ERA/Alice/Emma infertility thread graduates/pregnancies

[seven201]

If you are a regular on the infertility board you may have seen the ERA/Alice/Emma threads for those going through those tests after lots of unsuccessful IVF or recurrent losses. This thread is for the ladies from there who are now pregnant. We can share our worries and joys.

I am useless at remembering who is pregnant from which thread so please do add yourself or tag others. @Janefx40 and @Faithhopelove83.

Also, if anyone who has fully graduated/had their baby, then please feel free to join if you wish. I don't want to tag individuals as I don't want people to feel obliged.

If you've also just had lots of failed ivf and/or recurrent miscarriages you are of course welcome too!

A little bit about me. I have a naturally conceived nearly 7 year old dc. Have been trying for dc2 for 5 1/4 years. One natural early loss, 5 failed ivf, 3 surgeries (main one being an adhesion removed), 2 natural pregnancies and early losses, 1 ivf pregnancy that got to heartbeat stage. This pregnancy is a letrazole round and I'm 9+6 (although measuring 9+0 but that's been consistent) so due early November. I've been spotting brown for the past 3 days but my scan was this afternoon, so reassuring (although still worried). I'm under the CRP clinic in epsom due to the miscarriages.

Good luck to us all!

@Gardenlady543 the private scan we booked with them today is the 9 week one.

That sounds like a good idea, if you’re getting all that going on definitely talk to the Gp and see if they can help.

The clinic told me to contact my GP today and I can’t even figure out where to start, so annoying how it’s different everywhere.

My husband told me to get a baby on board badge for the tube and I went to the station ticket office feeling very bold for having asked for one and they’d run out 😭

@thislittlebird I called the gp reception and asked how to register a pregnancy and they gave me a number to ring which was for the local midwives and I left a voicemail. They didn't actually return my call so I had to call my gp again and they told me where they were based, so I went there and the receptionist of the building went around to find them and made sure someone would call me back. It wasn't an easy process.

@Gardenlady543 sounds frustrating. Someone on my ivf pregnancy thread couldn’t get seen until 13 weeks and beyond, so I guess I should report to them soon.

@thislittlebird congratulations on the scan!! Are you feeling slightly relieved? I know it’s still an anxious time until the next scan but it does feel like you have past a critical milestone

@Gardenlady543 hoping the GP can help, i feel like with the midwives it’s all very standard advice but you actually need some create advice/medication

Have been to the GP, they have prescribed me promethazine and omeprazole to try. Hoping it works as it can't be good for me to not be eating and drinking much.

@thislittlebird I think the midwife team tried to get me in earlier when they knew I had a complicated infertility history and it was a IVF pregnancy.

@AM08 feeling relieved yeah, and then today I forgot to take my Cyclogest so I’m kicking myself and feel like I’ve messed it all up.

Work was really busy, I remember my alarm going off and I turned it off because I was on a call. What an idiot. I didn’t remember to take it until I went to take my second one just now. Feel really stupid.

@Gardenlady543 glad they’ve given you something for it! I guess I’ll mention that if I get that far.

So I have been completely confused by HR, first I was told I could use annual leave whenever I wanted dispersed through mat leave to top up my pay, then I was told I can't do that and I have to take it at the start or end, so I put it all through at the start so I'd then start mat leave after and now I've been told I can't do that as a person is on mat leave from the day after the baby is born. Meaning I can't start my mat leave 6 weeks after the baby is born. I have also been told legally an employee must take 28 days of leave a year (including 8 bank holidays), and I have barely taken any and therefore have to get it all in before my due date.

I'm mega annoyed because they should have told me all this months ago so I could put plans in place, I had wanted to look at going away and not sure I will be well enough to now. Plus all the appointments I have booked in, basically if I do go away it would likely be between 31-32 weeks, which will be November when it will be cold pretty much anywhere I could comfortable travel to and also will I want to go away then.

What is everyone else doing, when do you all plan on starting mat leave pre due date and would you want to go away around 32 weeks of pregnancy?

@Gardenlady543 that sounds like such a mess. I’m sure at my work you have to take it before or after mat leave? Maybe I’m wrong but I remember my friend took hers weekly to make herself part time when she went back to work. Is there a reason you want it at the start? Or are they saying you have to take it before the start or lose it?

I really want to go on a nice trip too if all is well in the second trimester, ideally the Seychelles or Mauritius (zika free) but I’m not sure if it’ll happen. A little bit too nervous to go to an island and on such a long flight, and we’re incredibly limited on where we can go in Jan/Feb that doesn’t have Zika and Malaria. Might end up in the US instead, not sure. Canaries won’t be very warm in Jan/Feb, so my dream of a lovely 20C + beach holiday might be out the window. I guess I could do some other stuff like sightseeing but it isn’t what I wanted.

@thislittlebird I can't take it at the end, as my company allows leave allowance from April to April, so as I'm due early January, I need to use it all up before I go on mat leave and they won't let me take it over and use it at the end. They said I can take over some days but I have to take most of them before I had planned to go on mat leave.

That seems harsh @Gardenlady543, I would there’d be more flexibility but maybe I don’t notice because people only take a week or so. citizens advice has this info on it: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/work/maternity-and-parental-rights/check-your-maternity-and-parental-rights/rights-while-pregnant-or-on-maternity-leave/rights-while-youre-on-maternity-leave/#:~:text=Holiday,into%20your%20next%20holiday%20year.

@AM08 might know more as she works in HR.

@thislittlebird they're saying I have 3 months to use it in so are making me use it, which sucks because I have continuously told them I need to use it for pay during maternity as I only get 6 weeks
of paid mat leave, they've waited until now to tell me I must take it. I am 26 weeks now and I have appointments every week, I would have liked to have gone away in September but it's too late now really. DH may also be having back surgery so he isn't comfortable going and think it's too risky me travelling.

Sorry for being awol, life has been so hectic with the extension and work. I did spend ages writing a long reply checking in with everyone last weekend but then it didn't post and I had a tantrum and couldn't find the energy to try again .

@thislittlebird congratulations on the scan!! Amazing news. My pregnancy initially measured 6 or 7 days behind but is now only 2 or 3 days behind I think. I really wouldn't worry about that as it's just so tiny at that stage to measure etc.

@Gardenlady543 sorry you have yet more work stress!

How is everyone else? I haven't scrolled back very far - sorry.

I have my c-section booked for 27th when I'll be 38+1. My husband has covid, first tested Monday eve and the test lines are still really dark. I'm sleeping on an air bed in our temporary kitchen as he's isolating in our loft room. How long do you think we need to keep this up? Advice seems to be 10 days (if near vulnerable people) or negative test. I had the vaccine about 11 days ago now. He's also on the room where I need to organise baby stuff and pack the hospital bag etc! Any tips for sleeping (it's not the air bed, I'm comfy) I just can't sleep and I'm so shattered and not functioning well.

@seven201 so nice to hear from you! I imagine the covid isolating from your partner is super stressful given how close to your due date you are! I personally would give it a few more days for your vaccine to kick in and for his lines to get a bit lighter. How are you feeling about the babies arrival? Not ideal about not being able to get babies stuff and hospital bag organised right now - hoping in the next few days the situation gets better.

@Gardenlady543 I’m not super sure on your legal position (I’m not in that part of HR) but they don’t seem to be very family friendly policy wise. Surely with only 6 weeks maternity and the year end of April, you can bring forward your maternity leave and then use AL after but before April to top it up? is the complication because of SMP? They should really let you roll any annual leave over as it’s really unfair timing wise to anyone who has a baby later in the holiday year.

@thislittlebird Seychelles or Mauritius sounds wonderful and like you said, Zika free. I think me and DH are thinking about taking the baby on a road trip around the US from when he’s 3-6 months old, obviously we’re going to see how things go but it’s our rough plan when DH has paternity leave.

@seven201 how exciting, that's so close! Erg sorry about the Covid, that's so frustrating. Do you have lateral flows, I tested after 7 days and was still as positive as the first day, by 14 days I was negative though. I stayed in until I was negative. I use nytol (the over the counter one) for sleep, this is part of the immune protocol and I'll likely stay on it throughout. My friend was started on promethazine to help her sleep in pregnancy, this is the same thing I'm on for sickness but I'm on a lower dose. It definitely makes me drowsy.

@AM08 they said by law I need to take 20 days of annual leave as full time workers need to take 28 including bank holidays, and said I've taken 4, so they're making me take the other 16, but all have to be before the baby is born which eliminates 3 months of the year. They said they feel they're being reasonable with letting me taking 45% of my remaining days across to the next year so I can tag those on to the end of my mat leave. I feel like they are just forcing me to take an early mat leave when I want the time with the baby, not before :( I'm so annoyed that they are telling me with so little time left to take them, when I could have had some time away when I was able to before. Friends are telling me to take some before I had planned to go off and then randomly place the others so I'm easing off work.

@AM08 ps that road trip sounds so cool, I was hoping maybe to take a holiday with the baby so at least I get a holiday since I can't go before. People keep telling me it's really hard going away with a baby.

Hi @AM08 how are you? Thanks. I think we'll carry on the isolation for at least a few more days, but it is getting quite annoying. I work in a school so probably surrounded by covid germs all day there, so in a way seems OTT. Definitely not feeling ready for the baby! I did order some baby essentials the other day, as I've realised how close it is now. Need to get DH to go to our storage unit and rummage around to find all the car seat bits - crossing fingers it's all there! Hoping our extension is at least water tight before she arrives!

@Gardenlady543 thank you. I do have some of that nytol but for unknown reasons I'm hesitant to use it, which is silly seeing the amount of other drugs I'm happily taking! Yes, have plenty of lateral flows. I'm still negative but DH's daily tests don't seem to be getting any lighter, but hopefully they'll just start to fade.

Have you spoken to your union about the annual leave thing? Or acas?

All these road trips and holidays sound amazing!

hi everyone, sorry I’ve been awol!

@Gardenlady543 your 4d scan 🥰 so cute she covered her face!
So glad to hear that horrible senior person is leaving!
Hope the antacids are helping!
im sorry work haven’t been clear on the annual leave policy. I’m baffled as to why your mat leave can’t start after you use up your annual leave or why you can’t take annual leave straight after paid maternity leave.

@thislittlebird Really pleased to hear your scan went well! I hope you’re feeling more at ease having seen the heart beat! We were planning a US road trip for the end of this month but then I worried about the distance and continuous stop starting whilst away. I also looked at Mauritius but worried about the distance but I think it should be safe! I just panicked. I think we are going to do a southern Europe break.

@Gardenlady543 id love to get some trips booked in for after the baby arrives but I do worry about how difficult it will be and wonder at how many months the baby will be able to travel.

@seven201 so sorry to hear your DH has caught covid. I hope he makes a speedy recovery and you can get back to a comfy bed!

Hello everyone! Sorry I'm so quiet. I am following if not posting.

@seven201 wow nearly there now! I'm excited for you. Great to have a date.

@Gardenlady543 I'm sorry your work is endlessly shitty but at least the horrible boss is leaning. Must be such a relief.

@thislittlebird great news about your scan. I know you are still very much in the scary zone but so far everything looks good and that's the best things can be at this stage.

@AM08 what day is your scan? Will be good to see the baby!

@Spin101 how are things with you?

Leo is 4.5 months now and doing well. Still have weight gain issues but we are doing well otherwise.

Love to you all x

Nice to hear from you @Spin101 . How are you doing?

@Janefx40 aw yay, 4.5 months. Does it feel like it's flying by? Sorry the weight issues are still going on.

@seven201 I was surprised when I did one after a week, considering my symptoms were so strong at the start and were at least reduced a week later, but both were dye stealers, I thought it would gradually fade, maybe it doesn't work like that, I was completely negative 2 weeks after the first test though, so maybe it goes from very positive to negative quickly.
After recommending nytol to you I had the most broken night of sleep ever last night! I was constantly waking up, how are you finding getting comfortable in one position? I'm struggling!

Haven't spoken to the union about thre annual leave as I've already spoken to them twice, once when they took away my reasonable adjustments and now with the grievance. I feel I am getting a very bad name for myself at my company. I just can't believe that after telling everyone I spoke to for months that I need to use my leave to give me finances during maternity that they haven't mentioned I can't tag it on the end because of the annual leave year changes while I'm off :(

Hi @Janefx40 :) looks like there will be some other babies from the group joining you soon with sevens due soon!

@Spin101 how are you?

Not sure if this is nesting but painting the skirting boards in the nursery turned into painting all the skirting boards in the hallway, to all the door frames and now to all the doors, it just makes everything look clean and fresh though and since I never got my sense of smell back it's a good time to do it as I'm not overwhelmed by the paint smell. DH is unable to do most things as he has managed to develop a prolapsed disc in his back, he had an epidural but it hasn't really helped so maybe looking at surgery soon, which we will have to pay for privately to get it done asap. He has gone off to a spiritual healer today leaving me with the job of painting all these doors!

@AM08road trip sounds cool! I don't think I'd be organised enough/brave enough. I do struggle with change and anticipate the first 6 months might be a shell shock to me, but after that I'm wondering if we could do a nice beach trip with our own apartment or villa with baby in tow. I would love to go while pregnant but we do really need to save while I'm still working, and I'm nervous about going away to an island.

@Spin101 when are you off to southern europe? It'll be too cold for us in Jan/Feb there really, so it will need to be Mauritius/Seychelles or need to be a trip while on mat leave. Which is annoying because I won't feel very body confident at that time, I'm sure. There is a lovely little villa in Cyprus we've been to before with a pool, and that might be ideal actually, we could go there with a baby and self cater comfortably.

@Gardenlady543 you've encouraged me to scour my work maternity policy, luckily they lay it all out for us in advance.

I'm worried about going away with a baby too. Have anxiety just thinking about disturbing people on a flight and so on, no idea how old is old enough or ideal.

@Janefx40 thanks! 7 weeks today, still very nervewracking. Is your 4.5 month baby the baby you had at 43? Sorry if this feels like a stupid question, but that feels like SUCH a long time ago and I can't believe it's not been as long as I thought.

@seven201 thanks, that's reassuring to hear! I've got another one in 2.5 weeks, 7 weeks today. Is it the 27th of this month? That's so soon! Are you till on the airbed? That doesn't sound fun. At what stage did you decide on a c-section? And do you know what you're having? I have questions!

I've been headhunted again, can't really believe this keeps happening right now. I have to reject two job interviews today as it is, because I've basically committed to staying put with the mat leave.

Did anyone here move house or is planning to move? We know we'll need to move, we've lived here ten years and there is room for a baby but it will be tight with all the baby paraphernalia and then having to find room for things like exercise equipment and home office stuff elsewhere to free up the box room. I really don't know what to do for the best, moving is very stressful, especially when we'd be moving across the country, and I want to be in London if we get to the point of a live birth. But we won't be able to port our mortgage while on maternity leave, which means we'd have to wait until 2025/2026 when I'm working again, which seems a long time away. Also our cheap mortgage rate runs out in 2026, seems like moving while we still have it would make sense, it would cover all of the maternity period and beyond. Wondering if we should start the process in Feb/March and hope it goes through by next Autumn, while still on mat leave.

I am a little worried that my symptoms died right off a day or so before 6 weeks. Everyone says that’s when they start but for me that’s when they vanished, except for swollen boobs and inability to stay asleep in the morning. All the others I had from 3-5 weeks have disappeared, it does make me worry but I suppose I had the 6w2d scan after that and it was ok.

@Gardenlady543 thanks. His line is actually lighter today, so hoping they'll continue to fade. It could be worth asking the union or acas - it doesn't mean you have to let work know you're checking with them. Sorry you had a bad night. Bizarrely I'm pretty comfy on the airbed despite carpal tunnel (now have a wrist splint) and having to be careful on my left side so I don't squash my arm diabetes monitor/alarm thing. I have one of those curved big sausage shaped cushions and when I need to turn over I have to wrestle it to de-tangle it from the duvet etc, which is very annoying, but when in position I like it! Could you try a different type of pillow? I do think I found earlier on in the pregnancy harder though, probably as it just took me a long time to adjust from being a front sleeper.

@thislittlebird wow, you must be good with all that headhunting. Definitely sounds right to stay where you are for now. I'm glad you have that next scan booked in. Always feels like such a long wait between scans. Yes, still on the airbed in a temporary kitchen. It's actually comfy, it's just the having to put it all away in the morning and out again at night, and having no walk space around it that's annoying me. Yes, 27th of oct so less than 3 weeks now.

I haven't moved, but this extension has turned our lives upside down and was very poor timing, but we'd put it off for years due to never ending fertility treatment. We actually signed the contract to start when I was early stages pregnant but I've had 4 mc so the last thing I wanted was to cancel then miscarry. My DH is finding it massively stressful, but I've mainly just be plodding on through. Normally I love DIY but can't help at all, so it's frustrating seeing my dh struggle with the parts he has to do (we're doing some bits to save money). Mortgage wise we borrowed extra and I lied and didn't mention being pregnant - they asked if we were planning more children. My friend said when she got a new mortgage when pregnant she lied and said her parents were going to do all the childcare, when they were going to go to nursery. I think it's much easier to move/do building projects pre kids if possible. There's never a perfect time though.

It's so hard not to overthink these things. Symptoms do just come and go. I didn't really have symptoms at all.