November 2023 babies - thread 4

[AngeloMysterioso]

Here you go!

@Mrsrobinsonx expensive when you think of it! I will have to price around

For those reusing car seats, Inused to sell them and they do have an expiry date; it’s usually either 5 years or 10 years but you should take into account the history of the seat. Basically if it’s a family hand me down do you know where it’s been stored - I was told by one manufacturer that sitting on a concrete garage floor for a long length of time can affect the plastics; has it been in a bump or even dropped accidentally etc. Car seats in travel systems tend to have a harder life.

I’m reusing our seat which will be almost 5 years old but know everywhere it’s been and everything it’s done!

I am on the hunt for a second hand 3 wheeler pram/buggy as the older DC like to roam off road and the one they had is no good off road. Turns out these buggies are mainly for sale in the south of England; not great when you’re and hour over the border!

I've been looking at the Cosatto giggle and wow. Saw them in store previously and really liked them, lightweight can have pushchair seat parent as well as outward facing. I also like that they have colourful interesting designs, I had a plain black silver Cross travel system with my daughter (a million years ago) and just found it really heavy and cumbersome and boring in the end. The Mister Fox ones are adorable. The options really are endless as well as the range of budget. I never realised just how many prams and travel systems there actually were now 🤣

Hi ladies! Just wondering if anyone started thinking about postpartum care? The packs seems pretty pricey too but I'm not sure how to pre purchase given I'm not sure if I end up natural or c section. A bit expensive buying everything then realise it's not needed?

Not yet but one thing I highly recommend is the big disposable knickers you can get in boots etc they were so useful and come up high enough that if you have a c sec they don't touch your scar

I just had my 20 week scan and everything looked good! What a relief!
Every milestone I pass, I relax a bit more 😊
Apparently I get another scan at 32 weeks since I’m over 40, I’m not complaining!

@GreenAventurine i have this buggy and it’s fab. I wanted one I could take into fields and woods and it’s fab for any terrain because of the wheel clearance - doesn’t get mud clogged. :) lots of mums I went walking with had to keep using a stick to unclog but not me x

So I had a private scan and it's got me thinking now is this defo a boy? It has got me thinking a lot lol 😂😂 xx

@38andtrying If you’re worried you can always call midwife that’s what they’re there for - I personally have felt that it’s ok and not too anxious to not feel much yet (am 20 wks and in same boat) however I did ring last wk as I think once you have felt something it can be a bit anxious to not at all for a couple days, and they got me in for Doppler which put my mind at rest (and they don’t do Doppler at any routine appts) so never feel you can’t ring if you do feel anxious!
also I realise that baby moves after dinner and if I don’t lie don’t and make time to be quiet and try to notice then I don’t feel it. Have you tried that too? X

@38andtrying sorrg meant to say I’ve noticed that is a pattern for me. Obviously different for everyone once patterns start 😂☺️

I remember I didn't feel anything until 23 weeks and then at 24 weeks he went quiet so I rang up and they said it was too early and to just give it time. They wouldn't see me. At 28 weeks he went quiet again and on that occasion they told me to come in. Luckily everything was fine

@spanglesj I'll try some quiet time after dinner, I'd love to get the flutters people talk about for some reassurance. I have my 20 weeks scan next week so hopefully all will be OK at that and I'll get some reassurance

What sort of packs were you thinking of @WhiteJasmin ?

@38andtrying It’s so easy to worry isn’t it, I’m the same!
If it would make you feel a bit better I couldn’t feel a thing when I had my scan today but the baby was kicking away. He said it’s totally normal and nothing to worry about. The sonographer confirmed I’ve got an anterior placenta and I’m sure I didn’t feel any movement until around week 24 with my firstborn.

@WhiteJasmin I got everything you could think of before birth and ended up with way too much. I have given away lots afterwards. I had an emergency c section and I honestly didn’t need much. The first few days I had disposable incontinence pants on which I loved, then I just used normal pads. This time around I’ll just have those pants and some regular pads, if I need anything else I’ll get it at the time.

@PinkPlantCase I was looking into those peri bottles, ice/hot gel packs etc.

@Travellingislife I'm thinking of sending the husband to get the right things after giving birth rather to spend all the money upfront and going to waste. Hopefully not too late!

@WhiteJasmin between boots and amazon/next day, there's very little that you can't get for yourself or baby quickly.

I didn't have a csection. Just bought one pack of maternity pads (and used normal towels and pantyliners after the first few days), big knickers from primark that I binned (wasteful, but cheaper than the single use ones) and I put witch hazel in a spray bottle.

There's so many products out there, it is overwhelming!

I started watching Call the Midwife when pregnant on DC1. It starts around the time my parents were born. It gave me great strength to think that my grandmothers gave birth at home, with their husbands out of the room, without pain relief.
Made the myriad of products (and rising fear about labour) seem inconsequential to me. You can't go too wrong 🙂

@Thack thanks for this! Yeah I think I'm going to wait. Cost of living these days! Don't want to over purchase and be wasteful.

Does anyone have experience of parents coming to stay with you after the birth?

because I live in a completely different country, my mum wants to fly over literally the day I’m due for 7-10 days. I’ve managed to convince her to leave it to 14 days after the due date incase I go overdue. This is her first grandchild and she had been convinced she’d never get one, so she’s excited.

the problem is, I live in a tiny house, I mean tiny, it’s basically a mobile home! It has two small bedrooms and no privacy at all.

in my mind, I want privacy for the first month, I want to feel comfortable walking around in an adult nappy without anyone around (other than my BF). I also need to try and work out how to look after a baby because I’ve never so much as held one, lol.

if we lived in the same country I wouldn’t mind them popping around every day, from the day she’s born. but the lack of privacy 24/7 worries me. I just worry that things are going to be tense, and it’s recipe for an argument to happen. I’m super independent and hate being told what to do, stubborn maybe, and I know it’s going to get tense.

so due date is 5th November, I’ve managed to convince her to wait until 19th November.
i suggested she stay at an air bnb at my cost (which I’m fine with) because my partner and I want both bedrooms to sleep separately some nights. I don’t think she was too happy about an air bnb but she agreed. The next problem is that the nearest air bnb is about 10km away, and I live in the middle of nowhere, so taxis won’t be easy to come accross, and she won’t drive over here as we drive on the other side of the road! So then we have the issue of picking her up every day, if my boyfriend is working at the time then that is going to be next to impossible and I won’t be wanting to pack the baby into the car every day to pick her up, especially not that early.

even the air bnb situation is making me anxious though. I still feel like she will still be at my house morning till night. I know she just wants to help but I wish she’d leave it a bit later. Am I overthinking it being too much?

I have told her if she can only see the baby for 7-10 days in 2023, what does it matter if it’s in November or December, but she’s pretty adamant it must be November.

I hate confrontation so I don’t want to push it anymore, but I’m worried my first month with the baby will be ruined by stress and annoyance of having no privacy.

if I had my way she would come over mid December, which gives me a month to get over the birth, and get into some sort of vague routine…

Not done it but I would present the options you're ok with and let her pick. E.g.

1. come on 19th nov, air bnb, she needs to drive.
2. she comes mid Dec and spends baby's first christmas with you, air bnb/stay with you, your partner will pick her up so no driving

If you're really not happy just put your foot down and say no. You've got the grandchild. If she wants to sulk and not talk to you she is the one that won't meet the baby! She wants to so she'll have to suck it up and do what you want. Otherwise big up option you want - oh wouldn't it be amazing to spend first Christmas with us, see baby Christmas morning etc etc.

@FlyingHighFlyingLow unfortunately I can’t push the Christmas angle as MIL and her BF are arriving December 23rd to stay with us for 10 days. Lol. I agreed to let them stay as it’ll be (likely if all goes to plan) over 7 weeks after birth. But yeah I like your idea, give her the two options and really try to push the second. Ideally arrival date of December 10th and I’d be happy for her to stay in the house, although it’ll be tense i should hopefully have stopped running around like a headless chicken by then, or maybe it’s wishful thinking!

Ah I see! Make sure you emphasise she'd have to drive etc if she came at worse time.

Does your mum know about the MIL Christmas visit? That could be the reason she's so insistant even if she isn't saying it. They get first christmas so she gets to be there for the birth (or as early as possible hence the dedication must be Nov). A little jealousy/one-up-manship that she met so much sooner.

@38andtrying yes she does know about MIL’s visit. and you’re right it probably is trying to one up! I just wish she could do it a couple of weeks later than she wants, she’d still see baby first! MIL‘s visit was actually planned and booked before we even knew we were pregnant, and she did offer to cancel as soon as she found out as she said it may be too soon for us after baby is born. I just wish my mother would think about these things in that way too! Yeah I’ll tell her she will have to drive, it’s not that hard, I had to, and the drive isn’t complex through a city, it’s on nice wide straight country roads so she will have to at least try!

im just worried that maybe I’m being a bit of a bitch…maybe I should just let her come whenever she wants…I just kinda want to know if I’m overthinking how much space I’ll need!

@Psqueak87 my in laws came down to us for a week or two (I can’t remember how long 😂) when baby was 10 days old. They stayed in a hotel near by, came after breakfast and cooked us dinner in the evenings, ate with us and then headed home.

I remember it fondly tbh, it was a really nice time. It does very much depend on the personalities involved, I don’t think I could do the same with my own mother but inlaws are laid back and happy to go with the flow. I was feeding baby a lot but that’s to be expected.

Is there no where closer that your mum could stay? That seems to be a big part of the problem, you definitely don’t want to be driving round after her.

@Psqueak87 I have a somewhat similar problem. I have enough room in the house my take on it is to reduce exposure to viruses etc. I'm not entirely keen on having relatives fly over and catch covid or something on flight. It's not preferred for me but it is hard saying no to grandparents. I've already asked everyone to get vaccinated before having contact with the newborn which is non negotiable.