Is there really no time for a cuppa with a newborn?

[feijoo]

I am due in 5 weeks with my first born and one particular question keeps going around my head.

If newborns sleep up to 17 hours a day, why am I reading everywhere that there is no time for parents to make/drink a cuppa, go to the toilet, shower etc? I can't understand it. If baby falls asleep after a feed, you put them in crib/bassinet for their nap, why can't you make a cuppa?

I am very confused and starting to second guess myself - am I being naive? I fully understand that having a newborn is a relentless cycle of feeding, nappy change and sleep but I am quite keen to have my baby and get on with my life e.g. do things while they are sleeping.

Any clarification greatly appreciated. xx

I didn't do it due to ethical issues surrounding child development, not because of an oversight. How patronising and rude you are.

I can understand why some parents don’t have the time for this, as mentioned by others. I was INCREDIBLY lucky with my little boy who slept well, fed 3 hourly, and started to sleep through at 3 months. He regressed with the sleeping at about 7 months until a year old, but all told when he was a new born, he was golden. However, I do know others with babies born with a month of mine, who didn’t sleep a full night until their baby was over a year old. In fact our neighbours have a little one who cries so often, and for so long and so shrilly that I feel sorry for them.

It really varies! Some people is bliss - best stage ever! For other… well lets put it this way day 5 post birth my partner got home after work ( new job was not entitled to parents leave only took a few days annual leave) to find me sitting up on the bed on a 4h long breastfeeding session. I was crying of hunger and thirst as i had not drunk for 6 hours ( since he left) and had not eaten since dinner the night before - nearly 20h …

In my experience yes. At the time I didn't think so, but when they're toddlers and they're awake more and you have to entertain them you realised you had loads of time when they were new born. This was my experience though. And don't think you have to clean the house and have it ship shape every day. That really ruined my maternity leave. You're not on cleaning leave!

Suggesting parents who prefer their DC’s to sleep in a cot/basket aren’t bothered about meeting their needs, and telling the OP they should only read advice you approve of, is patronising and rude.

Forgot to say , my baby never slept more than 10h total for each 24h - never. But I know another mum/baby and hers slept 6/8h at the time per night since 6weeks!

for people saying you need to do this or that, just know the only thing you need to do (maintaining safety of course) is what ever works for you and your family… read/ask for advise /listen if want/need but always always respect yourself above all the others please

Some peoople always say such negative things when you're pregnant such as 'enjoy your tea/hot meal/ sleep before baby gets here'.
As many have said it just depends on your baby, and also you I suppose. I was so tired the first few weeks! But it gets easier after a few weeks. Another thing is that although in theory I could have put baby down in her moses basket to sleep in the day, I really didn't want to as I was so enamoured I just wanted to hold her.

It really.depends on your baby to be honest. My son just used to sleep all the time I literally painted a room he slept that long

My son was a very hungry baby ...he would have a feed vomit, need a feed sleep for half an hour and start again. I was exhausted with no milk of my own it was a hard choice, eat shower sleep or just flake out but by 4 weeks it settled.

17 hrs sleep in 24 hrs?? Mine must have been faulty. 17 minutes was more accurate.

I remember ringing my Dad at lunchtime crying because my DC hadn’t slept since 5am and I was hungry and couldn’t find time to eat or drink. I can’t remember why I didn’t put them in the cot and have a wee/drink/shower/sandwich.

The only they slept was at a baby group. Then they would fall asleep on me and I had time to drink a cuppa.

I remember thinking the same when pregnant and then couldn't even get dressed and ate nothing not sandwiches for 3 weeks when dd was born. I can't quite now work out why but I think the relentless cycle and exhaustion just make everything seem massive. We took 10 hours to cook a roast one day between us and baby. No idea why but it's real!

There’s no point listening to anyone who talks about outliers in a “dire warning” sort of way - the ones who say that their aunt’s cousin’s brother’s wife coslept with their baby and now at age 13 they still can’t sleep alone, or at age 5 won’t leave their mother without screaming, so they were determined not to make that “mistake” etc. There are outliers like that who probably would have had difficulties with sleeping or being left whatever their parents had done (and the original cosleeping was a symptom rather than a cause iyswim), and it’s better to be compassionate about that rather than deciding to blame parents for what was likely an unavoidable situation.

But you're not doing it for your DC are you? By your own admission, you trained them to make life easier for you.
Anyway, I've got more important things to do than argue. I have a poorly DC with chickenpox and a high temp, snd am very worried, so sorry if I was snappy.
I just fundamentally disapprove of 'avoiding attachment issues' because surely a secure attachment is what parenting is all about providing. The truth is that you have no idea of the long term effects on your children. Vilify me all you want, it doesn't change that.

But surely you look back and this and realise how insane it was, I cannot see how any babies needs are being served by their mother treating herself like a prisoner in Guantanamo Bay. Anyone in this scenario should simply put the baby down somewhere for the 10 or 15 minutes it would take to make tea and a toasted sandwich or something. And if the baby screams, it screams.

As everyone says, some babies don't like to be put down, need to contact nap or be in car/pram. Even if you have a sleepy newborn, they wake up around 10-12 weeks and can be impossible to put to sleep and keep them asleep.

My DS1 spent the newborn weeks cluster feeding all evening, sometimes for 5 hrs.

My DD2 had colic and, although slept well in the day and night to begin with, would scream for 3hrs in the evening. She also has reflux so night wakes often involve lengthy outfit changes and carpet cleaning.

You might get lucky and get an easy baby, but they are few and far between by the looks of it.

Babies sleep a lot but whether you get time for a cup of coffee will depend on many things... Are you breastfeeding? Can someone else feed the baby? Will the baby be happy to be fed by someone else? Does the baby like to be held all the time? Do they have reflux and need to be upright to feel better? Do they dislike their moses basket? Are they cluster feeding? Will they wake immediately as you put them down? Will they sleep without you or your partner being right next to them? When they are asleep, do you feel happy to spend that luxurious time enjoying a hot drink, or would you rather sleep when the baby sleeps? Or do some housework? Or prep some half decent meals? Are you worried about leaving the baby for longer than a few minutes? How long are they sleeping for at a time? Are you suffering with post partum mental health issues? Do you have support from a partner?

So yeah, to summarise, it can depend on a million things. I don't want that to sound negative because I love my child and loved the newborn stage. It wasn't nearly as hard as people make out, but it's good to be realistic about what to expect.

Personally, I did it for both DC and myself. Sleep is important for everyone and I wanted to try and instil good habits from the start to maximise sleep but I also knew that I would be a better mother if I was getting some sleep and didn't have a baby attached to me constantly which benefits me but also benefits DC as I can't imagine having a miserable, exhausted mother would be beneficial.

I wasn't miserable or exhausted. I loved every minute of the newborn stage, I just got a sling!

No one knows each other’s struggles and what was or was not done about it - specially on the internet. It is crazy yes, nevertheless, similar still happens frequently And the baby is now 18 months.

Reply to theleafandnotthetree

I was talking about myself, not you.

My baby also hated slings/baby carriers.

Put both of mine down in Moses basket. Had plenty of time for tea x

Quite. It's a strange thing to even think about googling whilst pregnant. "I don't want my baby to be attached to me"

Bizarre

Some of the things I googled after my first was born…

”why do babies hate sleep?”
”do babies need sleep?”
”does my baby hate me?”
”can babies have sleep disorders”
”will I die from sleep deprivation”

At one point I had only had 3 hours of sleep in 3 days.

Having a baby is like going to Glastonbury but you don’t ever sleep and when you get home you don’t sleep. It’s like going to work 24/7 but you don’t get paid, can never leave and can never sleep.

I’m not gonna sugar coat it. Buckle up 😅 I wished someone were honest with me before.

Or do that thing where you walk around with them latched on and pop some toast in one handed, or break latch and put them on your shoulder, accept they'll be grumpy, do what you need to quickly and put then back on?