitches they'll be up there doing them.

The only way to guarantee no one goes up there is a C section.

You were very lucky mummyoffourminimes

It's all well saying you can decline vaginal examinations, and you clearly can, but labour doesn't always go to plan and sometimes it is absolutely critical to know what's going on if it isn't going smoothly. That's not just to do with how far your cervix has dilated, but may be to do with which bit of the baby is presenting (head/face/cord/hand/foot?) if they become distressed. Or what would you want them to do if they thought breaking your waters would help labour progress? It's probably worth talking to your MW (and there may be a mental health specialist MW who can help) re which bit of the whole process is putting you off so that if Plan A (a nice, straightforward labour) doesn't happen then you have a back up, or to see if a section might be more acceptable.

An early epidural (or gas and air) can help if pain is the concern. If it's more to do with personnel you may be able to request only certain people do VEs.

FWIW, during a section they do check for vaginal bleeding at the end (using a swab like a large tampon) so a c-section doesn't avoid all vaginal intervention (although obviously you wouldn't feel pain from it because of the spinal anaesthetic).

Yh that is true HowcanIhelp123 I agree
Thank you for talking to me you all
I don't have anyone who I can share things with

I think the PP is right here. I am due to have my first baby in the last week of July too (DD 29th July) and my birth plan states that I would like a natural birth (hypno, birthing pool, gas and air only) but I’m also prepared for the fact that a C-section might be needed in certain circumstances in the best interests of the baby. You just don’t know what is going to happen.

The doula who ran my antenatal classes said we should do two birth plans, the birth plan for an ideal world, and the birth plan for when things don’t go to plan. Just to mentally prepare yourself.

Did you do the antenatal classes yet OP? They are very good (in my experience anyway). Also, we were taught you absolutely can refuse the internal examination if it is offered. You have body autonomy.

And sorry if this is too much of an invasive question, you don’t have to answer, but do you have a partner going through this journey with you who can advocate for you in the birthing centre/ delivery room? He or she can speak up on your behalf during the birthing process.

Wishing you luck, hope you have a very text book birth that doesn’t require much intervention from the HCPs.

Thank you Greybeardy
I have been reading lots of things
But need to decide on what I'm gonna do. What if i start labour before 37 weeks I never thought of that. I just want to be active after baby is born

I agree with the pp elwho said you need someone who can advocate for you. Who knows what you are and aren't comfortable with. That is going to be really important for you.

I do wonder though, you having said you were never happy to have anything go up there, that you will be happy to have the baby come out of there.

I wish you the best .

I planned and researched and made careful decisions that I felt were best for me. There is always I tiny aspect of luck but don't be a drip and just capitulate to what you clearly don't want

Greybeardy is correct. What is your reason for refusing checks? Is it a condition like vaginismus? The reason could help guide our advice. Would you permit them to do a check if they have concern about baby wellbeing? If not then c-section could be best route.

OP what are you going to do if you tear during birth and they beed to go 'up there' to stitch you. Or if they need to use instruments to help baby come out? It's not just examinations that go on. If you're giving birth vaginally and it's your first baby you have a 1 in 3 change of having an instrumented birth.

Is it only specifically the checks that you don't want? Because everything else is sort of part and parcel of giving birth in hospital.

If you don't want any of the above I would seriously reconsider and opt for a planned C section.

No your stitches won't pop open. It's very rare. They don't always use stitches anyway..

Also, what If they have concerns about babies safety? Would you still decline checks then, even if it's urgent that they check the baby?

It so, please opt for a c section. It'll be much safer than refusing checks for your child's safety.

I find it strange that you are so set against a csection. Avoids area completely and while it yes takes longer initially to recover than from a totally fine vaginally birth at least it comes without the many many other possibilities for vaginal injury/emergency c section etc.
God, I would go planned section and remove all potential issues and put all that worrying energy into planning how to cope when back home. Your husband should get.paternity leave to help for the first bit! And breastfeeding...surely you just start after the baby is born and it either works or it doesn't.

No I haven't attended antenatal classes yet IDueLiocorni I want to.
My husband will be with me but he keeps telling me my family should be supporting me too but I can't force them to.

Thank you LadyDanburysHat
I'm always sad
I need this baby so badly I'm so lonely 🙁

OP you don’t need to have any internal examinations.

And honestly you’ll know when you’re in labour, you won’t need a nurse to tell you when your baby is coming because your body is going to bloody well start pushing it out!

If you can, do some reading about positive birthing. I’d also really recommend hypnobirthing practices. It massively helped me. Avoid the people who don’t support your vision of a positive and unassisted birth and just focus on enjoying the rest of your pregnancy.

Yh pinkflute 🙁 I think what I have is vaginismus that's why I'm so concerned

Hi beatingtheodds
If I tear and need stitches or need assistance to get baby out won't they give me something to numb that area so I don't feel anything?

So sorry to hear of yo ur struggles OP.

You should feel in control of your birth so what ever makes you feel comfortable.

Does that mean you never lost your virginity to your husband?

Does he have any thoughts or ideas on the birth?

Did the insemination break your hymen or hurt in anyway? Otherwise the internal exams will likely be painful, they can be quite painful anyway.... trust me I'm currently in labour!

I would listen to the advice given and take your time to consider and make a decision. Never feel rushed and never be afraid to ask any questions! Also dont think too much about what your family say, you know you!

Best of luck!

Sorry ReadtheReviews
I know I'm giving you all a headache
I don't know anything and I'm confused about things