I'm pregnant again, HELP!!!!

[AdoraLovesCake]

Hi,

HELP!

It's me again. Yes, I gave birth only 7 months ago. So I have a baby daughter and a recently turned 4 year old.

I was feeling really ill this morning. Literally just took the cheapest pregnancy test that's about two years old from my cupboard. Didn't suspect a thing.

It was positive. Thought nothing of it, sure it was wrong. Then thought again as I threw up once more.

Because I have two young DDs I wanted to make sure that I din't have an illness I could pass on to my newborn.

Purchased 14 tests from boots, range of brands, wanting to keep some for later.

Used all of them. Every single one was positive. Every single one.

I know the night it must have happened. But I was on the pill. The 99% accurate pill.

Can't be more than 4 weeks in. It's only been an hour since that 15th positive test. Choosing my options carefully.

This isn't a good time in my life right now, my cousins are at bad places and my friend's suffering from depression.

But I would never want to turn down a chance to nurture another life.

I thought I'd have kid 3 but maybe in a year or two.

If you are going to ask about the father, don't. Sure, I'll tell him of course! But it's not that kind of relationship. My DDs haven't ever even met him. He's wonderful and all, just not a father or a husband. And we're good like that.

Please reply soon. Sitting on the bedroom floor. DD1 is at nursery for another hour, DD2 is sleeping, phew.

Life's exhausting. Can I do this? Should I do this?

xxx Cora

Meinkraft is asking the same question! It's @twizzlesx who is spouting the pro-life shit.

Sorry @MeinKraft it’s a stupid question though isn’t it

Only you can make your choice to go ahead or not, but I just want to add it's your choice and I would think very carefully before telling the Father before you've decided what to do
He hasn't even met his first DD ( I'm guessing abroad/ prison) I'm not judging whatsoever.
The main consideration if you have another DC is the affect on your others in my opinion

I don’t think she’s being flippant I think she doesn’t want to talk about it on mumsnet because either she’s worried about how it makes her look or it just makes the thread super identifiable. 🤷‍♀️
OP, asking for help making a decision on a pregnancy on mumsnet is going to be quite frustrating when you also don’t want to talk about the details. No one knows how to help really. And no one can make this decision for you.
Are you leaning more one way or the other? (Abortion vs having the baby). Do you know how long you have to make a decision? This varies by place. In the UK you can terminate a pregnancy for any reason really up until 24 weeks, but it’s a much easy process earlier on. If you’re going to have a termination you really want to do it in the first trimester while the fetus is still small. If you had sex 4 weeks ago then you’re probably 5-6 weeks pregnant, so maybe give yourself a week to think and then contact a clinic if you decide to end the pregnancy. Or call a clinic now and arrange for a counseling session - they all offer this in the UK and the point is for you to feel at ease with whatever you decide, they don’t pressure you one way or the other.
You can absolutely call the father to talk it through if you want to. There’s no moral or legal requirement for you to do that though, it’s entirely your decision and it sounds like you will be doing 100% of the parenting if you have the baby.

Maybe stop having kids with a man that’s either married, in another relationship or in prison. He’s clearly not a decent dad if he hasn’t met his daughter of 7 months. Have a termination and be free of that waste of space. The kids you have will thank you.

oh a pill failure, that old chestnut.

I am guessing the OP is just pulling our leg as she said her family came to her DD2s 1st birthday, when DD2 is now only 7 months old.

If it is genuine, then have a termination. Your life isn’t stable enough to bring another child in to it. It’s not in the child’s best interest to grow up with an unknown father, no involvement from extended family and a single mother already caring for two other small children. Sometimes you just have to put your own emotions aside and think about those who already depend on you.

Are you independently wealthy?

Crikey Moses!

Fuck off.

If you were going to have another DC anyway, in a year or so, you might as well go ahead with this one. And then get sterilised! You've got a hard life ahead of you as a single parent with 3 DC.

@AdoraLovesCake last week I found myself in the exact same position as you found out I'm expecting again after only giving birth 7months ago to my son, just wondering was you in last years "due December 2022" thread?.. it came as a shock for me too as I haven't been deliberately trying or preventing I suppose but I can't personally couldn't go through a termination.. how are you like financially? It may be exhausting but your oldest child will be in primary school and it seems like your youngest is in nursery already so I don't see by having 1 more how it would change that much but the choice is completely up to you.. just letting you know your not the only one or alone 😊 x

Well their life hasn't begun yet but if you do consider growing in the womb as their experience of life so far, I consider it a kindness to end it while they have only only ever known the warmth and comfort of their mothers womb, and their heart will be stopped without pain.

The alternative for an unwanted child is unbearable. The world is cruel to all of us but usually our parents protect us from that. Living in care/being adopted isn't the easy solution pro lifers like to pretend it is. Separation from the mother is traumatic for babies often leading to lifelong behavioural problems, sometimes children living in care are abused, there's little in place for looked after kids after they turn 18 and we all know parental support is important well after turning 18.

I am not saying these children's lives are not worth living, or that they have no value. I am saying if I were pregnant I would see ending the pregnancy as a way of protecting my baby from the evils of the world if I could not look after them myself.

He'll help out if you ask? What a prince. Think about the children you already have.

Is he married that why your so cagey? I can't think of any other situation. Have u had promises of him leaving his wife n all that BS. It won't happen. Also your kids are fine now but what happens when they go asking questions about their dad and what not. It sounds like you have made your mind up so not entirely sure what you are asking. Sounds like personally u wouldn't terminate?

You have been doing this alone already you will get through it but I think you need to consider getting yourself a stronger support network what are you going to do if you need support or help after the birth. I think its unfortunate your contraception has failed but I think you need to let go of this unrealistic relationship. He should be involved In your child's life. The fact he doesn't want to be involved should make you want to run away from him not have more babies.

I’m going to be blunt, many women don’t know they have ended up with a deadbeat dad until it’s too late. You are choosing a deadbeat dad for your kids, on purpose. Just why? I don’t mean to be cruel but I just don’t understand why you would want to be a single mum to 3 kids (it’s a hard road).

How can your babies father be happy to provide care when they haven't even met them yet? Is he even paying child maintenance? I presume he is married but 'going to separate soon'? Wherever the father is going to be in the picture ?and how much) or not is an important question as it will effect people's opinions on keeping this pregnancy.

How is it 2023 and yet so many women are still so clueless....

'it came as a shock for me too as I haven't been deliberately trying or preventing I suppose but I can't personally couldn't go through a termination..'.

Honestly. So casual and flippant.

@Scalottia well yes that's how I like to be! and your point is?

It is ridiculous to not ask people to comment on the father when conventionally they are the biggest support to you available. as in 50% responsible.
You just don't want people to know how screwed up your situation is. That you are still sleeping with the man who fathered your child but won't see her.

My point is that you say you're shocked...and then you say: 'I haven't been deliberately trying or preventing I suppose but I can't personally couldn't go through a termination.'

Casual and flippant is fine for a lot of things, but not in regards to bringing a bloody human into the world! Jesus, some people are thick.

Sorry that was for @MummyTo4BoysXXXX

15 tests????? 15????? Wow! 🤣 I’ve only ever taken about 5 and I’ve got 3 kids!!

If you’re not going to abort then what’s the question?? Adoption? Or is there no question??

Your cousins and your friend situation will hopefully improve. You need time to think about what's best for you in the next months/years

OP you've basically created something very unusual for people to ponder about so it takes away from your actual thread topic. Without knowing the situation people will wonder why you'd have another baby with a deadbeat dad.

If in fact its a case of 'i accidently got knocked up by my friends with benefits' or that you didn't want an age gap between siblings so you got a friends with benefits to agree to 'donate' sperm on the condition of their non-invovlement thats a very different situation. People are instead wondering if he's married, how as a single mum with a 7mo baby and no family help you're meeting up with this guy for sex - where are your kids going?

People get pregnant unexpectedly a lot. It's not uncommon. You'll get terminate people and people who say they did it and will be fine. Whatever this situation is with dad is much more odd and interesting to the people on the thread.