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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Am I likely to be the dad

103 replies

Ffhffjf · 02/02/2023 17:59

So basically me and my gf split up and then at Christmas we met up and slowly started to give things ago, and it was going really well better than ever in fact,
whilst we were split up she slept with someone else I knew this so wasn’t an issue

anyway the first day of her last period is 14th December, she slept with them late on the 21st December around midnight so could say 22nd December

then we met up and had sex numerous times on the 26th and 27th

then also from the 3rd till the 7th then she went to hospital as had a bad uti that was a kidney infection and they tested her for pregnancy then (urine) but I don’t think this would rule out the date before it right ?

anyway she’s now found out she’s pregnant and by the dates I have no idea is the 22nd likely to be to early in the menstrual cycle

a little additional information is that her cycles vary and average at about 30 days
but some are as long as 35.
also her period ended the 19th December not sure if that helps

she’s booked an early detection scan but by what iv read that won’t really give any indication, I’m hoping it says it’s really young and it was concieved in January but I don’t know if it’s possible to ovulate that many days into your cycle

hope this makes sense, there was no protection or birth control used to be clear

OP posts:
IVFbeenverylucky · 03/02/2023 08:17

I agree likely to be yours. I know you can do dna tests from 7 weeks, but it's probably much better (and more reliable) to do one at 10 weeks. Of course if it's really bothering you (understandably), and money is no object you could do it twice.

sanityisamyth · 03/02/2023 08:35

Wear protection Jesus, it is gross!

You really need to learn how to use commas. OP hasn't indicated at any point that he is, in fact, Jesus.

🤣🤣🤣

passiveaggressivenonsense · 03/02/2023 08:47

I'm married and we used a safe period of 7 days either side of ovulation to use protection and I got pregnant.if the soerm's hung around a while It's more likely to be a girl as female sperm apparently live longer !

SheilaFentiman · 03/02/2023 08:59

OP

Since you probably don’t know this, I believe the official dating of a pregnancy is from the first day of the last menstrual period (known as LMP). The due date is then set as 40 weeks from this date.

you said she finished her last period on 19 Dec so presumably started it around 14 Dec (depending on length).

I tell you this In case you see it on her notes and assume it means the other guy is the bio dad. It doesn’t.

I don’t think the scan will tell you much either way. I agree on the dates that it is more likely to be you.

BloodAndFire · 03/02/2023 11:02

IncompleteSenten · 02/02/2023 19:59

Yup.

Show quote history

A post like this is made every few weeks. Always one woman who slept with two guys, always with immense detail about cycle lengths and dates, always unprotected, always asking which guy it is. The only difference is this time it's posted from the man's perspective. Otherwise identical.

Original poster
Ffhffjf · 03/02/2023 11:10

IVFbeenverylucky · 03/02/2023 08:17

I agree likely to be yours. I know you can do dna tests from 7 weeks, but it's probably much better (and more reliable) to do one at 10 weeks. Of course if it's really bothering you (understandably), and money is no object you could do it twice.

Thanks for the advice, if we decide to go down that route I think we will wait till a little further along as I don’t want her to be sat worrying or extra stress. As regardless if it’s mine or not the main priority in the situation is that she stays healthy and the baby stays healthy, correct me if I’m wrong but I think the first 12/16 weeks is the most risky. So iv said for now let’s try just put it out of our minds and just focus on herself type of thing

OP posts:
timetorefresh · 03/02/2023 11:12

Use condoms. If you're old enough to have sex you're old enough to use protection. No wonder STDs are so rampant

Original poster
Ffhffjf · 03/02/2023 11:18

louise5754 · 03/02/2023 07:15

@Ffhffjf

I didn’t use protection because I didn’t know at the time she had slept with him…

Sorry were you trying for a baby?

I wasn’t trying for a baby and I wasn’t actively avoiding it. Our relationship took a break for reasons related to life, one of us relocated for work etc etc and things ended and mainly due to me, so when we got back to trying again I realised it is someone I want to make things work with for a variety of reasons,

one of the main reasons is it’s someone who I know if I wasn’t around for any reason I could trust to raise a baby with morals and beliefs that we both share.

so to answer your question no I wasn’t trying but I wasn’t actively not trying,
I’m extremely financially secure, so I can provide for a baby I have a great family support network who would all love and help on the emotional and mental side of having a baby.

when these factors are in place one doesn’t have to be terrified of having a child, not everything in life needs to be meticulously planned?

yes if I was 19 and had a dead end job no money no support a poor relationship, then I can understand your point.

But I’m not in that position so I don’t need to.

yes it doesn’t look great because there is a possibility it’s not mine through me making the decision to leave someone who loved me and I loved them. but once again life isn’t something that you plan and everything goes smoothly so the judgement etc is really not needed.

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 03/02/2023 11:18

Ffhffjf · 02/02/2023 18:25

Yeah the money isn’t an issue, it’s just i don’t know how to enjoy the moment not knowing, and I don’t know if I’d love the baby if it wasn’t mine, im not sure if that’s cruel I just don’t know ( I don’t have any kids previous to this) and it wasn’t planned but life isn’t planned and I was really scared/excited until I realised how ovulation works, I didn’t actually realise there was a small window for getting pregnant just thought it could happen whenever

Seriously you didn’t know there is a fertile window?

I hope things work out for you OP, but you do need to get your shit together if you are going to be a father. It’s not responsible to not bother with birth control and get pregnant when your relationship isn’t secure. And it’s bizarre not to understand how conception works.

Good luck and everything but ffs sort yourself out. Same goes for your partner.

Zwicky · 03/02/2023 11:19

In my fertile days I was on it with my ovulation dates as I didn’t use contraception. I almost always ovulated on day 10 so if I were you I could technically be pregnant with guy 1, and guy 2 would be a bit late to the party. Someone with a longer (more typical) cycle would be more likely to be pregnant with guy 2. Too close to call really.

Original poster
Ffhffjf · 03/02/2023 11:24

Luredbyapomegranate · 03/02/2023 11:18

Seriously you didn’t know there is a fertile window?

I hope things work out for you OP, but you do need to get your shit together if you are going to be a father. It’s not responsible to not bother with birth control and get pregnant when your relationship isn’t secure. And it’s bizarre not to understand how conception works.

Good luck and everything but ffs sort yourself out. Same goes for your partner.

Show quote history

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC27529/

a scientific paper relating to what I said, basically you can get pregnant at any point during the cycle. 1-6% of women concieve on the day they expected there next period.

the point I was making was I didn’t realise the vast variation in likelihood.

why as a male who doesn’t track cycles doesn’t need to worry about falling pregnant isn’t actively trying for a baby would I have an in-depth knowledge of fertility windows?

OP posts:
whattodo1975 · 03/02/2023 11:26

Have the 3 of you not heard of condoms ?

whattodo1975 · 03/02/2023 11:28

DestinysGrandchild · 02/02/2023 19:47

I'm calling a reverse.

100% this, the chat about the length of cycles hasn't come from a man.

SheilaFentiman · 03/02/2023 11:31

Ffhffjf · 03/02/2023 11:24

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC27529/

a scientific paper relating to what I said, basically you can get pregnant at any point during the cycle. 1-6% of women concieve on the day they expected there next period.

the point I was making was I didn’t realise the vast variation in likelihood.

why as a male who doesn’t track cycles doesn’t need to worry about falling pregnant isn’t actively trying for a baby would I have an in-depth knowledge of fertility windows?

Show quote history

You had unprotected sex several times: therefore, unless you thought she was on the pill, you were trying for a baby.

FunnysInLaJardin · 03/02/2023 11:40

@Ffhffjf don't worry, my DH thought that women ovulated many times a month and you could basically get pregnant at any time. I discovered this when we were trying for DS1 18 years ago. He was 37 at the time.

DH is a well educated man to post degree level, but had failed to concentrate in biology, preferring instead to arse around apparently!

Anyway, hope you get the outcome that you want

louise5754 · 03/02/2023 11:59

@FunnysInLaJardin You can get pregnant at any time?

SheilaFentiman · 03/02/2023 12:01

Oh, and you need to re test for STIs in a bit. Some take up to 3 months to show up in tests.

FunnysInLaJardin · 03/02/2023 12:09

louise5754 · 03/02/2023 11:59

@FunnysInLaJardin You can get pregnant at any time?

yes, technically but you are not fertile on every day of the month as my DH thought

ComfortablyDazed · 03/02/2023 16:04

How the other half live…..

Ignorance really is bliss, isn’t it…..

Original poster
Ffhffjf · 04/02/2023 19:50

Unfortunately didn’t get the news I wanted we paid for the early 6 week scan and they said the babies fetal age was 6 weeks and 2 days which would relate to the 22nd of December the day of the other person.
iv read this is extremely accurate and the fact it gives the exact date of the other person seems certain.

extremely hurt and confused as what to do now,
my worry is would I ever love the baby or would I resent it
what should of been a shared beautiful experience feels like that a stranger to me will grow inside her

OP posts:
allgoodthings84 · 04/02/2023 20:17

@Ffhffjf when they give an estimated date on a scan (estimated as it’s not always accurate this early) 6+2 would be 4 +2 weeks since conception (when the sperm fertilises the egg just after ovulation)! They add on 2 weeks which is the average follicular stage (between first day of period and ovulation). This would make the other guy too early and conception to have been around 5th January so looking likes you’re the dad!

allgoodthings84 · 04/02/2023 20:21

they are definitely not always extremely accurate which is why they aren’t recommended that early. You see loads of stories on here of ladies who get dated behind at say 6 weeks and then 2 weeks later get measured at something like 7/8 weeks!

allgoodthings84 · 04/02/2023 20:22

I meant measured at 6 weeks then 2 weeks later measured at 9/10 weeks sorry. As in the are dated as 1-2 weeks behind what they expect so have to go back after a week or two then measuring as expected. They aren’t that accurate at all which is why they don’t officially date until 11-14 weeks

Original poster
Ffhffjf · 04/02/2023 20:23

Hi sorry should of been more clear they gave gestational age which was the 14/December and then fetal age based off measurements of the babies growth and said that it indicates conception occurred 6 weeks and 2 days ago which is 22nd of December

OP posts:
Sallyh87 · 04/02/2023 20:25

As @allgoodthings84 says, they add two weeks. This is because pregnancies are generally dated from the first day of the last menstrual cycle. So that baby according to that scan at this point was conceived 4 weeks 2 days ago. It’s not very accurate but there about. I had one at 6 weeks that said 6 weeks 3 days but I knew it would be a little more (it was confirmed at a later date!).

Anyway, you are very very likely the father.