Due December 2023 part 3

[Justanothercyster]

Starting a new thread as I can't see one, but if there is one please let me know! Will tag as many people as I can remember below

@joyjoy23 that’s exactly it. I think everything i can usually cope with is heightened by feeling sick, tired and hormonal!
only 2 weeks until my scan, I’m hoping people might cut me a little slack then

Does anyone else feel a bit, I’m not sure what the right word is, disconnected?

I had a wobble this morning that I’m ruining my life, and although I’m absolutely terrified of something going wrong, I don’t really feel connected to the baby at all - it doesn’t really seem real? I can’t seem to get my head around the fact I’ll have a real baby in a few months.

The baby is very much wanted, but I don’t feel I love them or anything, I just want the pregnancy to go well.

Is this normal? When does bonding happen?

@Mushroo I struggled with this with my last pregnancy. Loved her as soon as I held her.

It really didn't help that the pregnancy wasn't great. This one's worse! Lol

This time though I'm finding out the gender partially so I can connect a bit earlier.

@Mushroo I think I know what you mean. It’s so weird that you fall pregnant and then have to wait 3 months before you can actually see the scan with your own eyes. It’s hard to believe it’s actually ‘in there’ and therefore hard to bond. We had an 8 week scan but it was just a blob looking thing and didn’t really resemble a baby. I imagine the love and bonding starts to happen once you can feel the baby moving around. I’m sure what you’re feeling is completely normal and you’re certainly not alone in feeling this way.

@Wineisgreat @bookbathnap thank you! It’s odd because as I say the baby is very much planned and wanted, I’m just not there on feeling connected.

Glad to hear it can be normal - I think I’ll mention it to my midwife next week as well (hopefully for some reassurances I’m not going to be a horrible mother!)

@Mushroo yes I know exactly how you feel! My pregnancy was a complete surprise so I spent the first few weeks in denial, crying whenever I thought about it. I think I’ll feel a bit more connected once I’ve heard the heartbeat or I start to feel movements.

have you had your first scan yet? That may help you. Like someone said above, it’s weird that you have to wait so long to actually see your baby!

@Mushroo it is completely normal!
When I had my first, I had exactly the same feelings. What have we done. I love my life. I love sleeping and holidays and we had been trying for 16 months.
Once we saw our baby on the screen it felt a bit more really. And when I could feel him moving it really started to build that bond between us. Xx

@Clucket87 @FirstMondayInMay thank you! I’ve had a scan but tbh it just looked like a blob with a heartbeat (god I sound heartless!). Main emotion was relief.

Im hoping at the 12 week one where it’s a bit more obviously a baby that might help! Also maybe telling people and buying things might make everything feel a bit more real..

@Mushroo you aren't heartless.
It's difficult. And self protect. We all worry about that 12 week scan regardless of how many other scans you've had.
It does get more real and you will forget how you feel now.
It's hard to think about how something so little can cause you so much illness and heartache.
Try not to beat yourself up. Believe me when baby gets here, you will do loads of things wrong to beat yourself up over.
I remember my little boy being 8 weeks old and I caught his skin between 2 poppers on his T-shirt. I felt like the devil! X

@Mushroo I remember that feeling with all my pregnancies.

My first I had a sense of dread around 5 months - when it was time to start buying things and sorting rooms etc. Like "sit, what have we done, we arent adult enough for this crp" (I was late 20s and more than adult enough lol)

My second I was worrying from the moment I peed on the stick. More so in terms of what I was doing to my eldest and how they would cope. But it really effected my bond with bump. It wasn't until 4 or 5 months when my eldest knew and started talking to bump etc that I started to relax and feel connected.

With this one I am scared to get attached. I've been so ill that I can't possibly see how a baby can be getting what they need from me. Sickness, nausea, indigestion etc.

I had my booking appointment today. All looks well. They are testing my sugar levels though so that was a extra blood test 🙄 They took my weight and I've lost weight I'm sure so that makes me worry more. They aren't concerned however as I'm still a healthy BMI (hate that measurement) and managing to drink water and nibble on snacks. I think this time I'll feel more bonded once I feel better and see the nugget on a scan. Last scan they were just a blob!

Thanks everyone for being so kind - you’re right I think it’s a bit of self preservation as well, I’m almost scared to bond / get excited.

Honestly can’t until post the 20 week scan which is flipping ages!

@OnNaturesCourse glad your appointment went well! Another milestone to tick off :)

@Mushroo yes, it is another milestone ticked. I definitely feel more pregnant now I have my blue folder of notes if that makes sense, but no bond just yet.

Hi everyone, is it late to have a booking appointment when I am 10+5 weeks?

I am 10+5 and had today!

@OnNaturesCourse ah great, how did it go?

I have mine on the 31st May.

It was OK, usual stuff! Everything looking fine with me thankfully, but I've lost weight with the nausea 😢

Hi all,

I hope everyone's doing ok! :)

I've not been on here in a long while as I found that it was causing me more anxiety comparing myself to others etc. but wanted to check back in!

I had my first appointment with the perinatal mental health team yesterday... They were lovely and have taken me on under their department which I'm super grateful for.
I'm going to be starting on sertraline... Never had it before, was on Fluoxetine before pregnancy on and off since I was 11/12 years old so hoping I respond well to sertraline! Nervous as I really didn't want to have to take meds but hey ho.

I have my 12 week scan tomorrow and super excited but nervous at the same time! I think I'll be somewhere between 11+5 and 12 weeks exactly, so hoping they'll be able to get all the measurements etc that they need!

I'm still feeling completely and utterly exhausted... I don't remember feeling this tired at all with my daughter! Hoping it eases off soon and I get some energy back!

Lots of love to all you lovely ladies 💕✨x

@HannahLouD sertraline has literally changed my life, I cannot speak highly enough of it. I still take it and plan to because mental health is so important. Exciting about the scan! I think the exhaustion is because we can't just rest when we need to with a little one in tow 🙈

@Justanothercyster ah thanks so much for that! I'm really glad it's helped you! Good to hear from someone who is taking it in pregnancy too! I wish I hadn't have come off medication when we started trying, but never mind, onwards and upwards now hopefully!
Yes I think you're right! After work before my daughter I could come home and do sweet FA 😅 not this time!! Haha x

I feel your pain ladies I can't get excited yet still so anxious which is rubbish as 3 months are almost gone already. I talk to the little bean to try and be positive and connect with it but it still feels so surreal to me that it's happening.

@HannahLouD congratulations on your pregnancy and we are scan date buddies with mine also being tomorrow! I’m taking fluoxetine and have been since way before my pregnancy. I hope that you get on well with your sertraline, and remember that you may feel worse for a couple of weeks after starting on it before you begin to feel better. It’s 100% worth it though. The tiredness is insane isn’t it? I had to take the day off work sick yesterday just to sleep. Best of luck for tomorrow x

@Mushroo I know exactly how you feel. This is my first, very much planned and wanted but I just can't picture an actual baby arriving this year! I've been feeling guilty about it but hoping that once I see a baby at the scan that it will sink in.
The only thing giving me hope that I won't be a totally awful mother is that any time I get a fright, my mind immediately flashes to the fact that I'm pregnant so I must have a protective instinct, even if I'm not always consciously aware of it. Eg, I have a horse and have been more cautious than usual around him but the other night bringing him in from the field he got a fright at something and jumped towards me...I've never moved so quickly in my life and instantly panicked that he might knock me over or trample me...he recovered and looked at me like I was insane 😂 before I probably wouldn't even have looked up to see what had startled him!

I'm sitting in the waiting room for my 12 week scan bursting for wee. I hope they call me soon as I can't wait much longer

Good luck @Landsmen !

@Mushroo I feel the same atm, I think it's hard to connect when you can't see what's going on in there! People say once the baby starts kicking too it's nice feeling the movement in there. Also some days I have feelings of pure terror about what life will be like from then on 😂

@Mushroo I think how you feel is normal or at least that’s how I feel 😂. I also don’t think it’s something to worry about or try to develop. Like someone else said it can be good for self preservation. Even though I already have a child I do sometimes think what have I done as I worry what it will be like with two.