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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I'm pregnant again, HELP!!!!

133 replies

AdoraLovesCake · 12/06/2023 16:54

Hi,

HELP!

It's me again. Yes, I gave birth only 7 months ago. So I have a baby daughter and a recently turned 4 year old.

I was feeling really ill this morning. Literally just took the cheapest pregnancy test that's about two years old from my cupboard. Didn't suspect a thing.

It was positive. Thought nothing of it, sure it was wrong. Then thought again as I threw up once more.

Because I have two young DDs I wanted to make sure that I din't have an illness I could pass on to my newborn.

Purchased 14 tests from boots, range of brands, wanting to keep some for later.

Used all of them. Every single one was positive. Every single one.

I know the night it must have happened. But I was on the pill. The 99% accurate pill.

Can't be more than 4 weeks in. It's only been an hour since that 15th positive test. Choosing my options carefully.

This isn't a good time in my life right now, my cousins are at bad places and my friend's suffering from depression.

But I would never want to turn down a chance to nurture another life.

I thought I'd have kid 3 but maybe in a year or two.

If you are going to ask about the father, don't. Sure, I'll tell him of course! But it's not that kind of relationship. My DDs haven't ever even met him. He's wonderful and all, just not a father or a husband. And we're good like that.

Please reply soon. Sitting on the bedroom floor. DD1 is at nursery for another hour, DD2 is sleeping, phew.

Life's exhausting. Can I do this? Should I do this?

xxx Cora

OP posts:
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WarmBeerAndSandwiches · 12/06/2023 17:30

From someone whose father wasn't around when I was young, it does affect you and can make life a lot harder. This sounds like a very weird situation where, perhaps, the father is married. If that's the case then, no, I don't think you should go ahead with the pregnancy. This opinion is based on how difficult it would be for you, your existing children and this (potential) child.

BillyNoM8s · 12/06/2023 17:30

AdoraLovesCake · 12/06/2023 17:22

OK!

For EVERYONE:

Yes, this situation is really really really really really weird and I know you might not get that but deal with it. He'll meet his daughter soon, we just have decided not just yet, alright?

That is irrelevant. Anyone can put their opinion on here so please. PLEASE!

thank you

I can only assume this thread is a piss take Confused

leatherchaps · 12/06/2023 17:30

Yes I'm thinking that too..

Original poster
AdoraLovesCake · 12/06/2023 17:30
  1. Money isn't too big of a problem
  2. I have support from my friend and the father would be ok to give support too.
  3. Sorry I am stroppy
OP posts:
LocalHobo · 12/06/2023 17:31

Every child is not a 'gift', it's a biological event. We are not discussing a child, but a ball of cells with the potential to become a child.

Can you support three DC? There are many couples who struggle to do this and have to plan their family accordingly.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 12/06/2023 17:31

twizzlesx · 12/06/2023 17:07

Your child already exists - their life shouldn't be up for debate. Every child is a gift

Oh f right off.

OP I wouldn’t go ahead in your shoes

Original poster
AdoraLovesCake · 12/06/2023 17:31

Alright. If you don't think your opinion will be heard, then Ok. I have read every single answer

OP posts:
scrantonelectriccity · 12/06/2023 17:32

No I wouldn't have another baby (or even have sex) with someone who hasn't met their own child in four years. What a scumbag. Why you'd want to keep sleeping with someone happy to do that (and why you're happy with that arrangement) is beyond me.

Your poor DDs :(

leatherchaps · 12/06/2023 17:34

Is he married/in another relationship?

MammaTo · 12/06/2023 17:34

It all sounds very flakey and unstable to be honest. We don’t know much about dad - I probably wouldn’t continue with the pregnancy. If it was a contraception failure then the baby wasn’t wanted or planned for in the first place (I know it happens, been caught myself). But 3 babies with unstable dads is a bit much.

MeinKraft · 12/06/2023 17:36

leatherchaps · 12/06/2023 17:34

Is he married/in another relationship?

I'm thinking more like in prison. Or living in Turkey/Spain/wherever and can't possibly go to visit OP and the children because he has a wife

Bobshhh · 12/06/2023 17:36

You say you have a stable income at the moment. will that change then? Does either dad provide any financial support?

I don’t think it’s fair to tell someone to terminate their pregnancy but at the same time I think you would be doing a disservice to your current children.

Original poster
AdoraLovesCake · 12/06/2023 17:36

I'm going to ask my friend on Thursday then call the father.
A reminder: DD1, the 4 year old, has a different father who likes to be much more involved, which is fine by me.
The dad is really nice, he's meeting his daughter soon. I know if I asked he would help out, but neither of us really mid at the moment.
I am
going to pick up DD1 now, I'll come back later tonight once i have cleared my head.

OP posts:
MeinKraft · 12/06/2023 17:36

twizzlesx · 12/06/2023 17:26

@MeinKraft I know, and there are other options if birth parents cannot provide this for their children. Life is better then death.

What options? Put the child in care? Would you want that for your children?

Scalottia · 12/06/2023 17:38

AdoraLovesCake · 12/06/2023 17:07

Of course I do. I have two daughters and am not 11. I know how you get pregnant thank you.

Show quote history

Then how did you get in this situation? No birth control is 100% effective. I mean...jesus. Just stop getting pregnant.

Original poster
AdoraLovesCake · 12/06/2023 17:38

DD1 loves kids by the way.
Thank you for every post.
Sorry for sometimes getting stroppy.
It's true, there's not really a future for me and DD2's dad. Though both fathers would be happy to provide care.

OP posts:
Nursemumma92 · 12/06/2023 17:38

I know you keep asking people to not comment on the father but I think that situation is very relevant here, and that's why people can't give opinions without taking that into account.

I would not have a baby with a man who has not even met his own 7 month old child.

Soubriquet · 12/06/2023 17:39

@MeinKraft

ok, genuinely, how is life better than death if you were never alive in the first place?!

Chatbot12 · 12/06/2023 17:39

In your position, I would say there is no harm in contacting BPAS or making an appointment with a doctor to discuss your options. It might help give you some clarity as to what you want to do next. Two children is already a lot of responsibility - but three is a much bigger jump in terms of being outnumbered and making sure they are socially/emotionally/financially provided for. Think about what impact it might have upon your existing children as well as a potential child.
That said, it clearly can be done and I’m sure you would love the child regardless of difficulties.

Madhousemam · 12/06/2023 17:40

AdoraLovesCake · 12/06/2023 16:54

Hi,

HELP!

It's me again. Yes, I gave birth only 7 months ago. So I have a baby daughter and a recently turned 4 year old.

I was feeling really ill this morning. Literally just took the cheapest pregnancy test that's about two years old from my cupboard. Didn't suspect a thing.

It was positive. Thought nothing of it, sure it was wrong. Then thought again as I threw up once more.

Because I have two young DDs I wanted to make sure that I din't have an illness I could pass on to my newborn.

Purchased 14 tests from boots, range of brands, wanting to keep some for later.

Used all of them. Every single one was positive. Every single one.

I know the night it must have happened. But I was on the pill. The 99% accurate pill.

Can't be more than 4 weeks in. It's only been an hour since that 15th positive test. Choosing my options carefully.

This isn't a good time in my life right now, my cousins are at bad places and my friend's suffering from depression.

But I would never want to turn down a chance to nurture another life.

I thought I'd have kid 3 but maybe in a year or two.

If you are going to ask about the father, don't. Sure, I'll tell him of course! But it's not that kind of relationship. My DDs haven't ever even met him. He's wonderful and all, just not a father or a husband. And we're good like that.

Please reply soon. Sitting on the bedroom floor. DD1 is at nursery for another hour, DD2 is sleeping, phew.

Life's exhausting. Can I do this? Should I do this?

xxx Cora

I’m not judging what so ever,I have kinda read through this thread you need to sit down and have a think of you can really cope I had 2 kids same dad 11months apart there a lot bigger now tho and although it was very hard at the time it was brilliant when there were school age as both in the same year so grew up together and now still quite close on the other hand I have fallen pregnant many years latter and the dad isn’t interested in this baby (different dad) I did have a moment when all I could think about was an abortion but I was 23 weeks when I found out I was pregnant so to late all I can suggest for you is to talk to someone that cares about you that won’t judge you so you can talk through how you are feeling you still have time (if that’s what you want to do) but at the end of the day it’s completely your choice I won’t lie this pregnancy has been a massive struggle with my mh but I only have a week left now so kinda see the light at the end of the tunnel

Scalottia · 12/06/2023 17:40

twizzlesx · 12/06/2023 17:07

Your child already exists - their life shouldn't be up for debate. Every child is a gift

🙄

MeinKraft · 12/06/2023 17:40

Soubriquet · 12/06/2023 17:39

@MeinKraft

ok, genuinely, how is life better than death if you were never alive in the first place?!

That's also what I am asking

twizzlesx · 12/06/2023 17:41

@MeinKraft of course not, but I can't really fathom how you can think ending their life is somehow less extreme or more kind.

I offered my view to the OP who has said she generally agrees, so leaving that now.

DiaNaranja · 12/06/2023 17:41

twizzlesx · 12/06/2023 17:18

@WetBandits No, I fully appreciate how complicated and difficult this whole situation is.

I am offering my view that, terminating a child's life is not a solution to mistakes made by adults.

There's no easy option here, but there is a definite wrong option.

But a termination IS a solution to a mistake made by adults. That's the whole point. That option is available, and should be considered if that adult is not in a viable situation to continue the pregnancy, and ultimately raise another human being from infancy to adulthood. Are you going to be there to help OP with the night feeds? The juggling work and childcare for 3 children? The financial obligations of having another child? Meeting that child's needs, on top of her existing children? No, you aren't, so you can't say abortion is the "wrong" option, as for many many women, it most certainly is the right option, to protect the wellbeing of their existing, living children, and their ability to parent and survive without an additional person to feed, look after, and raise into a well rounded individual. Three children is alot. With a stable partner, and lots of family support, let alone on your own, which it sounds like op will be.

Inkypot · 12/06/2023 17:42

@AdoraLovesCake
I am not going to offer my thoughts on the father situation. You have asked us not to so I'll respect that.

I find it as always quite galling how pro abortion people are fine with telling others to STFU but won't allow any other opinion and in fact push for us all to share theirs.

OP in your position I'd say take a moment and breathe. You know you'll need to speak with the father and you will do that fairly soon going by your own comments.
I would say given how close in age your younger two will be, you will be able to pass things like clothing/cot/bouncy chair etc etc on to your new baby. They will have a bond like no other.

The areas you touched on with your cousin etc are transient things. A child is not a transient thing so make your decision on what you feel is right for you, your family and your baby.
Best of luck whatever you choose to do.