ERA/Alice/Emma infertility thread graduates/pregnancies

[seven201]

If you are a regular on the infertility board you may have seen the ERA/Alice/Emma threads for those going through those tests after lots of unsuccessful IVF or recurrent losses. This thread is for the ladies from there who are now pregnant. We can share our worries and joys.

I am useless at remembering who is pregnant from which thread so please do add yourself or tag others. @Janefx40 and @Faithhopelove83.

Also, if anyone who has fully graduated/had their baby, then please feel free to join if you wish. I don't want to tag individuals as I don't want people to feel obliged.

If you've also just had lots of failed ivf and/or recurrent miscarriages you are of course welcome too!

A little bit about me. I have a naturally conceived nearly 7 year old dc. Have been trying for dc2 for 5 1/4 years. One natural early loss, 5 failed ivf, 3 surgeries (main one being an adhesion removed), 2 natural pregnancies and early losses, 1 ivf pregnancy that got to heartbeat stage. This pregnancy is a letrazole round and I'm 9+6 (although measuring 9+0 but that's been consistent) so due early November. I've been spotting brown for the past 3 days but my scan was this afternoon, so reassuring (although still worried). I'm under the CRP clinic in epsom due to the miscarriages.

Good luck to us all!

@Spin101 I'm seeing the endocrine people on Tuesday so they said this will be a new patient consultation and if they are fine with me being under a general consultant it's quicker to change. So I guess I'll see.

Yes utrogestan is a vagina pessary, there is a gel form and then prontogest which is a IM injection.

God I've had a shit day, the interviewer that was awful to me just called me on video call to tell me I didn't get the internal promotion. They told me hr would tell me so there I was on a video call with him. Like I don't actually care about the job as it would be a load more work for nothing and would mean working closer with him. I applied to see if he would always block me and I guess I have my answer. Now as I'm hormonal I'm massively upset about he whole thing :(

@Gardenlady543 glad you’re seeing the endocrine people soon and thank you for the guidance on progesterone. Shehata is closer for me to go and see so I’m going to call tomorrow to see if he is happy to see me from a managing hormones point of view.

I’m not I’ve asked yet - how many weeks are you now?

I’m sorry about the interview and that you feel it’s confirmation he will block you. That’s really frustrating. if it’s lots of extra work for not much extra earnings and having to work with what sounds like a terrible person, you’re definitely in a better role now. It really annoys me how one person can make others feel on a daily basis.

Oh god it just got worse, they have given the job to a much less experienced and less qualified man! I'm just so annoyed. I spoke to a supportive colleague who said this is some kind of intervention, this is the world telling me to focus on my longed for pregnancy and child and stop putting all my efforts into a job that couldn't care less about me. I'm just fuming though.

@Spin101 I am 17+5, that's a good idea some of the others here have been under Dr S so can likely advise.

@Gardenlady543 😠 I’ve seen/heard of this happening on too many occasions. It is beyond ridiculous and completely unacceptable. As much as I would want to ask why it was given to someone more junior, I second your colleague - do not give a job that doesn’t care about you and your well-being your everythin including your mental energy. A job isn’t for life (unless you find the right one). I know it’s easier said than done but to keep your stress levels low, I hope you’re able to take your mind off it soon/not think about it as much.

Amazing - I didn’t know you were 17+5! How was your first trimester? Any notable differences in the second?

@Spin101 I just really didn't need this it's my fault for even applying for it, everyone has messaged me saying this was obviously made for me and now I just feel embarrassed, anyone that knows I applied will know it's unfair and since I'll be off on mat leave they will see it as discrimination, because really what other reason is there? It was stressful with how he treated me during the interview and now I'm upset and angry and I need to be calm. I don't know what to do I really need to do some kind of exercise to see the good things in my job, like this would have been more work for no more pay but career progression that would have given me more opportunities in the future.

The first trimester for me involved a lot of indigestion and burping, also a lot of fatigue, then I also had the hyperthyroidism which was stressful, it doesn't change over night I still have some indigestion but it is less and I mean is still prioritise sleep, I try to get to bed at about 7pm, I'll watch tik tok and then go to sleep and I mean I just want to get through the pregnancy and staying up means more time to think and worry.

@Gardenlady543 sorry about the job. It is frustrating but just confirms what you already know about the prejudice/bullying you are facing there. If you are able to put it to one side and focus on being pregnant that is great but totally understand if you can't. Why not just leave? You're only getting 6 weeks maternity pay anyway so you'd barely be worse off in a new job. Can you do an NHS job instead? Not sure what area of medicine you practice.

@Spin101 definitely recommend Mr S but no idea if he does pregnancy monitoring without the pre pregnancy stuff. But if you can get in there, I would recommend it as it is hugely reassuring to be at a miscarriage specialist who is looking out for issues and not fobbing you off to reassure you (which the NHS tends to do. Let us know how you get on x

@Gardenlady543 I don’t think you should feel embarrassed. The senior people in your team are the ones that should be for making this decision. It reflects really badly on them rather than you, especially when your colleagues thought it was the perfect fit for you and you are evidentially more senior.

I have pulled out of applying for a promotion in the past even though I knew I would get the role when I found out it was a lot more work for no more pay. I never regretted it because the guy who was less qualified who got the job worked crazy hours and spent hardly any time with his young family and took on a lot of stress.

It’s a nice idea to write down the benefits and focus on those. If you’re really unhappy, could you look for alternative options?

@Janefx40 Thank you! His website is down for some reason so I will try tomorrow and give them a call. How many weeks did you stay on progesterone for?

@seven201 How are you getting on? I did a search for Mr Shehata and saw a thread I think you posted on

@Spin101 I think he had me on a small dose to 14 weeks but just one cyclogest. Clinic ended it at 10 weeks I think but I decided to taper

Sorry, I've been awol for ages! Just been busy with the building work (loading me off so much and keep waking up stressing about money!) and summer holiday busyness.

Wow! Congratulations to @2021ivfagain and @Spin101 what wonderful news!! @Spin101 yes, I was with CRP for recurrent miscarriage treatment. I don't know if they'll see you but it's definitely worth a try. Good luck.

Sorry about the job @Gardenlady543 . Remember, you work to live, not the other way round. The pregnancy and baby has been what you've been working so hard to achieve. That is winning! About buying baby stuff - you don't need specific furniture really. We just had a change mat on top of our usual chest of drawers. Cots are often sold very cheaply on local Facebook selling groups, then you just need a new mattress. Buggies/travel systems - again often sold for a fraction of the original cost on local selling sites, or sometimes bigger charity shops. I am a total sucker and keep looking up babyzen yoyo2 best prices but I do have an 8 year old travel system that's perfectly fine that I should use and probably will. There are a lot of thinks marketed at babies and kids that just aren't necessary eg we didn't bother with a toddler bed, just went straight to standard single and added a bed guard. No need to buy all the extra bedding sets, mattress etc. for something that only lasts a few years max.

@Janefx40 are you all recovered from Covid? Did any of you get it badly?

I only skim read all I missed so do shout if I missed anything important!

Not much news from me. I'm 27 weeks tomorrow. Sugar levels seem to have settled now I've got the insulin doses right. I'm away for 2 and a bit weeks from tomorrow so will be late for the 28 week scan, but now they're saying it may not be possible at all (as they f'd up their end and all appointments for when I'm back are now fully booked). Hopefully they'll sort something out as I really want it to go ahead.

Thanks everyone I am feeling awful, I just can't believe it. I cannot believe they are putting someone in the role who is less qualified, less experienced, who doesn’t work full time (even though they emphasized this requirement to me when I’m full time as if to say they knew I wouldn't stay full time despite me only ever working full time in every job I've had), who has been with the company less time than me and does less than me for the company. There is literally not one reason they can justify this person over me. Aside from the fact they're a man and I'm pregnant. It's not even about the job it's just the unfair treatment and I don't know what to do. The stress is going to impact on me but how can I just allow this to happen?

Still awake over this, I've written a long email with all the examples of this person treating me badly citing discrimination and bullying, I'll send it to my union to get their opinion. :(

If it were me @Gardenlady543 I'd let it go and try to move on. But... I'm not you so if you feel it's something you have to pursue then speaking to your union is the place to start. Good luck.

I was meant to be leaving for a 7 hour drive half an hour ago but now have my 28 week growth scan (at 27 weeks) in 3 hours, so now have a grumpy husband (who left work early and can't come in as dd not allowed in). Will be nice to have a scan though!

@seven201 exciting! Good luck. Frustrating that kids aren't allowed - I do understand why but I had scans or appointments every couple of weeks and it was a nightmare not being able to take DD!!

I hope it goes well @seven201 did they just tell you last min about it?

I don't really know what to do and I'm so stressed and upset I can't face eating, I've barely eaten anything since yesterday :( and had no sleep :( I have contacted my Union so at least there won't be snap decisions and they will give me an honest answer of whether I should pursue it or not.

Thanks both. My scan and consultant appt were both meant to be on 29th when I'm back from holiday, but had a text yesterday saying scan was 17th. So spoke to them yesterday and they said tomorrow was too soon but they didn't have any other appts and would call me this morning. They didn't call this morning so went ahead with leaving for holiday at 1pm plan but then rang to chase and they said I had to come today at 4.30 and maybe it is still too early but to come anyway just for the scan. I've got consultant on 29th then anti d injection and also midwife on 31st so that's another 2 days I need to find childcare for. Sorry, having a moan! Husband is still in a grump so it's rubbed off on me.

@Gardenlady543 I'm glad you've contacted the union. What usually would help with eating? Maybe meeting a friend at a coffee shop that does nice light food? Cooking something a
Little different to your usual?

@Gardenlady543 it is very difficult and it depends what outcome you are hoping for and how you will feel if you do/don't get it.

I think it's important to choose which battles to fight carefully. There are a lot we could fight but some have to be let go in the name of staying sane. This may be one to fight or it may not but you don't have to fight it if you don't want to x

@Janefx40 what I've written for the grievance isn't just about the job it's about him treating me badly with a lot of examples showing a pattern of consistent inappropriate behaviour. I guess at the least it will alert him to the fact I keep records of everything and that if he carries on it will likely result in more action. Maybe a warning shot, many others think he bullies them too :(

@seven201 I hope the scan is going well. I don't know for eating my go to food is crisp sandwiches when I'm off food but that's all I've been eating over the last 24 hours. Have been to the supermarket to get some pitta bread but not really feeling like it. I've been eating well as well and been getting good baby growth so don't want to fall back over someone as irrelevant as this awful manager.

@Gardenlady543 a few days of shitty eating isn't going to do any harm. Do keep hydrated.

All fine at the scan. She's measuring just above the 50th centile at the mo. Still doesn't feel real!

@seven201 thank you! I’m glad to hear your scan went well today. Hope you enjoy your break!

@Gardenlady543 I’m so sorry you didn’t sleep well last night :( I hope the union are able to support and provide you with guidance. I agree with not letting your eating habits change because of a terrible person. It’s important to put yourself, your health and your pregnancy first.

So I spoke to my manager yesterday and basically cried for an hour. He doesn't think I should do anything, but I don't know. I managed to get food down me and then vomited it all. I haven't vomited the whole pregnancy except the day of the interview and now after this outcome so it's effecting my health :(

@seven201 great news on the scan are you off on holiday now?

@Gardenlady543 I’m really sorry you’re feeling like this and especially being sick.

I’m sorry for not coming on here as much but starting to feel sick all day and really tired. I had a scare today and was taking my son to playgroup when I fell out of the car but took the full impact on my knees. I feel ok but worried. The clinic said that it would be ok as didn’t fall into abdomen.

@2021ivfagain I tripped on abut that sticks up when walking through a door, I went flying, nothing happened. I told you the symptoms would come!!

@Gardenlady543 I’m sorry this is affecting your health. It’s really not fair. You’ve had such a long journey to get to where you are and I would hate for anyone to impact that. I hope you’re able to make a decision that prioritises your health and wellbeing.

@2021ivfagain I hope you’re ok after your fall!